Sunday, April 21, 2013

Rise of the Zombies (2012)

Damn you, Asylum!  Why so boring?  I love the crazy ideas and using leads who used to be super famous, but holy crap, your pacing is lackluster, your dialogue is tedious, and your story lines are deadly dull.  For god's sake, its freakin' zombies! How can you mess this one up?

After the zombie apocalypse, a small group of survivors hole up in Alcatraz to work on a cure.  There is also a doctor on the mainland that they know of who is experimenting on primates and is seeing good progress with his current vaccine.

But wouldn't you know it, those pesky zombies have figured out how to swim or walk across the bottom of the ocean and are trotting out of the water on the shores of Alcatraz.  And even though it's a prison which housed the worst offenders and would have a good lock down capabilities and guard towers, the zombies are up the hills and into the corridors lickety split and chomping commences. Why not have someone in the guard towers to watch the land and sea? Not that I'd have thought zombies would come over from San Francisco, but I'd be concerned about marauding survivors who didn't have the best intentions.

At this point, most of the group decides to leave the island in their only escape vehicle - one rubber raft which isn't he best bet to cross the SF bay, especially with the added water zombie threat.  But Dr. Levar Burton stays on the island to help his recently bitten zombie daughter and continue his experiments for a cure. Oh this isn't going to go well at all.

The others set out to find the primate doctor and get to the reported safe area.  But you just know that's not going to work out either, because it's the damn zombie apocalypse, suckas! At least everyone who gets bitten does so by their own stupidity.  Really guys, there's a zombie menace everywhere you go. You may want to be a bit more careful as to who's around and how to escape unscathed. And stop hanging out near windows and prison cells that zombies can reach through.

Also don't ever punch a zombie in the face. It makes you look like a moron.  If it's teeth don't cut your knuckles and infect you, the gallons of zombie blood flying into your mouth might not be the best thing in the world. Idiots!

1 comment:

Tina Speece said...

I weep that they had Danny Trejo in this movie and it was still awful...and not awful like Sci-Fi's "High School Hell" but awful like Disney's "High School Musical"