Yeti (2008)

A college football team's plane crashes in the Himalayas where they must struggle to survive the cold, and oh yeah, there's a hungry Yeti on the loose. Could it get any sillier? Well yes it could because the Yeti has floppy over sized rubber hands with three fingers, a rubber mask and silly looking fur.

This movie is so ridiculous that it's really enjoyable. I'm so tired of bad cgi that I was very excited by the guy in the silly Yeti suit. But to make things more interesting, they decided that the Yeti would sometimes be cgi, which made him look even more laughable. And in a twist unknown to Yeti's before, the cgi Yeti can jump so far he you could say he's flying. Oh silly flying Yeti.... there is no explanation for your power and you look ridiculous.

Highlights of the movie were:

1. the desperate search for matches to build a fire while parts of the plane burn around them.
2. the neatest, cleanest corpses from a plane crash ever - no blood, no ripped clothing, no dirt, no discernible trauma of any kind.
3. although never mentioned in the first half of the movie, apparently the plane is on the edge of a cliff which is convenient for the Yeti to push it over.
4. the guy who uses a severed arm as a splint for his broken leg.
5. one of the girls says a monster stole one of the dead bodies but they don't believe her - the dead bodies are their team mates, they should recognize if someone is missing.
6. when the girl says a second body has been stolen, they still can't figure it out.
7. the group reluctantly decides to try cannibalism even though they don't want to eat their friends, but never thinks to look for the body parts that were around the crash site.
8. the hunks of flesh are the color and shape of a piece of peanut butter fudge.
9. the girl who is opposed to cannibalism puts the bodies into the fire so no one can eat them, thus effectively cooking them.
10. this is the same girl who saw the Yeti take the dead bodies, yet never considers that the hungry Yeti now has nothing to eat except the survivors.
11. the Yeti who does a stop, drop, and roll when set on fire.
12. the only two characters whose names I remembered - Coach and Chubs - died in the crash.
13. the girl who kills the rabbit with one shot says it is because she used to throw the javelin -this makes no sense since javelins are thrown for distance, not pinpoint accuracy.
14. Lastly, when you try to emotionally affect your audience by having the group kill one of your own, it can't be a minor character that your audience has forgotten ever existed.

To the Devil... A Daughter (1976)

Catherine is a teenager who has been raised as a nun and wants to do good in the world. Unfortunately, she believes in following the teachings of the man who raised her, Father Michael Rayner, the leader of a Satanic Cult. Catherine's father made deal with the devil and she is to become the devil's bride when she turns eighteen.

Catherine's dad wants out of the deal and entrusts Catherine's safety to John Verney, a famous author who has just written a book about satanism. John isn't a very good caretaker as Catherine tends to wander off while under the spell of Rayner.

There is a weird gooey satan baby that is carried around in an incubator. The film also has the coolest bridge I have ever seen - a roll out bridge, (which I would use constantly if I lived near it), that goes right over the canal and can be retracted if a boat needs to go through.

The Hollow (2004)

Ian Cranston's family recently moved to Sleeph Hollow. His dad is the football coach who hates that Nick wants to fence rather than play football. Ian is picked on by quarterback Brody, a bully who takes special interest in Nick due to Nick's burgeoning relationship with Brody's ex-girlfriend, Karen.

Ian is talked into being a tour guide for the local halloween hayride. But it turns out to be a bad idea since Ian is actually a descendent of Ichabod Crane and he headless horseman wants his head. The crazy old cemetery caretaker is the only one who understands what's going on, but no one believes him.

Nothing special about this one.

Pumpkin Karver (2006)

A prank gone wrong on Halloween results in Johnathan killings his sister's boyfriend, who is wearing an pumpkin mask, with a knife. One year later they're in a new town and trying to start over. Their mother must be the most insensitive woman alive because she's moved the family to Carver, which is known for it's pumpkins.

Johnathan and sister are heading to a Halloween party at a pumpkin farm, ugh........ yes, that ought to go well. On their trip, they run into a creepy farmer with a truck load of pumpkins. Later they run into him again at the farm and he creepily talks to Johnathan about carving pumpkins and people.

