Saturday, December 5, 2015

Thor the Conquerer (1983)

When Thor's parents are murdered, he is raised by a mystic weirdo who can change into an owl.  Things seem to go okay until Thor is an adult, at which point he sees his first woman and is informed that women are things to play with that must obey you.  So basically, a weird guy with a costume out of Duran Duran's Wild Boys teaches our oiled up lunkhead that it's okay to rape women.  And old creepy is always watching when Thor brings women back to the cave. Ewwww...

After his first female conquest is killed, Thor decides to do some rambling and conquers another woman that he makes his plaything. Yeah, he sure is a swell guy.  Oddly enough when attacked by cannibals, his prisoner rescues him instead of running away, which earns Thors respect - or as much respect as any barbarian can have for a possession.

Thor is not a likable guy. He's kind of stupid, and believes the hype that he's going to rule the land, and it's okay to kill, steal and rape. He also has a terrible wig, or if that's his hair, he's in desperate need of conditioner.  There isn't much of a plot. So Thor wanders around getting in fights or looking at things. Then the weirdo owl mystic shows up, amazingly he doesn't smack his massive shoulder pads into the cave walls, and creepily watches Thor.

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