Inglorious Bastards (1978)

A convoy of soldiers on their way to military prison to await trial are attacked by the Germans. In the aftermath, they manage to escape and decide to head to Switzerland. They capture a German soldier to use as a guide and help them get past German squadrons in the area.

A misunderstanding in which they kill an undercover American team on a mission to stop a German train carrying a new missile is the catalyst that causes them to end up deciding to complete that team's highly dangerous mission.

While the film is listed as being from 1978, it felt more like a late sixties film based on the pacing.

Loch Ness Terror (2008)

When James Murphy was a kid, his father was killed by the Loch Ness Monster. As an adult, James has followed in his father's footsteps, becoming a cryptozoologist and continuing his search for Nessie.

When he hears of a sighting in Lake Ontario, James heads to town and begins his investigation, which is a good thing since Nessie and her babies have started to chomp the local folks.

While this is an enjoyable movie, there are several problems with Nessie. First is her ever changing scale. One day she's towering over someone on the beach, the next day she's sticking her head through a car window. Also the babies are super cute, so you feel sorry for them when the shooting starts.

Lastly, there are the lines right out of Dark Shadows where James tells Josh that Nessie is an unknown species and Josh replies, "What sort of species is it?"

Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007)

Mockumentary about Harry Penderecki, a low budget horror director trying to make a comeback years after his one big hit. He and his crew head to the country to film, running into a myriad of problems, including accidental death, crazy locals, taunting teens, and the lack of liquid assets needed to complete the film.

The idea behind it is solid, but the laughs just aren't there. Penderecki is played by David Naughton, best known for American Werewolf in London and 1970s Dr. Pepper ads (which managed to get him a short lived tv show).

Killer Movie (2008)

A reality tv show crew heads to a small town to film a high school hockey team, but there is also a serial killer in town. The crew hopes to capitalize on this angle as the first victim was the girlfriend of one of the stars of the hockey team.

The movie is done like a reality show with scenes intercut with interviews with the characters where they talk about what they were thinking during the scene. It's kind of distracting.

Most of the characters are unlikable, which I guess goes along with reality tv. There is a twist ending and some ridiculous stuff happens, such as leaving the little kid out in the hall while getting locked in an office.

The Swarm (1978)

Irwin Allen, king of the disaster movie, gives us another all star cast facing terror and a potentially insurmountable situation. Yes sir, it's The Swarm!

Killer bees descend on a town in the midst of their annual flower festival and attack a military base. Michael Caine, noted entomologist, believes he has the answer to defeating the bee menace. The military disagrees and thus we have in fighting which keeps the bee menace safe another day.

The movie seems really long. I'm not sure if it is really two hours or just felt like it. While there are many silly plot points in this film, the one I found the silliest was the doctor who tests the serum to reverse the effects of bee stings on himself.

He injects himself with bee venom. Then waits as long as it would take the other victims before they could get injected with the serum. This leaves him unable to grasp the needle and shortly thereafter all hopes for a vaccine die with him. Idiot! If you insist on doing this asinine test, at least have someone there to administer the shot so you have a chance of survival.

Adventureland (2009)

The advertising for this made it appear to be along the lines of Superbad, which it is not. I don't see how it could be protrayed as a comedy since it's not funny. It's the story of a college student who plans to go to grad school and then finds out his parents are not going to give him the money they promised him.

Consequently he gets a summer job at the local amusement park as his degree in comparative literature, and lack of previous work history keep him from getting every other job he pursues.

The movie follows his romance with a fellow worker who is having an affair with a married man, and his interactions with other people at work.

Actually the best thing about this movie is that whoever picked the soundtrack did a really great job.

Severance (2006)

The sales department for a weapons company on their way to a team building retreat at a luxury lodge in Hungary, finds themselves alone after their bus driver refuses to drive down a dirt road that their boss believes is a short cut.

The group arrives at a large industrial building which their boss insists is the luxury lodge, but turns out to be an old asylum where Soviet soldiers who were psychotic killers were housed.

The group soon realizes someone is in the woods watching them and factions split as to whether to leave or hold tight. Then the killings begin and everyone is fighting for their lives.

The movie is advertised as a horror comedy, but I disagree. This is a horror film that has some funny lines, but it is not a comedy in any sense of the word, not even a dark comedy.

Also there is the inexplicable stabbing dream. Anyone can have a strange dream, but in the context of the movie, I have no idea why this was thrown in there.

