Zoombies (2016)

Eden wildlife zoo is opening soon and college interns arrive to help get the place in shape.  They are shown the amazing set up of this new marvelous zoo which includes an app to track all the animals.

A CGI monkey gets a virus and dies. An experimental serum is used to bring it back to life. Oh snap! Things do not look good for our intrepid undergrads.

The students on the internship are the standard characters including a girl with a terrible attitude. How did she even get  this internship?  They do interviews for internships and no one would have touched this girl with a ten foot pole.  She's horrible.

When an alarm goes off, everybody ignores it.  That alarm? Oh it's just that darn researcher who's always setting it off. It can't be anything important.  No, we don't even pay attention to it anymore. No, it couldn't possibly be zombie animals planning to kill all the workers in the park.

Eventually they figure out the alarm is for real this time.  So they lock down the park and wait for SWAT to save them.  Oddly enough the SWAT team shows up on the animal tracking system.

While this is a film by The Asylum, which is not a good thing, it is one of the more entertaining Asylum movies because things happen quickly. Usually Asylum has some crazy plot that could be awesomely ridiculous and fun, if only the movie wasn't idiots standing around talking.  There's some of that in this, but the animals go crazy pretty quickly and then everything is chaos.  There's nothing new about it, and it's not stellar by any means, but it had more going for it than most.  Watch for the continuity issue where the guys tattoo switches arms as he goes down zip line.  (I can't even remember his name at this point).

Darling (2015)

A young woman known as Darling is hired to take care of a wealthy matrons New York home.  When she shows up to start the job, she is warned that the previous caretaker committed suicide by jumping off the roof and the house is said to be haunted. But Darling is game, as what else is she going to do since she'd have nowhere to live if she didn't stay. Also maybe the owner should have mentioned this prior to hiring her.

Darling stares at the camera a lot.  She wanders around the house and stares.  She has what are either flashbacks or hallucinations, which rely on jump cuts and jarring noise accompaniment in an attempt to startle and induce fear. Instead it just induces annoyance at this cliched manipulation.

The movie spends an inordinate amount of time watching Darling.   So if you want to watch a young woman stare emptily, act slightly weird, and not speak much, then you'll probably enjoy this.

The ending is not a surprise and you'll find yourself wondering why anyone - especially someone rich -  would not check references before hiring a caretaker.

Also there is a locked door at the end of the hallway that you assume will figure into the story line at some point.  There is talk that the house may have been the site of Satanic ceremonies, that it might be haunted and that other caretakers have left suddenly or killed themselves.  Yet the mystery of the locked door is never used effectively so it just becomes another dead end which doesn't contribute to the story, such as it is.

The film is in black and white, and while this can be an effective choice when making a film, the lack of contrast in this movie is noticeable. It's as if they shot in color and just stripped the color out. There seems no thought to the contrast, which could have made the film moodier, spookier and more visually appealing.  If you watch films from the 50s and 60s, you can see how lighting is effectively used to deliver tension and mood. This film is far too bright and flat to effectively work.

The extras on the dvd include an interview with the director who seems very convinced that this is a special film and the viewer has never seen anything like this. Yet it borrows heavily from his influences and anyone who watches horror regularly will not be surprised by anything that occurs. Also the use of chapters in a film has to be done carefully to be effective or it comes off as pretentious, which it does here.

Red Christmas (2016)

Diane, her children and their spouses are getting ready to open their Christmas presents, when there is a knock on the door. Diane opens it to find a creepy man with a speech impediment wearing a cloak who has slightly oozy bandages obscuring his entire face.  His gloved hands hold out an envelope which has the word Mother scrawled across the front in pencil and it is obvious there is something very wrong with him.

Diane does what anyone would do in this situation and invites him in to sit down with the family. Keep in mind that it is a beautiful day in sunny Australia and the home has a huge front porch on which this stranger could have cooled his heels.  Based on the mans odd behavior, there is no way even the most compassionate person would have invited him into their home, especially when among the inhabitants are a very pregnant woman and a teenager with Downs syndrome.  What about the safety of your family?

