Time to Kill (2018)

Aka Sant Marti

Fede and Rafa are heading to Rockfest when they stop to pick up two female hitchhikers.  Shortly afterwards their van breaks down and a local gives them a ride to Sant Marti where he says there is a phone in the bar.  However he lied. Since they can’t get their van fixed that day, they opt to spend the night in the hostel.

Meanwhile a singer and his driver are also heading to Rockfest.  These two unlikable characters subject us to a long pointless unnecessary story. They end up at the same bar in Sant Marti after getting lost.

The town is creepy and the locals are weird. One of the guys talks in a voice that would be at home if he were a Munchkin. The town used to have a festival where they slaughtered a pig for winter. So you know something icky is going on in this weird little town.  And our visitors aren’t being the most gracious guests. Some of them are drunkenly insulting the townsfolk.

At one point Fede sees a giggling little girl who runs away.  He chases after her. At each corner, she giggles and runs off. Why is he running after her? What is the end game?  He follows her to an abandoned building.  Stop Fede, stop! But he goes into the building and finds a movie theater playing Plan 9 From Outer Space. The theater’s full of manikins.  Does Fede turn around? Nope, he keeps going further.  Nothing good can come from follow a giggling child who is always one block ahead of you and disappears around a corner in a creepy isolated town.

The trailer for this movie uses the music from iMovie’s horror template, which should have been a sign.  

Ridiculous dialogue

Dude, I was shit scared.

Terror Trips (2021)

Dan and his business partner George start a company giving tours of locations where iconic horror movies were filmed. The tour culminates with showing the movie at night in the filming location.  They ask their friends to go as guests to give them feedback on their proposed ideas. 

One year later Terror Trips is a success and even has a sponsor.  They decide to expand the business to Europe and ask their friends to come on a trip to scout locations. Most are well known films,  but one is an old film no one has seen. They travel to Poland to find the location of the film about a town that suffered from  a wave of child kidnappings. It was supposedly based on an urban legend Soviets were using foreign agents to abduct children for experiments.

When they arrive in town, they meet Alex, who George had been corresponding with and who’s agreed to let them park their SUV in her garage while they go camping for a few days. When one of the group mentions they’re going to the location of the film, Alex’s mood changes. She warns them not to tell anyone because the movie destroyed the town. The town was going to expand their mill, but no one wanted to come to a town where kids are taken. Then she warns them they should leave now. No one listens. 

As they hike to the location, Ginny tells the others they should go back and leave town. The other trips have been fun, with no fear, but this feels different. The others override her and insist on continuing. Later that night around the fire, they decide Ginny is right. This visit feels wrong and they’ll head back first thing in the morning.  But when they awaken the next day, they discover Dan is missing.

They split up to search for Dan. When Molly finds his body, she freaks out, which is unfortunate because the people responsible see her.  Thus starts the chase where the killers go after Molly and try to track down the rest of the group.

Part of the dialogue is in Polish and there are no subtitles  At first I thought they were just going to say a few words and it wouldn’t matter. So I missed a bunch of dialogue because it took me far too long to realize I could turn on the subtitles on the streaming service.  It seems weird to not put subtitles on the film though. 

The only sensible character but she’s not great at hiding

Our main characters

The Winter Hunger (2021)

A rabies virus has spread to humans and left the population white eyed, drooling, and ready to bite anyone not infected. The radio repeatedly plays warnings to only go out during the day and shut off lights at night. They also advise getting out of the city since they have large crowds of infected.

Five survivors are holed up in the city, but running out of food. When the infected gain access to the building, the group waits till day break to head to a rural area and find a new place to stay.  After being chased out of an abandoned building by a horde, they stop in a small village. 

When an infected spots them, they are saved when someone waves at them to follow her and leads them to get into an enclosed courtyard. The four people living there invite them to stay the night and feed them meat, which is odd since the radio said the animals were infected. We all know where this is going.

In the morning one of their party is gone and the door to the courtyard is open. When they insist on searching for him, the man of the house accompanies them. While they’ve been told no one else is around,  they are stalked by three people in the woods who shoot at them. 

There are many questions to be asked. Who are the people in the woods? How do they know the people in the house? Why aren’t the travelers more careful about who they stay with? How does the old lady find the time and supplies to dye her hair black? What is behind the locked door that leads to the basement? And who thought the last scene was a good idea and didn’t realize you should never end with ann over used cliche?

