Bunnyman Grindhouse Edition (2019)

A group of twenty somethings on a road trip get in a pissing contest with a dump truck, and eventually the truck driver gets mad enough to ram them. Fearful of what else could happen, the group has the brilliant idea of pulling over and apologizing.

One woman walks over to the truck to talk but the driver won’t roll his tinted window down.  Her lack of cranial functioning increases when she gets so annoyed at his lack of response, she tries to open his door. Because if there’s one good thing about an apology, it’s when you force the other person to take it.

Ridiculous things keep happening culminating with a crash car, a death, and the survivors walking off to try to find help.  As expected, nothing good comes from this. 

The original Bunnyman was released in 2011 and in 2019 the director made a new cut released as a grindhouse film. Based on watching all three Bunnyman movies, I don't think I would have liked the original Bunnyman.  The recut grind house version subjects us to notices of missing reels, sound drop outs, intermission ads, stock footage, and voices dubbed by people with decidedly non-American accents.  These things kept me amused as they reminded me of seeing movies in the theater when they actually used reels of film.  

Intentionally stilted dialogue over inappropriate stock footage:

“Wow! The nature round here sure is remarkable. In fact, I think that species of animal is instinct.”

“That’s right, Rachel. What a great observation. In fact, that’s a California Grizzly Bear that went extinct in 1922. Look over to your right. Look at the random indigenous people.”

American Scarecrow (2020)

When a developer disappears and their checks bounce, Drew Stone’s construction company is left with over $40,000 in debt. While the bank won’t give him a loan, they do offer him the chance to make money by doing the rehab on a home they foreclosed on. They neglect to tell him the last person they sent to the house died.

Drew, Allie and the rest of his crew head to the Dean farm, with a stop at a local tavern on the way. While they’re there, we see footage of a cowboy with a shotgun getting out of a pickup truck and heading into a cornfield.  He is quickly killed by a guy in camouflage with a Halloween mask and burlap draped over his head.  Is this supposed to take place on the Dean farm?  Is that the scarecrow referenced in the title? Why did this man walk into a cornfield with a gun? No explanation is given. 

The crew arrives at the farm after dark and explores by flashlight before they manage to get the electricity working.  Planning is not their strong point since they don’t seem to have brought anything with them, such as food or extra clothing. I also haven’t seen any tools, but maybe they’ve left them in the truck. However they do find moonshine which they promptly drink.  Drinking unknown liquid stored in mason jars found at an abandoned farm is not a great decision.

Allie find a young girls journal hidden under a floorboard. She stays up late to read it and even carries it into town the next day like a lunatic. The next night when a girl appears in the hallway, Allie tells her she’s safe, and promises to be her best friend forever.  I’m assuming Allie is supposed to be concerned and caring, but she comes off as obsessive and needy. Later she tells the girl she loves her even though they’ve probably spoken for less than an hour. Little girl, run away now!

You’re probably wondering where the scarecrow is, which is a legitimate concern since more than half way through the film there are only two deaths. One of a bank employee who went to the farm, where we don’t see who killed him. The other in the cornfield whose location wasn’t established and was committed by a guy in camouflage.  So… scarecrow?

Sadly, the camouflage guy is supposed to be the scarecrow, and he’s the brother of the little girl. I seriously wonder if the distributor just slapped the name scarecrow on it since it takes place on a farm.  But since there isn’t even a page for this film on IMDB, I have no idea what is going on. 

There are so many ridiculous things that happen in this movie:

• The shadow of the cameraman can be seen on the walls
• When the scarecrow chases Allie he is holding a sickle, but once they are in the cornfield, he is holding a scythe
• A man gets his hand cut off but still manages to get from the barn to the house, have long conversations, and go back out to the barn to look for his missing hand
• The crew sleeps on the beds in the abandoned house, yuck that bedding can’t be clean
• Why is Allie so invested in this girl? 
• Drew says the scarecrow must have “excaped”.  How did they not shoot that again? Does everyone associated with the movie mispronounce escaped?

