Flight 666 (2018)

 

Flight 666 is the story of ghosts who don’t care if they traumatize a plane full of people to get back at the serial killer who murdered them.  Is there any reason they couldn’t have gotten this guy on the ground? If they can travel in a plane, they sure as hell have powers that could allow them to exact revenge at a time other than when he’s with a large group of innocent people.

There is a storm following the plane, which I guess is of the ghosts making. But then the ghosts themselves start popping up on the wing or in the bathroom.  We’ve got one guy doing a low rent version of William Shatner’s famous Twilight Zone, “There’s a man on the wing of the plane” episode.  There is no comparison.

Then we’ve got a stewardess with bad interpersonal skills, a woman who is hearing messages from the ghosts, a guy who didn’t bring his medication in his carry on eve though it seems to something that will keep him from panicking on an airplane, and an air Marshall who shoves a handful of random pills down the guys throat when he freaks the hell out.

So many ridiculous things and so little space in the plane.  It’s not good.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Listen up! I need everyone to keep their head on their shoulders! - Air Marshall

Air Marshall - Do you have anything to calm him down?

Stewardess - Yes but we’ve never given it to someone.

Pilot 1- Everything okay back there?

Plot 2 — Yeah, Alice was just checking in

What is ridiculous about this is that Pilot 2 didn’t have a headset on so Pilot one could hear both sides of the conversation.

Savageland (2015)

After an entire town is massacred, the lone survivor Francisco Salazar is arrested for the murders.  The police say he killed everyone even though he had his camera and took photos which show others committing the carnage.  

So why is Salazar accused without any real proof? Is it racism? The sheriff is white and Salazar is a Mexican immigrant.  Do they need someone to blame and he’s the only one alive? Is it pressure for a quick arrest? And why does the prosecution and sheriff ignore the roll of film Salazar shot?

The movie is done as if it’s a documentary.  The story is laid out by a narrator who takes us in chronological order to the different locations in town as he spells out what happened. There are maps of the town and a clear path of how the carnage occurred. 

There are interviews with people who knew Salazar and people who are angry at Salazar because they think he killed their family members.  There are photographers who comment on why someone would take photos of this carnage  - you want someone to know what happened.  Plus when you’re behind the camera, you feel indestructible, like nothing can touch you.  And we get to see Salazars photos in order of how they were shot which gives us a feel for things getting more and more out of hand.

This is a nicely done footage movie with an interesting story.  It was so well done that when I started watching it, I wasn’t sure if it was actually a documentary about something that really occurred. I had to google it to confirm if it was real or not.  That’s impressive because usually found footage movies are  obviously not real. It was the way they wove the interviews with the maps and photos. Plus the people seemed real rather than actors playing a role in a film.

The Canadoo (2016)

Five twenty somethings are chosen via email to compete for $50,000 in a reality tv show.  They are told to meet at a dock in a bayou area. Creepy hillbilllies pick them up in their boat and drop them off in the middle of the swamp.  

There is no one waiting to meet in them, not at the dock or where they’re dropped off, but they assume this is part of the show.  There is no food, supplies, or instructions. Just an old camcorder which they assume is to do their point of view shots.  Oddly enough, they ask no questions about how it’s going to be recharged, even though they made fun of one of the kids for bringing an iPod and not having a way to charge it.

It seems like these kids should be more suspicious. But then again, they were duped by an email. They haven’t met anyone or signed a contract.  The five characters are: small town girl who can only talk about her fiancé; weird loner who hopes to use the money to record a demo with his band; guy who lost his scholarship after blowing out his knee; shallow girl who wants to be famous; and arrogant buff guy who wants to be a model.

Thankfully one of them has some knowledge of how to make a fire and what’s safe to eat in nature.  The next morning, the weird loner is gone. Did he wander off? Did something sinister happen? Did he quit because he couldn’t take it?  And why isn’t anyone questioning their situation and how they are to claim that $50,000?

