Simon Says (2025)

Clara travels to a castle for the weekend to meet the man she’s been dating.  When she arrives, she goes inside and wanders around where she stumbles upon Dina, who is also there to meet a man she’s been dating. It’s the same man.

Shortly afterwards, Sam and Tony show up and they conclude they have all been catfished.  Dina wants to take revenge, but Clara just wants to leave.  When they find a dining table with place cards set for each, Dina sits down to eat.  Im sure it’s fine to eat the unappealing room temperature spaghetti and marinara that has been sitting out for hours. 

After dinner, they discover the man who invited them is in the castle. He informs them he loves them all and is not sure which one to choose.  That’s should be an automatic pass but he offers them his home.

They need to play a game to determine the winner and that person will get the castle with no strings attached. Clara is skeptical, but Dina wants the castle.  They are informed the game only works if all four stay. Dina says she is her own person and does what she wants, while simultaneously not letting Clara be her own person and do what she wants. 

The game is Simon Says, but it’s a board game where they draw cards that end up being specific questions about their secrets. Those who don’t answer truthfully within the time limit are sucked into a red realm within the castle and stalked by Simon. There are others in the realm who previously played the game and are still trying to hide.

This is a rough one to get through.  Dina is obnoxious, nasty and throws something at Clara when she says something she doesn’t like. Tony seems like he’s the worst lawyer ever since he says the contract to win the castle checks out after only briefly skimming the document. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Clara: The front door is locked.

Sam: Back door, too

Dina: What do you mean locked?

Dina: Tony, check that document. Make sure everything’s correct.

Tony: Give me a few minutes. Legal stuff is my forte.

Clara: I think we should leave.

Tony: Why?

Clara: Because none of this is right.

Dina: I’m interested to see where this is going.

Rumplestiltskin (2025)

Tim and Emma move into a new house and find a sewing machine with a huge basket of yarn.  Did they not do a walk through? Usually that stuff needs to be cleaned up before you move in.

Emma wants the clutter out of the house so Tim gets rid of it. The next day, Emma angrily tells Tim he was supposed to get rid of everything. Tim is confused since he already did.  

As he’s getting rid of it a second time, he notices a mask in the yarn basket. When he puts it on, he’s possessed and morphs into Rumpelstiltskin. Well his head does but his body is basically the same.

Strange things start happening. There is an attack nearby attributed to a bear, even though the rangers says it’s rare for bears to be nearby.  Emma sees a man down by the road and then he disappears.  Plus Tim is acting like a jerk. 

If you’re looking for excitement, you won’t find it here. It’s a low budget movie with awkward acting that will make you audibly exhale. None of the characters are particularly likable and Emma is annoying as hell.

Ridiculous dialogue

You’re not even showing. [Emma is only eight weeks pregnant]

Well that’s awkward

the creature enjoying his sewing machine

And scene. No notes.

Ghost Dance (1982)

After archaeologists dig up his remains, the spirt of a warrior seeks revenge by possessing a local medicine man and killing people. 

The dig is sponsored by the local university and the body is being studied by two professors.   One night Kay is followed by a man whose face looks like the face of the corpse. She’s upset and looks to her boyfriend for comfort.   Tom thinks her mind is playing tricks on her due to stress. Silly woman. 

When people at the museum are murdered, Kay becomes convinced it is the spirit of the man whose body is in the lab. She is worried she’ll be next, which she should be since the killer is roaming the museum and campus looking for her.

This is a slow moving but kind of neat slasher where warnings are ignored and women are not taken seriously.

Ridiculous dialogue

Kay: I’m telling you, he was here.

Tom: Sure, he was there. And it doesn’t matter if he was actually there or not. Because either way he was real enough to almost get you killed

It looks like the photo was pasted onto the page

Terror in the Woods (2018)

Rachel’s parents are getting divorced so she ends up in a new school. She meets Kaitlyn, a strange girl with an imaginary friend and a belief in dragons.  Kaitlyn’s best friend is Emily, but soon Rachel and Kaitlyn distance themselves from her. She believes in fairies and wears fairy costumes. Kaitlyn thinks that’s baby stuff, even though she believes in dragons and has an imaginary friend.