Retardead (2008)

Retardead is the sequel to Monsturd and picks up with Dr. Stern taking a teaching position at a school for the mentally challenged. Dr. Stern has developed an intelligence serum and has decided the perfect subjects will be the students.

His daily injections quickly change the kids into classical music playing, literature reading, mathematician brainiacs. The drastic change doesn't seem to alarm anyone, which is too bad since one of the side effects of the serum is that the kids turn into flesh eating zombies.

Even though I love zombie movies, I'm not a fan of gore. I think whether you like it or not, this will work for you as there are some pretty gross scenes, but some of it is also funny.

The scenes in the warehouse could have benefited from some ADR. There is also a side plot of the police trying to catch someone called the Weenie Wagger which could have been left out of the film and it wouldn't have mattered.

In one of the first scenes where the zombies are locked in a room at the school and are eating someone, the bald zombie does not have any makeup on top of his head. There is a line right across it where the makeup stops. I think he might have been wearing a hat at one point, but I can't remember. It looks pretty funny though.

Before the movie begins there are two fake drive in trailers for sixties style horror movies. These are complete with bad dubbing, poor acting, and period graphics. My favorite of the two was the brilliantly titled, Frankenstein and the Bloody Beast of Ghastly Terror.

There is also a voice over by Herschell Gordon Lewis and a cameo by Jello Biafra.

Nature's Grave (2008)

A married couple who can't stand each other decide to go on a weekend camping trip with another couple, but end up on their own when the other couple never shows up.

The two are extremely unlikable. The wife is condescending and nagging, while the husband is selfish and oblivious. Both essentially destroy everything they come in contact with and don't care. They litter, shoot at something in the water, hit a baby kangaroo with their car, and make mother nature hate their guts.

The movie seems much longer than it is as each scene is just the two of them showing how little they care for anything or anyone other than themselves. They are completely callous and unsympathetic, and you will want them to die.

The Ghost in the Tiny Bikini (2006)

After the first five minutes of softcore, we realized it wasn't going to be anything else and we stopped watching it. So if you're looking for that, you may enjoy it. Anyone looking for a horror movie, move along now. Nothing to see here.

Hells Ground (2007)

A group of students rent a van so they can go to a concert that is hours away from their home. They become lost while trying to take a short cut and stumble upon an area where the people have turned into zombies from drinking polluted water.

After escaping and giving a strange man a ride, the van runs out of gas. Several of the group decide to try to find help and shortly afterwards the massacre commences.

The movie is more Texas Chainsaw Massacre that a zombie flick since the zombies are few and far between, which was a disappointment for me since I watched it for the zombies.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

After Sarah breaks his heart, Peter spends weeks pathetically sitting around his apartment. Then he decides to go on a vacation to get away from everything. Unfortunately he ends up at the same place Sarah is vacationing with her new boyfriend, Aldous.

This awkward situation gets even worse when Peter finds out Sarah started dating Aldous long before they broke up, and the only room Peter can get is next door to them where he can hear the noises coming from their room.

The movie is pretty funny with the stand out being Russell Brand. Jason Segel and Paul Rudd are good as always.

Gen X Cops (1999)

When the police are having trouble infiltrating an organized crime ring, they decide to recruit three students from the police academy since they will be unknown to the gangsters. But instead of getting the top students in the class, three wise guys with potential who were just kicked out of the academy are their choice.

The three boys get makeovers consisting of new clothes and hip haircuts, with the less attractive member of the group getting crazy hipster hair. (They don't even put his face on the cover).

Then it's on to a generic, overly long battle against organized crime and a love story which isn't all that exciting.

30,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2007)

It's Lorenzo Lamas versus a giant robotic squid. Um, well, is that a good thing? In this case, no... no, it isn't. Let's just say that the best thing about this film is the idea of a giant robotic squid. The writing and acting are just plain bad. Hell, even the sound is bad.

Lamas, his goatee, and a crack team of experts is called in to rescue a Navy sub that was the victim of a robotic squid attack. In the process, they meet the legendary and insane Captain Nemo. Usually an insane Captain is a good sign in a film, but it just doesn't matter because nothing good can come from this movie.

Dead Snow (2009)

A Nazi zombie movie made in Sweden? Oh yeah, bring it on! A group of medical students heads to a cabin in the mountains for some fun. The cabin can not be reached by car and they make the trek into the wilderness. One guy goes ahead on a snowmobile to mark a path and get a fire going before the others arrive.

