Death Note: L Change the World (2008)

In the third installment of the Death Note movies, L is back to solve a case of a virus that evil scientists and businessmen want to unleash on the world. The key is the daughter of a good scientist and a small boy who is orphaned after his village is wiped out and an undercover officer is killed.

After the battle between L and Kira/Shinigamis, it's hard to get into this one. While L is the same, his nemesis doesn't seem to be anything more than an average opponent. Yes, there is the question of whether he will solve the mystery of who is responsible, but there isn't any clever battle of wits as in the previous movies with Kira and L.

I did manage to get more interested in it part way through, so ultimately I enjoyed it. Anyone who enjoyed the character L will enjoy this as he is the main focus. But if you are looking for the death note story line, or the intellectual cat and mouse from the first movies, you will be disappointed.

The Crypt (2009)

A group of college age criminals head into the underground Depression era crypts as there are rumors that the corpses were buried with their jewelry. I am unable to take any of them seriously since the girls all wear short shorts and tank tops. Good planning there since you're going underground and there are crawl spaces.

The group wears head lamps and use flashlights even though the underground corridors have lights on the walls and the crawl spaces have lights. It is only when they get further into the tunnels that they need their own lights. One girls flashlight goes out at an inopportune time and she has to hit it repeatedly it to make it work. Gee, maybe they should have brought extra batteries in the huge backpacks they're carrying.

As the group takes jewelry from the crypts, the ghosts of the dead decide they want their property back. At first some of the group think they are imagining things, but eventually they all figure out something is with them in the corridors. So they decide to find a way to escape. Per todays most prolific movie cliche, they can not get any cell phone reception.

There is a continuity error when two girls leave their backpacks behind as they escape. After crawling through the door and starting up the ladder, they both have backpacks again. Then once they get to the top of the ladder, the backpacks are gone.

The strangest thing about this film is a random scene near the beginning in which the girls steal a car in order to meet up with the others. One of the girls brings her younger brother Bobby along. As the group hot wires the car, the owner comes running out and shoots at them. They peel out, laughing because they escaped unharmed. Then they notice that Bobby has been shot in the head. Oh no! The mood turns somber and everyone crys.

Cut to the meeting spot, the girls get out of the car, Bobbys gone and he's never mentioned again. What the hell...??!! So they still met up to discuss the robbery after the kid got killed? I'm not sure why the kid wasn't cut from the final edit as its confusing and makes no sense.

The Dead Hate the Living (2000)

A film maker breaks into an abandoned asylum in order to have realistic sets for his horror movie. The actors find what appears to be a giant sized coffin with a dead body inside in the basement and the director decides to use the body in the film for a realistic touch.

They pretend to cast a spell on it and to their surprise it works, bringing to life the dead man, who just happens to be an evil scientist, and opening a portal for the dead. When zombies start entering their world, the cast and crew try to figure out how to escape with their lives.

This movie exactly is why I started keeping track of what I watch. After about ten minutes of the movie, I realized I had seen this years ago and had not enjoyed it. But I figured since I'd rented it, I'd finish it to make sure I never had to sit through it again. Also it's a Full Moon movie, which tells you everything you need to know about it. You're either a fan of Full Moon or not, and I am not.

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Two military men, a helicopter pilot, and his tv reporter girlfriend try to escape from the plague of living dead that is sweeping across the nation. Due to a shortage of gas and unsure as to where to go, the group lands on the roof of a mall and decides to temporarily take refuge.

The group decides to secure the mall so they will be safe. There is food, shelter, and supplies. There are even tvs to monitor broadcasts to see if anyone else is left alive and if there are any places for the living to gather.

A gang of bikers decides they want into the mall and when the group refuses, they break down the doors to get in. The zombies follow and the mall is overrun with them. The main characters put themselves in jeopardy by doing some stupid things, which is really annoying since they had done so well up to now.

This was my favorite living dead movie for years. After watching it again, it doesn't hold the same charm as it did before, but it's still a good zombie movie.

Pirates of Ghost Island (2007)

In 1865 some pirates hid in a cave on a deserted island to wait for a rendevous with a ship after searching for treasure. The pirates were extremely clean with spotless clothing and their wench kept a diary. Unfortunately sorcery was afoot and some rudimentary special effects did something bad to the pirates.

Back to the present, where some kids wake up on the beach of this island and have no idea where they are or how they got there. Neither do we as this is where we meet them. Apparently they were drunk on a graduation cruise and somehow ended up dry and stranded on the island.

They find a tent and start eating the food in it without a thought of looking for the person who owns the tent. All the characters are annoying and there is a blond girl with an accent that I could not place. One of the girls, Sarah, looks like the pirate wench who just happens to be her ancestor. She becomes possessed by her spirit off and on, and they find the diary in the cave.