Johnathan keeps seeing a pumpkin masked killer stalking around the farm and constantly breaks into tears. His sister sets him up with a friend, whose big dumb jock ex-boyfriend beats up Johnathan. Wooo, great party!

Not a lot of blood or killing, but lots of stupidity. It's never explained why Johnathan could not be left alone on Halloween. He's in high school and seems to be only slightly younger than his sister. But he seemed off even before he killed her boyfriend. At first I thought he was possibly retarded, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I've seen this twice. The first time I thought it was so bad it was funny. But watching it again, I can't imagine what I liked about it as it just wasn't very good and I didn't find anything amusing, especially not the lame comic relief characters.

Trick R Treat (2008)

Look at that little guy on the cover. He's sooooo cute! How could you not adore him, even though he might kill you horribly? Even at his scariest, I couldn't help thinking he was cute, which undercuts the scare factor.

This is an anthology, which is usually a bad sign, but they mange to do a pretty good job. All the characters show up in the other segments, so it is all tied together but not in an obnoxious, forced way. It's interesting how it's all woven together.

Some of the stories have obvious endings, but overall it was worth watching. It was well done and while I wouldn't watch it again, my friends liked it so much they might add it to their movie collection.

Terror Firmer (1999)

A killer plagues a low budget movie set while they are trying to film. Lloyd Kaufman plays the blind director in this film that is littered with random ideas and gross gags. It's a Troma film, which means tasteless, corny and set ups that often broadcast the questionable punchlines. There are some funny moments, but mostly it will make you groan due to the lame jokes or juvenile humor. So yeah, it's a typical Troma movie. It is notable for two actors appearing in full frontal nudity. There are also naked women, but that's common in horror movies.

Dracula 2000 (2000)

Van Helsing is a rich old man whose mission in life is to guard the world from Dracula. He stays alive by injecting himself with Dracula's blood and keeping Drac locked up in a coffin in a hidden room in a vault in his mansion.

One of Van Helsing's assistants decides to rob him, breaks into the vault with a gang and finds the secret room. Stupidly deciding that there must be something incredibly valuable in the coffin (in a direct rip off of Dark Shadows), the group steals the coffin and plans how to spend their riches.

Unfortunately the coffin has had blood spilled on it and Dracula emerges from his cocoon with a vengeance and thirst for blood. Van Helsing must get back the coffin and protect his only daughter from Dracula's clutches. Dracula has long dreamy hair, but is really quite vapid.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

Wow, what could be better than this? A prehistoric shark and octopus are released from a giant iceberg and get right back into that prehistoric fight to the death they were having when they were frozen. But first they're going to swim around and do some destruction.

The Octopus heads to Tokyo and the Shark heads to San Francisco where it bites into the Golden Gate Bridge - and this having already brought a plane down from the sky!

This movie is as bad as you think it would be and that's why it's so enjoyable. The sets resemble those on tv show from the 1970s and the dialogue is ridiculous. Also it stars Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas, hooray!

Ghost Rider (2007)

Dare devil Johnny Blaze sells his soul to cure his father's cancer, not realizing the devil does not make an honest deal. After his father's death by other methods, Blaze becomes a big star on the dare devil circuit. Years later the devil needs his help in fighting evil minions trying to take his power and Blaze becomes the Ghost Rider, a fire clad skeleton on a flaming bike.

The Ghost Rider fights Blackheart, who reminds me of a vampire from a bad movie. Not because he bites people, but because he's not threatening and he's got a face of pancake white.

The best thing about the movie is the flaming skeleton. Oh and I almost forgot, Sam Elliot is the former ghost rider and Sam is cool even in the worst movies. When Nicolas Cage did Valley Girl and other early movies with weird stories, I thought he was quirky and had his own style. Now that he's doing the same exact thing in big budget movies, I realize he's just not a very good actor.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

In a last attempt to quell trouble on the set and get a realistic reaction out of his actors, a director drops his stars off in the middle of the jungle and immediately dies by stepping on a landmine. The actors think this is just a special effect and decide to continue filming since the director had mentioned cameras being hidden in the trees.

As the group trudges through the jungle, they run into real soldiers and drug lords who kidnap one of the group. Then they decide to pull together for a rescue mission. Robert Downey Jr is really good. I like Jack Black, but his movie roles usually disappoint me and this one did too.

