Thursday, April 9, 2015
Dr. Shock's Grindhouse of Horrors (2007)
Dr. Shock is a tv host with lame jokes and skits. He lacks the charm of older horror hosts, so you just wait for it to be over so you can view the movies.
Wilbers Bed and Breakfast -
Wilber owns a bed and breakfast, and wants to be Internet beef jerky king. His brother owns a garage. When tourists cars breakdown, the brother tows the car, says it won't be fixed until the next day, and sends people to stay at Wilbers. Surprisingly no one is alarmed by Wilber greeting them in a lab coat, goggles, and industrial strength gloves.
Blood Sucking Hillbillies -
Three hillbillies running moonshine in their old truck end up running out of gas and go to the local brothel for help. But the girls there aren't human. No one shall ask how the brothel manages to stay in business if they're killing their customers. The movie is in black and white to try to make it look old, and the first ten minutes are jokes about farts and poop. Boo.
Black Rose -
Okay, each movie gets worse. Sal Miller is an intrepid reporter right out of the 1940s, whose boss threatens to fire him if he turns in another lame story. Sal decides to hire some stoners to get a photo of a killer who lives nearby. Based on this brilliant idea, Sal will soon be unemployed.
The stoners are called Fatso, Skateboard, Dude, and Headshop. Get used to hearing these names because they are repeated over and over and over, often in the same scene. There are scenes where almost every other word is dude, which will drive you absolutely insane.
There is a scene where someone keeps saying something like, "Hey throw Skateboard's skateboard over the fence." Comedy gold my friends, comedy gold. Another scene has Sal looking for the stoners, and the entire time he's wandering around he repeats the same thing over and over. It's something like, "Fatso?.... Skateboard?... Dude?... Headshop?... It's me. Sal Miller." Try hearing that five times in a row without screaming. Also of note - Skateboard appears to be very uncomfortable and not at all adept at being on a skateboard.
I picked this up on a used box set of 50 crappy movies. I knew the movies were going to be crap, but at a cost of forty cents per film, I can't complain about the price. But when I tried to find a copy of the DVD cover, I discovered this DVD has a list price of $9.99. I'd be really pissed off if I paid that much for something this amateur.