As you do when someone disappears and you’re in a creepy place, they split up to look for him.  People start dying, they find a cabin in the woods which has candles burning in it. They aren’t concerned about who might have been there and who might be coming back.  Then the hillbillies come a-calling.  Oh kids, stop looking for fame and money on reality shows.

Ridiculous dialogue

I used to do landscaping so I’ve had my shares of splinters.

Entity (2012)

Years ago, thirty four bodies were found in Russia and no one knows what happened. Russian Yuri takes a film crew and a psychic to the field where the bodies where found to investigate.  When they find the location, the psychic impresses everyone by asking what the building past the woods is. The building isn’t visible so they feel like they’ve done well in the psychic department.

It’s an abandoned prison which still has electricity, and is free from dust, dirt and cobwebs.  So is this place really abandoned or is it just poor filmmaking?  Our psychic quickly finds a spirit in one of the cells. She can hear the spirit talk, but it’s in Russian. So she asks questions and has the Russian interpret what she says for the spirit. On the surface it’s impressive, but the one flaw is that if the ghost answers only the non-Russian speaking psychic can hear her.  So she’s not going to get any information from that ghost.

Yuri seems to have knowledge of the prison, which makes one wonder why he’s asking them to invesigate. Then David disappears.  I have no idea who David is, uhhh absolutely no idea.  So either I’m not paying enough attention or he’s too boring to remember.

As usual, when people find spirits in abandoned prisons when there have been bodies found nearby, things go horribly wrong. It’s another middle of the road found footage movie. Nothing that interesting, but not the worst thing you’ll ever see either.

Here Comes Hell (2019)

Texan George goes to England to visit Victor who’s just bought an old mansion that used to be owned by an occultist.  Tennis player Freddie brings along his new girlfriend Elizabeth who is not up to the standards of this rich group of friends, especially Victors sister Christine who used to date Freddie.  

The group discuss snooty rich people things until after dinner when Victor announces he has a surprise. They are going to have a psychic hold a seance.  While not everyone is keen on the idea, eventually they start the entertainment which quickly turns into a nightmare.

At ten minutes into this film, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue. It’s based on the old dinner party and haunted house movies of the 1930s and 1940s.  However the contrast of the film makes it seem like a modern color film that’s had the color removed. I don’t now if that’s what they did or if it’s the lighting they chose, but I wasn’t feeling it. Although I did like that they appeared to use rear projection for the driving scenes.   

What made me start watching again was I saw someone refer to the film as Larry Blamire meets Evil Dead, both of which I love.  I didn’t find it as funny as Blamire’s films, but if you can get past the first ten to fifteen minutes of set up, it’s worth a watch.  The 1930s evil dead vibe is an interesting idea and they nailed the tone of the old movies. It’s an interesting combination.

Accident (2018)

After being dropped off at the bus station to catch a ride to a festival, Caroline informs Jess that they are actually catching a ride with a friend. Shortly after the bus leaves, they find out their ride has flaked on them.

Worst friend ever Caroline decides they can hitchhike to the festival.  When Jess is almost hit by a car while standing in the road in the middle of nowhere, the guys in the car offer them a ride.  Carline confirms her potential future serial killer victim status when she says the guys seem harmless and they should accept the ride.  Their lack of cranical functioning continues when they put their duffel bags in the trunk rather than keeping the in the back seat in case they need to make a quick exit.

When they stop at a convenience store for gas and snacks, the girls strip down to their underwear in the restroom. Who does that? I guess it was to dress more attractively for the men in the car, which is crazy since they don’t know anything about them. When Jess starts messing around with one of the guys things go badly. The ensuing chaos leads them to hit a car  on the side of the road and catapult into the air and down the embankment.