Ridiculous dialogue:

I hit him with the sickle.  I saw sparks.  He’s got to be made of metal or something.

Stay (2021)

Olivia is a model who wants to grow her following and her brand. So she starts vlogging in hopes of becoming an influencer and winning a big modeling contract. She goes on auditions, talks about herself a lot, and trains to keep in shape - although I can’t take anyone seriously who trains while wearing lingerie as a top.

Life is good for Olivia. She books a prestigious event that gets her tons of press, starts getting good shoots, her boyfriend Jules arrives from the UK, and the two start looking for an apartment together.  What could possibly go wrong?

The couple decides to take an apartment that comes with a creepy manikin. They also decide to start filming everything, you know, for the fans. “If it’s happening in my life, it’s probably on my channel….My channel is very raw and real….Good night, I’ll see you guys in the morning”

Oh Olivia, you’re channel is the opposite of real.  It’s all manufactured. She and Jules relate to the camera rather than each other. They aren’t capturing memories or daily life. They think about what they can film to increase their fan base or what their fans want to see. There is nothing real about that. At one point, Jules apologizes to Olivia for being inconsiderate which would be great other than the camera he’s pointing in Olivia’s face, which makes his concern disingenuous.

With Olivia’s career on the rise, she starts acting strange. Is she unable to take the pressure of her new modeling career? Is it the need to always be on camera to show her fans her every move? Or could it be the creepy manikin and the ghost that reportedly haunts the new apartment?  And why doesn’t Jules notice how her demeanor has changed? She was a fairly sweet, happy person before they moved in, but now she’s negative, mean and often tired.

After being a jerk and stomping off a job for an important photographer, Olivia loses her important gig and their only source of income becomes their channel.  This is unfortunate since Olivia is hoping to  revive her modeling career, but no one is going to want to hire her after seeing the videos they’re posting. Since this is a found footage film, we go into it knowing things aren’t going to go well for poor Olivia. 

There’s not a lot going on in this movie. It’s mostly people talking to the camera, rather than each other. The scares only occur in the latter part of the movie and they’re what you expect in a found footage movie.

After the Dark (2013)

The last day of school is usually an easy day where you just kind of show up and hang out. Well unless you’re taking the advanced philosophy class where the teacher decides they must do thought experiments on apocalyptic scenarios which will impact their final grade.

The premise is there is a bunker with enough supplies for one year which can accommodate ten people. There are twenty people in the class so how will they pick who gets the chance to survive.  

There are three scenarios that they discuss. The teacher provides each student with a piece of paper detailing their occupation and the class decides who can have a place in the bunker.  For the second scenario, the teacher reveals each piece of paper has additional info that might change their decision making process.

To make thing super weird, in several of the scenarios the teacher murders at least one student.  He also proposes that the girls need to have sex with all the males in the bunker to continue the human race, and girls who refuse will be forced to comply or be murdered.   Not only creepy but not a great plan to propagate the human race since each female that dies decreases the chances of babies. Also why do they need babies right now?

The movie is essentially a reenactment of what they talk about in class. So you find out who is creepy,  selfish, strong, or more manipulative than they appear . It’s kind of pointless since none of what happens is real. Also maybe it’s different over seas, but if any of those kids told their parents the teacher said he’s going to force you to try to conceive or murder you, the parents would demand he be fired.  Plus it would completely change any positive feelings you had toward your teacher. I don’t even know how to classify this movie other than pointless since nothing that actually happened took place.

How to Kill a Zombie (2014)

 

Survivalist Mack takes his son Jesse into the woods to teach him survival skills and make a man out of him. Jesse isn’t that interested in roughing it, and uses most of their gas to burn ant hills.

While heading to buy more fuel, the two discover there is a zombie apocalypse. Jesse makes his Dad stop for a young woman who was stranded because he wants to be her hero.  When they get back to the city, such as it is, they see people hanging out of an office building yelling for help. Their solutions is to crash through the zombies to get inside and try to save them.  Not the best decision since they end up stuck inside as well.  

