Evil in the Woods (1986)

Billy checks out a library book called Evil in the Woods.  When he gets home, he goes to his bedroom and starts to read. A narrator starts telling us the tale of Mildew, GA which has been possessed by evil for 3000 years.  There’s a flashback to 1956 which is totally unnecessary and then we’re back to the present where a low budget film crew is making a movie called Bigfoot vs the Space Killers.

The film crew goes camping but keeps running into problems. Equipment doesn’t work or goes missing. People get in arguments and everything seems to go wrong. There is a Bigfoot and aliens in the movie, and hijinks ensue.

Also in the woods are a witch and her family of cannibals. What does a witch have to do with cannibalism? It’s never explained.  A young family comes to town and townsfolk come streaming out of nearby shops.  Someone says the family should be warned. But everyone is afraid and head back inside, leaving the poor family to the evil.  The family goes camping, the boy disappears, but the sheriff doesn’t seem that concerned about it. 

You’ll forget about Billy, the boy reading the book, until suddenly there’ll be a scene of him in his bedroom where something in the closet is trying to get out.  The narrator will pop up randomly and you’ll think, oh right there was a narrator in this film.  It’s really disjointed. Billy reads the whole book and it ends saying it’s a fractured fairytale.  

Who is Mr. P?

Danny’s not here, Mrs. Torrance

The library has an odd children’s section

Bigfoot alert

Why does Bigfoot have the face of a poodle?

Aliens

Brian is misspelled as Brain

Death Car on the Freeway (1979)

After two women are run off the freeway, new reporter Jan discovers similarities in the accidents and thinks it is the same man. In each incident, the women were planning to exit the freeway and pulled in front of a van. But the van prevented them from taking the off ramp and forced them off the road.  Both women said the van had tinted windows and they felt like the driver was trying to kill them.

Jan’s been separated from her news anchor boyfriend Ray for four months.  He misses her and wants her to move back in, but she’s not sure.  He thinks her little promotion from behind the camera to in front of it is cute.

Meanwhile the accidents are getting worse, nine women have died, and the killer has a nickname. He’s been dubbed the Freeway Fiddler because he plays bluegrass music at an insane volume when he drives women off the road.

Jan is fixated on this story and brings a profiler on the news who says the killer targets “reasonably attractive” women who have done a maneuver that causes him to target them, She believes the killer is emotionally stunted and unsure of his masculinity. Hoo boy, the maniac is not going to be happy to hear that conjecture.

Women are urged not to travel on the freeway unless absolutely necessary and not to be alone.  Yet here comes a women, driving by herself and inexplicably honking her horn repeatedly at the van in front of her. I have no idea why she’s honking. They’re in the middle of traffic. 

After more accidents and deaths, Jan does a report in which she partially blames the automobile industry for the deaths by making cars that can unnecessarily go over one hundred miles per hour.  The sponsors don’t like it and she’s fired. Stupid woman.  Ray tells her she’s destroyed her own career after being on her own for four months, so she should move back in with him.  He tells her she’s unemployable so she needs him. Ray sure knows how to sweet talk the ladies.

Jan tells him to get lost and when she gets a phone call about the identity of the killer, she heads out to investigate leaving me thinking it’s curtains for poor sweet Jan. 

This movie seems a bit long but it’s okay. My biggest question is why it’s called death car when the killer vehicle is a van. The movie stars Shelly Hack, George Hamilton, Peter Graves, and features scenes with Dinah Shore, Harriet Nelson, Frank Gorshin, and a bit part by Abe Vigoda.  It was directed by Hal Needham, a legendary stunt performer who was stunt coordinator on tons of movies and tv shows in the 70s.  

Ridiculous dialogue

Remember the Lynn Bernheimer happened almost six months ago. Her memory has to be hazy now.

The van trying to catch up to his prey

We don’t need no stinkin’ on ramp

Jan is on the case

The 8 track player gets some air time 

Why is she honking at the van? He’s not doing anything.

Sequel: Cruel Summer II (2022)

Picking up where the first movie left off, I already have questions. Why didn’t their parents go to the house rather than the police station? Even if there is bad cell and phone reception, shouldn’t the cops be concerned the officers they sent to investigate haven’t been heard from? Also don’t they use radios rather than cell towers? Why did the survivors go through the woods when the road is straight down the driveway? And more importantly why didn’t the girls take their car rather than walk off into the woods? But enough of his nonsense.

Cut to two years later.  Heather is working at an auction house.  Felissa just got out of an institution. Doug is still alive but blind and super bitter about it, and no one has heard from Barb.