Things get even weirder when the stranger, who's name is Cletus, insists on reading his letter to Mother and it is revealed that this is the child whose birth Diane terminated twenty years earlier.  The clinic was bombed while she was there and someone pulled the baby from the trash... the living baby... the large living baby who would never have been terminated at that age of development. It even waves it's larger than a newborn hand at the man who picks it out of the garbage.

There are two huge problems with this film.  Diane's family is completely unlikeable and ungrateful, other than Jerry the teen with Downs Syndrome who is totally in the Christmas spirit.  And the film is a complete bummer.  You don't care about the family, you don't care about Cletus, and when the movie ends you just feel yucky.  It's completely depressing and worst of all, it's just no fun. The only reason we managed to make it through this thing was Dee Wallace.

Mothman (2010)

Graduation is fast approaching and a group of teens is hanging at the lake, drinking and having fun.  Well it would be fun if they didn't have to babysit Jamie, Jared's little brother who is a couple years younger.

When they decide to scare Jamie and play a prank on him, he accidentally drowns.  The group decides they don't want to ruin their own lives.  So they come up with a story that he hit his head and drowned. Argh!  What is wrong with these people? And Jamie's brother goes along with it? What a tool.

To seal the deal, they each hit Jamie in the head with a rock, which is incredibly stupid as it's not going to look like an accident with six hits to the cranium. But apparently either there was no autopsy or the medical examiner is incompetent because they get away with it.

Ten years later Katharine, who is now a reporter, is sent back to town to cover the Mothman festival.  So I guess she isn't a good reporter since that isn't the type of assignment you'd give a serious journalist.

After running into her ex-boyfriend, Katharine reluctantly meets up with her old friends and discovers she was the only one who ever left town. Coincidentally it is ten years since Jamies death and the old gang gets together every year to toast Jamie.  A very odd tradition since you would think they'd never want to think of that horrible night they accidentally killed someone and then bashed his head with a rock to make sure everyone kept the secret.

Within a day of her arrival, members of the group start getting killed by the Mothman.  The police have no idea that it's a supernatural being. Because no one really believes in the Mothman. It's just a  harmless legend. Not so, says the creepy old blind guy who claims to have scratched his own eyes out to avoid being killed by the Mothman.

Intrepid reporter Katharine and her high school sweetheart Connor pursue leads as to why their friends are dying and how they may avoid the death sentence themselves.  The blind dude tells Katharine that Mothman can only come into their world through reflective surfaces, and Katharine notes there are no mirrors in his home.  Someone should tell him that he's wearing glasses and his house has windows because glass is reflective, dumbass.

Turns out Mothman only kills those who have killed others and hidden it to avoid paying the price.  So basically, he's a good guy getting justice for those have been wronged.  This leads us to the big problem with this movie, which is why would I care that he is killing these horrible people?

Seventh Son (2105)

Centuries ago, a witch named Mother Malkin was imprisoned underground  in a cage by Master Gregory, a spook (knights who hunt witches).  Now Malkin has escaped and plans to wage war on Gregory and the rest of humankind.  Gregory is looking for a new apprentice, seeing as they keep dying, and finds Tom, the seventh son of a seventh son.

They set out on a quest, with Master Gregory training Tom in the way of the knights.  Gregory is the last of his kind so he's looking for an apprentice to take over some day.  Since they all inconveniently die before this can happen, here's hoping Tom can survive long enough to learn the ways of the spooks.

Jeff Bridges plays old Master Gregory as if he's got a mouthful of oatmeal, a curious choice indeed as it's awkward and annoying.

Microwave Massacre (1983)

Construction worker Donald just wants a normal sandwich, but his wife May wants to expand her culinary expertise. She whips up complex inedible dishes for Donalds lunch and dinner.  Oddly enough, Donald doesn't just throw the lunch away and buy a sandwich at the lunch wagon.

