Wicked Lake (2008)

Four women head up to the lake for a vacation and are visited by four creepy guys and some hicks they met at a local gas station.  The women are forced to do humiliating acts with the men until the strike of midnight at which point the tables turn and the men are in fear of their lives.  It was also at this point that we stopped watching because it was terrible.

Deadgirl (2008)

Rickie and JT skip school and head to the abandoned asylum to drink and vandalize.  While running away from a feral dog, they end up finding a naked girl under plastic.  She looks dead, but the plastic is moving as if she's breathing.  Rickie wants to set her free and get the hell out of there, but JT wants to keep her and use her for his own fun.  After they come to blows, Rickie leaves JT on his own with the girl.

The next day JT convinces Rickie to come back because he says he has to show him something or he won't believe it.  JT shoots the girl and then reveals to Rickie that this is third time he's killed her but she doesn't die.  

There is a juxtaposition between extremes with Rickie's character being in love with a popular girl at school and forsaking JT and any interest in sex with the deadgirl.  JT is a complete psychopath who ends up sharing the girl with another friend of theirs and spending all his time in the asylum with the deadgirl.

The movie is disturbing on so many levels, especially the realization that there are males in this world who would do the same thing as JT.   But even though it's sick, it's also fascinating because you want some sort of positive resolution which never comes.  The ending is very unsatisfactory, offers no explanation for the girl or what happened, and leaves bigger questions about why no one would notice a naked deadgirl tearing around the neighborhood.

Sands of Oblivion (2007)

Cecile B. DeMille is shooting a move in the desert and using real cursed antiquities from Egypt for the props in his film. Years later an old man, who was a boy when the movie was filmed, goes back to the desert to find the box he buried at the end of filming.

At the same time there is a group of archaeology students on a dig looking for the rumored set which was left intact and buried by DeMille. Grandpa, played by George Kennedy,and his hunky grandson find his treasure box, but also find an entry to the hidden set where grandpa's arm is ripped off by Anubis.

The curse has been unleashed and the archaeologists and grandson must try to stop the carnage. Some really stupid things happen, but the best part is when Anubis tears through the dig site and one of the students states that she doesn't know what that thing was, but it had a head like a dog. Oh dear sweet useless child, you should not be on this dig and you are definitely going to fail archaeology.

The Intruder (1989)

The night crew at a local grocery store is terrorized by a killer.  All signs point to him being the cashier's boyfriend who has been stalking her and was hanging around outside the store all night.

Everyone just learned that the store is going to be sold and that they will all lose their jobs.  Sam and Ted Raimi are two of the employees, and Bruce Campbell has a bit part as a cop. There is a really nicely done scene with a table saw to the head.

Trespassers (2006)

Five college students head to Mexico to surf and meet up with one's older brother, only to find the beach deserted. After gallivanting around, they find the brother's truck abandoned in a sand dune and become concerned.

The group splits up - always a bad idea - with a couple heading off to town to see if the brother went there for help, and the others looking for the brother's camp site which he said was at a compound near the beach.

In town they are told the legend of a cult that lived in a compound at the beach and how there have been attacks on Anglos in that area. One of the students theorizes this is just local talk to keep outsiders off the local beaches.

The zombies are not typical zombies. In fact, I'm not really sure what sort of zombies they are, but do not expect real zombies.

The movie features one of the smartest moves when a character buries himself in a sand dune so the zombies can not find him. Brilliant! Only his face is sticking out of the slant of the dune and it is night so he's hard to see. However this must have used up all his brain cells because later he makes the dumbest move ever when he lights a fire at night and starts having sex with his girlfriend. Aaarrgghh!!!!!

You know the zombies are looking for you. They've killed your friends, they've tried to kill you, and now that you escaped you're going to make a fire!?! It's inside a ramshackle cabin which means the light can be seen through all the gaps in the door, the windows, and between slats of wood. It may as well be a neon sign announcing their presence.

San Franpsycho (2006)

A move starring Joe Estevez and Todd Bridges?  How could I not watch it?  Well, one reason would be to have your serial killing psycho walk in slow motion for a long, long time to pad the film.  

Joe Estevez is a detective who watches tv and tries to catch a killer.  The killer follows his victim in the train station, on the platform, in the train, gets off at the same stop, walks down the street about fifteen feet behind her, and she doesn't notice until she gets right up to her front door and he pushes his way inside.  Way to go, movie!  You actually pushed us to a point where we couldn't watch you anymore because you were too painful - and look at the crap we've watched!