The funniest parts were Ben Stiller wearing the panda head as well as the little kid hanging off his shoulders repeatedly stabbing him.

Prom Night (1980)

When Kim was a child, her sister Robin died in an accident at an abandoned building which was caused by four older children playing a hide and seek. In their version of the game, the person who is it is the killer. When Robin tries to join in, the older kids gang up on her, taunt her with the phrase "the killers are coming" and chase her around in a menacing way until she falls out a window to her death. Instead of getting help, the nastiest girl in the group demands an oath of silence so they don't get in trouble and they leave her there.

While it doesn't sound scary, it reminds me of times when I was a kid where my brother would follow me around at a steady gait like a zombie. At first I would laugh and tell him to knock it off. But after awhile it would scare me, which I know is as ridiculous as it sounds. It's not like he would have hurt me if he'd caught up to me, but there was something about it that would really creep me out.

Fast forward to Robin and her brother Alex looking forward to the high school prom. The four who were involved in her sister's death are her classmates and they are getting phone calls from a menacing stranger. But he's not menacing enough for them to be overly worried, although they might be if they knew he was so organized that he crosses their name off his list once he makes each call. Oooooo, isn't that scary kids?

This is one of Jamie Lee Curtis's run of horror movies in the late 1970s/early 1980s, so it has that going for it. What it has against it is an overly long disco dance prom where we get to see Kim and Nick strut their stuff on the dance floor.

Time Barbarians (1990)

If you've ever wanted to see a movie about sword swinging barbarians who travel through time to a modern day metropolis, then this is the film for you.  American Gladiator Malibu plays Doran, a large barbarian warrior king,  who is married to Lystra. They cavort in the woods until evil villain Mandrak kidnaps Lystra, steals her powerful jewel, and ends her life.  

Mandrak flees through a portal ending up in modern Los Angeles, where Doran follows to exact his revenge.  Doran becomes a media sensation after being filmed beating up gang members who were threatening tv reporter Penny who is a dead ringer for his dead wife.

Mandrak, who has adapted nicely to big city living, sees Doran on tv and vows to get Doran before Doran gets him.  Yup, that just about covers it.  

Well, except that after traveling from ancient times to seedy modern LA Doran shows no surprise or in fact any reaction at all to skyscrapers, alleyways, clothing, cars, tv cameras, or apartments filled with electric appliances.  Actually the only thing that seems to stump Doran is the chainlink fence that he can't figure out how to get around. Bad acting or bad writing.... you decide. 

Camp Fear (1991)

Vincent Van Patten is an archeology professor at what appears to be a community college for women. He takes a few of the girls to the lake to dig for ancient artifacts.  On the way they run into some bikers and a drunk local who is played by Buck Flowers.

After setting up camp, they hear noises and find a Native American in a sweat lodge. In keeping with the theme of archaeology students who will fail their classes, the girls are completely confused about the strange man with the primitive hut and clothing.

The bikers have nothing better to do than to track down the professor and the girls, which leaves them all vulnerable to the giant druid in the woods who needs a sacrifice for his stone table.  Oi!

This movie is ridiculous, but I must admit I have had a soft spot for Vincent Van Patten since he was in Apple's Way in the early 1970s.  

Wicked Lake (2008)

Four women head up to the lake for a vacation and are visited by four creepy guys and some hicks they met at a local gas station.  The women are forced to do humiliating acts with the men until the strike of midnight at which point the tables turn and the men are in fear of their lives.  It was also at this point that we stopped watching because it was terrible.

Deadgirl (2008)

Rickie and JT skip school and head to the abandoned asylum to drink and vandalize.  While running away from a feral dog, they end up finding a naked girl under plastic.  She looks dead, but the plastic is moving as if she's breathing.  Rickie wants to set her free and get the hell out of there, but JT wants to keep her and use her for his own fun.  After they come to blows, Rickie leaves JT on his own with the girl.

The next day JT convinces Rickie to come back because he says he has to show him something or he won't believe it.  JT shoots the girl and then reveals to Rickie that this is third time he's killed her but she doesn't die.  

