Crossworlds (1997)

College student Joe is visited by a woman from another dimension and discovers that the pendant his late father gave him is a key between worlds. The pendant also becomes a powerful weapon when combined with a certain staff. Good and evil forces have been looking for this for years and Joe gets caught in the fight.

Rutger Hauer is a warrior for the good cause who doesn't want anything to do with Joe until he finds out who Joe's father was. There are a few fight scenes and a scene in an elevator that works well even though it's sort of silly.

The film moves at a fairly slow pace and the special effects are minimal. There's a red filter on the desert scenes and a ripple effect which is supposed to simulate the crossing of the dimensions. Even though they're primitive and unexciting, I'd rather see this than bad cgi.

Flu Birds (2008)

A group of juvenile delinquents on a camping trip are attacked by giant killer birds carrying a mutated strain of flu virus. With their counselor dead, the group flees to an old military bunker to escape the birds.

Meanwhile at the local hospital, doctors try to save a hunter who was bitten by the birds and is getting sicker by the minute. The government shows up to quarantine the hospital, but lets the doctor and the park ranger head off to find the kids trapped in the bunker.

Though they are referred to as birds, they look nothing like the bird on the cover. They are more like pterodactyls. It is never explained where they came from or why they are attacking the town.

The delinquents are extremely unlikable horrible human beings that you won't care about and it doesn't matter when they die.

Strangest of all, the military man who has to enforce the quarantine at the hospital does not do anything to stop the woman who is leaving. When he warns her he will shoot her if she continues, she keeps walking. He kills her and then look sad. Couldn't he have physically tried to detain her? Or how about shooting her in the leg?

Shark Attack (2003)

Casper van Dien is Steven, a marine biologist who heads to Africa due to a request from a scientist friend for help. When he arrives he discovers that his friend has been eaten by sharks. Along with the man's sister Corine, Steven decides to look into the death as well as figuring out why he was called to Africa.

His friend's partner, Dr. Craven, is testing an unapproved drug for cancer treatment on local residents. Steven is outraged and heads into the hospital to look at everyone's charts, which is confusing since he's a marine biologist and not a doctor.

The local fishermen and business owners are being negatively affected by the shark attacks, and there are many foreclosures in town. Add the tribesmen who do not want anyone bothering the sharks, and everyone is on edge and ready to snap.

The villains are easy to spot and the outcome is predictable. The sharks are in separate footage from the actors. There is no carnage other than the gross looking photos of shark attack victims.

Headless Horseman (2007)

Seven friends heading to a Halloween party take a short cut down a dirt road overgrown with bushes and end up running over a bear trap in the middle of the road. A tow truck that just happens to be in the woods brings them to the town of Wormwood, which we are told is where the legend of the headless horseman really originated.

Years ago the townfolk beheaded a man who was murdering children and every seven years he comes back to town to collect seven heads. If he doesn't, the town and all it's people will disappear from the face of the Earth.

The college kids aren't all that bright and aren't very likable, so it doesn't really matter when they die. With each head the horseman gets, sinewy strands come out of his neck and begin to form a new head.

I Love You Man (2009)

After Peter decides to get married, he realizes he doesn't have any male friends. His friends have always been females. When he over hears his fiances friends tell her a man without male friends becomes clingy and possessive after marriage, Peter sets out to find a friend who can be his best man.

Peter gets set up on man dates by his gay brother, who sets him up with an obnoxious guy from the health club, and his mother, who unintentionally sets him up on an actual date.

When Peter meets Sidney at the open house he's having at Lou Ferrignos, they hit it off and Peter discovers they have a mutual love of Rush. The friendship starts to get in the way of Peter's relationship with his fiance Zooey, which makes Peter start questioning his life.

Paul Rudd and Jason Segal are both very likable as actors and I enjoyed them in this film. While there are some uncomfortable scenes, as well as various plot points and outcomes that are predictable, overall I liked the film and parts of it made me laugh out loud.

