Monday, December 31, 2012

Bear (2010)

In a cliche ridden first act, we see our unlikable characters take a short cut down a dirt road, drive recklessly, get a flat tire, discover there is no cell reception, and meet a giant bear who fixes their tire with a wink and a smile.  Well, I was hoping the last thing would happen, but I was not so lucky.

Instead we get some of the stupidest actions ever by characters on a deserted road in the middle of the night.  When one of them hears a rustling in the woods, she walks closer to see what it is.  Damn it, woman!  It's the middle of nowhere. It's woods. It's dark. It's either a wild animal or a cannibalistic hillbilly, and either way, you don't want to meet it.

So do her friends give her practical advice?  No, they all tramp even closer to the rustling sounds in the dark woods.  And look, it's a bear... a giant bear.  Again, do they do what normal people would do, such as run back to the van, or slowly back up to the van in hopes that they can get inside before being mauled?  Nope, that would make too much sense.  While everyone stands there, one guy runs back to the van, and returns with a gun which he proceeds to shoot again and again and again, until he's out of ammo and the bear is in a bloody heap.

What next, you say?  Well what else except a bigger angry bear shows up.  So everyone decides to run to the car, except for the guy who decides it would be a good idea to hide behind a tree to distract the bear from his friends.  Then he climbs the tree. Aaarrgggh!! Do you not know bears can climb trees?!

His friends in the van drive straight into the tree to rescue him. What?! Why not stop right before you hit it?  Why smash into it?  And when he jumps on the roof of the van, why not drive off?  So what we've got now is the guy on the roof vs the bear, who promptly tips over the van. They all manage to stay alive and then one girls starts fussing over the cake they have.   When they eventually right the van, it won't start.  So they work on the engine, talk loudly, and ignore their surroundings. Sounds like a plan.

This movie is a lot of talking and not so much bear.  The bear looks sad and the characters are idiots, so we couldn't take it anymore and stopped watching this mess.

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