The Devil’s Mouth (2026)

A group of college friends go to Thailand on vacation. Max and her boyfriend James, Adriana and her new boyfriend Greg, and Sara want to go out on the ocean but no boats are available. Max says she’s charming and hot, and can get anything she wants. I already hate her.

Max’s words prove to be true and the group is soon on a yacht.  While the others play a game, Sara decides to go into the water with a scuba mask. When Max mistakenly tells the captain everyone is on board, they leave Sara behind. To add insult to injury, Sara is repeatedly stung when she swims into a swarm of jellyfish.

After the yacht turns around and Sara receives medical treatment, she and Max make up. Max should be conciliatory but instead she blames Sara, who lets it go so Max won’t ruin the trip.  

The group are going caving, which is important to Sara because this is a cave her father loved.  Their tour guide tells them to follow his instructions and Max prepares to veto that.  When he suggests they take the path based on their skill level, she says it’s too easy and convinces everyone to agree to the more difficult path.  Sara is the only one who objects and the only one wearing a life jacket.

The guide tells them not to damage anything, but Max does what she wants and carves her initials into the rocks. When the guide sees a shark and says they need to leave, Max refuses since they just got there.  Sara is the only one who agrees and urges them to listen to their guide. The others huddle on a rock and refuse to get back into the water. 

As the group argues amongst themselves, their guide says it’s their choice to follow him or stay in the cave. They don’t want to get in the water and are too busy arguing to realize he’s left. Oh but now that he’s gone, they are getting in the water, even though they aren’t sure how to get back.  It will not go well for them, especially with someone like Max who can’t handle anyone who doesn’t agree with what she wants. 

There is always a weasel in this type of movie. The one who sacrifices their friends to save themselves, but demands total loyalty and gets upset if their friend has some sense of self preservation.  Someone who always has to be the center of attention and always get their way, or they play the victim. Sara is blamed by Max for occasionally disagreeing with her, and by Max’s boyfriend for not standing up to her.  You end up rooting for the shark to help Sara so she never has to deal with these people again.

Ridiculous dialogue

James: Don’t pretend like you’re not part of the problem.

Sara: What do you mean?

James: You let her be in charge.

Do Not Enter (2026)

A group of urban explorers want more views for their YouTube channel. They have recently parted ways with a new member because he broke the cardinal rule of urban exploration - take only photos, leave only footprints - when he demolished a wall looking for valuables.

They get a lead on exploring the Paragon, an old hotel where a mobster supposedly stashed 300 million dollars. Everyone who looks for the money disappears, but they believe they’ll have different luck. It’s worth the risk because the location will rack up tons of views and increase the visibility of their channel. They’re not worried about surviving, but they should be. If everyone who enters the building disappears, there is definitely something going on, even if it’s just people falling through rotten floors or inhaling toxic air.

They head to the hotel with a reporter who is doing a story on the exploration.  Once inside they wander around and then Diane disappears.  They decided to search room by room, floor by floor.  Guys, that’s not a good plan since it’s a freaking hotel with hundreds of rooms and at least five floors. 

During their exploration, they find newspapers which state the hotel closed after the Paragon owner went missing after his wife was murdered.  Based on their shocked faces, I assume they have done no research about the hotel they decided to explore. So it’s even less likely they won’t find the mystery treasure since the place is massive and they know nothing about it. 

Soon things get worse when Rick steps in a bear trap in the hallway and a rival urbex group, which includes the banished JD, shows up and demands the $300 million they haven’t even located yet.  The Scavengers are psychos as they have no qualms about pushing Rick off a balcony. What the hell.

Unbeknownst to both teams, there is something in the hotel that is not of this Earth and is not happy to see them.  At least it’s not leaving the hotel and only people foolish enough to go inside will be in danger.

Underground (2024)

 

A group of women go on a bachelorette party trip.  They dress up in costumes and go bar hopping and then get a taxi to go back to the hotel. But they’re obnoxious, throw food at each other, and when one pukes several times, the drives put them out.

They’re in the middle of nowhere in the dark. So they start walking and run across a tourist attraction which is tunnels built by the Nazi’s.  It’s closed for the season so they take a shortcut through a field.  When they turn around Ziggy is gone. 

As they backtrack, they discover a hatch in the ground which is an entrance to the tunnels and she’s fallen down it. There is a ladder but Ziggy is too injured to climb up.  Having lost critical thinking, all of them climb down into the tunnel and set up a camera to film themselves discussing how they should help her. 