They are expecting another friend, but a strange man shows up out of nowhere admonishing them for knowing nothing of the local history of Nazis and their search for gold. The group get creeped out by his story and send him on his way which is unfortunate because the zombies have already risen. Soon they are all fighting for their lives and trying to figure out how to escape from the cabin.

The Nazi's are bloody and gooey, and the footage of Nazi zombies running through the snow is fantastic. The most disturbing piece of the movie is the outhouse sex scene, yeeechhh!

5ive Girls (2006)

Five girls are enrolled at a catholic school for troubled teens where they discover they each have supernatural powers and that they are being used for a sacrifice to resurrect a girl who was previously killed in the school. Horrible movie with a twist ending that isn't anything new.

Let the Right One In (2008)

12 year old Oskar, who is bullied at school, meets Eli, the new girl next door, and the two develop a friendship. Both are lonely and careful of who they can trust, which draws them together and forms a loyalty that knows no bounds. Least you think this is just a kids movie, there is a serial killer stalking through town at night and Eli is a vampire.

The film is beautifully shot, well written and atmospheric. At first I was disappointed with the film as I was expecting something more like the typical horror movie. But the more I think about it, the more I like it. I wish there were more movies like this which didn't rely on gore or special effects, but instead on characters, acting, and imagery.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot (1986)

Shot in the parking lot before a Judas Priest concert in Landover, MD in 1986, the film perfectly captures hanging out before going to a rocknroll show during this time period. There's lots of feathered hair and ridiculous comments from the high school aged crowd who are mostly drunk or stoned.

Those who will appreciate it the most are the people who went to concerts during the 80s and remember seeing people like this or were people like this.

There are also extras on the dvd, which includes current footage of some of the kids they interviewed back in 1986. All but one are excited about having been part of the documentary, and some of them are still heavily into music. Surprisingly the most extreme transformation is the kid known as zebraman who seems very uncomfortable and embarrassed that the filmmakers have tracked him down.

The dvd also contains Neil Diamond Parking Lot, which was shot years later at the same venue, clips from Monster Truck Parking Lot, and Harry Potter Parking Lot, which is actually kids on the sidewalk outside a bookstore waiting to get an autograph from J.K. Rowling. I didn't really care for any of these as I didn't find they had the same charm as Heavy Metal Parking Lot. Then again, I went to heavy metal concerts in the 1980s and have never been into any of the other things.

Big Bad Wolf (2006)

College student Derek invites a couple of frat boys and their girlfriends up to his asshole step father's remote hunting cabin. Seven years earlier, Derek's dad was killed near the cabin by an unidentified animal.

On their first night at the cabin, the group is attacked by a wise cracking werewolf, with only Derek and his female friend Sam to survive. This leads to the funniest moment in the film as we see the jeep peeling out on the dirt road and hear the sound of tires squealing on tar.

Sam begins to suspect that Derek's stepfather might be responsible for the murders, especially after Derek discovers that his step father always goes to the cabin when there is a full moon. Dun dun dah!

The werewolf mask looks best at the beginning, but seems to deteriorate through the film. I'm not a fan of the wisecracking monster because, as is the case with this film, the quips aren't funny.

The Haunting of Winchester House (2009)

When I saw the title, I wondered if this was about the infamous Winchester House in San Jose. But then they showed a horrible CGI house down a dirt road in the middle of the woods, which isn't anything like the real one so I figured it wasn't.

A family arrives at the Winchester house to become caretakers and finds there is something supernatural going on. When the family approach the house, due to a problem in perspective, they appear to be walking up to a structure the size of a child's play house. The other problem being it does not appear to be the same house shown in the opening shot, and is in the middle of a dirt lot. Plus the interior is a normal old house rather than an upscale home built by the rich. Then they start talking bout the legend and I knew I was in for a bad ride. (see this review for pics of the bad CGI house)

So it turns out it is supposed to be the home owned by the heir of the Winchester rifle inventor, who continuously built onto her home to confuse the spirits of those who were killed by the guns that provided her family their fortune.

The family consists of mother, father, and a daughter who appears to be around 12. I don't know if it was really bad writing or if the daughter is supposed to be developmentally challenged, but she acted like she was about five years old. She whines, is easily confused, and constantly wants her mommy.

The strangest and funniest exchange occurs when the parents find an old Winchester family photo which includes a man wearing chalk and a slate around his neck. The woman explains that this was how the deaf communicated during this time period. The man responds, "I hate the eighteenth century." Huh?