There we meet some stock characters and hear a joke that will be ongoing for the rest of the movie. While repetition can be funny, but it didn’t work here. The joke wasn’t that great the first time and it was annoying to see them setting up the pitch over and over again.

This is a horror comedy but both genre fall flat.  It’s a super low budget movie made in the less populated part of Maine. Two of the writers plays the leads so the plus side  is you know it’s played how the writers intended.  Jesse was kind of endearing but Mack’s mugging was a bit too over the top.

You Die (2018)

Aka Decarga Siniestra; aka You Die: Get the App, Then Die

One night a stranger asks Asia if he can use her phone and she agrees. This is unfortunate since he downloads an app onto it that is going to kill her. You see it’s a chain mail type app. Once someone downloads it onto your phone, the only way to restart the clock on your death is to load it onto someone else’s phone. So you need to to do this every day or you die.

The most surprising thing about the plot is someone would let a stranger use their phone. If someone asked to use my phone, my first thought would be they’re going to steal it. Also the time it takes to download an app is suspiciously long to be concealing the phone from the owner. It’s just plain weird, even if you let a fried borrow it. And I can’t think of a single time I let a friend borrow my phone because they always have their phone. 

This was better than most of the other films I’ve seen about evil apps on cell phones.  Also holy moly, why are there so many death apps?  

 

Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)

After a shoot out in the street outside her classroom, Estrella goes home to find her mother gone. She waits for her return, but her mother never comes back.  Estrella’s teacher gave her three pieces of chalk to make wishes on.  She uses the first one to wish for her mother to appear. Soon she hears a whispery voice and sees something supernatural which may or may not be her mother.

Being fearful of staying at home due to the mysterious presence, Estrella goes looking for Shine, a young boy who is the leader of a small gang of boys. They’re orphans due to the drug cartel and gun violence in their city.  They steal food and sleep in tents on the roof of a building.

When the cartel shows up, the children run and Shine threatens cartel tough guy Caco with a gun. Caco recognizes this as his own gun and also realizes Shine has his phone. Everything starts spinning out of control as Caco vows revenge and the kids try to survive.

This film has been compared to work by Guillermo del Toro, whose films I enjoy. While this is a good film, I didn’t care for it.  Del Toro’s work is more removed from reality. Plus I’m not even sure if I would call this a horror film since the ghosts are more on the periphery. It felt more like a drama with supernatural overtones.

1,2,3... Scream (2011)

Aka End of the Road

A cameraman and sound guy are asked to work on a new reality show pilot where they will be ghost hunting.  The on air personalities are two random women hired to provide curb appeal, but have no background in the paranormal.  The other is an uptight guy but at least he has knowledge of the subject.

They end up in the middle of nowhere in farm country at a huge cabin nearby the haunted location.  There is a local woman hired to be a guide and provide information on the areas history.  She’s unable to get through a conversation without saying things like, “I’m with you, cowboy” or “we’ll make a country boy out of you yet.”  It gets old fast.

On the first night of shooting, a chandelier rips loose and hits one of the hosts, sending her flying out a second story window.  By the time the cameraman gets outside, the uptight guy says she’s dead because “her neck snapped like a twig.”  No one shall ask how he contributed to her death since he has her head cradled in his lap, and that is definitely not what you do with someone who has a neck injury.

When they bring her body back to the house and review the footage, they find something on the film that shows it was not paranormal, nor an accident.  At this point, things go off the rails.

The most difficult thing about this movie is the background music. It’s totally inappropriate.  It’s runs the gamut from music you’d hear on a soap opera, or a sensitive drama, or a video game.  There are times where something humorous is supposed to be happening and there’s light humor music like you’d hear on Bones or NCIS Los Angeles.  This is a pretty tame movie since it was made for TV, which definitely explains why they’d use this type of needle drop music.

 

The Dybbuk Box: The Story of Chris Chambers (2019)

A man buys a box because its supposed to contain a demon and after opening it, he’s surprised by the things that happen. Stupid man. 

