Documenting the Witch Path (2017)

Three filmmakers decide to make a movie about Witch Lake, where women accused of witchcraft were put to death in the 1600s.  The group plan to follow the Witch Path, which was marked by the town as a historical attraction, but then closed after four tours.

When Carl calls the town office to ask about permission to go there, they advise him not to go, but say he may want to talk to the tour guide. While the guide takes Carl’s call, he isn’t forthcoming and often refers Carl back to the town office for answers. The guide also says they shouldn’t go to the lake, and hangs up when Carl asks him if there was any paranormal activity seen on the tours.

The three discuss their uneasiness at pursuing this documentary.  They are convinced something happened out there since everyone says to stay away. Also they are stuck on the tour guide hanging up in response to the question about the supernatural, rather than laughing or denying it.

When Nathaniel drops out due to his unease, Robin considers doing the same, but doesn’t feel right letting Carl go on his own.  So the two head off to find Witch Lake and follow the Witch Path. Their trip is unsettling and the first night they hear noises and Robin thinks he sees something moving across the lake.

While this is mostly shot POV, it’s not a found footage movie since no one disappears. There are shots of Carl and Robin from afar which takes you out of the moment as you wonder who shot the footage.  Also occasionally scenes have ominous background music to set the tone.  Again, all of sudden you realize you’re watching POV but there’s music.

I spent the movie wondering what they would find or if something would happen to them, even though I knew they made it back.  The end was unexpected and may annoy some viewers. I thought it was interesting. Ultimately it’s a study in how easy it is to manipulate people.

American Ouija (2011)

Aka 19 Doors

Grace is working on a new book and moves into the Lindora Hotel which has been empty for years. The bar on the first floor is open and as she’s ordering some fries, she tells the bartender and patrons she’ll be there for a few weeks. She neglects to tell her fiancé, which her teenage daughter points out is not cool. 

The hotel closed years ago when business dried up after some murders. Grace thinks the murders are cool and the alleged hauntings are okay, but she shrieks in horror at a flickering light.  

Later on she’s dragged down the hallway by a man in a black hooded cape. When the police ask for a description of the man, she says black like a shadow, to which the police say okay a black man.  Grace says nothing even though the only thing black about the guy was his cape. So far there is nothing likable about Grace.

Grace meets a priest in the bar who she later asks for help. She also meets the owners daughter Katie, who is referred to as limited. Grace proves to be even more unlikable as she makes jokes about Katie’s intellect and forces Katies hands on the ouija board so she doesn’t have to touch it. This way if anything evil comes through it will go after Katie, not her. 

While being in the hotel is making Grace more callous, she wasn’t that sensitive to begin with. She’s also not doing much writing as we see her take six seconds to type eight letters. If I’m going to watch a crazy writer sitting at a typewriter in a large, empty, haunted building, I’d rather watch The Shining

When Grace starts looking into the history of the hotel, she asks Detective Patrone to show her the case files.  It must be a slow day because Patrone pulls the files for her to look through. Then he asks why she’s asking so many questions.  Maybe he should have asked that prior to giving her the files.

Although the hotel has been closed for years, there is no dust on anything.  The telephone and furniture are clean.  The ouija game is clean and the box cover doesn’t line up to the time period the hotel would have closed. Grace isn’t likable right out of the gate and you don’t care about her.  I cared more for her boyfriend who was barely in it.

Ridiculous Dialogue

Eva - Dean’s not going to like it.

Grace - Well that doesn’t really matter.

Eva - Of course it matters. He’s your fiancé.

Grace - Was it really that bad?

Maddte -  The owners just couldn’t take the stigma of the murders.

Grace (disgustedly) - You’re such a Christian. 

Grace - Hello, who are you?

Katie - Hi.

Grace - Hi who are you?

Katie - Gosh, gosh you’re pretty. Like me.

Grace - Sure. Who are you?

Katie - I’m Katie.

Grace - Katie? Katie! Yeah, Maddte’s daughter, the limited girl.