Soon Rachel and Emily get into darker things, like a viral web site with a story about a monster called Suzerain.  They believe this creature lives in a palace in the forest and they need to sacrifice someone to it. Emily is the perfect target since she’s so embarrassing with her fairy wings.

Rachel’s mother is a loose cannon. She cheated on her husband and abandoned her family, yet she is angry that he doesn’t want to get back together. She’s also upset that she’ll have to pay child support even thought Rachel doesn’t live with her. 

This is a Lifetime movie based on the Slenderman killings.  It’s pretty light weight, but still disturbing to see two little kids target their poor innocent friend dressed as a fairy.  Good grief.

Freddy’s Friday (2023)

An escort is brought down an alley and into a basement. The guy and the room are pretty creepy. But not as creepy as the book she picks up that appeared to be made out of skin and has a blinking eye on the cover. Somehow she overlooks both.

She ends up being the sixth girl to go missing in six weeks, but the police don’t take it seriously. The chief even blames the missing woman for either shooting up or dating the wrong guy.  When police woman Lila mentions the previous five women were found dead, the chief look sheepish but still dismisses her concern. 

Lila decides to investigate the case and enlists the help of her best friend who is not in law enforcement, but is better at online research.  This culminates with Lila going to a private club pretending to be a member and reading out loud from the skin covered book. Oh hell no!

While her heart is in the right place, she’s a terrible cop. She takes evidence from the crime scene. She partners with her friend and they work independently of the police. When someone is murdered,  she’s too tired to call it in and decides to wait until the next day to tell the chief.  Good grief.  

This is a rough one to get through. The most interesting thing is one of the four creatures called forth when reading from the book uses the costume from the Humpty Dumpty horror movies.

Ridiculous dialogue 

Shouldn’t we call your boss or something, especially since there’s been a murder?

The Humpty Dumpty costume

Oz (2024)

Dorothy hates herself, has an eating disorder and can’t roller blade.  She meets a creepy clown who invites her to a theater to see a magician.  When she is called up on stage, the magician drugs her and stuffs her into a box which takes her to Oz. There she is told to follow Bones Road.  

I could not get through this.  It was made in Brazil and sometimes the accents are hard to understand.  I put on the subtitles to help understand but sometimes it says musician instead of magician. 

Ridiculous dialogue

A scarecrow? Are you a weirdo who also thinks you’re not? 

There’s a lot computer generated scenery

Dinosaur Hotel 2 (2022)

Apparently this underground show of people trying to survive against dinosaurs has now been going on for years. Ratings are slipping so they decide to bring back all the previous winners to compete for a multi million dollar prize.  When one of the winners chooses not to participate, her children disappear and she is told competing is mandatory or the kids will pay.

As usual in this type of competition, there are those who want to work together and those who sabotage others by bringing about their demise. Most of the contestants are unlikeable.

This is a hard watch and the child actors are wooden as hell.

Nazi Zombie (2025)

A group of teenagers decide to do the power of the dead ritual. They need to go to a haunted house and if they do the ritual correctly, it will manifest any wish they have. When one of the girls wishes she’d get her ex boyfriend back and then disappears with him, the other girls get sick of waiting around. She was their ride home, but they  realize classmate Connie lives nearby. So they start walking there, even though all but one girl think she’s a weirdo.

It turns out Connie is a foster child who has only lived there a few months and feels like she’s the families maid.  Most of the girls don’t care.  Then zombies show up and they have to figure out how to survive.

With Connie, the group has enough people to do the ritual to stop them and each goes off to look for the required items they need. the girl who needs to get onion skin puts them all in danger when it turns out she doesn’t even know what an onion looks like. She’s picking up random stuff in the fridge and trying to figure out if any of it is an onion.