After watching dybbuk box openings on YouTube, Chris heads to the dark web to buy one.  He’s heard that real witches can’t sell the boxes so he finds one where the owner says it’s for trade only and not for sale. Inexplicably Chris purchases the box rather than trading for it.

When it arrives, Chris uses an EMF meter to see if it reacts to the box.  EMF supposedly can pick up on spirits and it’s going off any time it gets near the box.  

After he opens the box, the EMF no longer lights up. Chris finds this odd and can’t comprehend why it would happen. It’s like he’s forgotten the entire story of the box and why he was using an EMF meter.  

Soon strange things start happening in his home. A lamp flickers. The temperature control is set on 73, but it’s either freezing or boiling in the house. A ceiling fan falls onto the bed, which provides unintentional hilarity since there are no electrical wires attached to it. A table lamp files off the table. It’s all more annoying stuff, rather than life altering.

Chris repeatedly uses a spirit box to talk to the demon and believes it’s talking back. As in all ghost hunting shows, the words Chris hears in response to his questions sound nothing like the sounds coming out of the spirit box. He’s looking for words that make sense in relation to his questions. He tells us what he hears and at no time did anything sound like what he interpreted.  

I have no idea how many days this is supposed to take place over. I’m not sure if I wasn’t paying close enough attention or they didn’t tell us. Chris starts feeling poorly and nothing is ever resolved.  It purports to be a true story. The characters name and actors name are the same.  But it not much happens and it doesn’t go anywhere other than to tell us Chris went to live with his parent because he felt ill.  

Ridiculous dialogue:

It’s kind of strange that the moment I opened the box this just stopped. (Said about the EMF meter, even though he was told never to open the box because it contained a demon and why would the demon ever stay in the box once it was open)

Wither (2012)

Ida and Albin head to an abandoned cabin with a group of friends. Albin’s father works for the power company so he can turn the power back on for their weekend trip.  Oddly enough they don’t have a key to the house but luckily Albin knows how to pick a lock.

One of the guys decides it would be funny to scare everyone and hoists a girl up through an unlocked window. Instead of positioning herself for a scare, she wanders around the room, finds a candle, and discovers a trap door to the basement.

Unadvisedly she climbs down the ladder into the basement and wanders around. The basement appears to a series of small rooms and when she finds a light on, surprisingly she is not alarmed.  Her fate is sealed when the sound of shuffling doesn’t send her running, but instead prompts her to walk toward the darkness and ask if any one is there. It’s not pretty.

When the group manages to get inside, she’s standing there with a dumb look on her face.  But she never mentions that she went into the basement or that there is a scary creature down there.  Instead she becomes a wet blanket who doesn’t feel good and doesn’t want to do anything.  Later that night she starts bleeding, collapses in the bathroom and the next time we see her, she’s looking sort of dead. Let the carnage begin.

This is essentially a Swedish version of Evil Dead. There’s no back story about what the creature is or how it got there. There’s no incantations or books that start it. It’s literally a creature in the basement of an abandoned house. So if you stay out of the basement, you’ll most likely be okay.  People are way to willing to go into a trap door in the floor of a creepy old house. Sure it’s fun to explore, but trap doors are a sign you should be wary.

One thing that is frustrating is when a man they saw in the woods comes into the house and tells them what is going on, they don’t believe him. While what he says seems ridiculous, they may want to be less skeptical since they just tied up one of their friends who seems insane because she just bit part of another girls face off.  Plus she looks like there’s something seriously wrong with her.  The man says if you get bitten, scratched or blood on you, you’re in trouble.  One of the girls was bitten and another had blood spit on her. But they don’t mention it at all and say they’re fine.

#Follow Me (2019)

Sophie has 2 million followers on YouTube which is surprising after you see her videos.  She asks two friends to fly to America with her and travel from Los Angeles to San Francisco, where she is supposed to do a meet and greet with her fans. 

The annoying threesome present a most unlikeable group. You wouldn’t want to sit near them on a plane or in a restaurant. They repeatedly call each other babe, play it up for the camera, and spend their time looking at themselves through their phones or cameras.  They are all about appearance and projecting an image rather than enjoying the moment or being real.  