There is a juxtaposition between extremes with Rickie's character being in love with a popular girl at school and forsaking JT and any interest in sex with the deadgirl.  JT is a complete psychopath who ends up sharing the girl with another friend of theirs and spending all his time in the asylum with the deadgirl.

The movie is disturbing on so many levels, especially the realization that there are males in this world who would do the same thing as JT.   But even though it's sick, it's also fascinating because you want some sort of positive resolution which never comes.  The ending is very unsatisfactory, offers no explanation for the girl or what happened, and leaves bigger questions about why no one would notice a naked deadgirl tearing around the neighborhood.

Sands of Oblivion (2007)

Cecile B. DeMille is shooting a move in the desert and using real cursed antiquities from Egypt for the props in his film. Years later an old man, who was a boy when the movie was filmed, goes back to the desert to find the box he buried at the end of filming.

At the same time there is a group of archaeology students on a dig looking for the rumored set which was left intact and buried by DeMille. Grandpa, played by George Kennedy,and his hunky grandson find his treasure box, but also find an entry to the hidden set where grandpa's arm is ripped off by Anubis.

The curse has been unleashed and the archaeologists and grandson must try to stop the carnage. Some really stupid things happen, but the best part is when Anubis tears through the dig site and one of the students states that she doesn't know what that thing was, but it had a head like a dog. Oh dear sweet useless child, you should not be on this dig and you are definitely going to fail archaeology.

The Intruder (1989)

The night crew at a local grocery store is terrorized by a killer.  All signs point to him being the cashier's boyfriend who has been stalking her and was hanging around outside the store all night.

Everyone just learned that the store is going to be sold and that they will all lose their jobs.  Sam and Ted Raimi are two of the employees, and Bruce Campbell has a bit part as a cop. There is a really nicely done scene with a table saw to the head.

Trespassers (2006)

Five college students head to Mexico to surf and meet up with one's older brother, only to find the beach deserted. After gallivanting around, they find the brother's truck abandoned in a sand dune and become concerned.

The group splits up - always a bad idea - with a couple heading off to town to see if the brother went there for help, and the others looking for the brother's camp site which he said was at a compound near the beach.

In town they are told the legend of a cult that lived in a compound at the beach and how there have been attacks on Anglos in that area. One of the students theorizes this is just local talk to keep outsiders off the local beaches.

The zombies are not typical zombies. In fact, I'm not really sure what sort of zombies they are, but do not expect real zombies.

The movie features one of the smartest moves when a character buries himself in a sand dune so the zombies can not find him. Brilliant! Only his face is sticking out of the slant of the dune and it is night so he's hard to see. However this must have used up all his brain cells because later he makes the dumbest move ever when he lights a fire at night and starts having sex with his girlfriend. Aaarrgghh!!!!!

You know the zombies are looking for you. They've killed your friends, they've tried to kill you, and now that you escaped you're going to make a fire!?! It's inside a ramshackle cabin which means the light can be seen through all the gaps in the door, the windows, and between slats of wood. It may as well be a neon sign announcing their presence.

San Franpsycho (2006)

A move starring Joe Estevez and Todd Bridges?  How could I not watch it?  Well, one reason would be to have your serial killing psycho walk in slow motion for a long, long time to pad the film.  

Joe Estevez is a detective who watches tv and tries to catch a killer.  The killer follows his victim in the train station, on the platform, in the train, gets off at the same stop, walks down the street about fifteen feet behind her, and she doesn't notice until she gets right up to her front door and he pushes his way inside.  Way to go, movie!  You actually pushed us to a point where we couldn't watch you anymore because you were too painful - and look at the crap we've watched!

Surface (2005)

I seem to recall seeing adds for this series when it was on, but it never interested me.  In fact I had no interest in watching it now either, but I ended up watching one episode due to it being about sea monsters.  While everyone in it seemed to do stupid things, it was still enjoyable and I wish I had the time to watch more than one episode.  I want to know what the creature is and if the kid who stole it's egg is going to befriend the hatchling or get killed by it.  I'm hoping for carnage rather than an ET moment, but it's a tv series, so I'm guessing it'll be the cute cuddly scene.