The Surge (2002)

aka The Source

A gothy kid moves to town and immediately becomes an outcast at his new school.  He befriends a few other outcasts and they all traipse off into the woods, where they trip over a magical rock which gives them strange powers.

For some unknown reason, they all have to take their shirts off when standing on the power rock and none are concerned with any lasting negative effects of a mystery source of power surging through their bodies.

They use their powers on the jocks and bullies at their school and of course one of the outcasts takes the whole thing too far.  After their power is unleashed, the goth kid starts wearing clown white face, the school suddenly becomes badly lit with blue lights, and the camera appears to be on a ship as it rocks back and forth with imaginary waves.  Stupid.

The Headless Ghost (1959)

Three (ahem) teenage exchange students - that's them on the cover -  take a tour of a supposedly haunted castle and decide to stay behind to prove whether there are ghosts or not.  A ghost appears immediately to tell them long winded stories about the past and to get help for the headless ghost who is searching for his own head.

This is a typical 1950s ghost film, which means it's not scary.  It's fairly decent for this type of film and anytime teenagers are lost in a haunted castle it can't be all bad.

Prom Night IV: Deliver Us From Evil (1992)

In 1957 Father Jonas killed a teenage couple who are sinning by having sex in the back seat of their car at the prom.  His fellow priests lock him up in the basement of their monastery and keep him sedated.

Thirty years later, there is a changing of the guard and the new caregiver decides Father Jonas doesn't need sedation.  Zip zoom, the caregiver is dead and Father Jonas is on the lookout for more sinning teens.

Two teenage couples decide to spend the weekend at one's fathers mansion which is a former monastery.  Oh heavens, what ever will become of them?  

Father Jonas reminded me of Hecubus from the Kids in the Hall, which was very distracting.  Also after thirty years being shackled unconscious on a bed, his muscles would have atrophied.  Yet he has not aged a day and is in great shape.  Perhaps it is his insanity that keeps him fit and young.

Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1990)

Mary Lou comes back from the grave and casts a spell over Alex.  Why? I have no idea.  She just shows up one night, kills a janitor, has ghost sex with Alex in the hallway, and decides she's his girlfriend.  Then she kills anyone who messes with him.  

Eventually Alex gets tired of hiding the bodies and breaks up with Mary Lou.  That does not sit well with her, and she decides Alex must pay.

This isn't the worst thing you'll ever watch, but it's not that good either.  

American Scary (2008)

Decent documentary covering the history of horror hosts.  The film features plenty of archival footage and current interviews with well known hosts and people who grew up watching them.  I wasn't sure about watching this, but it was worth it.  Perhaps the biggest surprise was learning that Ghoulardi aka Ernie Anderson went on to become an announcer for ABC doing voice overs for shows like the Love Boat and every other major show on the network.  It makes me like him even more.

Encounter with the Unknown (1973)

Rod Serling narrates this average anthology which has three tales.  The first is of a prank gone wrong which results in the death of a young man.  His mother curses the three friends responsible, and in case you can't remember this, the footage is shown over and over and over. 

The second story is about a young boy whose dog runs off. While looking for his dog, he finds a smoking hole in the woods where something at the bottom is moaning.

The final story is based around a girl whose father forbids her to date the local boy that she loves.  When they run away, tragedy strikes and the story ends on the note of a familiar ghost story.

Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi (2006)

Interesting documentary about Christian Hosoi and his fall from the skateboard scene.  Christian and Tony Hawk were contemporaries.  Tony was more of a technical rider while Christian was the ultimate showman.  There is archival footage of Hosoi in all his flamboyant glory as well as interviews with Hosoi and those who knew him.

Sadly enough it is another tale of a kid who lived the high life thinking the money would always be rolling in. But the problem with popularity is that someone or something else always comes along.  Hosoi took a path that many take, becoming addicted to drugs and ending up in prison.  While in jail, Hosoi became born again, which helped him get back on the right path.

There's some great skateboarding footage included and it's funny to see the 80s haircuts and styles.