One night he comes home drunk. When he gets in a fight with May about her cooking, he kills her and stuffs her in the biggest microwave known to man.  The next morning when he realizes what he's done, he hacks her up, wraps her in foil, and throws her in the fridge, which is already filled with foil wrapped food.

When Donald accidentally eats May's arm, he decides it's better than what he's been eating. He shares a sandwich with some friends at work, and they tell him it's tasty but seems a bit old. So Donald starts praying on young women in the area to get tender flesh.

The lead actor is comedian Jackie Vernon, who is probably best known as the voice of Frosty the Snowman, and is essentially a low rent Jackie Mason.  The movie is filled with bad jokes that you'd expect to hear in vaudeville of 1950s movies, and parts of the film seem as if you're watching Jackie do a monologue, complete with supposedly comedic inflections.  There are a couple of sex scenes with topless woman and a fully clothed Jackie writhing on top of them.  No one wants to see that.

The Forest (2016)

Sara and Jess are twins.  Sara is the good reliable one, and Jess is the troublemaker.  When Jess disappears, Sara's twin-tuition tells her that Jess is still alive.  So she travels to Japan, and learns that Jess was last seen going to Aokigahara, known as the Suicide Forest.

Sara refuses to believe that Jess would kill herself, plus her spider sense tells her that Jess is still alive.   She decides to go to the forest, even though locals warn her it is a dangerous place and if she goes, then she must not leave the path.  It is said ghosts haunt the forest and target those who are sad. Also it's easy to get lost because there's such a tangle of brush.

Stopping in to a bar for a drink, she meets Aiden, a reporter.  He is planning to go into the forest with his friend Michi, a forest guide who does sweeps for bodies.  Aiden says he'll take her along, if he can write her story.

They traipse into the woods and Michi leads them off the path to look for bodies. When they find her sisters tent, it is late in the day.  A tent in the forest casts doubt on whether the person intended to kill themselves.  Michi tells them they must go back, but Sara refuses to leave.  Aiden is torn between safety and leaving Sara alone, but stupidly decides to stay with Sara. Hilarity ensues. No wait, not hilarity, horror. Yes, pure horror because they did not heed the warning of staying on the path. Always stay on the path and always heed the warning of a stranger who says don't go into the woods. Stupid girl.

Dead By Dawn (2009)

A group of high school students, whose advanced age means they must have limited intellectual capacities, go to a cabin to celebrate their graduation.  Tanya is invited along by one of her friends. When the kid whose family owns the cabin finds out, he is not happy.  His older brother was accused of rape by Tanya's identical twin sister, which led to the brother committing suicide in this very cabin.  Well that's awkward.

Tanya's sister disappeared after the suicide, and the police suspect she ran away. But Tanya is convinced something happened to her sister. She has terrible nightmares and being around these jerks isn't helping since they want to make her pay for her sisters accusation.

Aaaaand lots of people die, there's a vengeful spirit and sadly enough you may fall asleep because it's not very interesting.

Ticks (1993)

Tyler gets dropped off under a city overpass in a bad part of town to wait for the youth group bus to take him to camp.  A tough urban kid appears out of nowhere and starts to hassle him.  But he's played by Alfonso Ribiero, who is the least tough person ever to play a street kid, so no need to worry.  It turns out he's waiting for the bus too.

The counselors drive the kids up to the woods for some sort of bonding experience to try to get them on the right path.  It's not really clear why most of the teens are enrolled as they don't seem particularly troubled.

Panic is street smart but friendly to the adults.  Tyler has nightmares from being lost in the woods as a child.  Dee Dee is a spoiled rich girl.  Her boyfriend Rome just appears to be along for the ride, and to get a little more ethnic diversity in the film.  Kelly doesn't speak to people, and the last girl is the counselors daughter.  She seems more troubled than any of the others, but is only there because she's got nowhere else to stay.

When they stop for supplies, the group runs into a couple of creepy guys at the general store.  Later  the same two guys wander up to their campsite to ask questions. Oh that's not good. You don't want the creepy guys knowing where you sleep at night. And in horror movies there is no such thing as a coincidence so watch out!