This movie is far too long clocking in at almost two hours.  It’s a lot of talking and sometimes a lot of no talking.  It would have been more effective if it had been shorter. Also the relationships between the two groups in the village is never clarified. The infected are like fast zombies but they aren’t in the movie much. Lastly most of the characters are odd. While I was hoping the original group would make it, they aren’t all likable.

Deep Fear (2022)

It’s Paris 1991 and college graduates Sonia, Max and Henry decide to celebrate by going to the catacombs. Their guide Ramy brings them through a tunnel to a claustrophobic little hole in the wall, which they can squeeze through to access the passageways.  Once inside they go to an area where people hang out and Ramy tells them people are working on completing a hole to another passageway that looks more recent.

As they continue their travels, they hear someone else in the tunnels and Ramy advises them to hide. But stupid Max can’t keep his mouth shut and they’re discovered. After a dangerous interaction, they flee with the goal of getting back to the surface. But when they run into Ramy’s acquaintances and Ramy learns the tunnel to the new passageway is complete, he insists on checking it out.   

The group begrudgingly goes with him and find the tunnels are much more modern than the catacombs. Unexpectedly one of the group gets their foot stuck in a bear trap. When they try to leave to get him medical attention, they are unable to get out the way they went in. As they look for another way out, they discover something is down there with them.

 

There are some claustrophobic scenes where they crawl through tunnels barely big enough for a human to fit through.  The characters are likable enough, but you’re not that invested in them.  Being stuck in the catacombs or any underground tunnel system, not knowing how to get out and with something chasing you is terrifying.  I don’t know if it reminds me of As Above So Below, or if it’s just because they both take place in the catacombs.

Max crawling through the tunnel. 

The Instructor (1983)

After opening scenes of a gang of thugs fighting near railroad tracks, we cut to the Instructor and Thumper jogging. Interspersed with the jogging are scenes of a ninja sneaking up on some little kids. Why is there a ninja in the suburbs? Are the kids in danger?  Don’t worry. It’s only a ninja wannabe and he’s quickly dispatched by the kids who know karate thanks to the Instructor and Thumper.

About 30 minutes in a rival karate school and instructor are introduced. Hart is the opposite of the Instructor and is a bully. Hart’s men break into the Instructor’s school after it closes but don’t realize his love interest is still inside.  She makes short work of the intruders and calls the police.

At the local karate tournament, the fake ninja steals Thumpers trophy and pummels him with it  Since Thumper’s wife is about to give birth to his first child, it’s an obvious consequence.  Thank god it wasn’t his last day on the job or he’d be dead.

Our benevolent Instructor loses it. Thus begins his quest to make Hart pay, being unaware that Thumper had verbally parried Hart and the perpetrator is the mentally disturbed ninja. Though to be far, Hart had it coming since he’s a bully and he did kill the Instructors wife.

This movie is everything you want from a 1980s independent martial arts movie.   

Ridiculous dialogue

From now on, we do our ass kicking on other people.

I don’t see no anchor tied to your ass, baby.

No one touches my hair.

Thumper: I want to become one hell of a karate instructor

Instructor: When did you decide this?

Thumper: Right after your wife was murdered.

Who the hell is this? And who do you think you are anyway?

Oh she’s pretty. I bet she’d love me if I was a black belt and won a trophy. If  she wouldn’t, I’d punch her right in the face.

I’ll get you. I’ll mangle you, you turd.

Thumper: Excuse me Hart. I don’t have to prove things to you or anybody else.

Hart: Why’s that?

My favorite VHS label

The doughy middle aged ninja

These kids are barely inconvenienced by the ninja

Crop top alert

The Instructor is not intimidated

Silly looking but brilliant defense against throwing stars? 
Put your shoes on your hands

The Instructor is not to be messed with

Action mustache and hair

Nooooooooooo!

What’s after a car chase? A motorcycle chase

Riding through water at the dam

Fighting below the dam

Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva (2023)

The mystery of Gary Hinge’s disappearance hasn’t been solved yet, but there seems to be a bigger problem in the area. A woman taking a geology class was found dead in her trailer and another woman disappeared on her way home.  Interviews are done with their friends, family and an  EMT.