Surface (2005)

I seem to recall seeing adds for this series when it was on, but it never interested me.  In fact I had no interest in watching it now either, but I ended up watching one episode due to it being about sea monsters.  While everyone in it seemed to do stupid things, it was still enjoyable and I wish I had the time to watch more than one episode.  I want to know what the creature is and if the kid who stole it's egg is going to befriend the hatchling or get killed by it.  I'm hoping for carnage rather than an ET moment, but it's a tv series, so I'm guessing it'll be the cute cuddly scene.

Simon Says (2006)

Crispin Glover and Crispin Glover star as psychotic twins who terrorize five college students on a camping trip.  The group stops by Simon and Stanley's store to get gas and alcohol.  The gas pump out front doesn't work, but inside there are dusty bottles of scotch that the kids snatch up while insulting the brothers.  Oh stupid kids, always insulting local town folks and making yourselves targets for their wrath.  

The group decides to camp on the site of an old homicide - yay that'll be fun!  Shortly afterwards the twins are wandering the forest in their camouflage suits made of grass and twigs, hunting down their prey.

Crispin Glover gets more and more over the top as the film goes on, but still it's Crispin Glover so you won't care.  The rest of the cast is interchangeable.  Features the only scene I can remember of someone bursting through the dead body of a friend, yeech!!!  Also the door is left open for a sequel.

The Woods (2006)

Heather  is sent off to boarding school due to her new found interest in setting things on fire.  The school is out in the middle of the woods and the teachers seems a bit off. Several of them look like men in drag and one even looks like SNL's Church Lady.  It has nothing to do with the story, but it's certainly distracting.

The girls in the school are strange and Heather has conflict with the school bullies when they pick on her new friend.  At night, the other girls fall into a deep sleep, but Heather has disturbing dreams and awakes to see the woods coming into the room to get the girl in the bed by the wall.  In the morning, it looks like the girl is sleeping but when the covers are peeled back, there is only a pile of leaves.

There are stories that many years ago there were girls who were witches at the school who disappeared after being chased through the woods by the rest of students.  Heather discovers that all the girls are given a test when they arrive, certain girls are singled out due to the results of their tests, and Heather is one of those girls.  

Bruce Campbell has a small role as Heather's henpecked father.

Private School (1983)

The story of the girls at Cherryvale Academy and their male counterparts at Freemount Academy and the hijinks that ensue.  Christine and Jim are planning a nice little weekend getaway to lose their virginity.  Meanwhile Bubba is back at the dorms betting his friends that he can get sleazy rich girl Jordan into various states of undress.  But Jordan wants to date Jim and tries to break up the young couple in love before they go on their weekend.

In between, the guys sneak into the girl's school dressed as women, there is a school dance where the guys get wood, Jordan goes topless horseback riding (ouch!), and there are various states of undress and sexual escapdes.

This is a typical 1980s teen sex comedy, which means the jokes aren't funny, but it is enjoyable in an oddly painful, nostalgic sort of way.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)

As a child, Jack saw his family killed by monsters.  Now an adult, Jack is plagued by an anger problem and a girlfriend who treats him poorly.  He's a plumber, but spends his nights taking classes with his girlfriend.  

Robert Englund is the professor who asks Jack to help with a plumbing problem at his house.  This leads to an accident in which the professor finds a large box containing a black heart which was buried due to the curse on it.  The heart enters the professor and turns him into a monster.  When he starts killing the night school students, Jack decides to fight back and face his childhood monster fears.

Robert Englund does a good job and Trevor Matthews is likable as Jack.  The movie is fun and does an okay job of mixing comedy and horror.

Tamara (2005)

Another movie about a high school prank going terribly wrong resulting in an accidental death and revenge.  Tamara is a mousy high school student with a crush on her teacher.  She also has a book of witchcraft in her house with which she tries to cast a love spell.  After she is accidentally killed during a horrible prank, she is buried in the woods.  What the kids don't know is that she has the page with the spell in her shirt and blood has been spilled which puts the magic spell to work.

When Tamara shows up the next day at school, she has transformed into the hot chick that every guy wants.   Immediately she targets the kids who buried her.  She immediately targets the kids who buried her and leave them afraid of who will be next.