But the creepy guys not the worst of their problems since the woods are full of mutated killer ticks and they aren't discriminating in who they attack. The most interesting part of the movie is that one of the kids is played by Seth Green.

Worst line of dialogue:
"They call me Panic - because I never do."

Most Likely to Die (2016)

Prior to their tenth year reunion, a group of friends gathers at one of their homes to catch up with each other.  Their host is nowhere to be found, so they start without him.

On the wall are large copies of their yearbook photos stating what they were voted most likely to do.  Oddly enough, everyone in the graduating class was named Most Likely something.  Not sure if that's something schools actually do now. When I was in school, there were specific categories for senior superlatives and a different section of the yearbook for those who won.

The group sits around talking about their successes or analyzing  their own faults.  None are that interesting.  One guy is a famous actor who brings his model girlfriend, which makes things very awkward since one of the others is his high school ex still nursing a broken heart. Yikes! She still isn't over it, and doesn't trust anyone. You see, that's why she's bad at poker. Yes, really. She's a poker player but manages to blows every good hand due to the trauma of being dumped in high school.

Talk turns to their time on the yearbook staff which leads to how they took the senior photo of one of the school losers, scratched out his eyes and mouth, wrote die on his forehead, and gave him the title Most Likely to Die.  Oh it was so hilarious - until one of them managed to slip it into the final proof and it got printed in the yearbook.  They never intended for it to be printed, but hey those were good times, right? Right?

The group parties it up while the creepy caretaker watches. Old creepy graduated with them and the rich hockey player who they're visiting gave him a this job.  Um kind of weird, but okay.   Is it any weirder than inviting your high school friends to a party at your house, and not inviting the guy from high school that lives in your house as a caretaker?

When the killings start, their first thought is it's old creepy. caretaker guy.  Each time someone dies, a read X marks the yearbook photo on the wall, and their death is in a manner corresponding to their Most Likely To quote in the yearbook.  And there you have it.  It's a fairly typical slasher with unsympathetic characters.

Starry Eyes (2014)

Sarah is a struggling young actress who works as a waitress at Big Taters while trying to make it in Hollywood.   Her roommate and friends are actresses, actors and filmmakers all looking for their big break.  They're more friends of convenience than real friends since they can't keep her secrets, and one girl constantly makes passive aggressive comments meant to undermine her self esteem.

When Sarah gets an audition for a movie at a well known studio, her friends are jealous. But the audition doesn't go well and Sarah ends up in the bathroom screaming and tearing her hair out.  One of the casting directors catches Sarah in mid fit, and asks her to  repeat this in the auction room.  Sarah does but leaves feeling confused since they seem just as unimpressed as when she did her reading.

When Sarah gets a call back and is then invited to meet the producer, she is thrilled. They tell her this is a gateway role. She'll be the star and her face will appear on all the posters.  But there's a catch and it involves the casting couch.  Sarah is horrified and bolts.

But later that night as she hangs out with her crappy friends, she begins to rethink her decision  She's selling her soul working at dead end jobs, so what's the difference between that and selling herself for the stardom she wants?   Oh poor misguided, delusional, mentally fragile Sarah. This isn't going to end well.

Sarah's transformation, or disintegration, is pretty gross.  While she's a fragile character, she's too messed up to be sympathetic.  At times you feel bad for her, but she's willing to do anything to get what she wants.

Drive Angry 3D (2011)

Drive Angry is a crazy movie in 3D.  Is it good? No, not really, but it's got tons of action and William Fichtner gives a fantastic  performance as The Accountant.

Nicholas Cage - looking like the lead singer of Nickelback - is Milton, a man who's escaped from hell in a souped up muscle car.  He's come back to Earth to avenge the death of his daughter at the hands of a satan worshipping cult, and rescue his granddaughter before the cult can sacrifice her.

Milton teams up with Piper after he saves her from her abusive boyfriend.  Piper isn't your normal helpless female, although she appears young and helpless.  She drives muscle cars and isn't afraid to throw punches or shoot cops, if needed.