Be prepared for the twist ending which will make you wish you'd stomped on their fake little house, crushing it flat and avoiding this whole mess in the first place.

Anvil - the Story of Anvil (2008)

When they were teenagers, Robb and Lips formed the heavy metal band Anvil and vowed to never give up on their dream of making it big. They came close during the 1980s when they played festivals in Japan with upcoming metal bands of the day. Now thirty years later, the two are still pursuing the rocknroll dream, which is both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time.

The film follows the band on a European club tour which tests their friendship and dedication to the band. They have to deal with a well intentioned but inexperienced tour manager, not getting paid, getting lost trying to find a gig, living in a van, and playing to almost no one. Granted these are things that most musicians have to deal with on this type of tour, but when you're fifty and time is running out on your dream, it's devastating.

In another person's hands, this might make the band look like a joke, but the filmmaker knew Anvil in the 1980s when he was one of their roadies. Whether it is this friendship or good filmmaking, he never goes for the cheap laugh. There are so many scenes which are uncomfortable to watch and you root for the band to finally get a payoff for all their hard work.

The movie is incredibly well done and makes you feel for the band. The portrayal of their friendship, Lips usual ability to remain overwhelmingly positive in his belief in the band, and their families long suffering acceptance of their pursuit of their passion is really very touching.

Last of the Living (2008)

A virus has turned the population into zombies and three friends have managed to survive. They spend their days playing video games, drinking, and lounging around in whatever house strikes their fancy.

Bored with the home they are staying in, they head out to find another and meet up with a young woman who is a scientist trying to find a cure for the zombie virus. She has a sample of infected blood that she is trying to get to an island where some other survivors have gone to work on a cure. Since she is attractive and they haven't seen a female in six months, the three guys decide to help her on her mission.

I had heard good things about this movie and wanted to like it but was disappointed. While I like the concept, the humor didn't work and the ending was extremely predictable.

Silent Rage (1982)

A man goes crazy, kills people in a rooming house, and Chuck Norris shows up on the scene to stop the mayhem. And when he can't to it on his own, the police shoot the man, who is zipped off for medical attention. The doctor's decide he would be the perfect candidate to test a some sort of new genetic engineering serum that will quicken the bodies natural ability to heal. Yes, it's always good to test things on crazy people with almost inhuman strength.

The problem that the doctors do not foresee, or do not care about in their quest for test subjects, is that once Mr. Crazy is let loose on society, he kills in a...silent rage. And when the police try to stop him, any damage his body incurs is miraculously healed, even from death.

It's a sort of creepy suspenseful silly movie in the typical Chuck Norris 1980s fashion. Bad comedic relief is provided by his deputy sidekick, Stephen Furst.

Evil Remains (2004)

aka Trespassing

A college student writing a thesis on local lore takes four friends along when he goes to an abandoned house where some murders were committed twenty years ago. Legend has it that the house is haunted and supernatural activity occurs on the grounds.

While the girls wander off into the woods, the guys set up the video equipment inside and almost immediately run into problems. There are mysterious noises and traps both inside and outside the house.

The end of the film does not resolve anything and you'll wonder why you wasted your time.

Driven to Kill (2009)

Steven Seagal is a Russian ex-mobster who now writes crime novels. When he goes back to his old home town for his daughters marriage, he discovers her fiance is the son of an old enemy. After his daughter is shot and left for dead, Seagal enlists her fiance to help him get revenge.

Seagal speaks with a pseduo-Russian accent which isn't as laughable as it sounds. There also isn't the obvious dubbing with another actor's voice that has plagued many of his recent movies, although that can provide some amusement.

It's probably better than a lot of his recent work, but it's still a Seagal movie.

Run Fat Boy Run (

I like Simon Pegg. Shaun of the Dead is a great movie and I also liked Hot Fuzz . But I did not like Run Fat Boy Fun. It was trite and cliche, which would have been great if it had been a brilliant parody of cliches. But in any satire, you have to be careful you don't become what you're skewering, and in this case it just didn't work.

Dennis ditches his pregnant girlfriend at the alter and five years later is having a change of heart. However his ex is already dating a man who is the opposite of Dennis, which is rich, successful, and in great shape.

When his ex gets engaged, Dennis decides to compete in the marathon her fiance is running so that he can win her back. Yup, cliche ending on the horizon and closing fast.

The Land That Time Forgot (2009)

Two couples on a boat trip and the ships captain get stranded on an island after passing through a ripple in time. While trying to figure out how to survive, they find they are not on their own as the lone crew member is eaten by a TRex.

