Haunted Monkey Paw Island: Alien 3000 (2004)

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Alien 3000 (2004)

aka Unseen Evil 2

Alien 3000 sounds like a product that would be promoted on a late night infomercial, but alas, no such luck. As I was watching the film, it seemed a bit familiar. Then there was a flashback to a another movie and I realized I had inadvertently rented a sequel to the crappy movie, Unseen Evil. Notice it is being promoted under a complete different name.... Bah, I probably would have watched it at some point anyway but they definitely tricked me by using a different name.

Some twenty something friends find a treasure of gold, and are quickly killed by a creature that inhabits the cave - although not before getting a good laugh when a bat flies into the girls hair... because it's funny that your friends freak out over bats in their hair. The viewer can enjoy that the bat appears to be on a string as it repeatedly bonks her on the head.

Next thing you know Kate is screaming and lying in hospital bed. Who is Kate? We're told she is the only survivor from a previous creature attack, which is confusing if you've seen the first film since she isn't played by the same actress. Heck, it's also confusing if you haven't seen the first film, since there are assumptions made that you'll know what the hell is going on.

Everyone believes Kate killed her friends, but the Paranormal Government Research Agency (PGRA) interviews her and asks her to bring them to the location where her friends were killed. They have a military escort that is apparently made up of losers and rejects, who also happen to be incredibly unlikeable. As the movie goes on, it becomes obvious that no one on the trip believes Kates story. Seriously? How bad off do you have to be when people who believe in paranormal activity won't believe you?

Why does the alien care when someone touches the Spanish gold in the cave? How can two men survive a helicopter explosion without injury when they jump from the copter, then tuck and roll when they hit the ground? Why use flashbacks from the first film when the only character that's in both is played by a different actress?

Sometimes this type of film an be funny, or make you appreciate indie films that lack a budget but are well done. Unfortunately this one does neither and is just crappy. It's important to note that the alien on the cover bears no resemblance to the alien in the movie, which alternates between CGI and a guy in a monster suit.

If you look at the IMDB message boards for this film, you'll find postings by numerous people who claim to be investors in the film and that the production company ripped them off. Interesting. And when someone complained about the quality of the film, another person responded with, "Dude, it has [Lorenzo] Lamas in it. You never buy a ticket... or pay to rent a movie with him in it." Word.