Sophie films everything and apologizes to her fans for not posting for a few weeks. Apparently Sophie is famous for doing nothing other than posting a curated life in an attempt to seem relevant. There’s nothing special about Sophie or her friends, but don’t say that to them or they’ll think you’re rude.

They must have money since they’ve rented a house in the Hollywood Hills for one night. The next day when they start driving to San Fran, things get weird. There’s a vaguely threatening note on their car. They get a flat tire and have a run in with a creepy guy at a gas station, who they also see later that night at a restaurant across from their motel. There is also a threatening note left outside their hotel door.  Plus Lisa’s lost phone shows up containing photos and videos of the group at every place they’ve been. So they know someone is following them.

To reach the point where there is a legitimate reason for them to think harm is at hand, you need to watch over an hour of irritating behavior in what is essentially home videos. And when it’s time to protect themselves, they do the stupidest things ever. Even though they are worried about their safety, Lisa steps outside the motel room because she hears noises outside and it’s too dark to see out the windows.  When they find the phone and are alarmed someone is following them, they leave the door open to their room. When they know for sure someone is trying to kill them, they sneak out of the room bu then run screaming at the top of their lungs to the car. Oh my god women, if you want to get away from a killer, don’t scream bloody murder. He’ll know where you are. Lastly they don’t stop  filming. For some reason they think the camera is a lifeline, but calling 911 would have been far more helpful.  We know they have reception because they were looking at their timeline on social media.  

No pay off to who was doing it or why, or how Sophie could ever possibly have 2 million followers. There was nothing interesting about her.

Ridiculous dialogue

This just literally can’t get any worse. (Said right before things literally get so much worse)

Don’t stop filming whatever you do. That camera is our fucking life line. (They should be calling 911 not filming>

The Haunting of the Mary Celeste (2020)

Rachel has a theory to explain the mystery of the Mary Celeste, which was found adrift in 1872 with all of her cargo intact but her crew missing.  Rachel thinks when tectonic plates shift, this causes things to disappear and the crew were pulled into a rift. She just needs a boat that is willing to bring her to the coordinates where she predicts a rift is set to occur.

Captain Tulls and first mate Aldo get Rachel and her two assistants near the location, but then report the engines have failed and they’ll need to evacuate. Not realizing that mechanical things don’t care what she needs, Rachel freaks out and acts like a diva. 

Her assistant Grant ups the tension by helpfully offering to try to repair their engine. Because there’s nothing the crew likes more than  a passenger who thinks he’s more well versed in how to fix their ship. Also Grant brought a doll from the Mary Celeste on board with him. It’s highly unlikely that any mariner would want to carry an object from a cursed ship on their voyage. However it never comes up so perhaps this crew isn’t concerned about that sort of thing.

Rachel’s other assistant is super sassy which begs the question, why is she here? She seems to have no scientific knowledge or skills that would benefit this expedition, such as it is. She doesn’t seem to even want to be there. Here’s hoping she’s the first to go.

The most likable person on the boat is the Captain, even though he appears to have faked the engine trouble to bleed more money from Rachel. Yet Rachel manages to be less likable due to her self absorbed nature and general shenanigans. When they lose power, Rachel turns on the generator, even though they need to save power to ensure they have GPS and radio.  But her theory of the rift is more important than anything else and I hate her.

For a ghost story, this is lacking in story and scares. Richard Roundtree is the best thing about the film, but he doesn’t have much screen time.

The Jack in the Box (2019)

After suffering a tragedy, Casey wants a change of scenery and takes a job at a museum in the UK which seems to have random exhibits rather than one theme. That may explain why they don’t have a lot of visitors.  

Casey has knowledge of history and did previous work as a curator. Thank god because his training consists of someone standing in one spot and pointing in the direction of where the exhibits are located at other points in the building. He is then told he’ll be working on his own the next day to greet visitors and answer their questions. I feel sorry for the visitors.

While looking through a storage room, Casey finds an old jack in the box that he thinks should be on display.  What he doesn’t realize- because who would ever consider this possibility - is the box contains an evil clown that when released will have to kill six victims before becoming trapped back in the box.