Soon they run into other people who have been stranded, all from various time periods, including German soldiers from a Uboat. Can they work together to get off the island or will they get eaten by the dinosaurs?

C. Thomas Howell constantly rubs his head. I'm not sure whether it's his idea of acting or whether he just got a new haircut and it not used to how short it is.

This is the type of movie I'd leave on for background noise if it happened to be on tv while I was cleaning the house.

Devils of Darkness (1965)

Oh those devils of darkness, always with their gypsy curses and secret vampires. Vacationers stumble across a gypsy funeral and stay in a town where a vampire cult is looking for victims for their satanic rituals.

Paul Baxter starts to suspect Count Sinistre after his girlfriend disappears. He spends the rest of the movie trying to figure out what happened and prove to the police that something is going on.

The production is better than many 1960s horror movies, but the film lacks excitement and action.

Christmas Evil (1980)

I hate when dvd companies redo the artwork to modernize it. Not only is the artwork uninteresting, but it misleads people as to when it was made. I'm much more interested in older movies than newer movies made on someone's camcorder.

Harry Stadling is a warped individual who keeps a book of neighborhood kids who are naughty and nice. Harry has a Santa fixation and was traumatized by seeing his mom sex up dad in a Santa suit. His younger brother is successful and has a family. Harry works at a toy company and looks kind of like a low rent Jackie Mason.

At Christmas time, he makes his own Santa suit and goes out to reward good kids and give bad kids coal. He also ends up killing people who have done him wrong. This leads to a scene right out of Frankenstein with people chasing him with torches.

And the last scene? Well you've got to see it to believe it. I don't know whether to love it or hate it, but it definitely will make you wonder what the hell just happened.

Night of the Living Dorks (2004)

Three unpopular high school students go to the cemetery at night to meet up with some goth kids performing a voodoo ceremony to conjure up the dead. The ceremony goes badly with the wind blowing the contents of an urn onto the three dorks. While driving home, they crash their van into a tree and die, only to wake up in the morgue believing that they were mistakenly declared dead. They sneak past security because they are afraid of getting in trouble.

They soon realize that they have become zombies and as they start to decay will eventually crave human flesh. The dorks start standing up to people who bully them due to their super human strength. Konrad, who has kept a notebook of every incident of bullying in his school career, decides to get even with everyone who has ever bullied him and starts eating people.

Wurst and Phillip try to find a cure that will bring them all back to life, enlisting the help of the goth girl neighbor who was at the ceremony.

This isn't your typical zombie film as there are only three zombies and they are more interested in partying and girls than in eating people. There are a few scenes that made me laugh out loud, but overall I was disappointed with the humor and the ending which I could see coming a mile away.

Death Note II: The Last Name (2006)

The second part of Death Note picks up right where the first left off. A second death note and a second Kira have surfaced. L suspects Light is the first Kira, but since Light is the son of the head of the Kira task force this proves awkward. The two Kiras start working together and there are twists and turns throughout the film.

While the first death note was more about Kira, this one pits L and Light directly against each other as they are working in close proximity. There are lots of unexpected twists. There are also two Shinigami's who surprisingly enough are not all that distracting considering that they are the only cgi in the film.

Death Note (2006)

Law student Light is disturbed by how criminals can bypass the justice system and escape punishment for their crimes. After a run in with a murderer at a bar, Light stumbles across a notebook in the street. It is the death note. If a name is written in the death note, the person will die of a heart attack unless another method of death is specified.

Light starts killing criminals using the death note. The media and authorities take notice and the country becomes divided as to whether Kira - as he has been dubbed - is a hero or a murderer.

With the police powerless to track down Kira, they call in the mysterious L who has had success cracking other cases.

I was intrigued by the premise of the film, which is based on a manga. I haven't read it so I can't offer any comparison, but I really enjoyed the movie. The one thing I wish I'd known is that the conclusion of the story was released separately. So I was quite surprised after two hours of watching to find that there was no ending.

Crossworlds (1997)

College student Joe is visited by a woman from another dimension and discovers that the pendant his late father gave him is a key between worlds. The pendant also becomes a powerful weapon when combined with a certain staff. Good and evil forces have been looking for this for years and Joe gets caught in the fight.

Rutger Hauer is a warrior for the good cause who doesn't want anything to do with Joe until he finds out who Joe's father was. There are a few fight scenes and a scene in an elevator that works well even though it's sort of silly.