The most ridiculous part of this is that the prank was taped so it is obvious the death was an accident.  The other stupid thing is they don't even call an ambulance for her.  They just bury her so that their future careers and college scholarships are not messed up.  Also the ending is unsatisfying and leaves the door open for a sequel.

Stray Cat Rock: Sex Hunter (1970)

Kazuma wanders into town to look for his long lost sister.  He befriends a female gang who decide to help him on his quest.  The Eagles, the male gang they hang out with, are very angry about Kazuma taking attention away from them and set out to make his life miserable.  The Eagles are also on a quest to rid the town of halfbreeds and teach the girls a lesson for helping Kazuma.

Sometimes the movie reminds me of The Girl in the Gold Boots.  It's got gangs, music, fashionable clothing, and a traveler who falls for a girl that someone else considers their woman.

The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

Michelle convinced me to watch this movie again.  Damn you, Michelle!!  Oh Sweet Capture of Bigfoot, I saw you in April 2008 and here you are again darkening my tv screen.  The only new thing I can think to add is that there is a very funny scene with a flying dummy.

The Cruise (1998)

Timothy "Speed" Levitch is an eccentric tour bus guide in New York City.  He's the type of guy you'd probably shrink away from while you were trying to figure out how crazy he was, but gradually forget this judgement due to the plethora of odd information and anecdotes that he possesses.  In fact, he's the best type of tour guide - one who's really interested in what he's talking about and provides off beat information.

Sometimes I felt envious of how he's chosen to live life, and at other times I felt sorry for him.  He's an interesting person and the only time the film becomes a bit uncomfortable is near the end when he starts ranting about people he used to know.  Definitely worth seeing.

Return to Sleepaway Camp (2008)

This is the meanest camp ever.  The kids are mean, the counselors are mean, and the first scene in the dining hall will have you thinking this is a camp for children with behavioral issues.  But nope, it's just a bunch of jerky kids acting like jerks.

Alan, who is the target of disdain from everyone in camp except for one kind counselor, would be a sympathetic character if not for the fact that he is also mean to other kids.  There isn't one likable character in the entire movie.  There also isn't any character development. People just yell, humiliate each other, and act like jerks.  Oh wait, I didn't hate the kind hearted counselor, but she only showed up to spirit Alan away from his tormentors.

Also the first glimpse of the town sheriff prompts the question, why is the sheriff wearing a fake nose and have a non-masculine physique?  

Some of the actors from the original film appear, including Angela, Ricky, and counselor Ronnie.

Walking Tall: Lone Justice (2007)

In a movie that has nothing to do with Buford Pusser, small town former sheriff Nick moves to the big city to live with his DEA girlfriend and her young daughter.  When all the witnesses who are in protective custody are killed, the DEA agents who will testify are put in a safe house, which turns out not to be so safe when all but one of them are gunned down.

Nick hides out in the country town where he used to be the law and does his Hercules stuff while protecting his woman, her child, and his friends.  Sorbo is an okay action hero, but anyone looking for the real Walking Tall characters should rent the original.

Blood Song (1982)

Frankie Avalon is a psychotic killer who plays a wooden flute and escapes from a sanitarium.  Frankie was only a child when he saw his father kill his mother and then commit suicide.  The worst part is his father only taught him one song before he died, so Frankie plays the same thing over and over.  But good god, don't say anything about it unless you want to end up dead.

Crippled high school student Marion is having dreams in which she sees Frankie killing people.  After she runs across him in the woods burying a body, Frankie starts chasing her, but no one believes what she says due to her crazy dreams and the lack of a body.

Frankie's hair is always prefect and he looks the same as when he was in the beach movies twenty years earlier.

Mausoleum (1983)

12 year old Susan enters the family mausoleum after her mother's death and is possessed by a green eyed demon.  Twenty years later, married Susan starts killing people by doing bad things with her demon eyes.  And when she shows up naked, her little bitey demon boobs could gnaw a hole right through a man.

Susan offs her handyman, her maid, and another family member before her husband figures out there is something wrong with her.  

Susan's psychiatrist gets the award for the calmest man every.  When Susan changes into the demon during one of her sessions, he has no reaction.  When he finds Susan's husband with his rib cages ripped open, he has no reaction.  Strangely enough, a cat scare does make him jump.

