Wedding Slashers (2006)

Jenna dreams of getting married, but she's afraid to commit as everyone she loves ends up dead. When Alex proposes, Jenna agrees although she questions whether it is a good idea. At the church, Jenna starts getting excited as the wedding is only one hour away and nothing bad has happened yet. Then out the window of the church she spies a large man in a mask carrying a knife.

Seems Jenna lied about her past as everyone thought her family was dead. In reality, they are an inbred hillbilly clan who have been looking for Jenna since she ran away. People marry within the family and she is promised to her cousin. So anyone who Jenna gets attached to is promptly eliminated.

Jenna gives her cellphone to her bridesmaid, tells her to get out, and asks her to tell everyone the wedding is canceled. The bridesmaid makes the calls from her car until a hillbilly kills a member of the wedding party on the hood of her car. So does she drive off to save herself and get help for those in the church? Nope. She gets out of the car and runs into the woods at the urging of the person she's speaking to on Jenna's cell phone. Good god, no sense of self preservation with that girl. Then we get to thrill to her in high heels slowly picking her way up the dirt path on a hill while an overweight hillbilly in a mask tries to catch up to her.

When I watched the trailer, I knew this would be bad, but there was some really bad acting so I thought it might be funny. No such luck. This is just ridiculous, although I was happy to see Richard Lynch even though I wish he'd had better material.

Stupidest line-

"If you ever doubt my love for you, just remember I sank a meat cleaver into the neck of a guy I've known since 5th grade so he wouldn't take you from me." - Alex

The worst part about that line? It was uttered without any emotion. Plus he really didn't need to kill his friend, he could have hit him over the head to knock him out. And why the hell does a church have a meat cleaver just sitting on a counter?

The trailer has lots of people running from the church and people inside screaming. But neither of those scenes are in the movie. Only the wedding party had shown up at the church.

There is a long pointless scene of two hillbillys arguing about an inane topic. Later we get the same from two different hillbillys. This just serves to pad the film and provide a way for Alex to sneak up on them.

The hillbillys end up in a cabin at the end, which begs the question if you've run away from your hillbilly family, why would you get married at a church within walking distance of their cabin? Also why would you let your picture be taken and put in the paper for your engagement? You can say no. Not everyone does it.

Also why doesn't anyone have a cell phone? The only characters who have them are ones where it is convenient to the plot. And when they hide in the church, no one looks for a phone to call 911. Since they hole up in the church during the day, and don't leave the church until after dark, you'd think at some point, one of them would have decided to look for a phone.