Once the clown is released, it waits for it’s chance to spring from the box and take a victim.  Thieves break into the museum? Perfect time for the clown to strike.  Lady alone in the clown room? Casey’s so sleepy he won’t notice that she never came back.

The clown can get out of the box, and it’s bigger than a human. So it’s adept at catching victims, even if they run away.  Casey becomes a suspect due to a murder at the museum after he had an argument with the director.  I’m not sure why this murder was so bloody when the other three murders at the museum were so neat and tidy no one even knew they took place there. 

Casey figures out what is going on, but now the police suspect him of being involved in the disappearances and murders.  Since no one will believe there is a dangerous killer jack in the box on the loose, Casey tries to use his curator skills to find the history of this box and how he might be able to stop it.

The music in this movie is like what you would hear in a melodrama. It seems off for a horror movie, but then again, this takes place in Britain who often make low key horror.   

Garden Tool Massacre (1997)

Charles Scavolini murdered his wife and was sentenced to an asylum. This video is about the last two days of his life after he escaped. Well, that’s what the scrawl says but in reality it’s mostly about college students partying, and once in awhile someone dies. They could have just had police bulletins and news reports explaining that a murderer escaped from the asylum rather than have the opening parts.  It wouldn’t make a difference, other than they needed the opening scenes to pad the film. 

A kid who sleeps in a polo shirt has a party at his house with three other guys. The expected girls never show up.  It’s a really sad party since two of the four don’t like each other and one of them has a personality that consists of wearing a sombrero. The next night there is a less sad party at a different house and both genders attend. 

This was filmed in the UK and we get to see two different people make tea in real time.  The film is mostly padding and often it’s too dark to see what’s going on.  I’m not even sure if this thing had a script.

It truly looks like a bunch of people said, hey we have a VHS camera, let’s make a movie. The best thing about it is the cover artwork.  Definitely shot on video, we’ve got the bad color and occasional VHS artifacts like the frame rolling and fuzziness that old VHS tapes tend to have, especially if they’ve been copied more than once. If you’re a fan of SOV, then you may want to take a chance on this. I’m partly charmed and partly bored by this one.

Scream Park (2012)

 Attendance is dwindling and the park isn’t making money to maintain the the rides. At the end of their shifts, Marty the manager calls a meeting to tell the employees the park will be closing within a few weeks.  

The teens aren’t happy about losing their jobs. But since they were planning to party that night, they convince Marty to let them use the amusement park as a consolation. Marty is a creep since he’s partying with high schoolers and he’s worked at the park fifteen years so he’s got to be at least thirty years old.

One of the teens calls instapunk Roy because he has a fake ID. Roy picks up two bottles of liquor and a six pack. Oh this is going to be one crazy party. 

While looking for someone who missed the meeting, Jennifer and Marty see two strangers in the park and are afraid to approach them.  Probably a good idea since they are murderers meant to kill the employees. The owner has this idea that a murder park would bring in more business. This seems like it should be a surprise twist in the plot but the description of the movie tells us up front this is what’s happening.

The biggest problem is if these teenager hadn’t convinced the manager to let them party in the park, would anyone have died?  They weren’t supposed to be there.  The killers might have gotten one or even two of them as they closed down, but everyone else might have left. One murder does not a murder park make.

Also when Marty shows his true weasel self and runs away while Jennifer is trying to help a wounded coworker, Jennifer yells out “we’re over here Marty.”  Yeah, he knows. You ran from his side to the side of the coworker.  If he’s gone, its because he left.  Plus hiding in a store with glass doors isn’t helpful if the killer saw you go in there. Yes, you can hide behind something, but he still knows you’re there and glass is no match for an ax.

Most amusing dialogue:

I’m going to make my rounds and make sure no dumb ass kid is stuck in the rides somewhere.  

One Night in October (2017)

 

One Night in October is an anthology that is not readily apparent it’s  an anthology until you’re a ways into the movie. There are multiple characters introduced in different places and you keep waiting for the stories to come together, but they don’t.  