As if on cue,Barb wants to meet up and says she’s written a play about the night of the murders. Her therapist says they should all confront their trauma in a controlled environment.  I would counter that doing a play in a theater is in no way a controlled environment.  But the kids don’t put this together, so they agree to play themselves in the production. 

At one point Heather and Felissa promise each other that if bad memories start coming back, they’ll pull out of the play.  Yet that is literally why Barb asked them to do the production, to manifest their trauma. 

Again we have a movie where characters have no self preservation and do nothing to stop the oncoming loss of their lives.  No one tries to escape or fight off the killer. Characters that don’t matter to the plot are introduced just increase the body count. 

The characters are not good at putting things together. The police reports about the murders don’t mention finding a body.  Heather thinks it is an oversight… in every report. The police aren’t concerned since they figure the body will show up at some point, which is just plain odd. At the theater, the other actors are not told Heather and Felissa are playing themselves.  When the actor playing the killer says boo to the women, they get offended. If they can’t handle something so benign, how are they going to handle reliving their attempted murders?

Ridiculous dialogue

Heather: I’m really glad we could meet in person. Felisssa and I really wanted to see you.

Doug: [sigh] Yeah well um the feelings mutual. [sigh] Too bad I can’t.

You know she just got out of the mental hospital.

Blind Doug and his books

The theater is full of pretentiousness

Cruel Summer (2021)

A group of college students steal the key to a house for sale so they can have a murder mystery weekend. They even print up invitations in advance. Since the theme is the 80’s, Heather insists they leave their phones at home, but the others think they need one in case of an emergency. Heather’s not the brightest bulb so she says no.

Caretaker Vince is surprised to see kids at the empty house, but he buy’s their story of being the owner’s niece.  He tells them the only other people around are mechanic Gunnar and nosy neighbor Bill.  You’d think the kids would be discreet since they have no right to be in the house, but they’re noisy enough to bother Bill.

If you’re wondering who the murderer is, they make no secret about it.  When Gunnar gets out of work, he kills a guy whose car broke down. Then he kills a father and daughter on a walk, a couple who ran out of gas, and Bill. After this, he heads towards the partying kids and the cops investigating the noise complaints.  There’s a lot of missing flyers up in town so apparently he does this often. 

No one has any self preservation.  They don’t fight back and only one victim tries to get away. When Gunnar walks onto the porch, Doug thinks it’s Robert wearing a mask which makes no sense.  Robert is thin and tall with shoulder length hair.  Gunnar is fat, the same height as Doug and has a crew cut.

The characters spend a lot of time complaining.   The cops complain about Bill calling them.  The patrol officers complain about having to investigate. The couple complains about running out of gas.  The neighbor complains about the noise. The kids complain about Bill and Victor.   It never ends. 

It’s hard to feel any sympathy for the kids. They’re guilty of breaking and entering, plus when Barb and Heather are looking for Victor, they go inside his unlocked home, go through his stuff, and Barb wants to steal some of it.  These kids are jerks.

Ridiculous dialogue

I heard a ruckus. Hello? There’s a ruckus going on.

Felisha: Did you fall in?

Doug: I can assure you that when I’m done you’ll be the second.

The 80s party with generic clothing that doesn’t scream 80s

A cop has disappeared? Be wary of this town

This clothing would pass for 70s

Who saves only the headlines of articles?

Why did Heather’s dad freak out when he saw this?  Did 
 he know they were breaking into the house to have a party?

They’d be unable to use this as a slingshot with the drawer open

Killdozer (1974)

While doing construction on an island 200 miles off the coast of Africa, a strange blue light goes from a meteorite into a bulldozer that’s trying to move it. After this, Kelly the foreman has trouble controlling  the machine and Mack gets fatal radiation burns from seeing the blue light.

When Kelly tries to drive the bulldozer the next day, it seems to have a mind of its own.  He cuts the hydraulic lines to make it stop and tows it back to base camp to have the mechanic look at it.  Nothing appears to be wrong with it so he fixes the hydraulic lines. But when Beltran gets in the drivers seat, the bulldozer takes off. Later they find Beltran’s body.  

With two of the six dead, Kelly starts to think Mack was right and the blue light did something to the machine.  While the others are skeptical, Dutch says machines can’t run by themselves.  Soon it’s a battle between the four men left and the slow crawling, yet stealthy and tricky bulldozer.

It’s not the most exciting film, but it’s got a great title and where else can you see a bull dozer try to take out a construction crew.

Robert Uriah is the first victim

Nice font

Killdozer attack!