Against the Dark (2008)

A virus has infected most of Earth's population turning them into vampires zombie creatures that kill humans. Six survivors roam through a vacant hospital trying to avoid the creatures and find their way to the security exit.

All the characters do stupid things which put them in harms way. They keep unintentionally splitting up, even after the hunters arrive to save them. There is no explanation as to why they believe they will be stuck in the hospital if they can't get to the security exit before the generator shuts off. Why can't they just leave the way they came in?

I have no idea if the creatures in this film are supposed to be zombies or vampires. They are referred to in the description as vampires. In the movie they are called vampires and mutants, but they act like zombies. They eat internal organs, but they also drink blood. What the hell are they?

I suppose it really doesn't matter because Steven Seagal is a hunter and he's going to kill them. Seagal isn't in the movie very much, but when he is, he and his team of hunters swing swords and kill creatures. Once again, what they are is questionable since they can be killed with a gun or a sword, and you don't have to put a stake in their heart or destroy their brain. Lazy writing or pushing the envelope? You decide.

To sum it up, when we were about twenty minutes into it, my friend said, "wow this is a lot worse than I thought it would be." She was right, but I still liked it better than the big budget GI Joe which we watched right after this.

G.I. Joe (2009)

Cobra has stolen the government's secret weapon, nanobots that destroy everything they touch and form a widening path of destruction until the killswitch deactivates them. The Joes are out to retrieve the stolen nanobots before anyone gets hurt. That's the whole movie in a nutshell.

The problem with this type of film is that it's all loud noises and cgi. The characters spout one liners, and the movies is full of cliches. I especially liked when the entire control room stood up and cheered after a tense "will they or won't they make it" scenario.

The new recruits intuitively know how to work all the top secret military equipment without any training. Their subsequent destruction of property in Paris while chasing the bad guys and using this equipment may rival the destruction caused by the bad guys.

Dance of the Dead (2008)

The town's nuclear power plant is spouting green smoke and the local gravedigger is corralling the dead that try to get out of the graves. On prom night when the dateless scifi club head to the cemetery to hunt ghosts, they find themselves attacked by zombies.

As the zombies overrun the town, the group bands together with other students to try to warn their classmates at the prom.

It's an enjoyable film, but the glowing reviews I read made me expect more from it. I do have to give credit to the zombies who launch out of their graves and begin running next to the scifi club. It looks really cool and it isn't cgi.

The Beast (1996)

Peter Benchley remakes Jaws with a giant squid. Whip Dalton is a fisherman who knows there is something in the ocean killing people. Schuyler Graves who runs the town, decides to send some less honest fishermen out to kill whatever is causing the deaths. The town is going to celebrate Founders Day so god forbid he should keep vacationers and celebrants away from the water. Of course things don't go as planned and Graves is constantly thwarting Dalton's efforts for keeping people safe.

The movie was made for tv and is three hours long, which it doesn't need to be. There isn't anything new here and if it were a tighter script, perhaps it would have been more exciting. As it was, you could predict who would live, who would die, and when there was going to be a big problem with that darn giant squid.

She Beast (1966)

Newlyweds Veronica and Philip go to Romania where they met Count Van Helsing who tells them about the local lake which was cursed by an ancient witch after the townsfolk killer her. After the couple get in a fight with the peeping tom innkeeper, they drive off and accidentally crash into the cursed lake where Veronica's body is taken over by the witch. Philip teams up with Van Helsing to try to save Veronica before the witch can possess her forever.

It's got the typical pacing of most 1960s horror movies. The witch looks exactly like the cover photo, which is pretty gross. But to those who like modern gore, it probably won't bother them at all.

Final Days of Planet Earth (2006)

The basic plot revolves around Lloyd, a pompous archaeologist who discovers that aliens have come to Earth and are disguising themselves as humans while they take over the planet. Lloyd teams up with a few others in an attempt to stop the invasion. Lloyd is not a likable character and I found myself repeatedly getting annoyed with him and his compatriots.