Catacombs (2008)

Good god, is there anything good I can say about this film? Victoria is invited to Paris by her sister who hangs out with a bunch of uber douchebags that like to play pranks on people. The Catacombs under the city are the hip spot for secret raves.  They take Victoria to one and tell her the story of a beast who lives in the tunnels and kills those who wander off alone.

Shortly afterwards Victoria wanders off alone as she is uncomfortable with harassment to join in the skinny dipping that everyone is doing.  Her sister, who is very abusive, goes after her and is murdered by a beast while trying to show her the way out. 

Victoria, who has some sort of nervous condition that requires lots of pill popping, freaks out and finds her way back to the rave.  No one pays any attention to her screams for help.  Then the police turn up to bust the rave. Oh thank god, maybe they will listen to poor Victoria... who promptly turns and runs off with the ravers in the opposite direction down a tunnel. Even worse, she bangs her head on the roof of the tunnel, knocking herself out and awakening in total darkness.  The rest of the movie follows the ever more irritating Victoria as she runs through the tunnels trying to escape from the beast and find her way out.  

She runs around. She screams a lot. She doesn't take good care of her flashlight and everything she does is stupid.  The only thing that tops her stupidity is the twist ending of the film.  

JCVD (2008)

Jean-Claude Van Damme plays JCVD, an actor with tax problems who has just had a custody battle for his child and found that he has just lost a role to Steven Seagal.  JCVD returns to Belgium and goes to a post office to pick up some money that has been wired.  Unfortunately he arrives there at the exact time the PO is being robbed.  

Even worse, he becomes the fall guy for the robbers. He is forced to help shutter the windows and negotiate with the police over the phone.

This is definitely different from JCVD's usual films and he does a great job.  There is a monologue near the end of the film which is out of left field but very effective.  Overall an interesting film, although it seemed to slow down in the middle.

We All Scream For Ice Cream (2007)

A horrible prank gone wrong kills a retarded ice cream truck driver. Years later when all the participants are back in the same town and have children of their own, he returns to take revenge.

It's pretty creepy to see a clown in an ice cream truck driving out of the fog in the middle of the night.  Yes, it sounds silly, but it's creepy.  Especially when the ice creams he hands out cause the adults who wronged him to melt into a pile of gush.

But the creepiest thing of all, which is never explained is why he had no nose when he was alive.  He's this sweet retarded clown doing magic tricks while selling his ice cream, yet underneath his red nose, there is nothing.  What the hell?!

Minds of Terror (2003)

Three college students head out into the country to investigate the abandoned Stone Ridge Hospital, which used to be an insane asylum.  On the way their car breaks down and they end up stuck at the asylum where they discover someone has been living there since it closed.

Jeffrey Vandoren claims to be a former staff member, but that is called into question when one of the students finds a hospital file on him.  The students split up to investigate the hospital and start seeing things which may or may not be real.  

In the middle of all this, Jeffrey tells a story about being in a car crash and wandering into a farm house owned by Joe Estevez.  This goes on for so long that you start to forget that this was originally a story about investigating the old hospital for the school paper.

More confusion follows as Jeffrey is way too belligerent to the farmer who has graciously helped him after his head wound.  Probably the best way to sum it up is by this line from the film, "I'd think it was funny if my head didn't hurt so much."

Dark Town (2004)

Lisping vampires with bad teeth take over a town and no one is safe.  A slum landlord is bitten by vampires and heads back to his suburban home for a family birthday party.  It's the first time the family will be together as the lesbian daughter has issues with her dad.  

Meanwhile the older brother of a boy killed by the slum lord decides it is time to take revenge for the killing and drives his friends over to the house.  This is after they're in a drug deal gone wrong.  They daughter of the slum lord is dating a gang member so there is the incentive of her having lots of drug money. 

Vampirism is spreading like the plague, which is about as close to a plot as you're going to get in this mess.  The acting is bad and over the top.  Although I will say I can't think of another film where almost everyone gets bitten by a vampire.

The Sacrifice (2005)

No budget movie made in New Hampshire which came with an insert full of corrections to the credits in the film - not a good sign.  This is bare bones movie making and it shows. There appears to be no ADR on the sound, which is often hard to hear due to ambient noise.

