Demonic (2005)

aka Forest of the Damned

The movie opens with a couple parked in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road. There is a horrible screeching noise, which would make me say "I'm outta here" and drive away immediately. But this couple has other ideas and gets out of the car. The boyfriend heads toward a naked lady with big pointy teeth and makes out with her until she kills him. Ah yes, can't start the movie without the requisite random stupid people to set the scene.

A group of friends goes on a trip in an old van that doesn't start easily and gets lost. When they stop for directions, an old man provides exposition and tells them to stay out of the woods. They proceed to drive into the woods and accidentally hit a girl.

Since their phones can't get any reception and the van won't start, two of them stay with the injured girl, while the other three split up to look for help. The single guy stumbles upon some naked nymphs swimming. Being a horrible person, he promptly forgets the injured girl, takes off his clothes, and joins the naked ladies.

The couple ends up at an old farmhouse owned by Tom Savini, who captures the couple and later brings back their friend on a hook. He knows about the nymphs because they killed his parents, but for some reason he stays there, and god only knows why he dragged their friend back to the house on a hook.

The couple escape and are then captured again when they try to find a way to escape. They decide upon a tractor, which is strange since those aren't the fastest vehicles. Probably better to walk, but it's too late since Savini has handcuffed them in the barn to wait for the nymphs.

The nymphs show up and start making out with the girl's boyfriend. She doesn't say anything. What is it about this movie that when naked chicks start kissing their boyfriend the girls do and say nothing? She ends up slicing her wrists to use the blood as a lubricant to get her handcuffs off.

One year later, she's still wandering the woods. An author doing research for a new horror novel drives the dirt road at night, and picks her up. Oh yes, lots of people go missing in these woods. So I decided to drive around the remote dirt roads in the middle of the night all by myself and pick up strangers. Duhrrrrr ,do you really think this will end well?