Saturday, October 12, 2013

The Bagman (2002)

Oh boy, you know you're in for a a treat as soon as you see the sad font used for the title.

Teenage Sue and her friends are picking on classmate Jack who was burned in a fire. To be clear about how unsympathetic these characters are, they are picking on a kid who survived a fire that burned his house to the ground and killed both his parents. Yes, they're tormenting an orphaned, homeless kid with skin grafts.

As they chase Jack through the woods shouting threats at him, Sue say they should leave him alone. But she doesn't do anything to stop bully Randy from putting a burlap bag over his head and killing him.  Once Jack's body disappears in the river, the gang swears to keep their murderous secret.

Ten years later, Sue is arguing with her boyfriend over her career choice and decides to move back to her home town.  No one shall ask her boyfriend is never mentioned or seen again (psst, it appears he's only in it to have an excuse for some uncomfortable sex scenes on the stove).

Sue hooks up with the old gang who act like they're still in high school.  They want to go to the cemetery after watching scary movies because it's Friday the 13th.  Then a couple disappear to have sex in the bedroom, which is awkward but you know they're going to die because that's the horror movie code.

When the old gang starts being killed by someone with bag over head, Sue tries to determine who it is - did Jack somehow survive? Is it his ghost? Or is someone else getting revenge? Unfortunately it's just a sad, sad little movie, and the Bagman on the cover is far more menacing than the actual man in the film who has a burlap bag which is a shapeless mess with holes ripped in it. So imagine that on his head and an old trench coat worn by an obese, slow walking man and you've got the killer. Oooo, isn't it scary, kids?

This font should never be used
It's so hard being a teenager.
Sue's questionable taste in decor includes a collectible 
plate collection on her wall and red bows on her lamps.
Randy may be a cop, but he's not
good at spotting men in drag.
Nice wig and mustache
Always make sure the prop guys don't use wrinkled
cardboard to make the fake machetes.
Confusion reigns as this is teenage Randy
at the beginning of the film...
...and this is teenage Randy during the flashback
at the end of the film. Huh?

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