The story involves a goth teenager who moves to a small town and finds there is occult activity going on.  The acting is more of a community theater level and while I wanted to like this since it was filmed in New Hampshire, I couldn't bear to watch more than twenty minutes of it.

My Name Is Bruce (2008)

Bruce Campbell plays an actor named Bruce Campbell in this funny movie about a small town kid who awakens an ancient spirit named Guan Di, and kidnaps Bruce who he believes is the only one who can stop this monster.  Bruce believes the whole thing to be an elaborate prank and goes along with it until he sees Guan Di kill some townsfolk.  Then he runs away leaving the townsfolk to fend for themselves. After all he's only an actor, not the monster fighter they've seen in the movies.

Bruce Campbell fans will love this and those who are only slightly familiar with his work should still enjoy it as it's a decent satire.  I'd watch it again.

Death Tunnel (2005)

Oh death tunnel, why do you taunt me?  The movie's timeline is all over the place, causing much confusion. It is never clear whether this was done due to the movie's lack of cohesion, as an attempt to be artsy, or due to incompetence.  But what we're left with is another film that doesn't make sense and leaves too much unanswered.

Five college girls are kidnapped by a fraternity and dropped off in an old lunatic asylum.  The frat boys have put cameras and a control room in the old asylum so they can broadcast the girl's terror filled nightmare into the local bar where everyone can laugh at their fear.

The girl's are all wearing lingerie and high heels as they were grabbed at a bar having a pajama party. No I am not making that up.  There is some sort of countdown constantly going on during the film where over the loudspeaker you hear, "Five girls, five floors, five hours."  The countdown happens as the time ticks by and the girls die.

The insane asylum has a tunnel running under it where the dead were wheeled out during the plagues.  All the major characters in the film are dead ringers for the ghosts that inhabit the asylum and turn out to be their descendants.  

I can't even count all the nonsensical things that happen in this film.  As per usual, there has to be at least one girl who takes a shower in the abandoned, dirty, glass strewn, haunted asylum.  Also the lead male character tries to rescue one of the girls by climbing up the fire escape to the roof and jumping randomly right through the roof, which was hysterical. 

Killer Tomatoes Strike Back (1991)

Dr. Gangreen is using television to spread his evil message to the world and the Killer Tomatoes are helping him. The only people who realize there is a problem is Detective Lance Boyle and tomato scientist Kenndi Johnson.

The movie wants to be in the Airplane vein of humor, but the jokes aren't clever or funny enough. The best thing about the movie is John Astin as Dr. Gangreen. The worst thing is Rick Rockwell who mugs for the camera but just can't get the joke to go over.

Kinky Killers (2007)

Nothing makes sense and the characters have to explain the plot at the end.  There are lots of mentions of male anatomy and everyone has sex the same exact way.  None of the characters are likable.  Michael Pare's muscle tone is not what it used to be and Charles Durning shouldn't be in this mess.

Jenifer (2005)

When Detective Frank Spivey saves a disfigured young woman from being murdered, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to her and starts becoming obsessed with her.  Jenifer can not speak and has a horribly messed up face, but her body is perfect.  

His obsession makes him do really stupid things.  He moves her into his home as she has nowhere to go other than a mental hospital.  This upsets his wife and their son, especially after Jenifer eats their cat.  His family moves out, but Frank has becomes obsessed and sexually involved with Jenifer and she's all that matters anymore.  No matter who Jenifer kills, Frank is still under her spell. 

The biggest problem with the movie is that within the first five minutes of the film, you can predict exactly how it's going to end.

Blood Sucking Freaks (1978)

Master Sardu, a theater owner, has a show in which he tortures and kills women.  He is able to convince the crowd it is all a trick, and is waiting for a good review from a local critic named Creasy.  

When Creasy refuses to give him a good review, Sardu and his midget assistant Ralphus kidnaps Creasy and tortures him in an attempt to get a review that will make his show a hit.  When that fails, Sardu kidnaps ballerina Natasha, whose boyfriend is a star football player, so that she can provide recognition and class to his show.

