Ghostwitch (2015)

When Nerd Zeke and his computer go to a cool kids pool party, they get thrown in the pool.  Zeke is rescued by Mattie, sister of the parties host. Since his computer is ruined, she offers him her computer and they discover they both are interested in the paranormal.

Zeke is part of a paranormal group called G.H.O.S.T. (we're never filled in on what this stands for). Mattie asks if he'll investigate an old house her family owns. She had an experience there as a child and there are legends that it is haunted.

Zeke, Mattie, and the team arrive at the home and find there is no dust or cobwebs, and the floors are super clean. It looks like someone lives there but nope, it's abandoned.

The characters do things that make no sense.  When their friend disappears, they wonder if they should call the police but decide not to because they don't want to call the locals attention to the house.  But they'd already been to the local diner and asked the waitress about the legend and the house. When she warned them about it, they scoffed at her. So yeah, the locals are already on to you, and they don't like you - especially since you ordered breakfast and then left before your order came and never notified your waitress.

Later someone knocks on the door of the home and they are afraid. They decide to be quiet so whoever is outside will go away. First of all, the lights are on in the abandoned house and it's night - they can see you. Second, they can hear you. Third, you're there with a girl whose family owns the building. So why are you afraid? If this scares you, are you going to be able to handle seeing a ghost?

This is the only paranormal team with a member who complains about investigating a house that might actually be haunted. She is angry that so many things are happening that she can't explain. Isn't that why you ghost hunt? To find some sort of proof that ghosts exist?  Why is this girl on the team? She's unnecessarily aggressive, accusatory, angry and other unflattering things that start with the letter A.

Skip this one as there is nothing new to see here. Move along.


Stupid dialogue about ghost hunting at a home known to be haunted

"She brought us here to investigate some house that she already thought was haunted and miraculously all these unexplainable things start happening. Coincidence? I think not.  It's probably not even real." - paranormal investigator that doesn't seem to grasp that unexplainable things happening can be classified as paranormal

The Revenge of Robert (2018)

Holy crap, why did I watch this. I wish I had remembered that I barely got through the first movie, Robert. Since sequels are never as good as the original, it's a good idea to pass when the first flick was crap.

The first forty minutes of the film are focused on two people who appear to be the main characters, but disappear half way through the film. Be prepared to wait to see the dolls since they don't show up until then.  One of those dolls is a clown whose make up is just like John Wayne Gacy's, which is creepy in a gross way, rather than a scary way. Also creepy? That I recognized the make up.

The puppet master is obviously wearing old man make up. He's an old man in the 1940s and yet still alive in present day.  Everyone has a bad german accent, and there are no likable characters in the movie.

This takes place during World War II. Nazi's want to kill the toymaker and the Allies want to protect him.  At one point, they end up on a train. It's a finite space, yet the Nazi assassin can't find the toymaker.  What an idiot.  Also one of the Nazi's has a hat that is too big for him which is really distracting because it waggles when he moves his head.

I ended up fast forwarding through some of it to see if anything interesting was going to happen. It doesn't.  If you're looking for Nazi's and puppets, you'd be much better off watching one of the Puppetmaster movies.  Avoid Robert at all costs.