Another person is searching for the tears of a fur. What is that you ask? Well they figure out that fur means theif in Latin so they force Connie to cry and catch her tears in a chalice.  Thankfully these are the slowest moving zombies ever since they can’t even get across a room in several minutes.

Ugh, avoid this one. 

Ridiculous dialogue

We’re going to be tapping into ancient witchcraft tonight to bend peoples wills to our desires.

Just a typical 30 year old high school student

Low budget boxes

They do not like Connie

Sad looking zombies taking an hour to cross a room

Tears of a fur i.e. theif

The Cigarette (2024)

If you’re looking for a movie about an unlikeable character with no redeeming qualities who learns nothing on their journey, then this is the movie for you. Jasmin is a self absorbed, manipulative, liar who is always the victim:

1. She’s mad at the bank because she has a negative balance
2. She’s mad at her boyfriend for breaking up with her because she spends his money but doesn’t work or pay any bills
3. She’s mad at her dad because he rented her old room and won’t kick out the paying tenant
4. She’s mad at her friend who she hasn’t seen in ages because she won’t give her a job or free drinks

While her Sarah refuses to give her a job or expensive drinks for free, she does agree to let Jasmin stay at her apartment. Jasmin repays her by stealing drinks when she’s not looking.  

As she drunkenly sits at a table and rudely screams for another drink, she’s approached by a man who offers her a job marketing cigarettes.  All she has to do is pretend to smoke on the street, at bars, and outside schools.  She’ll get between $500 and $10,000 for every person she can get to smoke.  But she must never smoke them herself and has to immediately get away from the person once she hands them a cigarette. They’ll pay her through an app called Cash for Cigarettes. Every single thing he’s said is questionable, but Jasmin is all in.

Jasmin is approached regularly for cigarettes and starts making money.  When anyone smokes one of her cigarettes, they go crazy and start murdering people.  After the police pinpoint Jasmin as the distributor of the lethal cigarettes, she denies she’s done anything wrong.  Sigh.

To make Jasmin even less likeable, she lets her roommates cat out, but instead of trying to get it back in, she says she doesn’t have time for this and leaves. She literally does nothing but give away cigarettes and has no scheduled time for work. When her friend asks where her cat is, Jasmin says she doesn’t know and to check under the couch. Every step of the way she just gets worse.

After I watched this, I was surprised to find out it was supposed to be a horror comedy. Usually humor is obvious even if it’s not done well. Was it supposed to be funny when she stole drinks from her bartender friend? Maybe if Jasmin had some charm or redeeming characteristics, but the character is so unlikeable you can’t root for her.

This is a super low budget movie with some painful acting.  At the end of the movie there is a screen that mentions there is no blasphemy in the movie, but they misspell it.

Ridiculous dialogue

I have a new sugar daddy and he’s your daddy.

911 operator: We need your cell phone to make sure this isn’t a false emergency.

The first attack

Plates of food just sitting in the fridge without any cling wrap?
Jazmin is an animal.

The app can disappear on it’s own, but can’t put text horizontal

The bank 

Jasmin is always irritated with everyone

The kid who doesn’t notice his classmates being killed
or a knife being stuck in his skull

Why is there a phone in the bathroom next to the toilet

Blasphemy is misspelled

Dawn of the Crescent Moon (2014)

A couple investigating the legend of Blood Lake stop at a local bar and ask the bartender what he knows about it.  He tells them a story about a group of college kids who disappeared at the lake. Most of the movie after this is a flashback.

The kids are doing an assignment where they need to investigate a legend and track down its origin story. The professor wants them to go CSI on the legend’s ass and determine how close the legend is to the what happened. They should not rely on the internet and need to interview people.

So our intrepid group of students get in a van and travel to the area to ask around.  It’s not clear if they’ve done any research in advance, but they end up at the same bar the couple at the beginning were in.  The bartender tells them to go home, and they plan to leave town without ever talking to anyone else.  But his daughter offers to take them to the lake to go camping.