The movie focuses more on story than action, which would work better if it weren't so convoluted. When it's Lloyd's turn at city hall, he goes through the door for his meeting and has to descend numerous flights of stairs and walk down a maintenance corridor to get to a door. Would anyone really do that? I'd think they sent me through the wrong door, but Lloyd and everyone else just keeps walking.

The movie was made for tv and lasts for three hours. Perhaps it would have been better if it had only been half as long. The sound was off by five seconds on the second dvd. Someone would speak, but you'd hear nothing. Then it would cut to the next person, and you'd hear the first persons voice. I guess quality control wasn't that important as this was on a cheap dvd set. But it did make for some funny moments when Darryl Hannah's lips moved but a man's voice came out. Or a person tripped and fell down to the sound of nothing, while five seconds later there was a scream and a huge crash.

Invaders From Mars (1986)

David Gardner sees a UFO land over the hill in his backyard. He urges his father to check it out but the next day Dad is acting strange. Soon other in town are acting weird and David figures out it has something to do with the UFO.

He manages to convince the kindly school nurse that there is something going on, although she's not quite sure how much to believe. He also figures out that all the people who are not themselves anymore have a bandage on the back of their necks. Both David and the nurse end up at the military base where they try to get the General that there are aliens taking over the town.

The space ship under the ground is really cool looking. The monsters aren't scary but they are interesting looking. The film is entertaining but might have been better if the David were a more experienced actor. Sometimes he manages to nail it, but more often than not he isn't believable and has a Little Rascals feel to his reading of the lines.

Black Hole (2006)

A scientific experiment goes wrong, creating a black hole in the basement utility corridor of a military building. While you'd think that would be the worst of their problems, an alien has come through the hole and is sucking up energy which it uses to kill.

The energy creature follows the electrical lines to a power station where it starts eating up energy. As St. Louis is being destroyed, scientists come up with the theory that the black hole can only be closed by sending the energy creature back through it.

David Selby of Dark Shadows fame is in this one, but he falls victim to the lackluster writing as do the others. The focus was on the energy monster with the black hole being more of an after thought.

Dead Above Ground (2002)

Jeff Lucas, an unpopular Goth kid, is laughed out of his film class when he premiers his badly made horror movie rather than the documentary he was supposed to make. He's such a rebel that he is dragged out of class by the football coach and sent to the school psychologist.

The psychiatrist is concerned because she can't contact his parents. But not too concerned since psycho Jeff shows up later at his teachers pool party wearing a druid's robe and she doesn't blink an eye. A confrontation at the party leads to a car chase where the Goth kid's brakes fail, his car flies off a cliff and bursts into flames. Everyone blames the high school quarterback for driving him off the road.

A year later a new kid moves into Jeff's old house and starts having nightmares about him. He and Jeff's goth chick friend ask the popular kids to come to a seance at the house to try to communicate and bring Jeff back. They do it, which makes no sense since they all hated Jeff. Why would they want to bring him back? They don't like him and don't know the new kid.

When the killings start, the kids are afraid it's Jeff's ghost, but the local detective and some of the people in town blame the ex-quarterback. The goth chick tells one girl that if she can get Jeff's horror movie into the Sundance film festival, Jeff's spirit will spare her life. Seriously? Are you kidding me? How can that be part of the plot? It's so stupid.

Tequila Body Shots (1999)

Johnny and his friends get an invitation to a party in Mexico from a man they don't know. Apparently it's going to be the party of the year, so they jump in the car and head to Mexico. Johnny's love interest and her friends have also received an invitation to this mysterious party, to which they respond by clapping their hands with glee and heading into a foreign country to party with a stranger. In other words, these people are idiots.

Once in Mexico, a local doctor gives Johnny a potion that lets him read women's minds and his love interest discovers that in a previous life she was married to a man named Hector who has thrown this party so he can take her to the land of the dead.

The characters are stupid and the movie puts forth the plot point that a Tequila body shot can bring someone back from the dead. Eeek!