When someone on the surface locks the hatch, they have no way out. As they explore the tunnels, strange things happen and they end up back at the museum.  A phone in the display starts ringing which is creepy since it’s not plugged in. Something odd is happening and they don’t know what is real. It’s found footage so you know things will not end well for them.

These people drove me nuts. They all went down in the bunker rather than have one or two stay above ground in case something went wrong.  Also if locked in an underground tunnel in a tourist attraction  closed for the season, be more attuned to the need to preserve your phone battery. You don’t need to film everything. 

The frog costume at the bar

If your friend falls into a tunnel and gets injured,
be sure to set up your camera to film the rescue attempt

Festival of the Living Dead (2024)

It’s Ash’s birthday and she’s taking care of her little brother Luke for the weekend. Her best friend Iris comes over to celebrate but finds out Ash has invited her boyfriend Kevin and his friends over too.  They don’t like Iris and she doesnt like them, so it’s awkward.

When Kevin surprises Ash with a ticket to the Festival of the Dead, she says she can’t go since she has to watch Luke.  Kevin and his friends are irritated and try to pressure her to leave. So good friend Iris agrees to watch Luke so the other five take off.

To avoid waiting in line, they drive in the staff entrance. Kevin hits someone and crashes the car. Instead of focusing on who he hit or his injured friends, he tries to pressure Ash into saying she was driving.  He doesn’t want to impact his college acceptance or potential football career.  Oh Ash, why are you dating this guy?

As one friend is too injured to walk, Ash, Kevin and his brother head to the festival to get help. When they find the first aid station is empty, they wander through the crowd looking for someone working there. But instead they discover the dead have come back to life. So they lock themselves in the first aid station to try to survive the night.

I’m not sure why so many movies make most of their characters such unlikeable jerks. As soon as Kevin and the others show up at Ash’s, you can tell they’re horrible people. Do they even like each other? Everyone is treating Ash like she’s a loser. When the crisis hits, Ash is surprised and dismayed they are only concerned with themselves.  But it’s obvious that’s who we’re dealing with from the start.  

There are many things that bother me about this movie, one being when they crash the car, they never try to start it or even put it into gear. Another is no one looks for the person they hit to see if they’re alive. Granted it was a zombie, but they thought it was a person.   

The Dead of Night (2004)

Some really old looking high school students go to the cemetery to party. They invite a couple of unpopular teens so they can pull a prank on them that involves a gun. 

Darryl wants to bury the nerds in a grave as an initiation. Some of the others don’t think it’s funny, but Darryl assures them it will be hilarious.  

The nerds probably would have died if it wasn’t for the monsters in the graveyard who attacked them.  Now they’re weird unemotional guys who walk around while staring straight ahead and sometimes drooling corn syrup. Nothing good can come from this.

This is a fairly slow movie. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Look, this place is clique central. Where you pick a clique or you’re nothing. You need your clique, you know what I’m saying? Or you die.

We Might Hurt Each Other (2022)

Aka Rupintojelis, aka Pensive

A group of high school students in Lithuania head to an isolated cabin to celebrate their graduation.  They had originally booked a place at the beach, but Marius was suspicious because the pictures did not look like Lithuania. After the reservation falls through, Marius secures a cabin and assures them it’s a better option.

Five cars of teenagers head out to celebrate. Then they get lost because Marius seems confused as to where they’re going.  Once they arrive, they discover some strange wooden sculptures.  These were carved by the man who used to live there, whose family burned to death on the property.  Most of the kids are creeped out. Marius says he was not aware of who lived there when he booked the place.

Some of the kids kick the sculptures over and decide the wood is perfect for the fire pit.  Oh damn, that’s not only disrespectful, but it’s never a good idea to mess with sculptures that may hold the spirits of the decreased who died tragically on the land.

It takes 45 minutes for the killer to show up. While the first few kills are people away from the group, there is a moment where the killer targets the majority of the teens who have hidden in a room in the cabin. So that’s outside the norm. 

My Little Nightmare (2024)

This movie starts with scenes of different people in various places with no information about who they are or what is being referenced. Do they know each other? Will their stories converge at some point? 