The two are tracking Jonah King, leader of the cult. On their tail are the police and the Accountant, who plans on bringing Milton back to hell.

This is one weird messed up movie. In one scene Cage has a gun battle and dives about the room while having sex with a waitress.  The Accountant has the most amusing scenes and Fitchner gives the best performance in the film.  Also watch for Tom Atkins as the Sheriff as it's always good to see him show up.

Eaters (2011)

After a pandemic turns most of the population into zombies, a weirdo doctor searches for a cure with the help of a few other survivors who procure zombies for his experiments. Oddly enough the zombie population is pretty slim.  There are more Nazi's than zombies, but that doesn't make things any more interesting.

The majority of the movie is the two main characters driving around, talking to each other, and occasionally shooting zombies.  Only two characters don't come off as total jerks, and overall the movie isn't that interesting.

A Good Man (2014)

Every time I watch a Steven Seagal film, I assume it's going to follow the typical trajectory - he bonds with a small child to show how sensitive he is, and then kills everyone. This movie is no exception.

Seagal is Alexander, a bloated pufferfish with a jet black goatee and synthetic hair crafted into a questionable widows peak. Alexander is former Special Ops living in a low rent part of a European city where the Russian mob is prevalent.  He meets his neighbors - a twenty something woman and a child - when they get locked out of their apartment.  Since he's a handyman, he can help them get in. Let the bonding begin.

His neighbors brother Sasha is trying to pay off their fathers debt to the Russian mob.  The debt puts the whole family in danger, which is not okay with Seagal since he's a sensitive guy who cares about their well being. See? He's a multifaceted hitman.

After the plot set up, the next hour will be full of Seagal mumbling and walking slowly towards people who've threatened him. People who are saying things like, "it's none of your business old man" because they have no idea that this old jowel-y handyman is going to make them wish they'd never been born.

I'm guessing the opening dialogue, which consists of Seagal using the word fuck in every sentence, may be trying to convey he's a tough guy since he can't really do physical work anymore.  The fight scenes consist of Seagal twisting someones arm, causing them to cascade through the air in multiple spins.  Between the quick cuts and the stuntmen's talent, there are some passable action scenes.  Oh,  I forgot Sasha is still young enough to pick up the slack so we do have some okay fights in the film.

Occasionally there appears to sometimes be someone else dubbing Seagals dialogue, which isn't totally a surprise once you've noticed it in some of his other films.  Also watch for the scene where we discover that the Russian mob doesn't know how backpacks work.  They don't realize these bags  have more than one pocket.

Unfathomable dialogue-

Well I'm sorry to hear that because now I'll snatch every motherfucker birthday.

(There was a debate on whether he was mumbling snatch or smash. I like smash better.)

Navy Seals vs. Zombies (2105)

When the Vice President gets trapped in Baton Rouge by an outbreak of violence, an elite unit of Navy Seals is sent to rescue him.  No one informs the Seals of the real issue plaguing the city, which is zombies.

After locating the survivors, an annoying reporter trapped with the VP tries to show the Seals footage of what actually happened, but they blow her off.  They may want to be more open minded since they have no idea what made the VP and secret service scamper into a hiding place like frightened children.

They call for the chopper to evacuate the VP and are told that anyone who has been bitten is not allowed to leave.  No one shall ask why the Seals don't check any of the survivors for bites before allowing them on the copter - especially those who are mysteriously ill and can't walk without help.

Now you'd think that Seals would be leaving with the others, but instead they are told they have a second mission. Go across town and collect a scientist who may  (or may not) be the key to curing the zombie outbreak.

The annoying reporter and her cameraman refuse to leave because they want the story. So the Seals agree to watch out for them.  This is a terrible idea. It's not their job to babysit pesky reporters and this extra burden could jeopardize their mission.  And what the hell is Michael Dudikoff doing in this film?  I expect better from the American Ninja.