Star Trek (2009)

When I was growing up I was a big fan of the original Star Trek, and have never been able to watch any of the later series as they don't hold the same charm. So I had no interest in seeing this. However it was the movie that showed up for the night, so I resigned myself to sit through it.

Surprisingly I enjoyed it. There were awkward moments when they deviated from events that I knew occurred in the original series. But the writers came up with an annoying little plot twist where the Romulans have traveled back in time and this event changes the future as we know it. Sort of clever, sort of lame, it all adds up to giving the writers free reign in where they want to take the characters.

The actors pay homage to the original characters by following the basic personalities. McCoy was my favorite but Checkov was super annoying. And I was not the only one watching who found the shape of Kirk's head disturbing. I can't pinpoint it, but there's something odd about it.

Hallow's End (2003)

Very low budget movie about college students who put on a haunted house in an old warehouse. An old guy shows up and gives them an ancient book of spells that turns out to be evil. When a spell is cast, the costumes of the performers dictate what they become, and zombies, vampires, and pirates start roaming the hallways and looking to kill.

This is not a good movie by any means., but it's not the worst thing I've ever seen either.

Friday the 13th, Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

Tommy Jarvis is haunted by childhood memories of Jason and Camp Crystal Lake. Tommy's obsession leads him to dig up Jason to prove that he's dead. Upon seeing the corpse, Tommy repeatedly stabs Jason with an iron fence post, which proves to be a perfect lightning rod and a convenient way to bring Jason back to life.

With Jason back from the dead and ready to kill, Tommy runs to the Sheriff for help in stopping the inhuman killing machine. Of course, no one believes him and the body count increases.

Not the worst sequel and not the best, the movie features songs by Alice Cooper, including the giggle inducing Hard Rock Summer and the theme song which states Jason is out of control and will steal your soul. Uhhhh, no... No on both counts as the man is very methodical and controlled in his killings, and has no interest in your soul.

Child's Play 2 (1990)

Chucky, the doll with the soul of a serial killer residing inside, is back after his burned little carcass is scraped of soot and refurbished in an experiment gone wrong. After killing a few toy company employees, Chucky sets off in search of Andy, the poor kid he tormented in the first movie.

Alex is in foster care living with a rebellious teenage girl and two well meaning adults who aren't the best foster parents you could find. Even though they know Andy had a tragedy involving a doll, they still have one in the house which freaks the poor kid out. The doll provides an easy plot device for Chucky to assume the doll's place and go after Andy.

The doll factory is the cleanest factory you'll ever see. The eye inserting machine broadcasts it's intent even before the careless technician decides the only way to fix it is to lie directly under it. Ouch!

Paranormal Activity (2009)

The trailer for this movie is very effective. With the spooky soundtrack and the footage of something unseen moving the covers, it looked so scary that I did not want to see it. But reviews I've seen are so polarized - it's either unbelievably scary or not scary at all.

What I liked about the film was that they chose to use the viewers own imagination rather than special effects and cgi monsters. More filmmakers could use the lesson that what we don't see is often scarier than what we do see. Also they stuck to the concept that this was home movie footage shot by this couple and did not add spooky music to influence the mood.

Now what I didn't like was that it is exactly like watching a friends home movies. It's boring, pointless and only interesting to the person who shot it. Plus Micah is a dick. He's more interested in documenting what is going on than in making sure his girlfriend is okay. He comes off as insensitive, uncaring, and having no respect for his girlfriend's feelings, especially in regards as to how to deal with the supernatural force that is tormenting her.

I saw this on dvd, not in the theater, and the movie had an alternate ending. Afterwards there was video footage from a theater which showed the theatrical release ending. All I can say is that they were smart not to have the alternate ending. Even though it is almost the same, it is so unbelievably lame. It's a cliche which you can't believe is happening.

To sum up, none of us were scared, but I think if seen in a dark theater it would be creepy. But mostly it's like watching someone's boring home movies where you keep praying for something to happen.