Heather meets Alex in his office. She’s upset about a death from seven years ago.  I guess it’s a murder since Alex says there is lots of evidence but they don’t have a name yet. Is Alex a private investigator? Then they talk about a book deal and how she wants to buy his house if he ever wants to sell.  I’m even more confused. But I guess this will all be explained later. No, no it won’t. 

After more scenes of people I don’t know, Alex meets with Amy, who turns out to be his sister. She says what they did wasn’t right. What who did? What happened? They don’t tell us.

Forty minutes in there is no back story and no explanation of the connection of characters.  But we do find out Alex has been seeing weird things, like a little kid covered in blood.

Heather shows up again, fires Alex and will look elsewhere for representation. Oh, she mentioned a book deal. Is he her agent? If so, then is Alex talking about the previously mentioned death and saying “We’ve been working on this case for years” WHAT IS IT??? 

I feel like I’ve been watching this a long time so it must be almost over, right?  I’m fifty six minutes in and there‘s still one hour and seventeen minutes left. How is that possible? Why is this movie so long? It’s unclear what this movie is even about yet.  An editor is desperately needed.

At one hour and twenty minutes, we finally get a flashback about the plot. But even this is filler as there is more time spent showing them drinking in the bar than on the accident. It’s almost a passing thing where we see horrified faces in the car, someone screaming “look out” and then some legs by the side of the road.

In a flashback at the hotel, we find out they are in Mexico and afraid of calling the police. It is revealed it’s no longer an accident, but a murder after the driver kills the kid so he won’t talk. Sure, that makes a lot of sense.  Also there’s some blackmail since the driver and his girlfriend are forcing everyone to keep quiet or they will say Alex’s boyfriend was driving the car, even though they weren’t there.

A movie shouldn’t wait 80 minutes to explain the plot. It’s incredibly frustrating to watch random people talking about how something bad happened, but not having anyone clue you into what is going on. Most of the characters get killed before the plot shows up. Also this is way too long. It does not need to be over two hours. It could have been told in 80 minutes.

Red Eye (2017)

Gage is an aspiring filmmaker who decides to make a documentary about a local legend.  Helping him are his best friend Jake, Jake’s girlfriend Ryker, and her best friend Ryann. Gage has picked a bad group to bring on this project. They are negative as hell about everything, including him 

They hike into the woods until Gage finds the exact spot of where the murders occurred and suggests they camp there for the night. He’s the only one excited about sleeping at a murder site. But they are too far into the woods to go back.

After the camp is attacked in the middle of the night, Gage and Ryker go for help.  Their car won’t start so they start walking. They have no sense of urgency as they slowly meander while talking about future life plans. Good god, people are injured. There is no time to be  lollygagging!

This is one of those movies where exposition is provided by the characters trauma dumping on each other, often at an inopportune moment.  Also Ryann is supposed to be Ryker’s best friend and has known her since junior year of high school.  Yet she doesn’t know her well at all. She doesn’t know she was picked on in school, that her dream is to act in horror movies, or how she met Jake.

Shifted (2023)

A bunch of unlikeable people hide in a house after some sort of incident or zombie apocalypse three weeks ago. I’m not really clear on what happened.  The survivors are running out of food and aren’t sure what to do since it’s not safe outside.

There are papers stuck on the windows so no one can see in and they talk in hushed tones, Not everyone has a good sense of self preservation since one woman lets in a person she’s never met who had been communicating via signs from a nearby house.  Another woman locks out two people who went outside to get water.  

Now not only do we have some horrible people in the house, but one of the woman is found with her throat slit.  So one of them is a killer. Is it the new woman who is acting odd? The guy who knows how to travel among the zombies without being killed? Or one of them that’s been sharing the house for the past three weeks?  Did they tell us how they all came to share this house or did I miss that?

This is a low budget film with characters that you won’t care about and not a lot of excitement. The credit list a fitness team for one of the lead actors.  Why? Was that really necessary for this role? How was that justified? Yes, he took his shirt off, but he didn’t need to as it added nothing to the plot. 

The Bermuda Triangle Project (2023)

The Trust Fund Misfits have gone missing in the Bermuda Triangle.  After that is established, we cut to the police who are considering the possibility of a serial killer due to fifteen women who’ve gone missing over the past three decades.  What does this have to do with the Trust Fund Misfits? 

