The Selfie Man (2018)

Aka Selfie From Hell

Hannah’s cousin Julia arrives for a visit. Next thing you know, there’s a scream from upstairs and Hannah finds Julie unconscious on the floor. A doctor says she has a bad infection, but she’ll be fine since she’s young and healthy.  Is she? I can’t tell if Julie is 25 or 45.

Hannah leaves Julie to get some rest. Later she gets several texts from Julie, but when Hannah pops in to see her, Julie isn’t moving. She’s still out cold.  While Hannah is mystified how this happened, she’s not concerned that Julie hasn’t moved or been awake for two days.

With weird things happening, Hannah discovers Julie has been on the dark web and enlists the help of her coworker Trevor to track down what Julie was doing. Trevor tells Hannah not to give out any personal info. Nothing. Nada. Don’t tell them anything and he’s not kidding. 

The first thing Hannah does to get into a chat room after being told her answers are fake, is give real answers to three questions. . Seriously Hannah, how would they know your darkest desire and deepest fear?  She didn’t read Trevor’s entire email before diving in, so she doesn’t realize until later people will try to trick you into giving them information. 

As you’d expect, things do not go well for Hannah, who also gives out her email, clicks on a link which gives them access to her laptop camera, and later gives out her phone number.  When Trevor discovers she’s already been on a certain chat page he discovered Julie went to, he’s alarmed and asks if she gave out personal info. Hannah, looking like a deer in the headlights, says no.   Good god woman, tell him. Maybe he can find a way to help you.  Nothing good can come from any of this.  

Dialogue from people who shouldn’t go into chat rooms:

You’re going to have to drink some water if you want to get better.

The dark net is not a playground. Do not give your email or any personal info away. I’m not kidding.

You didn’t give any personal info away, did you?

Julie is one of those people where you can’t tell if she’s in
college, or she’s the mother of a college student.

Doctors in this town make house calls?

Hannah is about to give out her email. Also I thought his name
was random generated, but it’s supposed to be Feareater.

Trevor and Hannah are quite close online, but have never
met even though they work at the same place.

Dead List (2018)

Cal is reading for a small role in a major movie and is up against the same guys he always sees at castings. When Cal arrives late, Scott tries to sabotage him by saying they’ve already called his name.  They have not. But Cal’s reading doesn’t go well and he makes it worse by asking the casting agent to dinner to discuss the role.

On the way home, a giggling book slams into Cal’s windshield. It’s leather bound with a strange symbol on the front. Cal thinks maybe he can get some money for it. When his roommate Trevor sees it, he insists they keep it and do a ritual to help Cal get the role. How does Trevor know about this book? No idea but as you’d expect, things go horribly wrong.

One of the issues with this movie is they introduce five or six characters in a few minutes and only tell us one general characteristic of each. Zander is a cheater. Scott is an asshole.  Bob quit drinking because he’s going to be a dad. Later when the characters appear without Cal, I wasn’t sure if they were the same characters since most only had a couple lines while essentially walking through the scene.   

Another issue is the time line.  Zander and Cal are at the audition. Then it cuts to a guy in his car at night, who turns out to be Zander. Okay so there has been a passage of time, right? Wrong because we later see Cal getting out of his audition and it’s still light. So what is going on? Plus Cal didn’t have the book and they hadn’t done the ritual yet.

Dialogue from a bunch of actors

Hey this isn’t funny. Ha ha, joke’s over.

All you do is take jobs from me.

You know how I like to make people look like assholes.

I am never cheating again.

Tell me there is no lighting without telling me there is no lighting.

Cal accuses Trevor of stealing his jobs, but
maybe Cal isn’t a very good actor.

No movie, no! You do not put ideas from a
better movie in your movie.

People are not as alarmed as they should be when
this shows up on their bodies.

Do radios actually have text that says emergency alert?

Impractical faces of death

The graphics department at the news station phoned it in.

He looks like he’s got a bad burn.

Just watch Death Note instead.

The Haunting of Margam Castle (2020)

Professors Annie and Daniel do parapsychology experiments at NYU.  The Dean says their budget will be slashed unless they can get some exciting research for their investors.  Wait, NYU has investors?  

The Dean decides to send them to Wales to do research in Margam Castle, which is supposed to have tons of paranormal activity.  You’d think Annie would be excited to have an all expense paid trip overseas to investigate her field of study, but you’d be wrong.  Annie says it’s a shitty assignment.  Annie is never happy.