After making a new friend, Minerva was inspired to pursue geology and enrolled in a class where she would work directly with geologists in a working mine in Nevada.  But when she arrived, there’d been a mix up and she didn’t have a room. 

The school’s solution was to put her in a trailer out in the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t seem like a great resolution, but Minerva was glad to have a place to herself.  She kept her curtains closed because she thought the guy in the house nearby was weird. She also would hear strange sounds at night. 

Her friend noticed over time she seemed different, but no one was that alarmed until she turned up dead in the trailer. The police didn't look into it too closely and gave her friend all Minerva’s paintings and tapes. Did she not have family?  And what is the cause of death? Did I zone out and miss that?  Because the neighbor has footage that shows someone heading for the house right before Minerva died.

While we’re getting caught up in Miranda’s tale, we switch over to the story of a young mother whose car broke down. She called her family but when help arrived she had disappeared.  There is footage from a dash cam, but it doesn't answer what happened.

I enjoyed the first movie which was focused on Gary, but this movie didn’t hold my interest. I found myself zoning out at times. The movie ends with footage of a YouTuber who says everyone is looking for the house where Gary disappeared and  he knows something no one else knows. So it looks like there is a third chapter in this series.  I’ll definitely keep an eye out for it based on my interest in the first movie.

 

Black Mountain Side (2014)

A professor flies to an isolated archaeological site to do a report on a discrepancy.  Work at the site has uncovered a structure that predates anything that should be there and odd things are starting to happen.

After showing the professor around, the group has dinner, talks, and later goes to sleep. In the morning they wake to find the Native American workers have walked off in the middle of the night. No one is sure why or where they went.  But when they follow the footprints, they discover they’ve all gone in the opposite direction from their village. There is nothing in that direction. With no relief from the harsh elements, they’ll end up dead. 

As if that isn’t strange enough, people are starting to hallucinate, hear voices, and spew black liquid when sick.  There is a deer outside that speaks and one guy suspects another is stock piling supplies so he can leave.  Their communication is out, they’re fighting amongst themselves, and the supply delivery is days over due.

The set up of an arctic, isolated, research community with something odd happening has overtones of The Thing.  This is about psychological discomfort. It’s an okay film, but I’d have liked the ending to be less vague.  The one thing that I found puzzling was they were worried about running out of gas, but still were powering everyone’s cabin. Wouldn’t it make more sense for everyone to start bunking in one or two cabins so they could save their fuel?

Dead Stop (2011)

A group of friends heading to a ski trip pick up a couple of hitchhikers. As they drive down a dirt road in the desert, they realize they’re lost.  No one shall ask why they didn’t turn around when the route yielded no civilization.

Since the sun is going down, they camp for the night and start to party. Although most of the group are couples, this doesn’t stop them from trying to hook up.  In the morning, the van’s dead and there is no cell reception.

One of the hitchhikers is a wilderness expert. He says they should conserve water and food.  Unfortunately the group only brought beer.  There is lots of interpersonal drama, and before you know it, sundown is approaching again.  

That night they hear something in the desert that sounds odd. They get in the van and something attacks it. In the morning, they find long scratches down its side. One of the guys volunteers to go down the road since it should only be a few miles. If that’s true, then why didn’t they turn back last night instead of camping here?

Nothing good can come from this. We’ve got injuries, stupid decisions, and people being picked off one by one. You would expect that to make them more careful, but sadly, they still aren’t the brightest bulbs. Most of the characters are jerks so you aren’t that invested in them getting out alive.

Something sliced the side of the van

If you’re driving on a dirt road here, you’re lost

Surprised there is no cell reception in the middle of nowhere

Yes, he can just walk down the road to get help.

Chompy and the Girls (2021)

Jackson is feeling hopeless. Her mother hangs up when she calls, her dealer won’t give her drugs without payment, and she’s not sure if she wants to live. In desperation she calls Sam, who she’s never met,  and reveals she’s his daughter. Her mother got pregnant in college, but never told Sam and raised Jackson on her own.

Sam meets Jackson at the park for an awkward interaction. He says he doesn’t think he can deal with this, but just as he’s starting to leave, he sees a man walk up to a little girl and swallows her in one gulp.  When the man sees them and starts towards them, they run to their cars and speed off.