Then we’re on to an estate in Florida where a rich guy just got an internship for his daughter.  Cut to election night where a politician is being asked about an escort.  Have we ever seen any of these people before? How do they relate to the Trust Fund Misfits?

Another cut to some guys playing football on the beach. They find something washed up on the shore which they immediately realize is video evidence the Trust Fund Misfits shot before they disappeared.  What is going on?!

Cut to the police and a detective who mentions he’s going to retire in six months. Oh my god, is he going to die?  Now the police say they think there is a connection between the Glass Rose Killer and the Trust Fund Misfits.  Wait a minute. The killer mentioned at the beginning has a nickname? Or is this a totally different serial killer?

This movie is so disjointed. Characters appear out of nowhere with unknown motivation and no information about how they relate to other characters or other scenes that have occurred.  You’re constantly asking “who are these people” or “is Trust Fund Misfits an ironic name?” Scenes jump from place to place with people you’ve never seen before and have no idea how they are related to characters  already in the story.  Some of the acting is questionable at best. The audio usually sounds like the it was recorded in the room rather than ADR. So it either has an echo, is almost too low to hear, or there is ambient noise. 

If you can embrace the confusion, it can be amusing to have no idea what is happening. They use the Wilhelm scream at one point which made me laugh.

Argh! The expression came out of nowhere

I’m sure he’s perfectly trustworthy. 

The chief considering telling them to turn in their badges

She looks angry in every scene

Matching bandages and looking kind of AI

The Deadly Little Mermaid (2026)

This town has a problem. Mermaids roam the beaches at night, bewitching men and eating them.  You’d think the number of disappearances and deaths would alert the locals, but they don’t seem to know there is an issue.  There is talk of siren songs, but no one is suggesting getting rid of these murderous creatures of the sea. 

Tyler spends his days painting and missing his family. He has dreams of running towards the ocean holding a child’s shoe. So I assume his child drowned.  His friend Rose is concerned about his isolation because she’s his closest neighbor for miles.  This becomes a  confusing plot point when it is revealed he lives downtown. We can see people walking by the front door as she talks to him, and there are shops and homes along the lane.

One night Tyler finds an injured woman on the beach and brings her back to his house.  He promises to help her, but she doesn’t talk since she’s using her siren song to keep him under control. 

Some old friends come into town and Tyler rents a house to them. When one of them disappears, they ask Tyler if their missing friend is with him, but he acts weird and won’t let them in.  One looks through the window and becomes alarmed when he sees the mermaid.  If I looked in an artist's window and saw a mermaid, I’d think someone was posing for a painting.  Inexplicably the mermaid can paint.

Things keep going off the rails and Rose tries to save Tyler because she is a witch. Yes, there is also witchcraft in the village, which is also not mentioned as a cause for concern. People should just stay out of this town, what with the roving band of killer mermaids and the inconspicuous witches.

Ridiculous dialogue

I’m just your neighbor. The closet one for miles anywhere.

More concerned about keeping his cap at a jaunty angle

Boom mic alert

Poor Tyler’s home is so isolated he has no neighbors for miles. 

No one shall notice the mermaid hiding in the grass

House on Haunted Hill (2026)

Ava gets invited to her late uncle’s estate. She brings her boyfriend and three friends to spend the weekend on the island.  When they arrive, they are met by caretaker Frank who warns them to stay out of the woods and off the west side of the island.  Do they listen? Of course not.

I honestly can’t remember much about this movie.  

Ridiculous dialogue

Woman: So Ava, were you and your uncle close?

Ava: Yeah um he used to visit when I was a kid but I haven’t seen him in years. 

Corpse Sniper (2019)

After her husband dies and his body disappears, a military widow decides to investigate what happened. This culminates in her discovery of a government facility with a secret project where corpses are turned into indestructible soldiers. What could be better than an army that can’t be stopped by bullets?  

The military facility proves to have the worst security ever since a housewife manages to sneak in and locate the lab where they are changing corpses into super soldiers. 

Based on the special effects and video quality I thought this must be an older movie. However when I looked it up, it was made in 2019.  The plot is right out of the 1990s though.

Ridiculous dialogue

Dead soldier bodies have been disappearing from the Army morgue for two years. 

Simon Says 2 (2025)

One year after the disappearances in the first film, reporter Sally and her camera crew bring the sole survivor back to the castle. They want to make a documentary about the story, investigate what really happened and see if his claims are true. 