The group consists of Daniel, Annie and two students who - based on their interactions at the beginning of the film - don’t have much of an understanding about their work.  The trip to the manor involves a stop at a pub, a lengthy discussion of Welsh Rarebit, multiple warnings to stay out of the castle, and an older man who unexpectedly shows up with a psychic.

They arrive after dark and set up their equipment. They are the only ones surprised when the most haunted location turns out to be haunted.  

So many questions. Did they eat while in the pub? After ordering, they were warned not to go to the castle. The next scene shows them walking out and receiving a second warning.  Why do they think Lidia will go back to town to get help? She doesn’t even know they are in trouble and would just think she was locked out. Does anyone really stab a microwave dinner ten times to vent it? Why didn’t anyone catch that Annie’s apartment has UK outlets, even though she hasn’t left for the UK yet? Why is there a five minute explanation of what Welsh Rarebit is? Sure it’s delicious but you’d expect they’d show them eating based on the time they spent on it and since the characters don’t know what it is, maybe viewers won’t either. Why did they need to add the pee sounds to Lidia’s bathroom scene? And when she discovered the words “get out” on the mirror, did anyone else immediately think, the bathroom or the manor?

While the location is cool and the movie looks good, the acting leaves much to be desired. Everyone’s tone was flat, no matter what happened.  Annie is unsympathetic. I’m unsure if it was the actors choice how to play it, or they told her to be angry about everything.  

Ridiculous dialogue that gives parapsychologists a bad name:

Hugh: Oh my god.

Daniel:  What?

Hugh: Necronomicon

Daniel:  Is that supposed to mean something to us? 

Annie:  You need to look the part of a parapsychologist when we go over there. Maybe…. Get a haircut.

The best part of the movie is the location.

It’s crazy anyone could be rich enough to live here.

Yes, it’s sensational but if something is going on there,
potentially you could document it for research..

Wait, why are there UK outlets in Annie’s NY apartment?

Annie’s typical response to anything someone says.

Annie’s apartment is really dark in the daytime. And what is  
in the spotlight on the table? I thought it was her dinner but she’s
got a microwave meal.

The Ghost Mountaineer (2015)

A group of students in Estonia decide to hike into the mountains during winter to look for geological specimens, specially nephrite.  They’ve never hiked together before and the two biology students are only there because they needed two more people for the trip.

As the group gets further into the mountains, there are some personality conflicts. Also they seem to be off course. They wonder if their leader is reading the map incorrectly or they have an inaccurate map.   

When he group splits up, one of the guys ends up caught in an avalanche.  The leader is nowhere to be seen leader and they’re unsure if he was hit by the avalanche or he decided to get away from the bickering and head to the closest town. It seems odd that he would leave since he has the tent. But after digging in the snow and finding nothing, the group heads toward town. Without a tent, it’s too cold to stay outside, and if their friend isn’t there, they can request help.  

The nearest town is run by the Soviets and is inhabited by villagers who put prayer flags up near a statue of Lenin.  The military leader, who is bitter at being stuck in a back water town, takes their passports since they have no proof they had permission to cross the border. He also accuses them of killing their friend.  

The rest of the movie is the hikers trying to figure out what happened to their friend and trying to survive their stay in town until the military will allow them to leave.  It’s based on a true story and the guy who made the movie was one of the people on the trip.  While there are some creepy things that happen, but I’m not sure if I’d really classify it as horror.  

A Deadly Legend (2020)

Watching this movie is like having amnesia.  Every time I saw it partially watched in my queue, I’d think, what is this? Did I really watch part of this? I would watch about 20 minutes at time. Later I’d start where I left off and have no idea who the people were or what was going on.  Then Lori Petty would pop up and I think, oh yeah, it’s that movie.

The story is about a town who decide to build on a piece of land that used to be owned by pagans where three hundred years ago a witch was thrown into the lake. Fifty years ago she came back to murder the family on the grounds. Why did she wait 250 years to exact revenge? And why doesn’t anyone take revenge on those that wronged hem, rather than random people in the future?

The town meeting is full of warnings and threats  about what could happen if they build, but the town council doesn’t care. Next thing you know there’s a back hoe on the property, a construction foreman who might sometimes be possessed, and Lori Petty stealing their beer while chewing the scenery at a level that is insane.

Judd Hirsch, Corbin Bernsen, and Lori Petty deserve better. Plus the cover looks like the type of thing you’d see on a really low budget movie shot on a camcorder.