Natty Knocks (2023)

When Wyatt and his friend Robbie decide to ditch school, his little sister Joely overhears them and forces them to take her with them. They steal some copper wire hoping they can sell it so Wyatt can pay his cell phone bill.  Then they decide to play Natty Knocks.

Legend has it Natty was burned as a witch and cursed the town as she died. While that may make you think of the 1600s and the Salem witch trials, this witch burning appears to take place in the 1970s.  Also it’s not clear why they thought Natty was a witch since she was an unsuccessful actress who slept with men for money.

To call Natty, you knock on the door nine times. That seems inconvenient and excessive. When they knock on the door of her abandoned house, no one answers. They peer inside and see a man beating a woman.  Wyatt thinks the man may have killed her so they anonymously call the cops. The cops don’t even log the call.

Wyatt and Joely have a babysitter named Britt, which is odd since Wyatt appears to be almost the same age as Britt. The whole relationship is confusing as she seems to live with them, but I’m not sure why. Did I miss it or did they not explain? The parents are in the midst of a divorce and the father has moved out. Are they paying her or is it a free room and board scenario?

Britt’s boyfriend made a figure of Natty which he keeps in the back of his pickup. He’s going to light it on fire on Halloween. You’d think this is a relevant plot point, but nope.

The most questionable decision is made by Wyatt after Robbie figures out who the killer is and they go to the old house to rescue Britt. As Wyatt walks from room to room, he provides exposition regarding who the killer is and why he’s doing this.  Thus announcing exactly where he is to the very psycho he seeks.

Jack in the Box Rises(2024)

In another installment of the Jack in the Box series, Raven needs to get the box to save her father from a bad man. She’s sent to Rosewood Manor, a girls boarding school, where the box is said to be hidden.  

The school only has about six other students and most of them are unlikeable.  One of the girls breaks into her room and discovers information about the box.  Raven is not happy since she doesn’t want anyone else finding the box.  

When the box is open, the demon inside kills six people before it returns. It will grant a wish to the person who freed it. Hurrah!

While this one probably has the best production values, it’s the worst of the three. 

Killer Holiday (2013)

 

A group of friends go on a trip in an RV. What they don’t know is that a killer murdered one of the girls parents as they were outside her house and now he’s following them on the road trip.  They head to an old west tourist town and then take a shortcut on backroads. It’s not a great idea to take backroad shortcuts when you’re in an RV. Mostly because you might get stuck. But this group runs into an old guy with a shot gun who tells them to turnaround and get the hell out of there.

The weirdest part is they get mad because he has no right to tell them they can’t drive down the road. So they turn around and drive back.  This time the man is friendly and says he’s glad they took him up on his offer. Surely they can trust the nut with the gun who first threatens and then welcomes them to continue driving.

Further down the road they find an abandoned amusement park and decide to camp there. Nothing creepy about that.  They knock down the fence to get in and I’m thinking maybe they deserve to die.

Ridiculous dialogue

I don’t want to be mean or anything but you’re really not his type.

He doesn’t have the right to stop us from driving. He doesn’t own the road.

Down’s Revenge

High school student Leo likes to bully David, who has Down’s Syndrome.  Kim stops him and then invites David to join her friends for a night of bowling. Apparently there’s only one bowling alley in town because Leo and his friends are there.  Shortly after this David’s grandmother dies and David is left on his own. The only person keeping an eye out for him is his neighbor Sara, who has a crush on him. 

Although David has never done anything bad to anyone, Leo says they can’t let him get away with it because he’s screwing everything up. So they kidnap him and throw him in the trunk of a stolen car.  Kim sees the kidnapping and gives chase on her bicycle. Surprisingly she makes good time and catches them on a dirt road near a canal. They’re soaking wet and there is no sign of David. Leo says he’ll murder her and her family is she ever tells anyone she saw them kidnap him.  

Three years later, Leo is the president of a business he inherited after his father died. He’s lost touch with his friends, but runs into Chang who is working at a convenience store.  An incident results in Kim, a detective who just got an assignment in town, being dispatched to investigate. She hasn’t said anything about the kidnapping, but tells Chang she intends to investigate and gather evidence.  Change calls Leo who says there was no evidence three years ago and there’s no evidence now. He’s forgotten there is literally a car in the canal with David’s body in it.  Lucky for them Kim isn’t that good a detective and can’t put it together.

Later when David’s ghost starts harassing Leo, he decides to get rid of the car and body.  So he blows up the car.  Oh poor, sweet, deluded, idiot Leo. He has no idea how ghosts work.

Before David is a ghost is a total bummer, and then after he’s dead, it’s confusing how Kim was able to make detective in less than three years.

Ridiculous dialogue

I blew up the car last night. No body, no ghost.

Creeping Death (2023)

It’s Halloween and Tim has to stay home with his mom after his dad is called into work. Mom has cancer and shouldn’t be disturbed. Apparently even if you shut the lights off, kids will ring the bell and bang on the door looking for candy. What sort of town is this?

Tim’s friends don’t care about his situation because he’s supposed to be their designated driver.  On the way to Tim’s house, they decide to prank old Mr. Brownstone and steal a sack off his porch, unintentionally involving themselves in the legend of Aos Si. 

While stealing the sack, one of them drops their phone.  Later while at Tim’s, they receive a call from Mr. Brownstone telling them to bring the sack back. It’s filled with animals bits that he’s using as a sacrifice or offering

Every Halloween, Aos Si comes into the human realm where offerings are left to appease them. They collect their gifts while wearing costumes so they blend in.  They also harvest those who do not appease them, marking their doors as a warning.  This is extremely ineffective because no one knows what the symbol means.