There’s a lot of talking and not much action. They determine the only way they can verify if his tale is true is play the game.  The problem is they never consider the consequences if the story is accurate.  Soon people are getting sucked into the red realm and everyone regrets they didn’t pick another topic for their documentary.

Another British low budget movie with low budget actors.

Aladdin’s Revenge (2026)

Rachel, the only survivor from the previous movie, is attending Healing Horizons treatment center. A facilitator plans to work with her and two other patients. The treatment is to accept and move on from their traumatic experiences. Rachel was found innocent of any wrong doing in the deaths of her friends, but the court ordered her to go here which seems kind of weird.

The treatment forces them to talk about what happened to them. Rachel says no but is told it’s a requirement. She reluctantly tells them the story of the evil lamp she had to destroy and everyone rolls their eyes.

When the facilitator checks Rachel’s room, she scolds her for bringing an object that is not on the approved list. Rachel is horrified to discover it’s the same lamp she burned.  The facilitator is angry, but the other survivors want to use it. Rachel frantically warns them that’s how her friends died, but they are not to be dissuaded.  Leo is an idiot and brings his brother back from the dead. Everything goes down hill from there.

I had no idea this was a sequel so watched it before I watched Aladdin. The beginning is kind of confusing since they have some assumption you’ll know who the main character is, but overall it’ s not a big deal if you skip the first one since they recap the main points in this one.  

Ridiculous dialogue

You ever hear tires scream? I mean really hear them?

You’re Rachel? The girl who killed her friends?

Rachel: The lamp is cursed. We can’t use it.

Leo: Says who?

Nora: Yeah, what happens if we use it to make good wishes?

Aladdin (2026)

Rachel’s boyfriend Jake takes her on vacation where they’re renting a large house with another couple. There is talk Rachel has a problem but twenty minutes in, I still have no idea what it is or what is going on. 

After picking a bedroom, Rachel is alarmed to find a genie lamp. Instead of putting it where she can’t see it, she sets it next to her bed. Well, it can’t be that upsetting.  However she swings back to unnerved when the other woman in the house grabs it. Pick a lane, Rachel.

Legend says a priest sealed Aladdin inside and hid the lamp. Since they found it sitting under the sink, I guess he wasn’t good at hiding things. The lamp has three wishes and when you use one, magic will reveal who you truly are and impact how the wish is implemented.  Every greedy gut in this movie has no self awareness.

As the movie progresses, we find out Rachel has megalophobia, an irrational fear of exceptionally large objects.  It doesn’t seem like Jake is a great boyfriend since he brought her to a large house with large rooms. 

He confirms he’s a terrible partner with the secret he’s keeping.  He plans to leave Rachel after this weekend and blames her phobia. He mentions the last straw was he got tickets to a ballgame for his birthday, and her phobia ruined it because they needed to leave.  Maybe don’t bring someone with fear of large objects to a stadium that is exceptionally large.  Jake basically ruined his own birthday.

As to be expected, people can’t resist making wishes and each person turns out to be a horrible person so their wish goes terribly wrong.  

Ridiculous dialogue

Let’s think about this shit, ok? Alright. What if… to undo all this fucking shit is through this lamp, alright? Because if we destroy it, we don’t change anything, right? Think about it, right? Okay. So if the lamp got us in this mess in the first place, maybe it will get us out, huh? Just think about it. Yeah?

Welsh Ghost Story (2025)

Four students intend to do a paranormal investigation at a farm where the owner was murdered.  They’ve done no research but have trucked in a ton of tea candles.  They keep talking about being inconspicuous so as not to attract attention.  Yet they turn on the lights in every room, and use the dishes, glassware, and stove.  They brought food, drink, plus their pajamas and toothbrushes because they are staying overnight.  They even sleep in the beds.  

I’m so confused. Did someone let them in? If so, why are they so afraid of being seen. When they hear someone outside, they quickly blow out the candles. Later it is confirmed they do not have permission to be there which makes bringing pajamas even more confusing.

The next night there is a knock on the door. Again they shut off the lights. Have you ever been outside someone’s house at night when they shut off the lights? It’s pretty damn obvious.  

A voice outside says it’s a pizza delivery.  When they don’t answer, the driver leaves the pizza outside.  There are four pizzas.  Jack decides to eat them. When he’s done, they see a note on the bottom of a box telling them to leave. Whoever wrote that note is an idiot because the only way to see that is to finish the pizza and hold the box up at such an angle that someone else can see the bottom of it. 