Later that night Jackson sees the man outside her home and heads over to Sam’s.  Sam’s wife thinks he’s having an affair, but is even more surprised when Jackson says Jackson is his daughter and they need to get out of there because the man who ate the girl is after them.

Jackson says maybe her dealer can help them since he knows about spiritual things. They go to a party and  find Jackson’s dealer Lotus who she thinks he can help them, due to his interest in spiritual things.  After dragging Lotus away, they spy the little girl who was eaten the previous day.  When they talk to her she says her name is Birch. They ask how she escaped, but she can’t really tell them.  Things are not as they seem, which leads Sam and Jackson into more bizarre situations.

This was a decent indie and the actors were likable enough.  There are practical effects as well as cgi, and the huge mouth on Chompy is crazy looking.

Humorous dialogue

Big mouth man ate a little girl. We gotta go!

Jackson: But you didn’t tell her about me.

Sam: You don’t just spring that on someone. You told her you were my daughter and a man ate a girl.

The Mummy Rebirth (2019)

Treasure hunters Noah and Danielle are looking for the lost city of Sakar. They’ve got a map and a guide to help them. They end up in a cave covered in Halloween store spider webs. Soon after the person who hired them shows up with his minions.  I don’t know what was going on because everyone was so uninteresting, but the gist of it is he’s taking over, which begs the question why did he hire them.

While we’re supposed to see Noah and Danielle as the good guys, Danielle sets the stage early as unlikeable.  When Noah mentions a guide who got them coordinates to the burial chamber and then died in a booby trap, Danielle shrugs and says she wasn't that fond of him anyway. Yeah, I want to root for that person.

All the characters go back to the cave and discover ann entrance to the mummy’s tomb, Danielle finds some text and reads it out loud over and over. Noah tells her to stop chanting the evil phrase but she keeps going and the mummy is reborn. He gives her a gift but has no good will towards anyone else. Their employer’s guards start peppering the room with bullets, not understanding that mummy’s are supernatural and you should actually aim at something to avoid ricochets or killing others you don’t intend to kill.

This one was so bad I pulled the plug about half way through. I couldn’t take it. The banter between the two leads is awkward.  Danielle’s clothing is  right out of Tomb Raider, while Noah dresses up his outfit by wearing fingerless gloves. Their guide starts out in a brown shirt, but after he wanders off he’s wearing a white shirt. Also I don’t think the ancient civilizations had armor with abs.

Ridiculous dialogue

Every time you say that’s not possible something impossible happens.

Ancient Egyptians and their ab armor

If she was just attacked, the blood wouldn’t be dried

The spider webs from the Halloween store

Our main characters

He starts out in a brown shirt…

But his shirt is white after he wanders off

The Mummy Resurrected (2014)

Maggie is waiting for her famous archeologist father Professor Tralane to arrive. She hasn’t seen him in twenty years and just knows he’s as excited as she is to meet.  When he arrives, she introduces him to her friends Ronnie, Geri, Sara, and Kelly.  

Tralane gives Maggie a rare book and assures her he had his reasons for not being in her life for the past twenty years. Maggie, who appears to be in her mid twenties, is apparently fine with this vague and ridiculous assertion.

Later that day, their nervous guide says he will not take them to the Valley of the Sorcerer. The valley is evil so he is going to have their dig permit revoked for their own safety.  Tralane and Maggie find three locals to take them, but the locals warn them the Libyan border guards look for trespassers.

The next day Ronnie is not happy that Maggie seems to have no control over her expedition.  Tralane talks to the guides in their language and brushes Maggie off when she asks what was said.  They have no permit and the book Tralane gave Maggie about finding the tomb is missing the pages after the tombs discovery. Also Tralane isn't supposed to be part of any dig in this country or lead any expeditions. There’s no explanation of why or how that would be monitored.

When they get to the valley, they immediately find a cave with the very door to the tomb they seek.  Also Christine pops up, a team member we haven’t met before. Maggie is able to figure out the code to open the tomb, right while their guides are being killed by the aforementioned Libyans. In fear for their lives, Maggie and the others run into the tomb and shut the door behind them. Ronnie is concerned about how they’ll get out, but Maggie says her dad will make sure nothing happens to them. Yes, because he’s so responsible.