Soon the kids start meeting ghosts of pirates who kill whoever they can get their hands on. The rest of the film is full of bad pirate accents saying things like, Aye matey, tis a good time for me wench to bring ale to a thirsty old pirate.

The footage seems to go from film to video at random times and sometimes the background noise of the surf makes it hard to hear the dialogue. In the stupidest death in the movie, the girl with the accent walks through the woods and gets stuck in some thin branches. It looks like something out of an Ed Wood movie as she frantically moves the branches around and screams as someone pours bright red tempera-paint-like blood on her. Also after Dutch dies, if you look carefully you can see him breathing.

Near the end of the film, there is a conversation that is completely out of place. Brad tells Sarah that he has lost his college scholarship and is joining the military to prepare for his future. Sarah bitterly responds, "what about us?" Are you kidding me? Your friends have been slaughtered, supernatural beings are trying to kill you, but you're wallowing in self pity because your boyfriend is trying to secure his future? How could that thought even cross your mind at a time like this?

The Damned (2006)

I think this is the first time I have said "oh shit" when looking at the menu of a dvd - not a good sign. When the credits started I noticed it was done by the Quiroz brothers. Another bad sign as I could not even manage to get more than twenty minutes into their film, San Fran Psycho.

The plot of the movie is almost like Fright Night without the charm, wit, or budget. Vampires move into the neighborhood and Tom sees them killing people in the park near his house. His roommate Nacho doesn't believe him, but Danny, a horror movie buff, takes him seriously.

Shortly afterwards Todd Bridges shows up as a vampire hunter who wants revenge for the death of his wife. The term vampire hunter is used loosely as he and his partner have no experience and don't really seem prepared for what is to come.

There are various plot holes, including why the police have fingerprints on file for a kid who has a clean record. Also the vampires look like they lift weights and have huge fangs which look silly.

The Mummy Theme Park (2000)

When a long lost city is unearthed in Egypt, the Sheik decides to open it as a Mummy Theme Park. Guests take a train which stops at displays of moving, talking mummies. The train even pulls up to a concession stand where patrons don't even have to leave their seats to order. You can get popcorn, beer, ice tea and souvenirs. What else could you possibly want from a Mummy Theme Park?

Two obnoxious photographers head over for a sneak preview and to take some photos. As the photographer takes the same shot of the mummy over and over, the mummy starts reacting to the flash. Personally, that would make me stop, but this guy doesn't give it a second thought. This is unfortunate as the flash causes the mummy to go insane and start chasing them.

The dubbing voices and inflections make the inane dialogue even worse. The lady photographer sounds like a total bimbo. There are fake beards, colorful Arab costumes, miniatures, and numerous scenes of people that appear to be standing in front of a projection screen instead of a real set. People pretend to be in earthquakes as a miniature set moves around or shaking scenery is projected on the screen. It's horrible.

There is a lot of really stupid dialogue, but these were just ridiculous (especially with the inflections of pure wonder).

Mummy: "I ruled the land and fathered one hundred and seventy children."

Photographer: "That is quiet something. I mean, a mummy that moves and talks."

Bimbo: "... and fathers!"

Bimbo: "Why is the mummy looking at me that way?"

Photographer: "I think he likes your breasts."

Can't remember who said this, but it was said as if it was most amazing thing they'd ever laid eyes on: "This mummy theme parks really something, isn't it?"

Suck (2009)

When their bass player Jennifer is bitten by a vampire, a down on their luck band starts to gain a following. Jennifer becomes the center of attention due to her ability to mesmerize an audience. This leads to problems as the lead singer is jealous of the attention she is getting, and the roadie has to clean up after her kills.

While it's supposed to be a comedy, it wasn't very funny. The guy who played the roadie was the best part. Also I found the singing vampire very distracting as he looks ridiculous, like he should be in a Kids in the Hall sketch. Coincidentally Dave Foley has a role in the film. There are also guest appearances by Alice Cooper, Moby, Malcolm McDowell, and Iggy Pop.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

A remake of the 1978 Romero movie of the same name where the dead come back to life and the survivors take refuge in a shopping mall. This one features the fast running living dead who are much scarier than the lumbering dead.

A group of survivors make it to a shopping mall and meet several antagonistic security guards who have already taken refuge there. Across the street from the mall is a gun store where the owner has managed to barricade himself in.

The groups communicate from their rooftops by writing on dry erase boards or large sheets of paper. At a certain point, the multitude of dead outside and the dwindling food supply at the gun store, make the group decide to try to escape to find a place where they will be safe.

There is a zombie baby, a biker gang with Tom Savini, and lots of carnage. And to be honest, the fast running living dead scare me. They can not only run after you, but they try to beat down your doors.