The next day Jack is sick from eating four large pizza’s. They can’t leave because he is the only one who drives.  Everyone is ready to go, especially after realizing their friend Willow looks exactly like the murdered woman. Yes, let’s bring a doppelgänger into the haunted house. That might explain why this weird stuff is happening.

This is another of the low budget British horror movies with low budget actors you’ve seen in other questionable movies. One of the characters wears a hat, which is an odd choice since it makes her look like a conehead.  It turns out to be from her hairstyle, but it’s really disconcerting to see.

This character should not have been given a hat

Blowing out the candles to hide but the lights are on

The lack of stealth by holding a flashlight in the window

Sleeping in the abandoned house under the covers

The nice clean kitchen with all the gadgets they could ask for

Quid Games (2023)

A bunch of college students who went to high school together receive texts about a party at the abandoned factory. None of them can figure out who the text is from, but sure let’s go. 

When they arrive, three silent weirdos in masks give them complimentary shots.  Logan chugs his down but the others are a bit wary before taking theirs.  

The masked people usher them into the building to the basement. There are no decorations, no food, no bar and no other people. There are only lights, some music and some construction debris on the ground.  No one is as suspicious as they should be. 

Eventually they are gassed and wake up to a voice on a loud speaker forcing them to play musical chairs.  The loser is shot with a dart filled with a toxin and dies. 

Thus begins the saga of being force to play kids games, with losers being permanently eliminated.  Everyone tries to think of people they hurt in high school who may want revenge. Some of the guys also bullied people in college.  There are flashbacks to the bullying, which make you understand the desire for  revenge. 

No reason to name this quid games other than to try to poach viewers who are confused or mistype the name of what they want actually want to watch. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Student: What do we do?

Tyler: I don’t fucking know.  We go to community college. I don’t know shit about shit. 

These kids and their eating cereal on their Zoom calls

Nothing suspicious about three masked strangers
dressed in black offering you shots

This is the party but they aren’t concerned yet

A room filled with lumber is the perfect place for hopscotch

Simon Says (2025)

Clara travels to a castle for the weekend to meet the man she’s been dating.  When she arrives, she goes inside and wanders around where she stumbles upon Dina, who is also there to meet a man she’s been dating. It’s the same man.

Shortly afterwards, Sam and Tony show up and they conclude they have all been catfished.  Dina wants to take revenge, but Clara just wants to leave.  When they find a dining table with place cards set for each, Dina sits down to eat.  Im sure it’s fine to eat the unappealing room temperature spaghetti and marinara that has been sitting out for hours. 

After dinner, they discover the man who invited them is in the castle. He informs them he loves them all and is not sure which one to choose.  That’s should be an automatic pass but he offers them his home.

They need to play a game to determine the winner and that person will get the castle with no strings attached. Clara is skeptical, but Dina wants the castle.  They are informed the game only works if all four stay. Dina says she is her own person and does what she wants, while simultaneously not letting Clara be her own person and do what she wants. 

The game is Simon Says, but it’s a board game where they draw cards that end up being specific questions about their secrets. Those who don’t answer truthfully within the time limit are sucked into a red realm within the castle and stalked by Simon. There are others in the realm who previously played the game and are still trying to hide.

This is a rough one to get through.  Dina is obnoxious, nasty and throws something at Clara when she says something she doesn’t like. Tony seems like he’s the worst lawyer ever since he says the contract to win the castle checks out after only briefly skimming the document. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Clara: The front door is locked.

Sam: Back door, too

Dina: What do you mean locked?

Dina: Tony, check that document. Make sure everything’s correct.

Tony: Give me a few minutes. Legal stuff is my forte.

Clara: I think we should leave.

Tony: Why?

Clara: Because none of this is right.

Dina: I’m interested to see where this is going.

Rumplestiltskin (2025)

Tim and Emma move into a new house and find a sewing machine with a huge basket of yarn.  Did they not do a walk through? Usually that stuff needs to be cleaned up before you move in.

Emma wants the clutter out of the house so Tim gets rid of it. The next day, Emma angrily tells Tim he was supposed to get rid of everything. Tim is confused since he already did.  

As he’s getting rid of it a second time, he notices a mask in the yarn basket. When he puts it on, he’s possessed and morphs into Rumpelstiltskin. Well his head does but his body is basically the same.

