The Key (2008)

A group of friends help buddy Dylan with his documentary and spend the weekend at an abandoned building rumored to be haunted.  But Dylan has a hidden agenda. His grandfather was a Freemason who told him stories of a treasure located within the building.

Dylan has surreptitiously chosen this site to film because he wants his friends to help him find the long lost treasure hidden there.   I guess Dylan figures he can cover more ground with a group since the building is huge.  But as he hasn't told any of them about the treasure, it's not like anyone is actually looking for it.

His plan changes when three friends in a love triangle start fighting and one decides to leave.  In order to get him to stay, Dylan finally tells them all why he invited them for the weekend.  There's also a curse, but he's not all that concerned with mentioning it.

And so begins a completely nonsensical scene where Dylan remembers that his grandfather left him a key hidden in a book.  How could he forget?  It's a key to the treasure and that's why they're there.  The key reminds one of the girls about a creepy door she saw while exploring. She insists this must be the door the key goes to.... because it's just so creepy and all.

When they arrive at the door - which you'd assume must be incredibly creepy since she made note of it before she was told there was any evil afoot - we discover that it looks like every other door in the building.  Even more puzzling is why they believe the key is for this door since it isn't locked.

A normal door that is not creepy in any way...

...and the incredibly creepy door to nowhere.

It's also odd that they refer to it as a door to nowhere.  When they open the door, you can see the slant of a ceiling and possibly a sink.   To make matters more ridiculous, since they didn't need the key to open it, they decide the key must be intended to lock the door.  What the.....???   Wouldn't you look for a different door that was locked?  Why would you even think of that?  No reason other than to advance the plot since they need some way to release the demon.

And speaking of releasing the demon, you'd think that means we actually get to see a demon.  Ah but your standards are too high, my friend. What we get instead are actors pretending to be choked or flinging themselves around the room.  It's something right out of a 1960s Star Trek episode.  In fact, the demon isn't visible until literally the last three minutes of the film and then it's just some doofus in a monks robe. Good god, the terror!

Oh my god! I'm being choked by an invisible demon

The picture often seems to be slightly out of focus and there is uneven mixing on the sound.  One character might be too soft to hear while the other is at a good volume.  The film gets really crappy looking after they open the demon closet.  I'm not sure whether it represents the change in the atmosphere due to the demon or if it's just bad movie making.  Well it's bad either way since the focus isn't consistent and the lighting is terrible.  If this was intentional, then that makes it worse.

Pre-demon lighting

Post-demon lighting

Other things that don't work for the film?  The first kill is fifty minutes into it.  The opening credits list D-Rizzle as one of the actors. He also does music for the film, including the song over the end credits which is a rap tune called "Take a Shit".   Seriously?  Not only is it a stupid thing to write a song about, but it's even stupider to use it over the credits of your movie.  Also the DVD has no menu or chapters and doesn't even autoplay when you pop it in.  And that dvd cover?  Yeah, there's nothing like that in the film.

The funniest thing is I kept wondering why Justin looked familiar.  When he lost his hat, I realized he reminded me of a cross between Shaggy and Velma from Scooby Doo.  Right after that thought occurred, he got into a fight and lost his glasses.  Oh Shaggy Velma... what will we do with you?

It's Shaggy and he's wearing Velma's glasses.

None of the screen shots have been altered.  The odd colors and soft focus are how the film actually looks.

Does this shot mean someone is peering between the books and watching them?  No.

Should the characters hair blend into the darkness? No.

Should you randomly roll paint on the wall to imply abandonment? No.

Should you wear pearls to explore an abandoned building? No.

Can our characters escape a locked glass door? No.

Can your ample bazooms stop the walls from closing in? No.