Grace - I’m going to ask the questions and you keep your fingers on there and see how it moves.

Katie -Like magic eight ball?

Grace - Yes, I know I don’t have to tell you to clear your mind.

Priest - Shame on you for making the limited girl work the board on her own.

Dean - Now you’re trying to drag a priest and a mentally challenged…

Grace - Limited, Dean.

Grace - Dean! What?! Do you to see me writing or are you just too dumb to hear the TAP! TAP! TAP! I swear to god if you ever do break my concentration again, I will find the closest impaling object and I will stick it right in your damn throat.

Psychic - You were supposed to move out.

Grace - I can’t leave. Things happen when I try.

The dust free ouija game in the abandoned hotel

Grace forcing Kate to put her and on the board

The man Grace describes as black like a shadow. 

The ghost who tries not to laugh

Grace refusing to drop the ouija box as she
is dragged down the hallway

It’s never good when a writers draft has blood on  it

Grace’s daughter smugly noting she’s smarter than her mom

Demonwarp (1988)

Jack and his friends head to his uncle’s cabin in an area known as Demonwood Forrest. When they get to the cabin, a piece of plywood is where the door should be and the living room is trashed. What Jack hasn’t told anyone is his uncle disappeared after hearing about a Bigfoot attack at the cabin.

Shortly after they arrive, a man with a gun tells them to leave. This turns out to be Will, who was renting the cabin until Bigfoot broke in, beat him up and carried off his daughter.  Both Jack and Will want to know what is going on, while the other kids just want to party and scare their girlfriends.  It does not go well for any of them.

Arbitrary characters are thrown into the mix to provide more victims.  One is the nature photographer who has random body parts thrown at him while hiking and is not as distraught as you’d think.  Plus the two girls who drink and drive while heading to steal someone’s crop of pot plants. Why did they bring 2 bags of groceries? If you’re sneaking in to steal someone’s pot, you shouldn’t be planning a picnic. 

In case Bigfoot attacks aren’t odd enough, the movie ratchets up the weirdness with zombies and aliens.  The one thing going for it is it keeps getting more and more crazy. I saw this years ago, thought it was hilarious and loved it. But this time, I didn’t find it as interesting. It’s nonsensical but gets tedious as it goes along. 

Ridiculous dialogue

There’s no wildlife up here

A zombie in a UFO

Wearing bikinis and bringing bags of groceries into the
woods while planning to steal pot plants

This lock won’t keep Bigfoot out

So the aliens work with the zombies?

George Kennedy looking like a simpleton
in his yellow hat and overalls

The hilarious monkey mask prank does not
go over well in Bigfoot territory

Bigfoot is not amused

The inside of the alien ship with the human sacrifice

Love this zombie wearing a Meet the Residents t-shirt

Smile (2009)

After opening with a forensic photographer who shoots crime scenes using a Polaroid camera, we get a voice over from Clarissa. She’s a journalism major who carries a camera with her due to her obsession with taking pictures.  Maybe she should have been a photography major.

On the way to Morocco, Clarissa and six friends are almost hit head on when another vehicle crosses the center line. When the vehicle stops,   Clarissa runs towards it with camera, which is unfortunate since she doesn’t notice when a gypsy uses misdirection to steal her camera.  Later in Morocco, Clarissa tries to find a camera and stumbles on an  antique shop where the owner gives her an old Polaroid and a pack of film.

The next day the group travels to a forest rumored to be haunted.After getting lost, Clarissa asks a hunter butchering a deer if he knows how to get out.  The others think the hunter is creepy so Tommy takes his photo, just in case something happens. 

The hunter advises them to leave the woods, but since it’s late, offers to let them camp with him.  The next morning he sees their camera and tells them the camera kills anyone it photographers, before running away in panic.  The group thinks he’s a kook until people who’ve taken photos start turning up dead.  Tommy accuses Clarissa of trying to kill them, which is hilarious since others kept using her camera to take photos of themselves. 

