Alter (2016)

Bo is going to college to major in filmmaking and his sister Maisy decides it would be great for him to come on a trip with her friends.  Maisy is domineering and pushes him rather than accepting when he is uncomfortable and not interested in doing things.  Later we are told Bo has Asperger’s, which explains his demeanor. Here’s hoping Maisy is following a psychologists advise since pushing him could potentially cause a meltdown.

Maisy and Bo meet up with a huge group of people, most of whom end up being peripheral characters who we never see again.  There are six main characters, including high school teacher Ash whose new girlfriend just graduated and was his student. Yup, Ash is a creeper.  As the film goes on, even his girlfriend thinks he’s immature.

When their car temporarily conks out, the group tells the others they’ll catch up with them later. As they’re waiting for the car to start,  a creep with an ax comes towards them. His name is Ripper and he rips wood.  They are far too casual for being approached this way. You’d think they would move away from this guy, but they keep standing within arms reach. They tell him they don’t need help and he goes back to his car and waits for them to leave.

The brainiacs don’t have directions to where they’re going, and there is no cell service. So they keep driving hours down a questionable road until they run into Dave who tells them they are in the wrong place. But they can camp with him and his wife, since it’s hours back to the main road.  They take him up on that offer and set up camp.

Later that night Ash wants to go exploring in the woods. They have no cell reception, no map, are in an unfamiliar place and it’s pitch black.  When not everyone wants to go, Ash brings out the cry of the manipulative douchebag, “Either we all go or none of us go.”  Everyone caves. Just once I’d like to see someone say, “you realize that’s a totally arbitrary thing to say. If I stay here and you choose not to go, that’s on you, not me.”

This leads to a scene where someone dies.Although it was self defense and on camera, they insist they need to bury the body, thus ensuring they look guilty of nefarious shenanigans. I’m pretty sure you guys have now committed a crime. Good god you idiots.

Ridiculous dialogue by people that don’t know basic info:

You can practice your camera stuff.

How does a car just stop?

Ash, the creepy teacher who started dating his
18 year old student right after graduation

Bo and his filmmaking set up

Who opens a hotel door without looking through the peephole? 

How many characters are there in this movie?

“It looks like some sort of like ancient ruin or something.”
No…no it doesn’t.