This is where thing go off the rails as far as anything making sense. I have no idea why the girls were unable to figure out how to get out of the car. One of the guys is outside. So either a window broke in the crash or he went through it.  Yet the girls are stuck in the car.  The second guy wakes up, pushes open his window and crawls out.  The girls are still stuck inside. They’re as skinny as he is. I thought maybe one girl was supposed to have an injury where she couldn’t walk, but she walks later in the film. So why can’t they get out of the car?

Next the guys argue about whether to help the girls out of the car. They want to get away since the car has a tracking device and someone is going to show up looking for it.  They spend so much time arguing about whether to help the girls that they could have helped them and gotten away.  Just stop arguing about it.

There is a small hole in the windshield. Jess keeps grabbing it with her hands and trying to break off pieces of glass by pulling them towards her. Oh my god woman, why? The window is bowed outwards, and you can generate much more force by kicking your legs into the window than trying to use your tiny hand to pull pieces of broken glass towards you.  And once you’ve pecked the hole a little bigger, don’t try forcing your head through it. It’s jagged glass. 

Also one of the guys has a branch piercing his chest. The stick is literally keeping blood from gushing out of his wound.  The worst thing anyone could do is pull the stick out. And yet his friend does. Gah!

The police in this town are pretty incompetent as well. A guy shows up at the crash site saying he’s from the FBI and he’ll take care of the wreck. The policeman calls dispatch and finds out the FBI say don’t know anything about this.... but he isn’t suspicious at all. Seriously man, you should immediately have your hand on your gun and be eagled eyed. 

I thought the characters  were supposed to be in college, but the description of the movie says teenagers. So these are really old looking teens in a movie that will frustrate you.

Dialogue of note:

I sincerely apologize. I really do, but the sound of your voice is killing us faster.

They Lie Inside Us (2020)

 

A bland dad moves into a supposedly haunted house with his disabled daughter.  While his blandness keeps him from being totally dislikable, he’s definitely not going for dad of the year since he’s brought his disabled daughter to a haunted house and she can’t get up or down stairs on her own.

Dad is a writer but he’s had writers block since something terrible happened. He doesn’t mention what it is, but his dead wife pops up every once in awhile. Is she real? Just a figment of his imagination? And does this have anything to do with his daughter being disabled?

Dad’s hoping living in a haunted house will provide inspiration.  He has a list of movie monsters and when an idea strikes him, he writes a story.  It’s essentially the same story over and over. A woman in a nightgown is chased by a serial killer, a scarecrow or a killer clown, etc.

His daughter spends most of her time alone waiting for her dad to be free to get her upstairs or out the door. But dad is lost in his own head and even on Halloween he leaves her sitting alone downstairs while he writes another one of his stories with varying monsters.  

After watching tons of really low budget movies, this didn’t seem that bad. But there wasn’t anything about it that really drew me in either.  It was an okay way to pass the time but the ending was disappointing.

Epidemic (2018)

 

It’s somebodies birthday today. Michael wants Dana to have a great birthday so he invites his friend whose girlfriend Mandy hates her, a neighbor, and Dana’s estranged father.  Her father is an alcoholic whose wife is a shrew and also hates Dana. 

When her father doesn’t show for the party, Dana is disappointed.  His wife is confused when she calls and he’s not there since he left for the party hours earlier.

The awkward party gets even more awkward once Mandy starts vomiting on people.  Earlier in the day poor unlikable Mandy found a plastic covered hole in the basement wall of their new apartment, ripped through the covering, and crawled in to find a hidden room. Her lack of stealth caused a clear bottle of liquid to break and make her feel ill. So now she’s released some sort of epidemic on our unsuspecting party guests.

When Dana’s father arrives, he finds Dana in hysterics and smacks her. Instead of calling 911 about the dead bodies, he carries Dana out of the apartment and off to a motel. Yeah it makes abolutely no sense, as does most of the movie or the idiot characters in it.  

There is nothing in the movie like the cover. There are no zombies, just people spitting foamy toothpaste and lolling around in the house. The characters make strange decisions. And why are Dana and Mandy dressed up like they’re going to a club when they are at a five person birthday party in someone’s home during the day?

