He's like James Bond, if James Bond lived in his car and ate tuna out of the can while driving and spilled it all over himself. Good god man, you live in your car in the desert. It's going to smell terrible in there even without the tuna.
He's been hired to shut down the Las Vegas strip for two months, which he never gets around to doing. He also has other random jobs based on his interactions with other unidentified characters. But he never seems to accomplish much since he's always thinking about his dead girlfriend and hiding out in the desert in his Mercedes. He has dinner with a family and talks about the secret life of a mercenary to an eight year old girl. Should you really be talking about this stuff with anyone, let alone a child, who - in a scene right out of the the Tommy Wiseau playbook - ends up having cancer. And Brand believes he can cure this childs cancer by touching her head while holding a gem that an old man in the desert gives him.
There are a number of strange scenes. On of the strangest scenes is where he walks up to someone on the Vegas strip and pretends to bump into them while he smears a massive amount of anthrax down their arm. (Think applying sunscreen to your forearm). The other is where he poisons a strawberry and serves it to newlyweds he's picked up at a wedding chapel, only to discover he's picked up the wrong couple. Yes, as we live and breathe, this man is a professional.
He has constant flashbacks of his girlfriend, who he says he's loved since he was seven. This makes things weird since the actress playing his girlfriend appears much younger than him. Things get more uncomfortable when a sniper shoots his girlfriend as Brand and she are naked in a pool. Unlike most humans, after cradling his dying love in his arms, Aaron leaves her face down doing the dead mans float. Then he joins her. It's super confusing. Why did he think this was appropriate? WHY???????
For all Brand's braggadocio about how he's won every military medal you can win, he comes off as a crazy homeless guy who lives in his car and thinks the government is watching him. He looks insane sitting in the back of his Mercedes in the desert, with his five lap tops and three cell phones splayed out around him and several tiny satellite dishes sticking out of his trunk. Oh yeah, this guy is the best of the best.
This is super crazy and nonsensical, and I recommend watching it. Although it's not good by any means, it is entertaining in it's earnestness and ridiculous concepts. I'm going to have to watch some of this guys other films because they look just as insane.
Ridiculous dialogue:
I don't need much to live on anymore. I just eat tuna and live out of the car.
Are you still on that quest? What you are you looking for anyway?... Tell me about that quest.
I'm calling all three of you on a conference call. (Said while holding three cells phones in front of his face, which is definitely not a conference call.)
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| Why is he wearing surgical gloves when he types? |
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| Eating tuna out of the can while driving? Why he has to be the best spy ever! |
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| The genius at work |
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| Get ready for lots of scenes with awkward climbing |
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| WHY???????????!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Fakest mustache / beard combo ever |
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| Our hero somehow manages to have a physique that is both thin and flabby, and has a denim vest with the sleeves ripped off to display all his medals |
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| This is not a conference call. It's a crazy man with three cell phones. |