Land of the Dead (2005)

With the zombie populace spread throughout the land, humans have walled off a city in order to keep themselves safe. The military goes outside the gates in search of food and supplies, often taking sport in hitting and shooting the zombies as they ride by. One zombie in a small town takes offense to this treatment and he leads the zombies to the walled city in order to get revenge.

The film includes social commentary as the rich live inside a luxury high rise, while the rest of the citizens live in the streets. One of the military has saved enough money to retire and buy one of the apartments, but he is not considered of the caliber to reside there. This leads him to try to blackmail the corporate villain who controls the city and it's housing.

I liked this more than some of the other major zombies movies I've seen and thought it was much better than Survival of the Dead even though it was fairly predictable. One of the more interesting parts of the dvd was a short special feature showing the special effects. It is amazing to compare the before and after shots and see what they can do.

Feast III: The Happy Finish

Picking up where Feast II left off, there is a very brief recap as the group of survivors is still trying to figure out how to escape from the town without being killed by the monsters.

There are some funny scenes in this one, including an accidental shooting right after a rescuer drives into town and some scenes with a martial artist named Jean Claude Seagal.

A man called the Prophet shows up out of nowhere and appears to have some sort of power over the monsters. The group follows him into the sewers and the creatures come after them. By the time they realize how the Prophet is controlling the creatures, they're in trouble.

Again, creatures in the daylight? Not scary. Creatures in the dark stairway? Scary. At one point, there is a huge fight scene lit with strobe lights and you can't tell who is fighting who or what is going on. At the end there is a very long song, which got on my nerves.

I'm not sure if I liked this one better than the second one, or if I had just gotten used to the characters, wanted to find out how it would end, and knew it wasn't going to be as good as Feast.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Picking up the next morning after Feast left off, a biker chick shows up at the bar and swears revenge after finding part of her dead sister. She and her gang take the surviving bartender hostage and ride into the neighboring town to get revenge.

The town appears deserted, but that is because the monsters have gotten there before them and are still wandering around. The group teams up with two midget wrestlers and a few other survivors and spend their time trying to figure out how to escape from the creatures.

I really liked Feast, but this sequel didn't thrill me. First, it takes place in the day light so the monsters look like what they are - guys in monster suits. Second, I didn't care about the characters. Third, the script wasn't as good and the comedy often fell flat. Fourth and lastly, the movie doesn't end. It stops abruptly and you need to see part three to find out how it ends. Again people, give me a warning that I will not get a resolution to the story.

The scene with the baby seems to polarize people. They either think it's funny or sickening. I was so shocked that I laughed. I couldn't believe it, but also I know the difference between reality and a movie. It was a great take on the average guy who tries to be the hero. But if it happened in real life, it would be awful and horrifying.

Horror Show (1989)

Detective McCarthy is on leave from his job after capturing prolific serial killer Max Jenke. McCarthy has nightmares about Jenke and when Jenke is going to the electric chaire, McCarthy decides to attend in the hope that his nightmares will cease.

It takes a while to kill Jenke, and as he's frying he tells McCarthy that he'll be back to get him. Jenke's spirit goes into the electric current flowing through the chair and ends up in McCarthy's basement in the boiler. People are killed, McCarthy hallucinates, and chaos ensues.

The best thing about the movie is that it stars Brion James as Jenke and Lance Henriksen as McCarthy. It's also worth noting that one of the writers is listed as Alan Smithee, but it's really not that bad so I'm not sure why they didn't use their own name.

Halloween II (2009)

One of the reasons the original Halloween 2 worked is Jaime Lee Curtis and her portrayal of the vulnerable yet tough heroine. You liked her, empathized with her, rooted for her, and sat on the edge of your seat praying she'd survive Michael Myers attempts to kill her again.

In contrast, here we have Rob Zombie's version of Laurie, a whiny sarcastic girl with a bad attitude who has no redeeming qualities. In fact, she was so annoying, ungrateful, and self centered that all of us hated her.

Then there is Dr. Loomis, a sympathetic character in the original Halloween, but here he is a nasty, condescending, narcissistic asshole. What the hell? What is the point of making us hate two of the main characters?

Michael Myers keeps dreaming of himself as a small golden haired child talking to his mother who is often near a white horse. At one point, Myers meets up with the farmers in their field, and they state that they told him if he came back, he'd be in trouble. Huh? When was he there before?

Laurie was so whiny and irritating that we gave up and didn't even finish watching the movie.

The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

Sarah emerges from the caves, bloody and in shock, and is taken to the hospital. The local Sheriff interrogates her but she can not provide any info on what happened to her friends as the trauma she's suffered has made her lose her memory.

Against doctors orders, the Sheriff decides to bring Sarah back to the caves in order to find out what really happened. Sarah, the Sheriff, and a rescue squad head underground in an attempt to rescue Sarah's friends and restore her memory.