The film moves at a fairly slow pace and the special effects are minimal. There's a red filter on the desert scenes and a ripple effect which is supposed to simulate the crossing of the dimensions. Even though they're primitive and unexciting, I'd rather see this than bad cgi.

Flu Birds (2008)

A group of juvenile delinquents on a camping trip are attacked by giant killer birds carrying a mutated strain of flu virus. With their counselor dead, the group flees to an old military bunker to escape the birds.

Meanwhile at the local hospital, doctors try to save a hunter who was bitten by the birds and is getting sicker by the minute. The government shows up to quarantine the hospital, but lets the doctor and the park ranger head off to find the kids trapped in the bunker.

Though they are referred to as birds, they look nothing like the bird on the cover. They are more like pterodactyls. It is never explained where they came from or why they are attacking the town.

The delinquents are extremely unlikable horrible human beings that you won't care about and it doesn't matter when they die.

Strangest of all, the military man who has to enforce the quarantine at the hospital does not do anything to stop the woman who is leaving. When he warns her he will shoot her if she continues, she keeps walking. He kills her and then look sad. Couldn't he have physically tried to detain her? Or how about shooting her in the leg?

Shark Attack (2003)

Casper van Dien is Steven, a marine biologist who heads to Africa due to a request from a scientist friend for help. When he arrives he discovers that his friend has been eaten by sharks. Along with the man's sister Corine, Steven decides to look into the death as well as figuring out why he was called to Africa.

His friend's partner, Dr. Craven, is testing an unapproved drug for cancer treatment on local residents. Steven is outraged and heads into the hospital to look at everyone's charts, which is confusing since he's a marine biologist and not a doctor.

The local fishermen and business owners are being negatively affected by the shark attacks, and there are many foreclosures in town. Add the tribesmen who do not want anyone bothering the sharks, and everyone is on edge and ready to snap.

The villains are easy to spot and the outcome is predictable. The sharks are in separate footage from the actors. There is no carnage other than the gross looking photos of shark attack victims.

Headless Horseman (2007)

Seven friends heading to a Halloween party take a short cut down a dirt road overgrown with bushes and end up running over a bear trap in the middle of the road. A tow truck that just happens to be in the woods brings them to the town of Wormwood, which we are told is where the legend of the headless horseman really originated.

Years ago the townfolk beheaded a man who was murdering children and every seven years he comes back to town to collect seven heads. If he doesn't, the town and all it's people will disappear from the face of the Earth.

The college kids aren't all that bright and aren't very likable, so it doesn't really matter when they die. With each head the horseman gets, sinewy strands come out of his neck and begin to form a new head.

I Love You Man (2009)

After Peter decides to get married, he realizes he doesn't have any male friends. His friends have always been females. When he over hears his fiances friends tell her a man without male friends becomes clingy and possessive after marriage, Peter sets out to find a friend who can be his best man.

Peter gets set up on man dates by his gay brother, who sets him up with an obnoxious guy from the health club, and his mother, who unintentionally sets him up on an actual date.

When Peter meets Sidney at the open house he's having at Lou Ferrignos, they hit it off and Peter discovers they have a mutual love of Rush. The friendship starts to get in the way of Peter's relationship with his fiance Zooey, which makes Peter start questioning his life.

Paul Rudd and Jason Segal are both very likable as actors and I enjoyed them in this film. While there are some uncomfortable scenes, as well as various plot points and outcomes that are predictable, overall I liked the film and parts of it made me laugh out loud.

Against the Dark (2008)

A virus has infected most of Earth's population turning them into vampires zombie creatures that kill humans. Six survivors roam through a vacant hospital trying to avoid the creatures and find their way to the security exit.

All the characters do stupid things which put them in harms way. They keep unintentionally splitting up, even after the hunters arrive to save them. There is no explanation as to why they believe they will be stuck in the hospital if they can't get to the security exit before the generator shuts off. Why can't they just leave the way they came in?

I have no idea if the creatures in this film are supposed to be zombies or vampires. They are referred to in the description as vampires. In the movie they are called vampires and mutants, but they act like zombies. They eat internal organs, but they also drink blood. What the hell are they?

I suppose it really doesn't matter because Steven Seagal is a hunter and he's going to kill them. Seagal isn't in the movie very much, but when he is, he and his team of hunters swing swords and kill creatures. Once again, what they are is questionable since they can be killed with a gun or a sword, and you don't have to put a stake in their heart or destroy their brain. Lazy writing or pushing the envelope? You decide.