Strange things start happening. There is an attack nearby attributed to a bear, even though the rangers says it’s rare for bears to be nearby.  Emma sees a man down by the road and then he disappears.  Plus Tim is acting like a jerk. 

If you’re looking for excitement, you won’t find it here. It’s a low budget movie with awkward acting that will make you audibly exhale. None of the characters are particularly likable and Emma is annoying as hell.

Ridiculous dialogue

You’re not even showing. [Emma is only eight weeks pregnant]

Well that’s awkward

the creature enjoying his sewing machine

And scene. No notes.

Ghost Dance (1982)

After archaeologists dig up his remains, the spirt of a warrior seeks revenge by possessing a local medicine man and killing people. 

The dig is sponsored by the local university and the body is being studied by two professors.   One night Kay is followed by a man whose face looks like the face of the corpse. She’s upset and looks to her boyfriend for comfort.   Tom thinks her mind is playing tricks on her due to stress. Silly woman. 

When people at the museum are murdered, Kay becomes convinced it is the spirit of the man whose body is in the lab. She is worried she’ll be next, which she should be since the killer is roaming the museum and campus looking for her.

This is a slow moving but kind of neat slasher where warnings are ignored and women are not taken seriously.

Ridiculous dialogue

Kay: I’m telling you, he was here.

Tom: Sure, he was there. And it doesn’t matter if he was actually there or not. Because either way he was real enough to almost get you killed

It looks like the photo was pasted onto the page

Terror in the Woods (2018)

Rachel’s parents are getting divorced so she ends up in a new school. She meets Kaitlyn, a strange girl with an imaginary friend and a belief in dragons.  Kaitlyn’s best friend is Emily, but soon Rachel and Kaitlyn distance themselves from her. She believes in fairies and wears fairy costumes. Kaitlyn thinks that’s baby stuff, even though she believes in dragons and has an imaginary friend.

Soon Rachel and Emily get into darker things, like a viral web site with a story about a monster called Suzerain.  They believe this creature lives in a palace in the forest and they need to sacrifice someone to it. Emily is the perfect target since she’s so embarrassing with her fairy wings.

Rachel’s mother is a loose cannon. She cheated on her husband and abandoned her family, yet she is angry that he doesn’t want to get back together. She’s also upset that she’ll have to pay child support even thought Rachel doesn’t live with her. 

This is a Lifetime movie based on the Slenderman killings.  It’s pretty light weight, but still disturbing to see two little kids target their poor innocent friend dressed as a fairy.  Good grief.

Freddy’s Friday (2023)

An escort is brought down an alley and into a basement. The guy and the room are pretty creepy. But not as creepy as the book she picks up that appeared to be made out of skin and has a blinking eye on the cover. Somehow she overlooks both.

She ends up being the sixth girl to go missing in six weeks, but the police don’t take it seriously. The chief even blames the missing woman for either shooting up or dating the wrong guy.  When police woman Lila mentions the previous five women were found dead, the chief look sheepish but still dismisses her concern. 

Lila decides to investigate the case and enlists the help of her best friend who is not in law enforcement, but is better at online research.  This culminates with Lila going to a private club pretending to be a member and reading out loud from the skin covered book. Oh hell no!

While her heart is in the right place, she’s a terrible cop. She takes evidence from the crime scene. She partners with her friend and they work independently of the police. When someone is murdered,  she’s too tired to call it in and decides to wait until the next day to tell the chief.  Good grief.  

This is a rough one to get through. The most interesting thing is one of the four creatures called forth when reading from the book uses the costume from the Humpty Dumpty horror movies.

Ridiculous dialogue 

Shouldn’t we call your boss or something, especially since there’s been a murder?

The Humpty Dumpty costume

Oz (2024)

Dorothy hates herself, has an eating disorder and can’t roller blade.  She meets a creepy clown who invites her to a theater to see a magician.  When she is called up on stage, the magician drugs her and stuffs her into a box which takes her to Oz. There she is told to follow Bones Road.  

I could not get through this.  It was made in Brazil and sometimes the accents are hard to understand.  I put on the subtitles to help understand but sometimes it says musician instead of magician. 

Ridiculous dialogue

A scarecrow? Are you a weirdo who also thinks you’re not? 

There’s a lot computer generated scenery