The Seals are not up to their usual caliber. One one is taken out by a single zombie, and another decides that he won't shoot a zombie because it's a child. It's a goddamn zombie, kill it!  I expect better decisions from the Seals.  But then again, it was obvious AJ was not going to get through this mission unscathed.  Not only is he a rookie Seal but his wife is expecting their first baby. He may as well have a target on his head.

The best thing about this movie is that it was  $2.99 to buy it, but $3.99 to rent it.  So... if I have don't keep it, you'll charge me more?  Hilarious!  This prompted a debate on whether it was worth saving a dollar if you have no interest in owning the movie.  It was 2 against 1 to save the dollar and purchase the damn thing.

screenshot of the options for rent and purchase

closer shot of prices showing it's cheaper to buy than rent

Unfriended (2015)

The biggest problem with this movie is that it takes place on a computer screen. So be prepared to spend a lot of time listening to characters type and reading their instant messages to each other.

Blair, her boyfriend Mitch, stoner Ken, blond Jess, mean Val, and jock Adam get on a private chat but  another person keeps joining them.  Since no one allowed this other person to join, they try a new chatroom. The mystery person is able to join their conversation again.  Creepily enough, it appears to be Laura, who committed suicide a year ago.

The kids can't get away from her.  She seems to have access to everywhere they go online.  They  even mute the sound, but Laura turns it back on. No one thinks of shutting down their computers or having a real life conversation. Sigh, kids these days.

Blair looks for advise online and finds a website which says you should not not answer message from the dead. This leads to a ton of exposition done through web searches, texts, and watching the kids faces as they're reading the texts.  I'm still wondering how the dead are able to type.

As people start dying and they need help, they use Chat Roulette to try to get the police.  Oh hey naked, creepy, non-English speaking, German guy in any town on the other side of the world. I need the police sent to my home asap because someone is trying to kill me.  Seriously?  Use your cell phone! Or how about texting someone nearby or post on the police Facebook page? It's all going to be quicker than finding someone on Chat Roulette, who is more than likely going to hit because you're a freak and they don't want to be pranked
.

This is what you'll spend 90 minutes watching

Toxic Zombies (1980)

aka Bloodeaters

A group of hippies living in tents in the woods waiting to cultivate their crop of weed is targeted by the Feds. The Feds hire someone to crop-dust using a toxic chemical, but he doesn't differentiate between plants and people.

The hippies try to stagger away, but start vomiting blood and before you know it - boom, they're zombies and attacking their own kind rather than hoofing it out of there. The rest of the movie is random characters going camping and stumbling upon the killer zombies, some of whom carry machetes.

This is low budget with mediocre acting. It's fairly slow paced also, but if you like independent 80s movies, it's okay.  This is from the time when it was a big deal to get the resources and drive to make a movie, as opposed to the past twenty years where everyone has access to computers and video cameras.

Amityville: It's About Time (1992)

Jacob returns home from a business trip with an antique clock.  His teenagers, Rusty and Lisa, are underwhelmed with this new addition to the home decor.  Jacob's exgirlfriend has been staying with the kids, which is awkward since she has a new boyfriend. But that doesn't stop her from ending up in the sack with Jacob, even though she isn't interested in him anymore.

In the wee morning hours, the clock drills down into the mantle to secure it's place in the home.  Strange things begin happening immediately.  Rusty sees a different room in place of the living room when he flips on the lights. Virginal Lisa begins dressing like she's an extra in a 90s hair metal video, and Jacob is attacked by a neighbors dog while on a jog.

Jacob's ex doesn't feel right about leaving him alone. That's not a great decision especially since Jacob is actually on the path to glowering, hobbling, possession,and a nasty infection in his dog bites.  Because it is no ordinary clock that Jacob brought home.  It is the Amityville house clock. That's right.  They've officially run out of ideas. This movie doesn't even take place in Amityville, but across the country in California.

This could be named anything because it really has nothing to do with Amityville. The home is modern, but they show us that the two upstairs windows look like the windows in the original home. Well, they don't really because the home is modern, but they're in a similar area of the house.  Nothing original about this one.

Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

When an earthquake releases the supposedly extinct goblin sharks my the depths of the ocean, the first thing they do is start eating humans. No one shall ask why these deep water sharks who've been in darkness for years don't have issues with sunlight, or why they wouldn't suddenly develop a taste for human flesh.

Just when you think things couldn't get any worse for the  beach goers and lifeguards, they are hit with a tsunami.   Oh hell no!  Head for the hills because a giant wall of water filled with goblin sharks it coming to a beach near you.  Oddly enough, the wooden lifeguard tower easily survives this natural disaster. So hurrah!  Everyone will be perfectly safe unless the goblin sharks figure out how to make holes in the floor... oh. Who knew that blood likes to burrow down through a foot of water and right through the floor boards where goblin sharks wait to bash their heads against said floor.

The lifeguards and a few people working at a new construction project seem to be the only ones affected by the tsunami of sharks.  Oddly enough some of the construction workers decide to swim for it rather than stay at in the building which is above water and shark free. Chomp.

This follows the typical story line of killer sharks who appear to be more intelligent than the humans who are trying to escape from them.  This is your standard Syfy channel movie.

As Above So Below (2014)

Scarlet is an archaeologist in search of the legendary Philosophers Stone.  She has a charming accent, but she's annoying as hell. Plus she's a lousy friend. Also for a reason that I can't remember, someone named Benji is shooting a documentary on her.

After risking her life to get information from a hidden chamber about to be destroyed, she calls upon her old friend George to translate the text. He reluctantly agrees due to the significance of the discovery. The translation leads them to a museum in France where George is able to secure entry from a n acquaintance.  Scarlet removes an ancient tombstone from the wall and pours cleaning fluid on it. George is not amused.

But Scarlet doesn't care because she finds info on the tombstone that leads them to France, where they secure the help of underground explorer Papillion. He agrees to guide them into the catacombs, and brings along two friends, Siouxsie and Zed, who are experienced explorers.

Scarlet brings Benji, but George wants no part of it.  Even though Scarlet knows George was traumatized as a child when his brother drowned in a cave and he was unable to help him, she pressures him to go with her.  Her lack of compassion regarding George or anyone else's feelings is something that will make you repeatedly want to punch Scarlet in the throat.

George makes the bad decision to accompany them to the entrance of the catacombs. This involves trespassing in an area where there are overly zealous police patrols.  When they are caught by the police, George is forced to head into the tunnels or risk arrest.  Scarlet cheers as George ponders why he doesn't have better friends.

When they reach a spot where the passageway Scarlet wants is sealed off, Papillion suggests a different way. He doesn't want to open the passage because anyone who enters it is never seen again. Locals believe the passageway is evil. Scarlet doesn't like listening to other people, even when it's a guide she hired to navigate a tunnel system she doesn't know.

As an archaeologist, Scarlet should be aware that legends and tall tales are often based on fact. They are stories to explain what is not understood.  So if everyone who goes into a corridor disappears, it probably isn't because of evil. But what about the possibilities of falling rocks, animals, bad air, mold spores, cave ins, holes in the floor, water, or a crazy person who kills everyone who enters.

You just know they're going to end up in that damn evil tunnel, and as expected, things do not go well.  They get lost, find strange things, people die, Benji's fat ass gets stuck, and Scarlet straight arms a ghoul (which is the best moment of the film).

At one point Benji screams, "First bones? Now rats?"  Good god, does he not even realize what the catacombs are?  You're underground in a dank tunnel where people are buried. Of course, there are bones and rats.

Although I couldn't stand Scarlet and wished someone would push her down a well, overall the movie wasn't bad. Actually for a point of view/found footage movie, it was way better than most of the crap out there. If only Scarlet weren't so annoying.  It's great to have a confident woman as the main character, but tone it down a bit.   She could have used more humanity and humility, rather than trampling over everyone else's feelings.  You can be driven, but still compassionate.