The good news, such as it is, is that this is better than Hellgate. The bad news is that it's only almost watchable because I just watched Hellgate. It was necessary to fast forward through much of the padding where there is no dialogue and people wander aimlessly through the house.
College students Crawford, Nelson, and Bucky receive a letter offering them $25,000 each if they come to the home of eccentric billionaire Mr. Ashbury for a "personal survey of average college students and their views" which will be published in a book. Crawford, Nelson, and Bucky appear far too old to be typical college students. They could be summed up by college students as the condescending guy with the weird line delivery, the bald guy, and the blind guy.
The guys pull up to what they call a creepy house, but which is actually a large, nice home in an affluent suburban neighborhood. When they find the front door unlocked, they head inside. No one is there, but a bottle of foul tasting wine is left for them. Turns out to be a bad idea to drink things that taste horrible as the wine is drugged. When they awake later, they find the doors and windows are bricked up.
The rest of the film involves them trying to get out of the house, meeting the monster that lurks inside the finished basement (complete with shag carpeting), and discovering the diary of a woman who fell for the same ruse they did - although I guess she must have lasted awhile since she had time to write a diary. Be prepared to watch them go into every room in the house and rattle every doorknob trying to find a way out.
This was shot on video, has tons of padding and poorly written dialogue. It's a Polonia Brothers film, which isn't a good thing, but you have to admire their dedication as they made quite a number of films.
There are brief interviews in the extras where it's obvious they had fun making the movie and know that it's not a masterpiece. Even though they didn't make the best films, they were doing it long before the days of every kid having access to a computer and camera, and calling themselves a filmmaker.
This is ultra low budget and shot over a weekend, and it shows. The acting is horrible and the film only clocks in at a little over an hour. But since it's just them walking around inside a house, it's not a bad thing that it's so short. Also the monster sounds reminded me of the Predator, but since I haven't seen that movie in awhile, I could be mistaken.
Expect plenty of references to Bucky's blindness - although you can see Bucky's eyes and he regularly looks around, including looking up at the huge entryway when they walk into the house for the first time. He also needs to immediately sit down in a chair, which is never explained as being blind doesn't make you out of shape.
Bucky - "Sorry, Nelson."
Nelson - "That's okay, Bucky. You're blind."
photo of Bucky pointing at something - continuity error or was Bucky newly blind? It's not explained. |
Crawford, Bucky and Nelson looking up... Damn it Bucky! Stop looking up - you're supposed to be blind. |
The house after it's doors and windows are bricked up. |
If you're going to pretend all the doors are bricked up, make sure you can't see the siding outside the door. |
Can you contain a monster by wedging a chair under a doorknob? |
No. No, you can't. The monster can get out. |
Monster alert - if by monster you mean fright wig, rubber mask, rubber hands, frayed shirt and pants. |
I guess your other senses don't get better when you're blind. Bucky sticks his nose in a gas can, pours gas on his hand and inhales to confirm it is actually gasoline. |
Somewhere a house burns... please pretend it is the same house we entered. |
This is the only way we would ever know they are supposed to be college students. |
No comments:
Post a Comment