River of Darkness (2011)

Wrestler Kurt Angle is small town Sheriff Will Logan whose town is the scene of a series of grisly murders. All the crime scenes have the word Hix scrawled somewhere and Logan figures that is the key to the crimes.  I was thinking that since it takes place in a small town that someone was trying to spell hicks, but not so.

Turns out three members of the Jacobs family were murdered by a mob of vigilantes headed by Henry Hix because his daughter became pregnant after a rape.  Legend has it that the Jacobs boys are back for vengeance.  Why do people back from the dead for vengeance always kill random people who had nothing to do with the original crime?

In an abrupt shift 35 minutes into the movie, three new characters are introduced via the line, "So how long have you been chasing ghosts?"  Yes, it's paranormal investigators who've come to town to get in a boat to find ghosts and hope not to die.

The movie is bookended by a college student and a voice over. You'll forget you've seen her before until she shows up at the end again.

Angle seems likeable enough, but he's no actor. Then again, neither is anyone else in the film.  Hix is played by Bill Hinzman, Romero's original zombie in the cemetery. Hinzman does some lame screams while having a nightmare that are so bad they're notable.  Two of the Jacobs boys are played by wrestlers.

The film is super low budget and looks like it's shot on digital.  It's kind of boring, but it reminded me of the older, no frills homemade films on VHS from the 1980s. I don't know why I kind of liked it, but I did. Make no mistake - it's not good. It's horrible and sometimes boring.

Looks like the ambulance boys have an ironing board.

Do police stations usually have counters near their desks?

The Sheriff is not keeping these crime scene photos private.

I got the Mud face.

As spooky as this movie gets.