Tiki (2006)

Amy, a shy and super dorky college student, is mercilessly tormented by a group of girls who used to be popular in high school.  After she wins the lead in their theater class production, they decide to send her a love note from the professor she has a crush on.  

After their trick humiliates Amy and they cruelly laugh in her face, Amy suffers a series of seizures and falls into a coma.  Amy's voodoo practicing Aunt comes to town with her Tiki doll and vows revenge on those who have done her wrong.  That's when the killing begins.

The Tiki appears to be handheld and wiggled in front of the camera while the sound of tiny feet is heard.  It's ridiculous, but it also makes the Tiki kind of cute which is probably not the best effect for a tiny killing machine.

Cryptz (2002)

The comedy falls flat in this story of buddies Tymez Skwair, Likrish, and Fuzzy Down, who end up in a vampire strip club and have to be rescued by their martial artist mentor Truck.  How many more movies are there going to be about vampire strip clubs?  The first time I heard that concept it was interesting, but it seems to be on it's way to becoming a cliche.  Perhaps it's time for strip clubs full of werewolves.

Raiders of the Damned (2005)

In the future, humans live underground due to a government virus which has turned people into zombies.  The zombies are contained behind a massive wall, which would seem to mount an argument that as long as they didn't venture beyond the wall everything would be fine.  But that would be too easy.

After a scientist and his assistant are kidnapped by zombies, crazy, sickly looking scientist Richard Grieco organizes a rescue mission for them, and then promptly disappears from the film.

The zombies are military men who can speak and think rationally.  Unfortunately their makeup is completely horrible, with lines where the latex appliances attach to their faces.  It is completely obvious that something is stuck on their faces and around their mouths it will remind you of a ventriloquist dummy.  

Low budget movies don't have to be this bad.

Cold Prey (2006)

A Norwegian film about a group of college students who head off into the mountains for a day of snowboarding.  When one of the guys breaks his leg, they look for the closest shelter and end up at a deserted ski lodge.  

They make a fire, get some food, and find newspaper clippings about a young boy who disappeared at the lodge years ago.  Soon after they discover a room in the basement with clippings of other  disappearances and current styles of clothing which shows the place is not as deserted as they thought.

The film does a good job of building the tension, although the ending is not as big a surprise as it is supposed to be.  A decent film which I have heard has a sequel which is not as good.

Cliffhanger (1993)

Sylvester Stallone is Gabe Walker, part of a rescue team who saves people who get stuck on mountains.  When fellow rescuer Hal and Hal's girlfriend get stuck, Gabe is one of the team that rescues them.  

When Hal's girlfriends safety belt slips, she is left hanging on for her life while repeatedly screaming, "I can't hold on. Don't let me die!"  Due to Hal's injury, Gabe must be the one to save her.  But she's dead weight, will do nothing to save herself, and slips out of Gabe's grip. Gave quits the team and Hal blames Gabe for his girlfriend's death.

A year or two later, Gabe is back in town when a call for help is received from high on the mountain.  Hal and Gave grudgingly team up and end up being held captive by a gang who has stolen money from the treasury and needs their help locating where it fell from their airplane.  Typical Stallone movie written by Stallone himself.

Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

In the future, Tokyo has a wave of killings committed by Engineers, crazy killers who have a key shaped evil gene in their body.  If you chop an appendage off an Engineer, the appendage will regenerate as a weapon.  The only way to kill these monsters is to remove the key shaped evil from their body.

The police force has been privatized and they run strange commercials on tv, alongside other bizarre commercials for things like cutely designed cutting knifes for school girls.

The film is fairly gory and has some good effects, but the weird, freaky stuff that happens is all sort of random and overall you'll be wondering what is going on most of the time.

Piranha (1995)

Roger Corman's remake of 1978's Piranha doesn't change much from the original.  A search for missing teens leads to a pool in an old government research facility.  When the pool is drained, the experimental killing machines known as Piranhas are unleashed into the river and make their way down stream where a new resort is opening up.  Warnings to close the beaches are unheeded and the piranha feast on the flesh of those in the water.  

I'd watch the original rather than this one, unless you want to see Punky Brewster get mangled by Piranha.

Crowley (2008)

Stuttering professor Oliver Haddo gets into a virtual reality scuba suit and ends up being possessed by the spirit of Aleister Crowley, who proceeds to cause havoc and spew bodily fluids around campus.  He wishes to permanently take residence in the professor and starts black magic rituals.