How convenient that while around the campfire, one of the guys who  has been bullying people shares a monologue about how he ended up a bully. Then everyone else shares their trauma. What are the odds that everyone in the group would have a dead parent or sibling, and massive childhood trauma?

Things do not go well for the students, which we already know based on how the bartender introduced the story.  The legend of the lake is that there is treasure buried in it and people die when trying to retrieve it. Just stop looking for the treasure and you’ll be fine.

Ridiculous dialogue 

Michael: These people… they’ve been reported missing.

Nick: Missing?

Laney: What do you mean by missing?

The Haunting at Jack the Rippers House (2025)

The Haunt Hunters have a YouTube channel where they investigate paranormal activity. Tired of being accused of faking their discoveries, they decided to go Jack the Ripper’s house to film.  No one has been allowed in to investigate, but they offered the owner “something he couldn’t afford to refuse.” 

The two founders of the group have different feelings about this case. Richard warns them it’s too dangerous and something bad will happen. Jake says it’s already booked and if Richard doesn’t like it he can leave. The two already have issues because Richard wants to have integrity and do real investigations, but Jake wants to fake paranormal activity to make more money on the channel.

Even though this investigation is supposed to be real, a couple of the crew go in to set up some fake paranormal stuff. They don’t really trust Jake, but are still willing to go along with it.  Then the group goes inside and spends the night drinking and hanging out. Why? They could have done that anywhere.

Eventually they go off to investigate, but things don’t go as they’d planned since the place really is haunted.  This is low budget and not that entertaining.

Murder Death Koreatown (2020)

When a murder occurs in the building next door, a man becomes obsessed with figuring out what really happened. He starts shooting video of the outside of the apartment complex and tries get someone to let him through the gate.  He attempts to interview people who live in the building, but makes them uncomfortable and is asked to stay away. He does not.

His girlfriend is irritated because he’s spending all his spare time thinking about the murder when he should be trying to find a job.  He has no sense of boundaries and accuses people of being involved. He asks the manager to let him into the murder scene, and is aggravated when they say they’ll call the police if he doesn’t stop. 

It just keeps getting weirder and he keeps getting more obsessive. He interprets everything through his own conspiracy theory and discounts anything that doesn’t fit. Everything is a sign specifically for him to keep going.

It was interesting but the ending was unsatisfactory.  If you have motion sickness, some of the footage is nauseating. The thing that is most uncomfortable is this is based on a real murder.

Rip Van Winkle 3 (2023)

Judith is back again and as before, another woman creepily seduces her, and everyone finds her attractive. What the hell. Also everyone is open to strangers being far too intimate and nosy. It’s the kind of thing that’d get you punched in the face.

There is a ton of padding in this movie, starting with the first ten minutes which are flash backs to the prior movie. At one point a pizza delivery is one week late and they still eat the pizza. Ew. 

the cgi sign by the road

Still using the bureau for the front desk may be
even odder than her costume

Rip Van Winkle 2 (2023)

Judith is back, along with the ghost of Henry Hudson, and they are no more interesting than they were before.  Judith complains about how the bodies of the murdered guests are starting to smell so she has to move them somewhere else. 

A mobster shows up and tells Judith she needs to pay protection money. She has no idea what he’s talking about.

A homeless girl sees an ad for room and board in exchange for handyman services at the hotel. No experience is needed, which seems like a bad idea for handyman.  Judith says she didn’t place the ad, but figures she’ll hire her anyway. That doesn’t seem like a smart thing to do. 

Just like the first movie, we have another woman who is creepily sexually harassing Judith to try to sleep with her. The credits include an entry for “additional comedic material.”  But it’s more office co-worker funny than actually funny.

using forced perspective to try to make it seem like
she’s hitting him

Rip Van Winkle (2022)

Judith inherits her great grandfathers hotel, which is a surprise since she didn’t even know he existed. When she arrives, no one is there. She’s wary about how abandoned it seems. So she does what anyone would do. She gets nude and jumps in the pool. 

