Evil in the Woods (1986)

Billy checks out a library book called Evil in the Woods.  When he gets home, he goes to his bedroom and starts to read. A narrator starts telling us the tale of Mildew, GA which has been possessed by evil for 3000 years.  There’s a flashback to 1956 which is totally unnecessary and then we’re back to the present where a low budget film crew is making a movie called Bigfoot vs the Space Killers.

The film crew goes camping but keeps running into problems. Equipment doesn’t work or goes missing. People get in arguments and everything seems to go wrong. There is a Bigfoot and aliens in the movie, and hijinks ensue.

Also in the woods are a witch and her family of cannibals. What does a witch have to do with cannibalism? It’s never explained.  A young family comes to town and townsfolk come streaming out of nearby shops.  Someone says the family should be warned. But everyone is afraid and head back inside, leaving the poor family to the evil.  The family goes camping, the boy disappears, but the sheriff doesn’t seem that concerned about it. 

You’ll forget about Billy, the boy reading the book, until suddenly there’ll be a scene of him in his bedroom where something in the closet is trying to get out.  The narrator will pop up randomly and you’ll think, oh right there was a narrator in this film.  It’s really disjointed. Billy reads the whole book and it ends saying it’s a fractured fairytale.  

Who is Mr. P?

Danny’s not here, Mrs. Torrance

The library has an odd children’s section

Bigfoot alert

Why does Bigfoot have the face of a poodle?

Aliens

Brian is misspelled as Brain

Death Car on the Freeway (1979)

After two women are run off the freeway, new reporter Jan discovers similarities in the accidents and thinks it is the same man. In each incident, the women were planning to exit the freeway and pulled in front of a van. But the van prevented them from taking the off ramp and forced them off the road.  Both women said the van had tinted windows and they felt like the driver was trying to kill them.

Jan’s been separated from her news anchor boyfriend Ray for four months.  He misses her and wants her to move back in, but she’s not sure.  He thinks her little promotion from behind the camera to in front of it is cute.

Meanwhile the accidents are getting worse, nine women have died, and the killer has a nickname. He’s been dubbed the Freeway Fiddler because he plays bluegrass music at an insane volume when he drives women off the road.

Jan is fixated on this story and brings a profiler on the news who says the killer targets “reasonably attractive” women who have done a maneuver that causes him to target them, She believes the killer is emotionally stunted and unsure of his masculinity. Hoo boy, the maniac is not going to be happy to hear that conjecture.

Women are urged not to travel on the freeway unless absolutely necessary and not to be alone.  Yet here comes a women, driving by herself and inexplicably honking her horn repeatedly at the van in front of her. I have no idea why she’s honking. They’re in the middle of traffic. 

After more accidents and deaths, Jan does a report in which she partially blames the automobile industry for the deaths by making cars that can unnecessarily go over one hundred miles per hour.  The sponsors don’t like it and she’s fired. Stupid woman.  Ray tells her she’s destroyed her own career after being on her own for four months, so she should move back in with him.  He tells her she’s unemployable so she needs him. Ray sure knows how to sweet talk the ladies.

Jan tells him to get lost and when she gets a phone call about the identity of the killer, she heads out to investigate leaving me thinking it’s curtains for poor sweet Jan. 

This movie seems a bit long but it’s okay. My biggest question is why it’s called death car when the killer vehicle is a van. The movie stars Shelly Hack, George Hamilton, Peter Graves, and features scenes with Dinah Shore, Harriet Nelson, Frank Gorshin, and a bit part by Abe Vigoda.  It was directed by Hal Needham, a legendary stunt performer who was stunt coordinator on tons of movies and tv shows in the 70s.  

Ridiculous dialogue

Remember the Lynn Bernheimer happened almost six months ago. Her memory has to be hazy now.

The van trying to catch up to his prey

We don’t need no stinkin’ on ramp

Jan is on the case

The 8 track player gets some air time 

Why is she honking at the van? He’s not doing anything.