The Entity (2015)

 

Aka La Entidad

A group of college students decide their class project will be about reaction videos. They document themselves watching the people reacting  because it’s one of those films where characters believe they need to film everything.

When Carla recognizes one of the guys in the video, they decide to interview him. But when they go to his home, they find out he’s dead and so are his friends. 

His brother believes the problem started when they went to the old cemetery. He feels like something is after him, even though he only saw part of the video the others watched.

At this point, the group comes up with the brilliant plan of heading to the cemetery to track down the video the dead kids watched, which turns out to be in an archive in the wall of crypts.  As expected in horror movies where people go places they damn well shouldn’t, things go horribly wrong.

This is a Peruvian found footage horror movie.  At times it was a little nausea inducing, but for the most part they did a good job keeping the camera from swinging around. One of the leads looked like a budget Shia LeBeouf which is too bad. 

Manos Returns (2016)

Manos Returns is the sequel to Manos: The Hands of Fate which was made in 1966 and became famous when Mystery Science Theater skewered it.  While the original Manos is delightfully bad and entertaining, the sequel is just bad.  It’s a labor of love done by the actress who played the little girl in the first movie, but it lacks the charm or inadvertent humor of the first one.  

The plot is essentially the same as the original movie. People in a convertible get lost while on vacation and stay at Valley Lodge. Torgo says the master won’t like it if they stay, but the vacationers insist that  it will be fine.  Do lost travelers ever actually ask to stay at someone’s house, and then when they are told the home owner won’t like, they disregard this information and stay anyway? The premise is so bizarre.

As in the first movie, the car is approached by a Sheriff. When they tell him they have reservations at a nearby luxury hotel, he tells them to go into town because there’s nothing like that out here.  They say they’ll keep looking since they already paid for their rooms.  Good god, ask some questions. At a minimum ask him if he’s ever heard of the hotel.  Because either you’re booked at a crappy motel who is using false advertising, or you’re about to be murdered

There’s also a subplot where one of the women just got out of an abusive relationship. She is concerned about how Torgo is treated and tries to alert him to the fact that he is being abused by the people he knows.

This is a very low budget movie. I think they raised money for it on Kickstarter. It’s not very entertaining and would probably only be of interest to those who know of the original Manos. 

Before Someone Gets Hurt (2018)

Tim and his paranormal investigators are hoping to land a gig on a major network and think this investigation is the one that will get them there.They’re heading to a house that has been empty since 1992. Empty of people, but full of furniture and personal belongings. This is explained by saying the last tenants left everything behind. We also learn there have been fourteen murders on the property and people have been crucified.  

They get a permit to film and head over to the home where crew member Billy set up the cameras in advance. The officials at city hall advised them not to go there because people die there. But apparently the crack cleaning staff is exempt since the house that’s been empty for twenty years is spotless. No dust, dirt, cobwebs, or sheets over the furniture. The appliances look modern and there is plenty of toilet paper. Even the bedding seems clean since our team decides to sleep there.

When they ask the location manager how she decided on this location, she says someone sent her a text.  When they look up the mans name, they discover he died in the early 1900s.  No one shall ask about their screening process or why no one had keys to the house they were investigating. Billy found an unlocked door and let himself in.

They send a text asking who the sender really is and the reply is “I am Novum.”  More research reveals this is a cult that’s been around since the 1600s. They believe by killing around 50,000 of the first born of men of the cloth, they can get Lucifer back into heaven. Because benevolent peaceful God just loves letting people into heaven who goes around killing tens of thousands of people.

As is usual in paranormal investigation movies, things go horribly wrong.  The twist ending won’t be surprising for anyone well versed in horror movies.

It was better than I expected, but realize that simply means it’s an okay film.  There’s nothing special or compelling about it. But at least it’s not one of those crappy found footage movies. The best thing about it is the house is kind of interesting.