A tiny jeep doesn’t stand a chance

Oh the humanity!

Listening for killdozer

Scream of the Wolf (1974)

When several people are killed in what seems to be an animal attack, Sheriff Bell asks John, a hunter, to help with the investigation.  John says the track are odd. They start out as four tracks, but then end up only two, and the weigh appears to be much heavier once they are walking on two feet.  They bring gods, but they lose the scent once the tracks turn into a biped.

John looks to his good friend Byron for help, but Byron can’t be bothered. He thinks fear is good for the townsfolk. They’re too boring and fear of death makes them more alive.  Okay weirdo.  

John’s girlfriend Sandy thinks Byron is a creep.  Later Sandy is attacked at home by an animal and begins to believe Byron is behind it. She tells John she believes Byron is a werewolf.  John is not amused.

Things are going to get worse before they get better, and no one believes there’s a werewolf even though it might explain those tracks. This movie was made by Dan Curtis, who did the 60s soap opera Dark Shadows. The music is done by Robert Cobert, who also did music for that show.  The movie features Peter Graves, Clint Walker and Jo Ann Pflug. 

Demon Cop (1990)

This movie is a confusing mess. A doctor at an asylum says he’s going to tell us the story of his patient. A man runs down the street. Cut to his feet running quickly and then two other feet lumbering along. I don’t think the first guy needs to be that concerned, but he runs into a car and rolls across the hood before sprinting off. 

The next day two cops are assigned to investigate some gang murders, which I guess are related to the guy from the night before. They aren’t happy about being on the case. They interrogate some people and we find out there is a man named Spongey who got beat up.

Meanwhile Horst aka Bloodhound calls in a warning to the radio station. It’s not aired since they don’t broadcast warnings from random strangers. Horst dictates to a tape recorder, stumbling over the dialogue as he goes, and prompting you to wonder why they didn’t bother to reshoot the scene. 

I have no idea what’s going on and it doesn’t clarify things when there is a close up of a man’s eyes while a male and female voice talk in an echo chamber. Is it in his head? Is he crazy? Then we see video of a woman. So he’s remembering something that happened to him?

We learn that Edward is a Vietnam vet who lost his wife and child.  He used to be a probation officer and now he just feels like killing. He’s got a girlfriend who keeps her own 8x10 glossy head shot by her bed.

Apparently a transfusion from infected blood can make the recipient seek vengeance for wrong doings. The illness is elevated at half moon and by full moon they’re a demon. You can’t destroy the demon, but you can stop him.  Then they say there is a special weapon to destroy its heart… so you can destroy it?

This movie is a confusing mess. Often I had no idea what was going on.  Multiple characters flub their lines and the filming continues. When the demon is shot, he starts singing.  Why? And why does his girlfriend have an 8x10 glossy of herself next to her bed?

Ridiculous dialogue

Your station became a legitimate accomplice to murder last night.

You didn’t get that knot on the onion by beating up on Spongey, right?

Suppose you and the other jive asses got people pissed off enough to become vigilantes.

If you really have the American public’s beset interest at heart, why hide behind some penny ante name like Bloodhound?

Someone’s been living there like Goldilocks without the three bears.

As sick as he is, he has sense enough to try to keep clean.

The doctor is going to tell us a story, and block his own light

The credits are chalk on a brick wall in a hard to read font

Demon cop

Nothing award about this

The glasses out of the late 70s

Look at this as you listen to a man and woman talk

Why does she have her own head shot by her bed?

Demon cop and his odd physique

This wheelchair shot made me laugh.

Curse of the Black Widow (1977)

Mark Higby is hired by Leigh Lockridge to investigate the murder of her fiancé Frank.  The bartender and a patron say a woman named Victoria asked Frank to help her start her car. Later they heard a scream and found him dead in the parking lot.

The police suspect Leigh. Her first husband vanished on a cruise and now her fiancé is dead.  The autopsy reports he has chest wounds and was completely drained of blood. Maybe the police should rethink their Leigh is the murderer theory.

While Lt. Conti says to keep things under wraps, Mark gets some information from Rags, who tells him there have been other deaths with this same M.O.  He gives him the name of a witness, who tells Mark he’s sick of being harassed and laughed at, but Mark assures him there’s nothing funny about a murder.  When the man says he saw a giant spider, Mark laughs.

Rags tells him there is a legend about a curse that goes through the female members of a blood line.  It can lie dormant for years until one is bitten by a spider, at which point she will occasionally turn into a spider during a  full moon.