To sum it up, when we were about twenty minutes into it, my friend said, "wow this is a lot worse than I thought it would be." She was right, but I still liked it better than the big budget GI Joe which we watched right after this.

G.I. Joe (2009)

Cobra has stolen the government's secret weapon, nanobots that destroy everything they touch and form a widening path of destruction until the killswitch deactivates them. The Joes are out to retrieve the stolen nanobots before anyone gets hurt. That's the whole movie in a nutshell.

The problem with this type of film is that it's all loud noises and cgi. The characters spout one liners, and the movies is full of cliches. I especially liked when the entire control room stood up and cheered after a tense "will they or won't they make it" scenario.

The new recruits intuitively know how to work all the top secret military equipment without any training. Their subsequent destruction of property in Paris while chasing the bad guys and using this equipment may rival the destruction caused by the bad guys.

Dance of the Dead (2008)

The town's nuclear power plant is spouting green smoke and the local gravedigger is corralling the dead that try to get out of the graves. On prom night when the dateless scifi club head to the cemetery to hunt ghosts, they find themselves attacked by zombies.

As the zombies overrun the town, the group bands together with other students to try to warn their classmates at the prom.

It's an enjoyable film, but the glowing reviews I read made me expect more from it. I do have to give credit to the zombies who launch out of their graves and begin running next to the scifi club. It looks really cool and it isn't cgi.

The Beast (1996)

Peter Benchley remakes Jaws with a giant squid. Whip Dalton is a fisherman who knows there is something in the ocean killing people. Schuyler Graves who runs the town, decides to send some less honest fishermen out to kill whatever is causing the deaths. The town is going to celebrate Founders Day so god forbid he should keep vacationers and celebrants away from the water. Of course things don't go as planned and Graves is constantly thwarting Dalton's efforts for keeping people safe.

The movie was made for tv and is three hours long, which it doesn't need to be. There isn't anything new here and if it were a tighter script, perhaps it would have been more exciting. As it was, you could predict who would live, who would die, and when there was going to be a big problem with that darn giant squid.

She Beast (1966)

Newlyweds Veronica and Philip go to Romania where they met Count Van Helsing who tells them about the local lake which was cursed by an ancient witch after the townsfolk killer her. After the couple get in a fight with the peeping tom innkeeper, they drive off and accidentally crash into the cursed lake where Veronica's body is taken over by the witch. Philip teams up with Van Helsing to try to save Veronica before the witch can possess her forever.

It's got the typical pacing of most 1960s horror movies. The witch looks exactly like the cover photo, which is pretty gross. But to those who like modern gore, it probably won't bother them at all.

Final Days of Planet Earth (2006)

The basic plot revolves around Lloyd, a pompous archaeologist who discovers that aliens have come to Earth and are disguising themselves as humans while they take over the planet. Lloyd teams up with a few others in an attempt to stop the invasion. Lloyd is not a likable character and I found myself repeatedly getting annoyed with him and his compatriots.

The movie focuses more on story than action, which would work better if it weren't so convoluted. When it's Lloyd's turn at city hall, he goes through the door for his meeting and has to descend numerous flights of stairs and walk down a maintenance corridor to get to a door. Would anyone really do that? I'd think they sent me through the wrong door, but Lloyd and everyone else just keeps walking.

The movie was made for tv and lasts for three hours. Perhaps it would have been better if it had only been half as long. The sound was off by five seconds on the second dvd. Someone would speak, but you'd hear nothing. Then it would cut to the next person, and you'd hear the first persons voice. I guess quality control wasn't that important as this was on a cheap dvd set. But it did make for some funny moments when Darryl Hannah's lips moved but a man's voice came out. Or a person tripped and fell down to the sound of nothing, while five seconds later there was a scream and a huge crash.

Invaders From Mars (1986)

David Gardner sees a UFO land over the hill in his backyard. He urges his father to check it out but the next day Dad is acting strange. Soon other in town are acting weird and David figures out it has something to do with the UFO.

He manages to convince the kindly school nurse that there is something going on, although she's not quite sure how much to believe. He also figures out that all the people who are not themselves anymore have a bandage on the back of their necks. Both David and the nurse end up at the military base where they try to get the General that there are aliens taking over the town.

The space ship under the ground is really cool looking. The monsters aren't scary but they are interesting looking. The film is entertaining but might have been better if the David were a more experienced actor. Sometimes he manages to nail it, but more often than not he isn't believable and has a Little Rascals feel to his reading of the lines.