Oddly enough there the only blood sucking that is done is by an insane doctor, who is promptly dispatched by the cage full of naked women who eat human flesh that Sardu keeps in his basement.

The acting is laughable and Sardu reminds me of an Eric Idle character.  The torturing women theme is disturbing.  While watching the film, I thought the director must hate women but then I learned that his funding came from an S&M theater group interested in making this type of film.  Ick.

Doctor Dracula (1980)

An Al Adamson film is kind of like a Ray Dennis Steckler film in that it won't make a lot of sense, will have questionable acting, and will leave you wondering what the hell he was thinking.  The main focus of the film is a professor whose mind has been taken over by a reincarnation of Svengali.  He is part of a devil cult run by John Carradine and they need to sacrifice some women to keep their powers or some such nonsense.  

Dracula is a psychiatrist who runs with the rich crowd that hangs out with Carradine, and also participated in the devil cult even though he didn't believe in it and was their nemesis.  

There is also a subplot about a girl whose mom was killed by Dracula. The girl claimed to know her mom had died violently even though she was found with a smile on her face.  I'm not sure how old the girl and mom were supposed to be because they appeared to be played by the same person.  It was really disconcerting.  Also when the mom vampire ghoul appeared she spoke in the same type of raspy voice kids use when they are trying to be scary.  In other words, she was not scary at all.

The best part was the end of the film when Dracula drained the devil cults sacrifice of blood, Carradine figured out there was a traitor in their midst, and Dracula's mind control proved more powerful than Svengali's or Carradines.  He had gone to the sacrifice with the girl whose mom had died to show her something, but I'm still confused as to what point he was trying to make.  

Drac  and the girl get into the car. All of a sudden the girl says she doesn't want to live in the same state her mom was living and pulls a detonator out of her purse.  Their car explodes in a huge ball of fire, and the words "The End" appear on the screen.  Seriously? Can you really blow up Dracula?  Because if that is a legitimate way to dispatch of vampires, then Van Helsing has been missing out.  Another strange Adamson film, but I give him points for going where no Dracula film has gone before.

Repo: The Genetic Opera (2008)

It's a musical/rock opera based in the dirty, seedy future where those who can not afford organ transplants get financing from Geneco.  However if you can't keep up the payments for your body parts, they repossess them.  An interesting concept, but the music was terrible and everyone sang EVERYTHING.  There is no dialogue - all singing.  They sang sentences, then they'd rhyme, then they'd go back to non-rhyming sentences. The repo guy has neato lights in his helmet making his eyes look as if they glow. Then Joan Jett appeared out of nowhere during a pseudo punk song in the girl's bedroom.  Yuck. 

Air Rage (2001)

When a marine officer convicted of war crimes hijacks a plane with a judge who presided at his trial, Ice-T and his team of commandos is sent in to rescue the passengers while in mid air.  Unfortunately the commandos turn out to be the most inept rescuers you can ever imagine, with three of the four getting killed almost immediately. Ice-T manages to survive but only with the help of a stewardess who is smarter and stealthier than all the commandos put together.  Ridiculous and laughable situations with no suspense which will leave you not caring whether everyone lives or dies.

Trailer Park of Terror (2008)

A group of troubled teens traveling with their pastor on the way to a religious camp crash into an abandoned tractor trailer truck.  After finding that no one's cell phone will work, the group heads off to the trailer park down the road.  

They are welcomed in by Norma, who gives them all a place to stay.  But what the group doesn't know is that the trailer park doesn't really exist since it was blown to bits years ago by Norma after the white trash park residents accidentally killed her date to the dance.  The teens on the Jesus bus, including the pastor, are all sinners who end up paying for their transgressions.  

The movie has really nice make up, especially for Norma.   There is a rocker who is always playing his guitar, but the music is a distraction and not very good.  Some of the scenes were disturbing and the story wasn't all that original.

Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Leon is a photographer who wants to move from taking photos for the papers to becoming a fine art photographer who portrays the city realistically. When his friend introduces him to an important local gallery owner, Susan,  who tells Leon that he has failed in his vision as his photos do not move the viewer or tell the real story that is lurking in the city.

After Leon photographs an attempted rape in a deserted subway at 2am, Susan is impressed and asks for a few more photos so she can include his work in a show.  Leon heads to the subway in the early morning hours and see's the man he comes to know as The Butcher exciting the subway station.  Leon follows him to take his photo, but lacks any sort of subtlety or stealth and ends up apologizing to the Butcher for following him.

Leon then makes a connection between the Butcher and the attempted rape victim who disappeared on the subway.  At this, Leon becomes obsessed with the Butcher, following him around the city.  He even goes so far as to follow him into the building where he works and photograph him while he is working. Leon becomes convinced that the Butcher is responsible for numerous disappearances on the subway, but can not find anyone to believe him.

What I found annoying about this film is Leon making horrible decisions regarding his photography.   He seems to think that the only way to truly capture the city is to go out in the city at 2am.  Why is that any more real than the things that happen during the day time?  In fact, going out at that time makes it more likely that Leon will be a victim of crime.  He's taking photos of dangerous people and is not very subtle about it.  He goes into the Butcher's workplace and takes photos - how can he think this guy won't notice?  

The Incredible Hulk (2007)

Bruce Banner is on the run after the government decides that whatever makes him the hulk would be a great thing to use as far as giving them military superiority over other countries.  In their quest to catch Bruce, they use serum to create a beast of their own from a willing soldier.

I don't really like big budge movies, but this one has nice cgi (especially compared with the crap in the low budget drivel I usually watch).  Also I was told that this dvd was much tighter and less boring than the theatrical release which featured way too much Liv Tyler crying scenes.

Spliced (2002)

aka The Wisher

Mary is having nightmares and sleepwalking.  Her parents believe her problems are due to her obsession with horror movies and make her promise she will not watch any more horror.  But Mary and her friends decide to go see the new movie, The Wisher.

When Mary's dad finds out, he heads down to the theater to bring her home, but is killed in a car accident.  Mary believes this is her fault as she wished he was gone from her life forever.  She also finds that other wishes she makes are coming true and thinks it must be the villain from the movie.

The stupid thing is that in order to prove her theory that the Wisher is making her wishes come true, she gets in her friend's car and wishes that they would crash.  But instead of letting things go normally and seeing if it happens, they start driving a hundred miles an hour through back alleys. 

Who wouldn't crash at some point?

The movie also features Drew Lachey as Brad, Mary's love interest who she comes to suspect is The Wisher.

April Fools (2007)

A high school student is killed during an April Fool's Day joke that goes wrong.  Instead of calling an ambulance to see if anything can be done to save him, the group decides to drag him into the bushes and shoot him so that it will look like a gang shooting.  

One year later on the anniversary of the death, someone starts killing those who were involved.  Is it the ghost of the kid come back for revenge, or is it someone else who knows what really happened?  

Not a good movie by any means, the ending is just as ridiculous as the premise that these people are supposed to be of high school age.

Brush With Death (2007)

Five teenager cheerleaders head off to a mansion in the country owned by on of their uncles.  Once there, they lounge around the pool and meet a local boy who fills them in on the legend of an abandoned house down the road.  The house has been vacant since the killings done by a kid who used the blood of his victims for paint.  The girls squeal that this is exactly the fun type of place to have a party and decide to spend the night there.  What a great idea!

There are lots of flashbacks of two boys, one who is horribly nasty and the other who seems a bit slow.  The flashbacks don't add anything to the film but confusion.  

Also the killer- who everyone thought was dead but is obviously still alive - doesn't so much as kill his victims, as slowly drain enough  blood - it looks like they are giving blood -  to paint his bad pictures.  Not scary, not at all.  

The girls end up super woozy and he sits them around a table like a family - how cliche.  Then the stupid girl who has the strength to go for help isn't smart enough to immediately run out of the building.  It takes her a while to figure it out. 

