Elves (2018)

 

A group of unlikeable friends meet in a creepy location and play a game called naughty list.  The rules of the game are write your deepest, darkest secrets on a piece of paper and also write your name on a list.  The woman who provided the game tells them to be honest because the elf is watching and he’ll know if they lie.  

Out of nowhere, an elf shows up on someone’s lap.  Now if it was one of those elves on the dvd cover, that would be really creepy.  But instead its like something your middle aged aunt would have bought at a discount store. So it’s just sort of lame looking, rather than scary. Also it’s so odd looking, I’m not sure if I would have known it was

The next day they find out one of the friends from the party died, and realize that the elf is real and coming for them.  You’d think the first thing they’d do is track down the person who made them play the game and ask what the hell is going on. But no, it takes them awhile to figure that out. When they visit her, she says she had no choice, but doesn’t offer any good explanation as to why she provides the elves with a list of names every year.

This is a really low budget film with minimal effects and amateur actors. We aren’t provided with any information about any of the characters. We don’t know what sort of secrets they wrote down, or if any of them has actually done anything horrible to make the elves want to kill them.  And the elves aren’t animated. They appear in a seated position and maintain their non-moving terror throughout the film. So if you want to see a creature that could questionably be called an elf sit motionless, then this is the movie for you.

The opening scene appears to have nothing to do with the rest of the film.  Two brothers are alone in the house when an elf shows up off screen.  The older brother tells the younger one that his present is in the oven.  The kids climbs in and the older boy sets a cooking time.  Are there actually ovens that lock when you set the time to cook? I’m not sure why this kid can’t get out.  Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have a functioning brain stem. He can see into the oven and it is obviously completely empty.  Geez kid, how did he trick you?  This is a rough one to get through.

This is what the elves actually look like.