Ari is a blogger who thinks she’s a journalist and decides she’s going to investigate this legend. Her research consists of listening to her parents stories and visiting a museum where she asks Mr. Kensington about the legend. He has an old book about it that’s been passed down through his family. While the others distract him, Ari looks through the book.
As they walk in the woods, Ari continually says they’re almost at the right spot while they wander aimlessly for hours. The guys are getting tired of this crap, but Ari finally finds the tree she’s looking for and pressures Cari into saying the words to wake the witch. Surprisingly it works, which sends them running for their lives. The only thing more ridiculous than Ari thinking she’s a journalist is she didn’t bother consider what would happen when the witch woke up.
Ari is so incredibly self absorbed you want to grab Chris by the lapels and scream “Don’t marry her!’ She films everything. She calls herself a journalist, but does no research prior to clomping into the woods. When Chris says constant filming is invasive, she dismisses his feelings. She inexplicably thinks she can reason with the wood witch, although there is no reason to think she could. Even after the witch kills a jogger, Ari decides she is going back because she has to get the story. Everything that happens is her fault and I have no sympathy for her.
When she has dinner with her parents, she films it from four camera angles. It’s dinner. Do they really need to film themselves eating and talking about where they’re going hiking? Dad’s got his phone in front of him filming the entire dinner, even as he’s eating. It’s madness. And who is going to watch this crap? Who is going to cull through hours of the same video of dinner shot from four angles to try to find something interesting? No one wants to watch mundane interactions, not even the people in them.
The wood witch resembles Groot when it first appears. I couldn’t understand anything it said so I had to put on the closed captions. Needless to say, Ari could not reason with it.
The beginning of the movie says it’s made up of found footage shot by the participants, footage from a TV show called I Survived, and some reenactments. So this explains why there are some shots that do not conform to FF format. The movie begins with the two couples in the car. Everyone is talking and Ari says “Can you guys be quiet? I’m trying to Vlog.” There’s multiple cameras shooting while they drive. We’re four minutes in and I already hate them. They are going to have hours and hours of poorly shot, uninteresting garbage footage.
Ridiculous dialogue
Chris: Why? What’s up with all this camera stuff?
Ari: One day you’re going to want to look back on this so I’m thinking how cool.
Chris: I can just remember it.
Ari: Yeah but I mean this is great.
Chris: I don’t need a camera shoved in my face every five seconds.
Chris: It’s invasive.
Ari: It’s not invasive at all…. Seriously? You guys opinions of invasive is ridiculous. This is not invasive.
Ari: I’m a journalist
Chris: Well technically you’re a blogger.
Can you fan out and help us look for a tree? A tree that’s strange looking.
This is amazing. She’s hungry. She’s frustrated. I think she can be reasoned with.
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| Hey it’s two boring shots at once |
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| How many cameras do you need to film dinner? One |
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| Two |
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| Three |
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| Four. Their dinner was not that interesting. |
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| Everything must be filmed by multiple people |
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| If no one is supposed to go there, why is there a worn path? |
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| Our four brainiacs |
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| Be prepared to see two shaky cams at once |
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