So let's recap, shall we - stupid girls, stupid legend, stupid cliches, stupid creepy guy that's supposed to be hot, and a big waste of time all rolled up in a big ball of bad.

Dead and Breakfast (2004)

A group of friends on the way to a wedding stop in a small town for the night and wake to find their hosts dead.  While the sheriff takes their keys to keep them from leaving town, one of the group opens a box containing an evil spirit who starts killing and resurrecting townspeople as zombies.  The group ends up holed up in the B&B, fighting off zombies and trying to figure out how to get out of town.

Teeth (2007)

Nicely shot movie centering around Dawn, a high school student who believes in purity until marriage. Things change when Dawn has feelings for a boy who has also pledged purity and he forces himself on her. This is when she discovers she has teeth in her most private of areas and that they will exact revenge on those who wrong her.

As movie night usually consists of badly shot movies, this stands out as being professionally done. It's creepy, disturbing, but also entertaining.

Demon Summer (2003)

Made by the same guys who did Midnight Skater, this is a step up with better production and script. But that's not saying much as the acting is bad and the demon's make up is just plain stupid.

Some bully's beat up a homeless guy named Crazy Bob, who wears a bad wig and carries a book that can be used to summon demons.  The bully's steal the book and manage to conjure a demon who takes possession of one of them..

The demon make up is really ridiculous looking, but he spews this gross goo which goes into one kids mouth - totally disgusting.  No matter whether a character is a kid, parent, or authority figure, everyone is played by people of the same age which is disconcerting.

I give them credit for getting the film made and doing a better job than Midnight Skater, but still not a good film.

Dead Moon Rising (2007)

There's not much to this film.  Zombies start walking the earth and people try to survive by banding together to fight them.

The acting isn't very good and the zombie makeup consists of raccoon-eyed zombies with yellow faces.  The strange thing is that when the credits roll, there are photos of good zombie makeup, but like many other low budget movies, they only managed to film the lame looking zombies.

Transmorphers (2007)

After living underground for years, it's time to fight the machines and all it takes to win is a robot in a telephone box.  The movie makes me wonder why anyone would cryogenically freeze a robot?

The film is dark, brooding, low key, and lame.  There is a general who is way too emotional to have gotten that in in the armed forces.  Then there is the lady who looks like Joey Ramone in her fighter plane.

There is a huge robot vs. man battle, but even that isn't all that interesting.

Camp Utopia (2002)

Back in the 1960s, hippie cult leader Timothy Bach, played by Ratt's Steven Pearcy, killed all his followers in some weird, drug induced, love, peace, and flowers killing spree.  Cut to the present where five unlikable teens decide to go camping on the very spot of the massacre.  

As they sit around the campfire, Lance tells everyone the story of Timothy and Camp Utopia.  The next day, the kids start being picked off one by one.  

The Mangler (1995)

A huge laundry machine full of evil mangles those unfortunate enough to get stuck in it.  Based on a short story by Stephen King and starring Robert Englund as the creepy crippled factory owner who procures virgins for his menacing laundry machine.

Guardians (2006)

A group of guardians tries to protect the earth from an evil doctor and the monsters he is unleashing.  A small town is the focal point of the fight, where survivors hole up in a school while the guardians try to help them survive.

You would think monsters attacking a town would be exciting, but you'd be dead wrong.  The film is incredibly slow paced and the creatures look completely fake.  There is a little kid that looks like a cancer patient who starts twitching whenever the monsters come near.  The film is so boring I couldn't even finish watching it to find out what happened.

April Fool's Day (2008)

At a party celebrating the debutant ball of teenage Torrance,  nasty rich girl Desiree drugs poor Milan.  Also drugged is Desiree's brother Blaine who takes advantage of Milan while Desiree films the entire thing in a plot to humiliate Milan and ruin her reputation.   Desiree has a reaction to the drugs, falls off the bedroom balcony, and dies promptly ruining Torrance's party.

A year later, everyone receives a message to meet at Milan's grave where a letter is delivered stating that they will all die within 24 hours unless the guilty person admits to causing Milan's death.