And thus begins their journey through the tomb.  Tralane and translator Sara go off on their own, while the other girls deal with their varying level of fear about being stuck inside a tomb.  Maggie’s response to any concern is her father won’t let anything happen to them, and he’ll make sure they get out safely. It’s as if the foreshadowing is waving a flag in your face.

At times the movie is confusing, such as when they call characters by their last names, when they’ve never told us the last names of the characters.  Or when Maggie says three of our friends have died, yet there would be no way they could know the third woman was dead since she just died and they haven’t found her body.  Or when Maggie and Tralane are in the hotel hallway and appear to be walking in place. The hallway looks odd so I assume its green screen because why else would you walk in place.

Ridiculous dialogue

Kelly: Hey, what about that dust cloud?

Geri: Dust cloud? Must you?

Maggie: What ever it is, I’m sure it will pass right by us. We’re all the way up here on top of a mountain.

He’s not going to let anything bad happen to us. He won’t. I know it. I’m his daughter.

Do we really have to exacerate things? [How did they not reshoot this line when she mispronounced exacerbate?]

Ronnie: It sounds like a scream.

Maggie: That sounds like Kennedy.

I’m sure they’re fine, probably just Miss Kennedy looking for attention.

Walking in place in the cgi hallway

You don’t often see all the characters look into the camera

The fake cave

Our mummy, who doesn’t get much screen time

No one could locate this tomb except our expedition

The stone slab that is easily broken with little hammers

No way would he be able to push open the top of a sarcophagus

Tomb of the Mummy (2013)

Aka Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy

Professor Shields brings six college students to meet famous Egyptologist Dr. Nasir and work with priceless antiquities in the local museum.  The students are stereotypes.  We’ve got Dustin the jock, Jay the stoner, Kyle the nerd, Serena the codependent girlfriend, Felicia the skank, and Amy the smart one.  The nerd is in love with the jock’s girlfriend and the smart one is sleeping with the professor, which really isn’t that smart.

Nasir, Shields and Amy head off to look at hieroglyphics, while the other five go to the basement to look at the relics.  As they look through the crates, Jay finds a weed he refers to as resurrection incense. He says they should smoke it since it no longer exists so they’ll never get another chance. No one questions whether there could be any mold, mildew, or dangerous aspects to this. They also don’t care about having integrity in their chosen profession and they light it up.

The smoke revives Isis within one of the crates. She wants to bring her husband Osiris back from the dead. But first she’s going to kill anyone she can get her hands on and steal parts of their bodies.  The explanation is Osiris was cut into pieces so she needs to piece him back together.  Wouldn’t it be easer to kill one person, cut them up and then put them back together? It’s quicker, plus originally he wasn’t Frankensteined from other bodies. Actually wouldn’t it be better to grab a body and put his essence into it? Just forego all this messy appendage stealing.

As the students realize something is wrong and people are dying, they attempt to get out, but Isis has locked them in and the security guard is missing.  Apparently Isis is also able to control land lines since the phone doesn’t work. So it’s up to these idiots and the famous Egyptologist to figure out how to stop Isis and get free.

Questions abound. Why did the curator leave people having no association with the museum or the collection alone with the priceless relics? Why were these C level students selected to work with a famous archaeologist?  Was this something for extra credit, which they appear to need? Shouldn’t the best students be chosen for this overnight, once in a lifetime experience?  Why are these kids left unsupervised without any training on how to handle the antiquities?  Why did they choose archaeology as a major since they have no respect for the field? What are the odds so many students who went to high school together end up at the same college in the same major? Why does Nasir tell Kyle and Dustin to grab the gear from the corner when he means the two flashlights? And was that just a body that fell out of a closet like something out of a 1940s mystery movie?  

Ridiculous dialogue

Professor: I never thought we’d get to be alone.

Amy: Why do you think I came on the trip, idiot? I already have an A.

I guess I’m just the type of girl who’d be comfortable and satisfied rather than risk being alone to be happy.

She’s got a pug forehead

Smoking the ancient weed as if he’s playing a clarinet

His head came off like it was held on with glue

From a museum to the set of a high school play

Is the door blocked off with black cardboard?

The superimposed plague

The least appropriate archaeology outfit