Black Hole (2006)

A scientific experiment goes wrong, creating a black hole in the basement utility corridor of a military building. While you'd think that would be the worst of their problems, an alien has come through the hole and is sucking up energy which it uses to kill.

The energy creature follows the electrical lines to a power station where it starts eating up energy. As St. Louis is being destroyed, scientists come up with the theory that the black hole can only be closed by sending the energy creature back through it.

David Selby of Dark Shadows fame is in this one, but he falls victim to the lackluster writing as do the others. The focus was on the energy monster with the black hole being more of an after thought.

Dead Above Ground (2002)

Jeff Lucas, an unpopular Goth kid, is laughed out of his film class when he premiers his badly made horror movie rather than the documentary he was supposed to make. He's such a rebel that he is dragged out of class by the football coach and sent to the school psychologist.

The psychiatrist is concerned because she can't contact his parents. But not too concerned since psycho Jeff shows up later at his teachers pool party wearing a druid's robe and she doesn't blink an eye. A confrontation at the party leads to a car chase where the Goth kid's brakes fail, his car flies off a cliff and bursts into flames. Everyone blames the high school quarterback for driving him off the road.

A year later a new kid moves into Jeff's old house and starts having nightmares about him. He and Jeff's goth chick friend ask the popular kids to come to a seance at the house to try to communicate and bring Jeff back. They do it, which makes no sense since they all hated Jeff. Why would they want to bring him back? They don't like him and don't know the new kid.

When the killings start, the kids are afraid it's Jeff's ghost, but the local detective and some of the people in town blame the ex-quarterback. The goth chick tells one girl that if she can get Jeff's horror movie into the Sundance film festival, Jeff's spirit will spare her life. Seriously? Are you kidding me? How can that be part of the plot? It's so stupid.

Tequila Body Shots (1999)

Johnny and his friends get an invitation to a party in Mexico from a man they don't know. Apparently it's going to be the party of the year, so they jump in the car and head to Mexico. Johnny's love interest and her friends have also received an invitation to this mysterious party, to which they respond by clapping their hands with glee and heading into a foreign country to party with a stranger. In other words, these people are idiots.

Once in Mexico, a local doctor gives Johnny a potion that lets him read women's minds and his love interest discovers that in a previous life she was married to a man named Hector who has thrown this party so he can take her to the land of the dead.

The characters are stupid and the movie puts forth the plot point that a Tequila body shot can bring someone back from the dead. Eeek!

Star Trek (2009)

When I was growing up I was a big fan of the original Star Trek, and have never been able to watch any of the later series as they don't hold the same charm. So I had no interest in seeing this. However it was the movie that showed up for the night, so I resigned myself to sit through it.

Surprisingly I enjoyed it. There were awkward moments when they deviated from events that I knew occurred in the original series. But the writers came up with an annoying little plot twist where the Romulans have traveled back in time and this event changes the future as we know it. Sort of clever, sort of lame, it all adds up to giving the writers free reign in where they want to take the characters.

The actors pay homage to the original characters by following the basic personalities. McCoy was my favorite but Checkov was super annoying. And I was not the only one watching who found the shape of Kirk's head disturbing. I can't pinpoint it, but there's something odd about it.

Hallow's End (2003)

Very low budget movie about college students who put on a haunted house in an old warehouse. An old guy shows up and gives them an ancient book of spells that turns out to be evil. When a spell is cast, the costumes of the performers dictate what they become, and zombies, vampires, and pirates start roaming the hallways and looking to kill.

This is not a good movie by any means., but it's not the worst thing I've ever seen either.

Friday the 13th, Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

Tommy Jarvis is haunted by childhood memories of Jason and Camp Crystal Lake. Tommy's obsession leads him to dig up Jason to prove that he's dead. Upon seeing the corpse, Tommy repeatedly stabs Jason with an iron fence post, which proves to be a perfect lightning rod and a convenient way to bring Jason back to life.

With Jason back from the dead and ready to kill, Tommy runs to the Sheriff for help in stopping the inhuman killing machine. Of course, no one believes him and the body count increases.

Not the worst sequel and not the best, the movie features songs by Alice Cooper, including the giggle inducing Hard Rock Summer and the theme song which states Jason is out of control and will steal your soul. Uhhhh, no... No on both counts as the man is very methodical and controlled in his killings, and has no interest in your soul.