The Sheriff has no sympathy for Sarah and suspects her in the disappearance of her friends. The Sheriff is an idiot and you will loathe him. What a great idea to bring a trauma victim back to the scene of their trauma. Nothing unprofessional about that.

Shortly after they enter the caves, they find the first body and the creatures start coming after the rescue team. The Sheriff repeatedly screws things up. He tries to give orders to the rescuers even though he knows nothing about caving. He shoots his gun and causes a cave in. He handcuffs himself to Sarah, which is an incredibly stupid thing to do in a cave where you may have to squeeze through a narrow opening and creatures are chasing you in order to kill you. Boy, is he annoying!

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

The sequel starts right where the first film left off. Due to the virus outbreak in the lab under Raccoon City, the military starts evacuating the town. But when the infection is detected in the crowd, the city gates are locked leaving citizens, police, and the military inside to fend for themselves.

Alice teams up with a small group of survivors to try to find a way out of Raccoon City before the Umbrella Corporation annihilates the entire town.

After watching the first movie, I was really excited to see the sequel but I didn't enjoy this as much. It was a little slower paced and didn't have much of a plot. There was a subplot about a scientist who promised to guide them to freedom if they rescued his daughter who was hiding somewhere in the city.

Also during some of the fights, the cuts are so fast you can't even tell what is going on.

Darkwalker (2003)

A bunch of teenagers are hired at Halloween attraction Hobb's Grove to work at the parks haunted houses and hayrides. Sounds like fun, except that the attraction was built on the Hobbs Massacre site where during the 1800s a group of farmers had a cult that worshiped the land and used blood to raise crops, uh yeah right.

In a flashback to the 1800s, a man steals a pumpkin, carves it and blood flows out. Is that considered a good idea to fill your crops with blood? What can you do with the produce? You can't sell it or eat it. Stupid blood cult farmers...

Back in the present, the Dark Walker has come to life and is stalking workers at the park. Luckily he only kills the workers, not the patrons. So the owners keep it under wraps since they have invested all their money into the park and can't afford to close. Honestly, even if patrons were being killed, they'd still want to keep it quiet. They are able to convince the inept Sheriff that staying open a few more nights won't hurt and even get him to provide extra deputys for crowd safety.

Oddly enough even though the Dark Walker is from the 1800s, he knows how to use a chainsaw. While that did bring me amusement, this was a tough one to sit through.

Boo (2005)

A group of college kids go to an abandoned asylum on Halloween to spend the night and scare their girlfriends. One girl is afraid something bad will happen, but the others convince her to go inside.

Earlier in the day, a friend of the boys went inside to set up some pranks to scare the girls. Unfortunately for them, the old asylum is actually haunted by some messed up evil spirits who don't want to let anyone leave.

There's a subplot about a guy looking for his sister who disappeared at the asylum a few days ago, and a cop who warns the guy not to go on the third floor. Everyone eventually ends up together.

The silliest thing about the movie is that everyone keeps taking the elevator in the old abandoned asylum. Seriously, how safe is that? You never know what might be waiting for you when the door opens, whether the electricity will go out, or if the cable might break. Never mind that an evil entity might take over the operation of the elevator so that it only goes to the haunted third floor.

I watched this movie the same night I watched Dark Walker and boy what a difference! Although this wasn't a good movie, it was so much better as far as the production values, story, and acting - not that the acting was good but it was much better than Dark Walker.

Daybreakers (2009)

In the future, the world is populated by vampires and a dwindling human population that is used for food. Scientists are searching for a way to make synthetic blood since the human blood supply will be depleted very shortly.

There is an underground group of free humans who supposedly have come across a cure for vampirism. When they accidentally meet up with scientist Edward Dalton who has sympathy for humans, the humans decide to see if he would be willing to help them.

I'm not an Ethan Hawke fan, and this did not change my mind. This is focused more on the story than action, and at times moves slowly.

Evilution (2008)

Something goes horribly wrong when the military uses an alien virus to reanimate dead soldiers. Right before the zombies attack and everything goes kaboom, a soldier named Darren flees with a vial of the virus.

With the military searching for him so they can retrieve the virus, Darren moves into a basement apartment in a crappy building in a gang filled neighborhood. He is repeatedly hassled by the gang because they used to hang out in the basement before he moved in.

The basement looks more like what you'd find in an industrial building rather than an apartment building, and the apartment is creepy and isolated. The landlord tells Darren to keep his door locked, but he keeps leaving it open. This is horrendously stupid, especially since the gang keeps barging in, and he has a vial of the zombie virus sitting out in the open on his make shift laboratory. Also at one point a junkie wanders in, thinks he's found a drug lab, and absconds with a needle full of virus.

When one of the gang is shot, Darren brings him inside and tries to save him by injecting him with the virus. Darren goes upstairs to a neighbors and when he comes back down the gang member is gone. Yup, the zombie virus has been unleashed in the apartment building and havoc ensues.