Mark starts digging into the Lockridge family and finds the father was a flying enthusiastic who died in a plane crash. His wife surived and gave birth to twin daughters at the crash site. When she was found a few days later, one of the girls was covered in bites and was comatose for a week. Dun dun duh!

This made for TV movie is tame, but amusing. I don’t recall ever hearing a story about a person who turns into a spider during a full moon. It makes me want other movies with ridiculous back stories to explain turning into oversized creatures in the full moon.

Ridiculous dialogue

Once bitten by the spider, the woman periodically - but only during the cycle of the full moon - makes the transition into an incredibly large spider. 

What’s this? A giant web?

The family is referred to as Lockridge,
but the credits say Lockwood. 

Runaway (1973)

The ski train is heading back down the mountain and engineer Holly talks about how he’s been doing this run for years and is going to retire. Uh oh, that’s not a good sign.  Before you know it, the air brakes aren’t working and the train’s speed is increasing.

Meanwhile let’s meet the passengers.  Les is a ski bum who tries to get everything for free, utilizing such methods as hitting on wealthy women in hopes they’ll pay for his vacation or stealing someone’s train ticket. Ellen and her husband are planing to get divorced. John is with his young son who was afraid of something I can’t remember, maybe skiing.  There are some college students and a few professors making a racket, shouting and banging on things as if they’re drums.  Student Carol is declaring her love to Professor Dunn,  asking him to say he loves her and to sit with her. Dunn looks uncomfortable and brushes her off.

Based on these stereotypes, we can assume Les will grow as a person and stop thinking only of himself. Ellen and her husband will reconcile.  John’s son will learn to be brave and Carol will be rebuffed with extreme prejudice during the crisis.

Since the brakes fail within the first fifteen minutes, you wonder’s what sort of disaster is waiting for the rest of the movie. Well it’s mostly interpersonal disaster and a lot of people getting down on the floor to brace for a curve they’re going to hit at 60 mph.  Holly thinks he can make it but the guys in the office don’t believe him.  But damn it Holly’s been doing this run for years.  Plans include trying to use handbrakes or a faster train to catch up to them and attempt to help them brake.

This is a 1970s tv movie, it’s formulaic, and I’m all in. 

Ridiculous dialogue

Carol: I did it because you’re alone.  I don’t like it, being alone.

Les: That’s dumb.

Holly: We’ll try the emergency brakes in the coaches. If that doesn’t work, we’ll try the hand brake.  If that doesn’t work, by god, we’ve got a runaway coming off this mountain.

Les: I’m gonna be ready. I’m gonna make it. You run around pulling the shades, not me.

I like the graphic

Smarmy Les putting his arm around a woman who appears to have
money and suggesting they take a ski trip where she pays their way

The panic begins

Les proving he’s the weasel by hiding and refusing to help

The sketchy idea of hanging off the car to look at the brakes
while someone holds onto your jacket to keep you from falling

Smiles and horror in the same shot

Hurrah! Let’s mob the crippled train

The Elevator (1974)

Disaster movies follow a predictable pattern. Introduce a number of unrelated characters, stick them together in a stressful situation which could kill them all and see who gets out alive. Who will fall apart? Who will overcome their fears? Who will admit their flaws and become a better person? Who will reveal they are pretending to be something they’re not?

A Brinks truck makes a delivery to an office in a high rise, not realizing robbers know where they’re headed. Once the truck leaves, Pete and Eddie head upstairs while getaway driver Irene stays in the parking garage.  When Pete kills the man in the office, Eddie is upset but Pete says he saw their faces so it had to be done. 

As they try to act nonchalant and leave tthe scene of the crime, they find a number of people waiting for the elevator.  Eddie and the money get on, but there is no room for Pete who frantically asks Eddie for the briefcase full of money. When the doors close, Pete runs down to the garage to wait for Eddie but he never arrives. If only the workmen had used the freight elevator for their seven hundred pound safe, the bolts would have held and there’d be no damage to the mechanism.

Stuck in the elevator with claustrophobic Eddie are the rest of our cast of characters.  Mrs. Kenyon is looking for a penthouse for her son.  Marvin is the leasing agent who works for the building and showed her the penthouse. Dr. Reynolds is having an affair with his secretary, and is now trapped with her and his wife.  Robert is a young man who is upset with his fragile mother for trying to control the inheritance from his father. 

Questions you’ll have are why was Pete hiding in the trunk of the car, rather than sitting inside it with Eddie and Irene? Or why didn’t Eddie get out of the elevator since Pete couldn’t get on? Why was