When Tim and his friends go back to Brownstones, they find him dead. They think he killed himself, but his head is missing.  When they decide to call the police, Nate pours alcohol on the phone so they can’t call. They discover they need to offer the body of a loved one as it’s the only way to stop from being killed once they are targeted.  Nate says they should kill Tim’s mom since she’s going to die anyway.  Good lord.

This town is weird. Why are high school students wandering the streets in costume? And why do kids ring doorbells for houses without lights on?  And if Aos Si mark the houses to warn others to appease them, what good does it do when no one knows what the symbol means? And if this happens every year, why does no one seem to know it’s happening?

Ridiculous dialogue

Your mom needs to die.

People Trying Not to Scream

There are an inordinate amount of characters who feel compelled to clamp their hands over their mouths to keep from screaming.  

American Poltergeist: The Curse of Lilith Ratchet

Krampus: the Return

Tooth Fairy 5

Feral

Mega Lightning

Alien Invasion

Bloody Mary Returns

Octagames

Tahoe Joe

Legend of the Lizard Man

The rare double mouth grab from Wood Witch: The Awakening

Don’t Look Away

Killer Body Count

The Jack in the Box Rises

Spookt 

Granny Krampus

Granny Krampus

The rare woman silences a man- from a movie 
whose name I’ve forgotten

Tahoe Joe 2

Final Summer (2003)

After a camper dies, the camp shuts down and the counselors are given the weekend to clean and lock up. The father of the dead child is a groundskeeper at the camp and for years  the counselors have told campfire stories that he killed his family. 

The camp owner says the camp is her father’s legacy and she will not let it be tarnished.  The first summer they lost two campers, and accidents continued the next four seasons.  No one shall ask why people would willingly send their kids there.  She states they all know who was responsible, although they didn’t admit it.  Why won’t you admit it? Why would you let someone kill your campers? Why would you let him continue to work there?  Who are you accusing?  Since the groundskeeper was mentioned, are we to assume it is him?

Not all the counselors are doing their fair share of the clean up, which causes discord among them. When one of them disappears that night, the others start a search. When they see someone with a  skull mask they assume it’s the missing counselor. But then the skull mask kills another counselor and everyone scatters.

While it’s always good to see the summer camp slashers, the characters aren’t very engaging. Final girl Lexi isn’t very likable and always has a scowl on her face.  The backstory of losing her brother doesn’t help and could have been cut out without any difference.

Also if you’ve just gotten out of a pool and are soaking wet, would you be okay picking up a boombox plugged into an extension cord? Am I overthinking the possibility of electrocution? And once it’s thrown into the pool, could someone touch the metal railing used to get out of the pool? Because someone does but it seems like since that’s touching the water and the boombox is in the water, it would cause some damage.

Also did I miss how the kid died?  They were on a hike, turned around and he was face down on the path.  So I’m assuming murder, but who and how?

A portrait of Tom Atkins, but he’s not in the movie

They may want to put a sheet over the dead kid

She always looks irritated

Continuity - his hair is like this 95% of the movie

Then his hair gets longer 

Brew House (2016)

Five college students disappear when they go to an abandoned brew house to film an episode of their web series.  The explorers are: Megan and her boyfriend Brian; Nick who threatens a creepy guy on the way to the building; Skyler who used to be on the show and has a bad feeling about this; and lastly, whiny unlikeable Billy. She’s not very bright, is jealous of Skyler, and wears a brand new outfit to an abandoned building.

In the 60s the building was an artist community where people lived and had studios until there were some unexplained deaths.  As the group explores, they find canvases and paint, a display of old cameras and a photo lab.

When weird things start to happen and one of the group dies, they want to get out. One says the quickest way is to go through the door ahead, but honestly if she’s dead being quick doesn’t matter. The other says they need to go back the same way they came in.

Everyone argues, makes bad decisions and acts like an idiot. A lot of the movie is really dark since they’re mostly in the dark with headlamps.

Ridiculous dialogue

If you’re going to be homeless, why would you be homeless out here?

No one comes here ever. [They ran into someone on the way in.]

People died. We’re going to prison and shit.

Tahoe Joe 2: The Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Conspiracy (2024)

After Dillon and Mike release their footage, people online start doing the Tahoe Joe challenge where they go out into the woods and try to find Tahoe Joe. Three influencers tromp out into the snowy woods wearing high heels, skirts, body suits and fur coats. To make them more annoying, they keep posing for pictures and keep yelling “Joe” over and over. Surprisingly they are attacked.

Dillon gets a message from the lone influencer who made it home. She says it’s all his fault her friend disappeared.  Dillon has some sort of cranial malfunction and agrees since if he didn’t put up the video, none of this would have happened.  So much for personal responsibility.  She insists he help her find her missing friends. 

He and Mike trek back into the woods to do a search and this time they bring guns. Dillon and Mike look too much alike and I got confused as to who was who. When they stumble across a headless body, they are a bit too calm. Also Mike is a tool and wants to steal the money in the dead guy’s wallet since he doesn’t need it anymore.

Soon things go sideways and they’re in a bad situation that can only get worse if Tahoe Joe shows up.

The biggest questions are:

1. If the FBI has been looking for the poacher for twenty years, how have they not found him since he’s in a fairly nice house in the woods?
2. If Tahoe Joe has good enough night vision that he can walk around a kitchen in the dark without  bumping into anything, how can he not see a guy ducking down on the other side of the kitchen?

Ridiculous dialogue

We’re going to be doing our Tahoe Joe trend from social media lately and trying to find Tahoe Joe and see if we can find him.

Okay we just finished taking pictures. We’re going to keep looking for Joe. We haven’t found him yet.

Dillon: Shoot him, Mike, shoot him!

Mike: I can’t. I don’t know what it is.

They certainly are dressed for a hike, what
with their high heels, skirts and pocketbooks