The movie is confusing as the virtual reality idea is never fleshed out.  I'm not sure what the point of the experiment was or why it started with a virtual receptionist in an office.

Simon Callow does an excellent job as Haddo/Crowley.  The film was co-written by Bruce Dickinson, of Iron Maiden fame.

Vampires (2004)

aka Out For Blood

Kevin Dillon is a detective who is assigned the task of looking for a missing woman who was last seen at a dance club.  Not only does he find her the first night, but she invites him back to a private party.

The party turns out to be a blood sucking vampire party.  Dillon is bitten and becomes the stupidest soon-to-be vampire of them all, putting tin foil over his car windows to keep out the sun while reading vampire books written by his ex-wife.  The police won't believe his story and no one seems concerned about the gaping wound in his neck.

The head vampire looks like the drawing on the dvd cover and all the other vampires have that stupid sunken eyed, huge cheekboned faces that are so popular now.

American Ninja (1985)

Private Joe Armstrong is a hard working loner, and the military doesn't like that.  His own platoon hates him because he tried to protect the general's daughter from a ninja attack and members of the platoon were killed.  They tell Joe he should have just let the ninjas steal the government property and next time he should just let the ninjas do what they want. 

When popular Corporal Curtis Jackson challenges Joe to a fight and is roundly beaten, Joe earns Jackson's respect and friendship.  When they discover the ninjas have an inside man, they team up to save the general's daughter and put the ninjas out of business.

Michael Dudikoff is pretty wooden, but this is still one of the better 1980s ninja releases.  I remember seeing this in the theater when it was released and it's still an enjoyable movie, although don't expect anything great from it.

Mother's Day (1980)

I love late 1970s/ early 1980s horror movies, and was excited about this.  But I guess I should have looked at the description since I do not like movies that revolve around victimizing women and sexual assault.

Three women who went to college together go on a yearly outing to camp in the woods and are kidnapped by two backwoods brothers with a twisted, domineering mother. 

After being assaulted, one of the woman dies and the other two decide to take revenge for their friend.

The whole movie just makes you feel icky and I didn't enjoy it.  The only thing I did like was the scene of a pseudo Bigfoot vaulting out of the bushes, which came out of nowhere and was amusing though it was supposed to be scary.

Organizm (2008)

aka Living Hell

The only movie I've ever seen with CGI vomit, Organizm was better than I expected. Then again, I watched The Wind right before this and anything would seem good after that fiasco.  

Frank heads to a military facility that is scheduled for demolition as he needs to warn them about the danger that lies within.  When he was a child, his mother carved the address of an underground storage unit into his hands and told him he was responsible for making sure what was inside was never unleashed.  Unfortunately in her haste to make him remember, good old mom never mentioned anything about how the friggin' hell to stop this thing if it was released.  

After Frank crashes the dismantling of the secret government facility, he tells them the exact location of the thing and that it must not be disturbed.  The military immediately gets out their hazmat suits and unleashes the very thing Frank told them to contain.  This causes Frank to get into a snit where he essentially says, "I told you the exact location of the secret project.  You weren't supposed to open it but you did. Now leave me alone."  Great job, Frank, great job.

But Frank's a lucky guy. His mother may not have given him any clue as to how to stop this thing, but he just happens to talk to the one guy in town who used to work at the base and was sworn to secrecy by the government when the thing was locked in the vault.  Yippee!

The one question I need answered is how much blood does Frank have, because he lost a ton of it but still managed to live and not have a peaked complexion.

The Wind (2001)

The Wind is not a good name for a horror film.  Then again, it's not a very good movie.  Claire tells three of her male friends that she's been hanging out with their friend Bob for a few months, he thought they were dating, and after she told him they weren't, he sent her a weird card.  Oddly enough, the group gets incensed, waits for Bob in the woods, and kills him.

The only explanation we ever get for this ridiculous decision is a description on the dvd about the wind bringing murderous rage to a group of college kids.   The movie begins with stock footage and a boring narrative, but the film itself does nothing to portray the wind having any affect on these kids.  It isn't even windy in the movie.  If you don't read the box, you'll just think these kids are a bunch of stupid assholes....actually you'll think that anyway.

