Haunted Monkey Paw Island: Lethal Ninja (1991)

Monday, January 2, 2023

Lethal Ninja (1991)

Aka For Hire

JD McKay is a ninja for hire. He has a business card and answers his phone, “For Hire.” He also teaches martial arts to Will, the mayor’s son. It’s not clear how they know each other or why JD is teaching him. He’s definitely not getting paid since Will’s parents have no idea Will has a sensei.

The police chief is mad at the Mayor because he wants more money for the police force. So he decides to pull the police out of Chinatown and let the mayor figure out how to clean it up. JD knows there’s s trouble and keeps leaving his business card around. It’s on the back seat of the Mayors limo, on the tray at a party, and dropped off in an envelope while the Mayor is at the police chiefs office.

Since the police have deserted him, the Mayor calls JD to clean up Chinatown. JD says he’ll do it for a million dollars. When the Mayor balks, JD says he can do it piecemeal and the city can pay in installments. The Mayor agrees and JD heads to Chinatown that night, with Will slinking around behind him to help.

It turns out most of the gang in Chinatown is under the leadership of Sonny, JD’s childhood friend and fellow martial arts enthusiast. Along the way, the Mayors daughter is kidnapped, Zeke is trying to take over Sonny’s action, there’s drug smuggling in the gangs, and the police are just as crooked as the bad guys. Thank god for the Lethal Ninja.

This most confusing thing about this movie is the time line. The Mayor has a Sweet 16 party for his daughter. JD disguises himself as a waiter and Will stops him on the stairs to talk. Then we cut to violence in Chinatown, the Mayor meeting with the chief of police, JD and Will practicing in his dojo, and then we’re back to JD and Will still talking on the stair. What the hell? So that was all a flashback? Could they give us a warning that it’s the past? And if that’s the case, then why did the Mayor invite the antagonistic police chief and his cronies to his daughters Sweet 16?

This movie has a lot of scenes with boom mics in the top of the screen. It also has slow paced fight scenes which are fairly similar to what you might see teenagers do if they’re pretending to do karate.

So many questions:

How did the Mayor’s security not notice JD when he parked in their driveway?
How good is JD as a ninja if a twelve year old can trail him?
Why would a ninja drive his own car to Chinatown to do a job?
Would JD have been blown up if the Mayor’s security hadn’t been searching Chinatown for Will and told JD there was a bomb in his car?
Why would a ninja have a business card with a phone number?
How did JD become a waiter at the Sweet 16 party and is that the extent of his disguise skills?
What sort of ninja chops someone’s neck, grabs their car keys and steals their car?
Why are there two police officers - one of them a rookie - still in Chinatown if the chief pulled all the police out of there?
How did no one but Will notice the man in drag at the funeral?
Why were rappers performing at a small party in a warehouse?
Why do the rappers keep performing while people get beaten right in front of them? It doesn’t phase them a bit.
Why is the gang beating up members of their own gang?

Ridiculous dialogue

Chinatown’s about ready to crack open like a rotten egg.

Now they are our closest and dearest, and they’re all the more dear because they’re adopted and they know it.

For hire… yeah I’m serious.

You never played by the rules and you’re right not to play by them now.

What you do is what you are and what you need is action.

You won’t like this but there’s only one ninja and maybe a kid, a little kid.