Ridiculous dialogue:

I’m an aspiring journalist with a mania for taking pictures.

What the hell were you thinking? You’re not a real reporter!

What is a rare moment if you can not prove that you had it.

Hunter - Whoever that camera captures in it’s evil picture dies!

Clarissa - Why would he say that?! Why would he say that!

What I care about is why Clarissa used a dangerous weapon on her friends.

Clarissa’s web search which has no address in the browser

Polaroids are point and shoot. They don’t have focus rings.

Why are the forensic photographers crime scene
photos being published in the paper?

Art of the Dead (2019)

A series of paintings representing the seven deadly sins are up for auction. The paintings are fairly pedestrian, but Dylan and his wife decide to bid because it’s for a good cause.  What cause, you ask? I have no idea. It’s at an art gallery and there’s no indication the money is going anywhere other than the owners pocket.

After the auction, Father Mandale tries to find out who bought the paintings, but art dealer Tara Reid has him removed from the premises. Mandale is worried because the artist who painted them sold his soul to the devil, and whoever gets the paintings becomes possessed by the sins.

Dylan puts the paintings up all over the house as soon as they arrive.  You get a painting and you get a painting.  Then everyone in the family immediately starts acting weird.  Their son Louis, who brought his girlfriend Kim home from college with him, becomes so aggressive she doesn’t want to be anywhere near him.  

Kim decides to go in town and stops by the art gallery to get info on the paintings.  She overhears Father Mandale talking about them and follows him when he leaves.  When she says she knows where they are, he tells her the paintings are dangerous. Kim slowly backs away. So she’s smart enough to figure the hanging of the paintings precipitated the odd behavior, but dumb enough to dismiss a story just as crazy as her idea the paintings have changed the family.

The most ridiculous scenes are the one where the teenage sister leaves her underwear for the cashier and he’s happy about it. Or the one where Louis attacks his girlfriend and she gets in the car to leave, he attempts to propose.

Ridiculous dialogue

A writer and a painter. A match made in poverty.

Those pesky kids and their snail shells.

Why would anyone hang this above their bed?

The confusing vision in the mirror of the boy she likes

Tara is not amused.

Mystery goo? Let’s touch it.

Well I’ll give them this. I never guessed the paintings
went together to make one big painting

The priest playing detective

Would a powerful man really hang that in his office?

Ouija 4 (2015)

Aka Are You Here

Min, her boyfriend Lung, and his friends Koeng and Fen are closing their business because they’ve run out of money.  But while still in the office, an old  woman appears with a job proposal. Her son was working on an app, but died before he completed it. She wants them to finish his work.

While Min finds the woman and her offer creepy, the others decide to take the job due to the large amount of money offered.  They also decide to register the app as their own since the old lady won’t have a clue about apps.  Min is the only one who isn’t on board with this.

When they play with the ouija app, they start seeing ghosts.  Min’s aunt says, “If you have a good heart, and always do good, you will be rewarded.”  With this bit of foreshadowing, we know they are doomed. 

It’s hard to see how Min got wrapped up with this group.  Lung is addicted to gambling, Koeng likes ladies of the night, and Fen is dating a married man and annoyed that she has to deal with him having a wife.

The version I saw was dubbed which often takes the feel out of the movie. Sometimes it was funny  when multiple times the old woman’s lips moved but there as no dialogue coming out.  The movie often feels like a drama rather than a horror movie. Over all it was meh.

Ridiculous dialogue

Yes he is my man and we’re friends and you can’t abandon us when we have trouble.

Hey old lady, if you’re looking for a divorce it’s on the 23rd floor.

Fatal Games (1984)

Aka The Killing Touch; aka Olympic Nightmare

The Falcon Academy of Athletics has seven students who’ve won spots at the nationals and hope to compete in the Olympics.  Their coach decides this means two additional hours of practice per day.