Martial Outlaw (1993)

Kevin and Jack are brothers, but they don't get along.  Kevin works for the DEA, is reliable, well liked, and a straight arrow. Jeff is a cop who is crooked, hits his wife, and resents that he has to take care of their father.

When the two end up working on the same case, they clash (surprise) and Jeff uses his position to tip off the mafia while demanding a big pay out for the information.

An okay action flick in the typical vein of all other American martial arts movies in the 1990s.

Alien Apocalypse (2005)

After 40 years in space, Bruce Campbell and his crew come back to Earth to find a Planet of the Apes situation with alien insects ruling the planet.  The aliens have come here to harvest wood and humans are slave labor in olde tyme saw mills.  

The film is ripe with exceptionally bad wigs and is so tedious that I would have ripped it out of the dvd player if Bruce Campbell hadn't been in it.  Sure, there are a few funny parts, Campbell emits his regular guy sort of charm, and the site of an alien biting off someone's head is pretty neat.  But it's a hard film to watch and when  you're done, you'll wish you'd spent the time doing something else.

All Soul's Day:Dia de los Muertos (2005)

In the 1950's Jeffrey Combs and his family stay at a hotel in a small Mexican town and the daughter is killed by the dead. What happened to the rest of the family?  No idea.

Back in  the present, a couple traveling in Mexico has an accident in a small town when they hit a funeral procession and a living mutilated woman spills out of the coffin.  The strange sheriff takes charge of the woman, and since their car won't start, they decide to stay at the hotel.  Everyone in town is creepy and it just happens to be All Souls Day, when the dead come back to life.

After the accident and maimed woman, you'd expect them to be upset, but shortly afterwards they seem to have even forgotten why they are there.  While they wait for their friends to come down to pick them up, they get drunk and naked.

The dead have been coming back to town on All Soul's Day for a century due to a terrible secret from the town's past.  The four friends must try to survive, even though there must be a sacrifice that night.  The ending is so stupid you won't believe you sat through the movie just to get this resolution.

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

I haven't seen the other Resident Evil movies and I haven't played the video game.  Not knowing the back story and having nothing to compare it to, it was a bit confusing as to why Alice has special powers.  

A virus has spread over the earth and turned most of the populace into zombies who can run fast.  A convoy of survivors is traveling in search of other survivors.  When some zombie crows attack them, they get unexpected help from Alice who then joins the group.

Alice is hiding from a company called Umbrella who wants to grab her as her blood holds the key to immunizing themselves from the plague.  Alice has clones, so I'm not sure why they can't use clone blood.  Instead they spend all their time tracking Alice.

The movie didn't have any character development and the plot is pretty thin, but it did keep me entertained.

Spontaneous Combustion (1990)

Brad Dourif has always given me the creeps.  If he's in a film, I get squeamish about watching it because he has played such disturbing characters.  I wasn't interested in seeing this movie, but boy was I wrong.  While his character has serious problems, he showed what a good actor he is by not being creepy at all in this.

Sam's parents were test subjects in atomic experiments. His mother became pregnant during the experiments and both parents died by spontaneous combustion on the day that he was born.  

As a adult, Sam is having headaches and finds that when he gets angry, fire streams from his body.  When he gets angry at someone, they end up being burned alive.  Sam figures out it has something to do with the fire in his body and the experiments on his parents.

The end was fairly predictable and Sam's fate was not what I would have wished, but overall a decent story and worth watching.

Witchhouse 3 (2001)

A woman leaves her abusive boyfriend and goes to stay with two friends who are doing a documentary on witchcraft.  The three women get drunk and decide to do an incantation which summons a spirit. 

Strange things start happening in the house.  Sadly none of the women are smart enough to figure out that it is due to their ritual.  You would expect people doing a documentary on witchcraft to be more aware that this could happen. 

Then again, the primary filmmaker doesn't seem to be very professional. Her interview method consists of chasing someone on the street dressed like a witch while screaming, "do you want to be in a documentary on witchcraft?"  

Nothing to recommend this one.

Mr. Hell (2006)

Oh god, this is just awful.  As a child Tyler found her father murdered and was almost killed herself by Mr. Hell, a serial killer who collects his victims eyeballs.   Tyler's playground was the restricted laboratory her father worked in and Mr. Hell meets his demise in toxic chemicals as he tries to kill Tyler.

