Friday, February 2, 2007

Silent Trigger (1996)

Sunken-eyed, living-dead, Frankenstein-y Dolph Lundgren is an assassin who refuses to kill a lady politician because his shot is obscured by the baby she's holding up to the crowd. Dolph's female partner shows a complete lack of skill and knowledge in their profession, which makes one wonder how she ever got this job.

Amid a myriad of flashbacks -which could have been left out and it wouldn't have mattered - they are paired together for a mission based out of a semi-constructed highrise manned by Frick and Frack security guards. But most of the movie revolves around Dolph and the girl, how Dolph failed the last mission, and the coked up security guard who is hallucinating spiders.

Long scenes of talking will lull you into a stupor, as music that sounds like OMD plays annoyingly in the background and you find yourself wondering when the gang from Pretty in Pink is going to show up. The movie unintentionally dates itself by having Dolph listening to crappy music on a Discman. Then it smacks you upside the head with the dvd's "special features" which consist of a director and cast filmography. Hogwash!! Ain't nothing special about that.

The special features alone are enough to make you kick the dvd across the room, through the widow, and into the street where it is hit by a passing car. What can I say? Horrible. Annoying. Nonsense. Yup, that about sums it up. Oh yeah... I did learn that if you're a politician who doesn't want to be assassinated, you should wear a coat made out of babies. Even a professional assassin won't shoot a person covered in babies.

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