Our first story involves a woman named Michelle who’s just moved into a new house. She’s totally into Halloween and goes overboard with generic decorations covering her entire lawn.  A neighbor stops by and has an awkward conversation in which he is overly complimentary about her decorating prowess.

Later that night, there’s a knock on her door. Michelle hasn’t grasped the concept of peepholes yet, so she opens her door to a punch in the face from a masked man.  When she wakes up, she’s zip tied along with her neighbor, which begs the question, why would anyone beat her neighbor up and bring him to her home?

The two robbers explain that they’ve targeted her because she’s a single woman in a big house with nice things so they know she’s got money. This makes no sense. The house appears to be a typical suburban ranch. There’s nothing about it that screams money, especially based on all the discount store decorations she’s put up.  

They threaten to beat her up unless she tells them where she keeps her jewelry, cash and safe.  Again, not  everyone has jewelry, cash or a safe, plus some people are house poor because they spent all their money buying their home. They soon discover that they’ve picked the wrong house to rob because Michelle is not as pathetic as she seems.

The second story is about two couples who go to a cornfield.  When the owner discovers them and asks what they are doing since there are signs and a fence to keep people out, the timid girl gets scared but the entitled girl who shall henceforth be known as Karen gets an attitude because it’s only a cornfield.  She doesn’t seem to grasp the concert of trespassing. The owner tells them to get out.

However instead of leaving, Karen convinces the others to stay. When they stumble across a weird candle, Karen decides to take it, upping her crime from trespassing to theft.  Later that night their truck won’t start and oh my god why are they still at the cornfield. It has been hours since they were  told to leave.  Their solution is to find the woman who told them to leave and ask to use her phone because god damn it, she’d better help them or they aren’t leaving.

Karen and her girlfriend set out to look for the woman and find a barn. Instead of seeing if there is a house nearby, they enter the barn, thus adding breaking and entering to their list of crimes for the day.  As they wander around looking through things, the entitled Karen decides to head out on her own while the timid girl continues to look through the barn.  The timid girl finds an alter and lit candles, but doesn’t grasp this means someone is nearby. She also finds a book that appears to be filled with charcoal drawings. I’m not sure if we were supposed to notice.  Was it was a limitation of the budget or they were purposely going for a homemade book vibe?

Karen  is completely put out when she can’t find the woman or a phone, and walks around shouting that she wants to speak to the manager.  Well, not literally but she gives off that vibe as you watch her sigh, shout angrily, and get aggravated that she’s inconvenienced even though she’s the source of the problem.  Thankfully there is a killer scarecrow on the property.  Unfortunately there is also a story of where the scarecrow came from and you’re going to have to listen to it as things grind to a halt.

The third story is about a woman who meets a man once every three month for five  minutes. She lives for those moments but is finding it hard to be without him.  He won’t violate protocol, but you’re not sure what it is or why these two know each other.  The most difficult part of this story is that it’s hard to tell what emotion the actress is trying to portray.  It’s all blank stares and monotone.  

I thought there was going to be a fourth story with a woman at a bar going to a Halloween party, but she disappears and is never seen again. So her night must have worked out well. This seems to be the only link in the stories as she gets a call from the guy whose car is dead at the cornfield. He says “I need help” before the phone goes dead. Unlike a normal person who would be concerned why their friend needs help, she sighs because she now has to go to the party alone.  And off she wanders never to worry about her dead friend again.

Cringeworthy dialogue:

Hey you went to college. What does this mean?  (While looking at Latin)

Owner- What are you doing here?

Timid girl - I’m sorry. I’ve never seen a cornfield and my girlfriend said she knew one.

Owner - You didn’t see all the signs? You didn’t jump the fence?

Entitled Karen - Hey take it easy. It’s a cornfield, not Fort Knox.

Robber 1 - How do you know she has jewelry?

Robber 2 - Men (scoffing robber lady who shakes her head as if he’s an idiot, but she’s the one who doesn’t realize that not all women own jewelry)