The Orange Man (2015)

When an orange grove owner loses customers, he starts selling  oranges door to door. Unfortunately he seems to be trying to sell to people who already said they don’t want his stinking oranges. At this point, he loses his mind and murders people with his hook. Yes, the orange man is missing a hand that he can replace with a hook.

27 years later, we cut to Gerald whose wife has just let him for a younger man. Since Geralds firm is buying an orange grove for development and he needs to fly down to sign some paperwork, he decides to rent a cabin in the area to vacation with his friends Jimmy, Wilbur and Reggie.  Unfortunately for Gerald, his wife and her new boyfriend are vacationing at the same lake, and the killer orange man is still in the area.

This is a low budge horror comedy. It’s not scary and it’s not funny, but there is something to be said for a movie where a man beats someone to death with a bag of oranges.  At other times, the killer  throws oranges at people in an attempt to murder them. It’s definitely the only movie you’ll see where a toothless man with a hook hand throws oranges at an overweight woman in a bikini who is trying to start a motorboat, but instead is murdered by an orange to the ribs.  I’m not even sure how that killed her. 

While the main characters are middle aged men, the humor seems more on par for teenagers.  There has to be at least fifteen minutes of jokes about pee.  Then there’s super creepy Jimmy who has a mullet, earring, gold chains, thinks he’s a stud, and carries lotion in case he sees any naked chicks. He also has the worst advice ever for dating or picking up women.  Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a guy who is manipulative and lies to them.  If you’re looking for a one night stand, the advice might work. But if you want to date the woman, you’re doomed.

The music seems to be generic needle drop music, like something you’d hear in a Hallmark movie.

Dialogue that makes me wonder if Jimmy has ever seen or eaten ham:

I hear she’s got a nice tushy, all squishy like ham.

I’m fascinated that this man stopped at a diner to order two donuts.

Orange mans list of potential buyers is too small. Also the
oranges are an unappealing color.

Jimmy hoping he’ll get to use his unwrapped condom

The gang - Wilbur, Gerald, Reggie and Jimmy

Get ready for a lot of jokes about pee

Geralds kitchen is really unappealing, not only in design,
but the ceilings are so much higher than the cabinets. 

I love when dummies are thrown off cliffs for death scenes.

Here’s your bag of orange death.

Blind without his glasses? He’s Velma-ing!

A guy in a wheelchair who can’t swim probably
shouldn’t be on a pontoon boat.

The amazing meal Gerald made for his date - chicken and
bread, and he didn’t cook either of them.  

The hat and the pigtails are a no.