You’d think Judith would have already worked with a lawyer regarding the inheritance. But why hire a lawyer, when you have a caretaker? After pulling out the deed, the caretaker asks her to sign it. Then Judith wanders around looking at her new property.

When someone arrives and asks for a room, instead of saying they aren’t open, Judith has her sign the registry and gives her a key. Within hours, a number of people are staying at the hotel. All of them are obnoxious. When one person asks if there is room service, Judith replies, “I don’t know.” Come on! You’re the only one working there.

At 42 minutes in, there is still no mention of Rip Van Winkle. Nothing substantial happens until 60 minutes. Most of the movie is people thinking Judith is attractive, bad skits, and at one point there’s a band playing in the bar.  Oh and the guests are getting murdered, but you won’t mind since you’ll hate them all.

Judith is an odd one. She walks up to the hotel carrying only a backpack. She has no knowledge of the hotel itself, or any experience in hotel management. Instead of telling customers the hotel is closed so she can figure out the hotel and its amenities, she starts signing people in even though she has no computer and no way to charge the guests.  

Oh you think you’re going to see a killer Rip Van Winkle at some point?  No, it’s just the ghost of Henry Hudson who speaks telepathically, mouth agape, eyes almost crossed staring out into the void. He returns to the land every twenty years and sits in the bar.  

The acting is pretty rough. One of the hotel rooms has a sink in the bedroom right next to the door to the hallway. Judith is the only employee, so how’d the band get set up and playing if she was unaware they were there?

Ridiculous dialogue 

Hi, wine distributor?

The plumbing is as old as my mother around here, believe me.

Judith interacting with the caretaker

The check-in counter in the lobby is a bureau

Why is the sink in the hotel bedroom?

The ghost of Henry Hudson enjoys a beer

I Know What You Did Last Christmas (2025)

A group of friends who no longer talk receive invitations for a reunion.  After they all arrive, they discover none of them know who sent the invitations.  It’s also revealed they had a falling out due to some horrible secret that resulted in a death of one of the group. 

They talk in vague terms about the incident and wonders if that is why they’re here.  One woman questions if everyone attended due to fear of blackmail, but the others maintain they did nothing wrong. Even lying to the police is couched as necessary since otherwise the incident would ruin their lives. 

The incident turns out to be Trey and Nico locking Millie out of the house in a snowstorm and then closing the drapes as she bangs on the sliding door.  She couldn’t get into the house and died. So their excuses it was just bad luck, or they didn’t do anything fall flat at this point.

There are many confusing things in this film.  Why did they lock her out? If it was a prank, then why didn’t they let her in later? Why do they think they did nothing wrong? Did everyone know she was locked out? Why don’t they leave the reunion when they discover no one knows who set it up?  Why do some of the women not recognize Sam when he looks exactly the same as when they last saw him?  Why do they say Cassie hasn't spoken to Nico in three years when the incident took place last year?  And why is the person in the Santa suit doing this?  The motivation for the prank is never clear.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Tori owns a records store and plans to meet up with a guy on a dating app. But her employee Robbie, who wants to hook up with her, convinces her to go to the bar with him. On the way, they stop at a toy store to give some whiskey to a friend who is planning to entertain her boyfriend there on Christmas Eve. Then Tori and Robbie continue on to the bar.

The toy store has a lifesize robotic Santa. It’s a military grade robot that was converted to Santa and marketed as a way to keep children safe from degenerate local Santas. But there is a problem with the conversion and Santa is now acting on its own and the mission is extermination. 

After dispatching the couple in the toy store, Santa walks out on the street and sees Tori and Robbie drive off. He follows them and the carnage starts next door to them. Santa is like a terminator in that it never stops when going after its target.

With dead bodies piling up, the police aren’t happy. But it’s a small town, they all know each other, and they don’t believe Tori killed people. But they also don’t believe her story about a killer Santa.