Now Tyler is an adult and she's a security guard at the same laboratory facility that is being cleaned by an incompetent toxic waste team who somehow bring Mr. Hell back to life. 

This is a difficult movie to get through and leaves you wishing you hadn't wasted your time.  There are so many reasons this doesn't work.  But the thing that sticks in my mind is Mr. Hell is supposed to be charming and have an IQ of 160, but comes off as a moronic homicidal buffoon.

Incubus (1981)

A small town sees a series of murders which involve women being brutally raped.  Dr. Sam Cordell, who oozes an unsettling sleaziness, comes to believe that it is the work of something not human due to the severe injuries sustained by the victims and the massive amounts of red semen found at the scene.

In a subplot, the doctors daughter has a boyfriend who has nightmares of women being raped and murdered before each murder occurs.  He becomes the prime suspect, especially after stating that he can't remember what happened and thinks he might be the murderer!

The most ridiculous part of the movie is when Dr. Cordell decides to induce sleep in the boyfriend which will cause him to dream and another murder to take place. Way to go, doc!  

The other ridiculous scene takes when a band featuring Bruce Dickinson performs at a theater in town.  It just comes out of nowhere and they do silly light effects, which are kind of cool but very much the stuff that was impressive in junior high.

Equinox (1970)

A group of college students head into the woods to have a picnic and meet a professor who has made a discovery.  The group finds the cabin destroyed and the professor nowhere to be found. 

When they hear cackling laughter coming from a cave, they venture inside and find an insane old man in the dark with a creepy ancient book that he passes to them, insisting they are now it's caretakers.

The group is plagued by strange claymation monsters, and Asmodeus, the forest ranger who changes into a drooling, sunken eyed creep trying to take possession of them.

The acting is weak, the students hair changes lengths throughout the film,  and there are some laughable moments.  But this started as a student project and for that, it's quite an accomplishment.

Frank Boers Jr. aka Frank Bonner went on to become Herb Tarlek on WKRP in Cincinnati.  Also of note is the films influence on Sam Raimi's Evil Dead.  Also one can not help but be reminded of the satire, Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, when the ranger steps out of the bushes.

Family (2006)

Harold is the perfect neighbor.  He's quiet, neat, and when the new neighbors drunkenly crash into and destroy his mailbox in the middle of the night, he fixes it before they get up in the morning and insist that they don't owe him anything for the trouble.   He's the perfect dinner guest and an all round nice harmless guy.  But his public persona is just a front for what lies underneath, a total psycho with a family comprised of his victims.  

This is a very effective film, well shot and well acted.  I honestly didn't see the ending coming, which was a nice surprise.  I enjoyed the movie, even though it was unsettling.  Also there was a nod to the Three Stooges.  While Harold was in the hospital, you can hear them paging Dr. Howard and Dr. Fine over the loud speaker, which is right out of one of their short films.

Zombie Island Massacre (1984)

A group of tourists on an island in the Caribbean take a bus trip to attend a voodoo ceremony.  Once the ceremony is over, the group heads back to the bus where they find the driver has disappeared and their bus won't start. 

The tour guide heads off to a pay phone down the road but never returns.  A newlywed couple who went off into the bushes ends up murdered and the remaining group decides to head off to a mansion that one remembers seeing on the way in.  

This leads to more murders by unseen people in the woods who one would assume are zombies due to the title of the film.  However the name is misleading as the only zombie in the movie is the one at the voodoo ceremony and there is a lame twist ending.  

Of note is the appearance of Rita Jenrette, who appeared in Playboy and whose Congressman husband was involved in a scandal that landed him in jail.  

The Damned Thing (2006)

As a child Kevin saw his father go insane, kill his mother, and attempt to kill him.  But what makes this harder for Kevin to bear is that it was some unseen force that drove his father and many of the townsfolk to murderous rage.

Now an adult and sheriff of the town, Kevin surrounds his house with security cameras and has a huge surveillance room in his home.  He seems to wait in fear of the unseen evil returning for him.

While the story is intriguing, it never offers enough information and the end leaves you with a "huh" kind of feeling.

House (2008)

A bickering, unlikable couple on their way to marriage counseling stumble across a strange accident and a creepy sheriff.  The imbeciles, on the advice of the spooky sheriff, take a short cut through the woods down a dirt road - oh good heavens! - and end up skidding off the road after a suspicious object slashes their tires.  There is another damaged car at the same spot which does not bode well for our intrepid travelers.  In true cliche fashion, their cell phones can not find a signal in this desolate area.  

