Mega Lightning (2023)

There’s a storm a-coming, and it’s going to be a big one, which makes it the perfect time for…a home invasion?  Three robbers go to a rich couples home where there are no alarms on the doors or any surveillance outside. The house is supposed to be empty, but the couple are home.  They hear noises downstairs but don’t call the police because they’re on vacation. It makes zero sense.

The robbers hear noises upstairs. Do they run? Hide? Nope, they take their masks off and decide assault will be added to their list of charges. 

Meanwhile two couples take a long weekend together.  The women are sisters and one’s boyfriend is an abuser. He’s completely comfortable being abusive in front of the others and doesn’t want to hear any nonsense about it.

More new characters are introduced.  An older woman and a young man who might be her Uber driver are in a car crash. She looks in the passenger window at the injured driver and walks off.  Oddly enough it doesn’t seem like she is supposed to be unlikeable.

Forty seven minutes in and other than the car crash, there isn’t much mega lightning.  The sisters went to their vacation house without enough fuel to get home.  Who does that? They remember their mother said the tech millionaire she works for is on holiday so they’re going to head to his house. Not sure that makes sense since if he’s not home, how would that help? All the characters end up in the same house, there are murders, everyone is an idiot, and people keep screaming when they should be hiding from the robbers.

In the end, the death total is lightning 3, murder 2 and car crash 1.

Ridiculous dialogue

Debra: Why don’t we just call the police?

Richard: Because we’re on vacation. I don’t want to make a thing of it.

the computer on the beach

The face aerobics of conveying terror

Toxic Zombies (1980)

Two agents disappear while investigating pot grown on federal property.  The Feds think they’ve probably been murdered. So they decide to crop dust the fields using Dromax, a new untested, unapproved herbicide.

The pot farmers in the fields end up covered in chemicals and run back to their campsite. Those at the camp are concerned and try to help. But the chemicals they’re coated in turn them into zombies. Once they’ve killed their friends, they wander off to attack random campers in the woods.

The local Sheriff is told not to go into the woods due to flooding. He hasn’t heard of any flooding and suspects they’ve discovered he’s going on a fishing trip.  He heads into the woods and ends up tangling with the zombies.

This is a low budget film with acting like something you’d see in community theater. It’s kind of boring and sometimes fun. I do love how calling someone a turkey was an insult. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Those turkeys want to keep me from fishing every three months, they should come right out and say so.

I still can’t figure out how those turkeys in Washington got word of my fishing routine.

The police cheif and the 8x10 glossy on his office wall

Dusting the pot farmers with an experimental chemical

Ooooo that’s good Dromax

Alligator 2: The Mutation (1991)

Rich business man Vinny Brown dumps toxic chemicals into the sewer. Soon a little alligator has grown to gargantuan proportions and developed a taste for human blood. Good cop David Hodges - not the same David who is the main character in Alligator - is called in to investigate after two fisherman go missing.  When a leg is found, the damage seems to be from a gator attack.  

Hodges becomes convinced this is no ordinary alligator.  He urges the mayor to cancel the carnival that Brown is sponsoring on the lake, but the mayor refuses.   After Hodges and a rookie see the giant gator in the sewer, the police ask Brown to cancel the carnival. He refuses, but instead brings in a noted hunter to dispatch the gator. It does not go well.

Even though the mayor keeps the gator sightings under wraps, hardly anyone goes to them carnival. Brown urges the DJ who’s broadcasting live to announce food, rides and booths are now free.  I’m not sure how that will help him, but at least the happy gator smacks his mouth in glee. 

This is not as good as the first movie.  It’s odd that the main characters in both movies are named David. At first I thought it was the same character but they couldn’t get the first actor.

Ridiculous dialogue

I understand that you’re professionals, but this is not a professional alligator.

So rich people have wrestling matches at their parties

The professional hunters

How did he miss the huge pile of dirt in the road?

Why is no one at the carnival?

The alligator heads towards the fun

Snap attack!

Alligator (1980)

A family on vacation buys their little girl a baby alligator, which is odd since they just watched a man get mauled at a gator exhibition.  Later at home, the father angrily flushes the baby gator down the toilet for no discernible reason. 

Twelve years later, we see a local pet store owner supplying dogs to a laboratory doing genetic experiments. When the dogs die, the lab gives the bodies back to the owner who is responsible for disposing of them.  He does this by going into the sewer and dropping them over a railing into the runoff.  This is unfortunate since the chemical laden corpses have been feeding the now giant gator flushed so many years ago.

The police are called when human body parts are found in the sewer. David and his partner investigate, but their exploration goes badly when only David makes it out.  His boss is skeptical about the giant alligator living in the sewers, but they agree to do a sweep. Nothing is found and David is eventually fired.

He continues to work on solving this issue because he knows it’s only a matter of time before more people die.  He doesn’t need to wait long to be vindicated when the gator breaks up through the sidewalk while kids play ball in the street.  And when the evil guy who owns the lab throws a huge party, well you just know that gator is going to make an appearance.

It’s entertaining enough and features a number of recognizable actors.

Amusing dialogue

David: How did I get here?

Nurse: Well you just popped out of a manhole on Campbell Street and started yelling “Alligator!”

Nothing better than night baseball

Gator breaking through the sidewalk