Tomb of the Mummy (2013)

Aka Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy

Professor Shields brings six college students to meet famous Egyptologist Dr. Nasir and work with priceless antiquities in the local museum.  The students are stereotypes.  We’ve got Dustin the jock, Jay the stoner, Kyle the nerd, Serena the codependent girlfriend, Felicia the skank, and Amy the smart one.  The nerd is in love with the jock’s girlfriend and the smart one is sleeping with the professor, which really isn’t that smart.

Nasir, Shields and Amy head off to look at hieroglyphics, while the other five go to the basement to look at the relics.  As they look through the crates, Jay finds a weed he refers to as resurrection incense. He says they should smoke it since it no longer exists so they’ll never get another chance. No one questions whether there could be any mold, mildew, or dangerous aspects to this. They also don’t care about having integrity in their chosen profession and they light it up.

The smoke revives Isis within one of the crates. She wants to bring her husband Osiris back from the dead. But first she’s going to kill anyone she can get her hands on and steal parts of their bodies.  The explanation is Osiris was cut into pieces so she needs to piece him back together.  Wouldn’t it be easer to kill one person, cut them up and then put them back together? It’s quicker, plus originally he wasn’t Frankensteined from other bodies. Actually wouldn’t it be better to grab a body and put his essence into it? Just forego all this messy appendage stealing.

As the students realize something is wrong and people are dying, they attempt to get out, but Isis has locked them in and the security guard is missing.  Apparently Isis is also able to control land lines since the phone doesn’t work. So it’s up to these idiots and the famous Egyptologist to figure out how to stop Isis and get free.

Questions abound. Why did the curator leave people having no association with the museum or the collection alone with the priceless relics? Why were these C level students selected to work with a famous archaeologist?  Was this something for extra credit, which they appear to need? Shouldn’t the best students be chosen for this overnight, once in a lifetime experience?  Why are these kids left unsupervised without any training on how to handle the antiquities?  Why did they choose archaeology as a major since they have no respect for the field? What are the odds so many students who went to high school together end up at the same college in the same major? Why does Nasir tell Kyle and Dustin to grab the gear from the corner when he means the two flashlights? And was that just a body that fell out of a closet like something out of a 1940s mystery movie?  

Ridiculous dialogue

Professor: I never thought we’d get to be alone.

Amy: Why do you think I came on the trip, idiot? I already have an A.

I guess I’m just the type of girl who’d be comfortable and satisfied rather than risk being alone to be happy.

She’s got a pug forehead

Smoking the ancient weed as if he’s playing a clarinet

His head came off like it was held on with glue

From a museum to the set of a high school play

Is the door blocked off with black cardboard?

The superimposed plague

The least appropriate archaeology outfit