While this is supposedly a remake of the 1986 film of the same name, it doesn't have the same plot and has none of the charm.  The double twist ending is predictable and there is nothing appealing about any of the characters.  Also I'm not sure why all these people are friends as they have a wide range of ages. I would be concerned if I had a teenaged daughter who was hanging out with people ten or twenty years older than her.

Blood Hook (1986)

A killer is loose on the lake and the sheriff wants to keep things quiet because it's the week of the big fishing tournament.  

Peter and his friends head up to the lake house where his grandfather died.  Soon after people start getting killed, which causes Peter to have flashbacks as he was with his grandfather when he died.

The killer uses a fishing lure to snare his unsuspecting victims.  Even when he has to cast several times to hook them, they don't notice the splash of the hook or sound of the line flying through the air.

The biggest question after the discovery of the killer is how he could have gotten away with it for so long.  The guy strung the corpses together on fishing line and had them bobbing in their life vests under his dock.  Really, no one ever saw or smelled this?

The films claim to fame is that it was made with the involvement of two future MST3K members, Jim Mallon and Kevin Murphy.

Plasterhead (2006)

Four college students head towards Florida for spring break, but stop in a small town in an attempt to return a purse they found in a field.

The town has a legend about a truck driver who was brutally beaten in a local bar and took refuge in an abandoned house at the edge of town, killing anyone who crosses his path.

After trying to find the address found in the purse, the group ends up at the "abandoned" farmhouse, whose floors are polished to a sheen, has modern furniture, and looks lived in as well as clean. The kids try to sell that it is abandoned by pretending to wipe dust off furniture and constantly talking about how bad the place looks and how no one has lived there in ages.

Even the outside of the house looks well maintained, which makes it all the more ridiculous that the kids just walk into the place and start poking around. There are clean sheets in the bedrooms, a shower curtain and towels in the bathroom, and clean running water. Oooo, isn't this house so scary and empty?!

Everything these kids do is moronic. They are almost out of gas, so they pull up at a gas station in town and start honking the horn obnoxiously, while bitching about the attendant who doesn't immediately jump up to serve them. After more obnoxious behavior, insults to the attendant and horn honking, a far shot reveals that their van is about ten feet from the only gas pump?!? Who's the idiot now, ya morons!

This is one stupid movie, but has some entertainment value from it's sheer ridiculousness.

Graveyard of Horror (1971)

aka Necrophagus

A man goes back to a family castle after his wife dies.  Then he disappears.  A monster stalks a partly destroyed castle in the area, but we do not see the monster.  There is a narrative that is hard to follow and jumps back and forth in time. There is a mad scientist who uses himself as a subject - why don't they understand this never works?  Confusing and often slow moving, the pay off is the face on the box.  Yup, it's scarier in theory than in reality.

The Invincible Barbarian (1982)

aka Gunan il Guerriero

Oh Barbarians, what ever will we do with you? When an evil ruler hears that an invincible barbarian is about to be born in a small village, he decides to kill everyone . Unbeknownst to him, twins were born and put into the river ala Moses in the bullrushes.

When the twins grow up, they compete to see who is the true invincible barbarian. The evil ruler is still trying to find them, even though he only thinks there is one child. The barbarians are supposed to be young men - do they look like young men? No. No they don't. I'm not sure how old they are supposed to be, but these guys are closing in on fifty and the dark haired twin looks much older than the other twin.

This ridiculous film is filled with bad wigs, slo-mo barbarian twin competitions, a nubile young thing who falls for our old young barbarian, footage shown repeatedly, and tons of padding when we get an intro about the evolution of the planet. Only for barbarian enthusiasts who have seen all other barbarians movies.

Devil's Den (2006)

While heading back to the US border with a briefcase full of spanish fly, two friends stop at a strip club that turns out to be filled with stripper ghouls - and by ghouls I mean vampires.  This leads to our three main stars banding together to fight their way free from the marauding ghouls, before deciding that instead of running away they need to destroy them.

The ghouls are silly looking, with the head ghoul having a prosthetic that looked like a wrinkle-y bald cap.  It was really distracting, reminding me of the comic book ads for masks and bad caps.  One of the leads had a fear of squirrels which was never explained, but sometimes amusing.