Heading back to the main road, they stumble across a massive guest house that they did not notice on the way in.  Nothing suspicious about that.  They decide to stay the night since it is pouring rain, even though the staff is nowhere to be found and the last date in the guest book is twenty years ago. Nope, no need to be alarmed by any of that.

The couple from the other abandoned car appears. Then the creepy  staff appear out of nowhere. Top that all off with religious overtones and a freak outside known as the Tin Man who demands one dead body by sunrise or he'll kill them all, and you've got one big mess on your hands.

Everything that happens screams out for the couples to use a few brain cells and realize something is off.  But they keep getting in deeper and deeper until they're stuck in the house with the creepy hillbilly staff and a killer outside.

Horror Planet (1981)

aka Inseminoid

An archaeological dig on a new planet uncovers exploding madness and strange aliens who impregnate one of the women.  People go insane, act stupid, and somehow lose their guns when they really need them.

The film starts out okay with some Alien type story line but degenerates into the pregnant lady screaming incessantly and lots of wrestling. If only there were wrestling bears... giant mutant alien bears.

Working Stiffs (1989)

Consolidated Temp Agency or Con Temps for short, has a plan to make lots of money.  They kill their employees then bring them back as workaholic zombies.  This way their clients get great workers and they can pocket all the paychecks, thus increasing their profits.

The zombies look normal, unless they've been stabbed or if they eat salt.  Salt is the real detriment here as one taste of it and our temp workers turn into blue faced, hollowed eyed stiffs.

The only person who notices the odd behavior of the temps is a temp worker from another agency who asks her brother to help figure out what is going on.  At one point while her brother distracts a zombie worker, our non-zombie temp takes a hammer out and pounds repeatedly on the zombies hand and he never even notices.

For a no budget movie, this holds up really well.  The comedy often  falls flat, but it's not that painful forced comedy of many low budge movies.  It's not a great movie by any  means, but it does have it's own charm and I enjoyed watching it.

Mad Doctor of Blood Island (1968)

A trip to Blood Island is about what you'd expect - full of killing, blood and green blooded monsters.  Well you wouldn't expect that last part, but that's what's a-doin' the killin' and the blood lettin'.

Three people head to Blood Island all with a different agenda:  a woman is looking for her father; an islander is heading home in an attempt to persuade his mother to move to the mainland; and a doctor, played by an Elvis-y John Ashley complete with sideburns and big collars, is investigating the illness on the island.

The mad doctor spends most of his time wandering around and doesn't do any experiments on camera.  Also of note is the camer work which sickening zooms in and out repeatedly while the monster is stalking and killing his victims.

The film has an opening disclaimer about how if the audience drinks a vial of green blood it will keep them from being infected.

Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)

Students at a film school are finishing their thesis project in a bid to win the coveted Hitchcock Award, which practically guarantees success in Hollywood.  Amy, who has followed in her father's footsteps as a documentary filmmaker, is stumped on what to do for her thesis until the campus security guard mentions a serial killer who murdered his victims by using methods of death from urban legends.

After the best student in their class commits suicide, Amy starts working on her film and people start disappearing.  Is it a serial killer or a student trying to eliminate his competition in the pursuit of the award?  

An okay slasher flick with a few movie being shot within a movie twists.

The Sandman (1995)

Gary is a romance novelist who longs to be a real writer.  He lives in a trailer park and his second cousin Ozzy has just shown up unexpectedly to crash on his couch.  His girlfriend is a waitress who says he needs to get a job at a bank so he can advance in a career since the writing isn't panning out.  Geez, it's pretty lame for a waitress who lives in a trailer park to be giving ultimatum's because their boyfriends career isn't as advanced as they'd like.

Gary has insomnia and sees a giant figure with glowing eyes roaming through the trailer park at night.  A number of people in town have died in their sleep and Gary thinks this is due to the Sandman, which several of neighbors have mentioned.

The Sandman looks exactly like the picture on the cover, which is kind of neat but kind of Halloween costume so not that scary.  The women in the movie are extremely annoying and when Gary's lame-o friend declares all women evil, you can understand where he's coming from even though he's the biggest loser around.