Shower of Blood (2004)

If you're looking for a movie where a middle aged vampire with a dye job dances around in the living room on a shag rug while Roll Out the Barrel plays in the background, then this is the film for you.

Lisa, her boyfriend, and few other friends go to her Uncle Marty's home for the weekend.  But when they arrive, the house is dark. Turns out her Uncle doesn't know they're coming.  Seriously? Who shows up to stay at someones house without asking?

What makes this situation even more ridiculous is that later it is revealed that Lisa hasn't seen Uncle Marty in ten years?!?!  What is wrong with this girl?  And apparently her Uncle is expected to provide their food since no one brought anything with them and there are complaints about what's in the fridge. I hate these kids  already.

Lisa finds a key, lets them in and tells them to make themselves at home.  For Megan, this consists of rolling around naked and alone in a bed littered with rose petals. This proves a bit little awkward when Uncle Marty shows up and jumps in bed with her. Megan states she isn't that type of girl, which proves to be a complete lie since she accepts his offer of wine, remains in bed with him, and never puts on clothes.

Thus begins our vampire story which you know isn't going to end well. Then again it didn't start that great either with acting ranging from horribly stilted to unintentionally awkward and the dialogue isn't much better.  How old are these guys are supposed to be anyway? Teenagers? College? Adults in an established career? They act like they're in high school (and one girl is a virgin), but they all look like they're in their 30s.

And what is up with the sound effects?  We've got super loud burping and farting, as well as slurping/ chomping sounds when chewing on a gum ball - and that's just the women.  Also the gum ball machine right inside the front door is so out of place, I thought it had to be a plot point of some sort, but nope. It added absolutely nothing to the movie except gross sounds and a bad joke about blue balls.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Kurt - Here. Try some watermelon.
Terry - Wow. Fuckin' vodka.
Kurt - I know. Ain't it great?

Kurt - Was Terry showing off his dingaling again?
Lisa - Yeah and I don't think Heather was impressed.
Kurt - Why would she be? She's got an Eskimo Pie between her legs.