This is okay, but nothing I’d ever watch again. It’s much better than most of the Christmas horror I watched this month.  The characters aren’t that likable so you aren’t invested in rooting for them.  The most annoying part is Tori is one of those characters who avoids telling people what is going on. If you’re screaming at someone and they don’t know what you mean, maybe tell them there is a killer behind them. That is something they should understand.

Terrifier 3 (2024)

I haven’t seen the first two movies and there was only a brief flashback so I may be missing important details because I have no background in what occurred before.  Sienna, previously a victim of Art the clown, is out of the psych ward and goes to stay with her aunt, uncle and cousin Gabbie, who follows her around like a puppy dog and wants to know everything about her. 

Sienna’s brother Jonathan is at college in the dorms, where his roommate is hooking up with Mia, who hosts a true crime podcast.  Mia is positively giddy to meet him and has so many questions about his trauma. She repeatedly tries to convince him to be on her show since it will give her clout. She’s too self absorbed to realize how insensitive she’s being.

Meanwhile Sienna is seeing things that aren’t there and thought she saw Art in town.Nobody believes her, not even Jonathan who just wants to move on. But Art actually is on the loose and he’s killing people all over the place.

After spending this month watching low budget Christmas horror, it’s nice to watch a movie with a big budget.  That being said, the movie just kind of rambles along. For most of the movie, Art and Sienna’s stories do not overlap.  Art’s off killing people he meets and Sienna is wondering if he’s really out there or it’s just her fears. A lot of the kills are in the torture realm, which I don’t enjoy. 

The Mean One (2022)

On Christmas Eve in Newville, Cindy goes downstairs and finds the Grinch dressed as Santa Claus. She gives him her necklace. Then her mom walks in, screams and attacks Santa Grinch.  When her mom dies in the fight, Cindy screams Santa is a monster.

Twenty years later, Cindy and her dad drive back to town to put the house on the market. Cindy’s therapist thinks it will help her get closure. They are pulled over by a new deputy, who tells them they can’t have Christmas decorations on their car as it’s a distraction. 

When Cindy and her dad look for some decorations, they discover there aren’t any decorations in the entire town. The Sheriff says no one takes Christmas seriously. Cindy and her dad have some decorations with them so they decorate the house. Immediately they are attacked by Santa Grinch and Cindy advances to orphan status..

No one believed her story of a green Santa as a child and they don’t believe her now. The nurse says it’s grief bordering on psychosis. But Cindy knows what she saw.

When Cindy goes up on a mountain to take some photos, she sees Santa attacking some hikers, reels backwards and falls into a cave. There she finds the wallet of a hiker who disappeared.  Now she and the deputy attempt to solve the mystery of what is really going on in town, and whether the Mayor is covering it up.

I expected more from this. It’s a good concept but not funny, or scary. The Grinch make up is decent though.

It Cuts Deep (2020)

Sam is bringing girlfriend Ashley to his childhood home for the holidays.  Ashley is interested in marriage, but Sam avoids the subject by making immature jokes and interrupting her.

While in town they run into Nolan, who says he was Sam’s best friend.  Ashley is confused since Sam’s never mentioned him.  Later they run into Nolan and his wife, and he says they should get together some time. 

But Sam does not want to see Nolan. Every time Nolan shows up at the house or they run into him, Sam’s paranoia increases. He thinks Nolan is following him and that Ashley likes him. Ashley tells Sam he’s overreacting since they used to be friends. Plus it’s a small town so it doesn’t seem weird.

Nolan mentions something terrible happened when they were teenagers, but Sam tells him to shut up and refuses to talk to Ashley about it.  A flashback shows two teenagers killed by a machete.  Nolan mentions his sister died tragically and there is an allusion that it may have been at Nolan’s hands. 

As the movie goes on, you’ll start to wonder if Sam is an unreliable narrator or Nolan is a cad and a killer. You’ll also wonder why Ashley is dating Sam. He seems to have no redeemable qualities, ignores her feelings, is immature and is a terrible cook - which is fine other than he refuses to admit the food is garbage.