The team doctor provides them with steroids and tests their reactions to the drugs. Nurse Diane says the students aren’t guinea pigs, but the doctor says it’s his life’s work and no one will stop him. He’s also made sure Diane gives them the steroids so he can keep his hands clean.

The athletes are all friends but when one girl disappears, other than wondering where she is, they aren’t that concerned. When a second athlete disappears, there are more questions and more shoulder shrugging. 

You would think when some of the seven elite athletes bound for nationals go missing, it would attract more attention.  And it should, since a hooded figure with a javelin is picking them off one by one.

The biggest issue with the movie is there’s little to no tension.  We see a figure in a hooded sweatshirt while an athlete is practicing. But the athlete never realizes anything is amiss. It escalates quickly from here’s the killer to the victim is dead.

I found it hard to keep the characters straight. I got the kids who were going to nationals confused with other kids. For example, Shelly gets some screen time because she is having an affair with the swim coach. But she’s not in the photo of the winners. So why is her story line bigger than some of the others? 

And why would a teen athlete be naked when getting a massage from the staff? Why does the film focus on a couple who turn out not to be the main characters? Who is Sue Allen? Did her footage end up on the cutting room floor or was she only in the background? 

Ridiculous dialogue

I’m quite pleased. I think the steroids Diane put you on are paying off.

Frank - I think something terrible is happening at the academy. You want to know my theory? I think they’re all dead.

Phil - Oh come on.

They only realize there is a problem when they find
the picture with X’s over the missing teens.

The Dead Half (2017)

Aaron, an unappealing guy who fancies himself a filmmaker,  shows Claire the footage he’s shot for his movie. It consists of interviews with locals about an abandoned house, the family who lived there, and the legend that it’s haunted.  Based on the footage, you’d think he’s making a documentary. Yet he’s asked Claire to act in it. 

The goal is to shoot footage in the house, act like something is happening, and then put good effects on it. His friend Dillon claims to be the director of photography, which is odd since he never touches a video camera and each person has a Go Pro strapped to their chest.

Aaron’s girlfriend Jill, who is way out of his league, has the role of clairvoyant. This leads one to wonder why anyone would date Aaron since his personality sucks.  The mystery is quickly solved when Jill reveals how incredibly insecure she is by being aggressive towards Claire, even turning off their cameras and mics so she can berate her during their trip upstairs. 

When Claire feels and sees odd happenings in the house, Jill gets angry because she’s supposed to be the clairvoyant.  Aaron also gets irritated because he thinks she’s faking. This makes no sense since he’s planning on adding effects to the footage anyway.  

Both Claire and Dillon have interactions with something supernatural and want to leave. But Aaron refuses because it’s his movie and he wants more footage.  Even though they want to figure out if it’s haunted, Aaron scoffs at their experiences and doesn’t believe them.  Then Jill accuses Claire of sleeping with Aaron and I’m wondering why Claire doesn’t leave. She doesn’t even know these people. 

After more unpleasant interchanges between unlikeable characters, we get the story of the family that lived there, but who cares?  You’ll spend your time wondering why anyone is friends with Aaron and why Dillon and Claire didn’t leave earlier. After dealing with all Aaron’s crap, they still agree to help him shoot more footage. Just cut your losses and go. Also anytime someone tells you to give them your cell phone, it’s a bad idea.

Dialogue by unlikeable characters:

I want to get in there, capture real footage, dramatize it with some good acting and some effects. Get it out there and get rich and famous after it.

Aaron didn’t tell me that you’re kind of pretty.

Claire - this place really has a vibe to it.

Jill - A vibe?

Claire - Yeah, yeah you know like a feeling?

Jill - Look. Who’s the clairvoyant in this movie?

Aaron glaring at Claire as he shows her his footage

The group heading to the abandoned house.
This is Aaron at his happiest.

The many moods of Aaron

Is there a scene where Aaron isn’t hateful to his friends ?
No. No there isn’t

This much blood for a nosebleed doesn’t bode well

Let me guess, Aaron’s mad