Sunday, February 14, 2021

Rise of the Scarecrow (2017)


Officer Brown is the new deputy in town. He used to work in the big city.  We know this because it comes up in almost every scene.  It’s not clear why the sheriff needed a deputy.  The police station is so small that Brown has a desk in the sheriffs office. And while there seems to be an abnormally high death rate in town, the sheriff writes them all off as accidents. 

In a soon to be intersecting story line, three friends go on a road trip to cheer up one whose wife has left him. Loser Carlos says they’re going to have a good time, while simultaneously insulting his friends car, wife and anything else that gets in his eyesight.  Carlos is so endearing that when they stop by a farm stand, he makes fun of the farmers stutter, destroys his stand, steals product, and then goes back to pelt the guy with the produce he stole from him. Good times.

When their car breaks down in the small town, the sheriff advises them to camp in the woods since there are no mechanics open on Sundays. So the three friends tromp into the middle of the woods with nothing but the clothes on their backs.  As they’re thinking this spot on the ground looks good, a stranger pops out from behind a tree and tells them to leave because there are killer scarecrows that stalk the land. Granted it’s not something you’d believe, but one of the guys has already seen a scarecrow and that’s pretty weird.

Legend has it eight years ago some construction workers disappeared  The rumor is the sheriff murdered them and buried them in the woods. Now they rise as scarecrows and walk the land killing tourists. I have no idea why they would want to do that, but okay. Also no one shall ask why construction workers would come back as scarecrows.

Can Brown figure out what’s really going on? Will the remaining two guys ever get their car fixed so they can leave town? And is it wrong that I wholeheartedly hope Carlos gets murdered by a scarecrow or his friends punch him in the throat and leave him by the side of the road? 

This is very low budget filmmaking. It’s like your friends got a camera, made a movie and your friends can’t act.  It appears the on camera mic was used since when characters are far away, you can’t hear them talking.  In multiple scenes in the police department, scripts are seen on the desks.  And continuity is thrown out the window when Brown resigns and leaves his badge on the Sheriffs desk.  Then in the next scene, his badge is back on his shirt.

And if you like movies that hate women, multiple characters abuse their girlfriends and the song over the credits is incredibly misogynistic. Yeah, we get it. She did you wrong and broke your heart.  But there’s a difference between heartbreak and misogyny. You can write a scathing song about your ex without being sexist.

So many questions. Why do the construction workers come back as scarecrows?  Why did the sheriff hire Brown when the only crime that seems to occur in town is the one the sheriff is involved in? How does the Sheriff control the scarecrows? When the guys were told it would take a week to get someone to look at their car, why didn’t they call a friend to come pick them up? How is the domestic abusers wife still alive when he goes into the woods? It looked like he murdered her in an earlier scene. Why are the scarecrows overweight? Were the two people dancing in the background at the camp ground supposed to be in the film or did the director not notice they were there while filming? And most importantly, why would anyone ever be friends with Carlos?


Ridiculous dialogue:

I think I just saw a scarecrow but it walked away. It’s a dude dressed as a scarecrow. Why would someone dress that way? 

There’s a force here and it’s killing anyone who’s stupid enough to be here after dark.

The construction workers came back as scarecrows.

There are bitches everywhere. It’s Massachusetts.

Sorry about that. You know women, Can’t kill em, haha.

If your friend is dead, he’ll be dead when I’m finished reading my paper too.

Office Brown: Right now we have the element of surprise. The sheriff is not expecting us.
Sheriff (when they arrive) “Officer Brown, I’ve been expecting you.”


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