Stupid Teenagers Must Die (2006)

A group of teenagers decides to have a party at an abandoned house where Murder McGee killed his entire family.  They hold a seance to bring back McGee's spirit, which takes possession of the party goers and starts a-killing and a-chopping.

The movie is supposed to take place in the 1980s but doesn't have period clothing, makeup or hairstyles - except for the guy in the Michael Jackson jacket.  It is supposed to be a hommage to the genre, but gets too close and becomes what it spoofing.

Some scenes appear to be lit by the lamps in the scene and car dome lights, which means you can't really see what is going on.  Plus it appears adr was not done as some scenes the dialogue is unintelligible.   

The high point was Corey Assink who was very funny as one of the geeks who show up uninvited at the party.  Not a bad movie, just not as good as the title would lead you to believe.

Decampitated (1998)

This movie veers from hysterically funny to hammy over the top jokes.  Distributed by Troma, the plot follows a group of friends who get lost in the woods while heading to a cabin they've rented, only to find there is a killer dressed as a beekeeper stalking them.

The scene with the girl running through the woods who keeps getting caught in bear traps got me laughing so hard, as well as the music that followed the beekeeper killer as he happily skipped through the woods after his victims.

Sometimes the campiness gets annoying and at times the movie bogged down.  But overall it was fun.

Zombie Campout (2002)

This is one of those movies where you're over half of the way through it and you think, "is this supposed to be a comedy?"  Also at times the sound was so bad you couldn't understand what the characters were saying, which I guess in the context of the overall quality of the writing isn't necessarily a bad thing.

The plot centers around two couples who go on a weekend camping trip next to a cemetery that is hit by a meteor which brings the dead back to life.  Yup, that about says it all.

Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970)

Wow, just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, here comes another thing thrown into the mix that just confounds the mind.  The movie has vampires from outer space, cavement, space ships, vampire cavemen, human sized bats, dinosaurs, chromatic radiation, and some sort of strange spage age sex done using electrodes to stimulate the brain.  Watch as two characters get semi-naked, hook up the electrodes, and then say sometimes they miss the old way of getting busy.  Hello?  There doesn't seem to be any reason you can't do it the old way.  Sadly, they are too dense to figure this out.

The movie is confusing and a total mess.  At times it was boring, but other times I was shaking my head in disbelief at the next strange thing thrown into the mix.  It makes no sense and I enjoyed it.

Midnight Skater (2002)

If you're prepared to watch a no budge movie made by a group of friends using a video camera that can't handle filming at night - and it's the Midnight Skater a lot of it is at night - then you could watch this.  Or not since the rest of the movie is just bad as the night video footage. 

A group of friends is absolutely enraged that someone has spray painted "Midnight Skater" on the wall of their college. The group decides to walk the streets late at night in order to track down this fiend.  Oddly enough they are more concerned about this guy than the serial killer who is picking off college students.  Or the drug dealers who hang around the college and whose drugs are turning people into zombies.  

The acting is nonexistent.  The script is horrible.  The zombie make up is ridiculous. Since this is truly a no budget production, I give them credit for actually getting the movie made and released. But oh boy, is it bad.  The most enjoyable part was Ezra Haidet as ultra nerd Alvin.  He was completely over the top and the funniest part of the film. 

Strange Behavior (1981)

Atmospheric thriller about the local college doing mind control experiments on the local teens which turns them into killers. Based on story rather than effects to propel the plot, the film also includes a lengthy party dance sequence and a needle in the eye - yuck!

The Patriot (1998)

Steven Seagal was the number one immunologist in the world, but he didn't cotton to how the government ran things.  So now he's taken up shop as a small town M.D. treating the locals who often pay for his services in pies and cabinetry. 

A crackpot militia has decided to wage biological terrorism against the US.  Unfortunately they're based in the one town in the entire country where the worlds most amazing immunologist resides.  What are the odds.

Typical Seagal movie in which he bonds with a small child and kills everyone.