Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Ancient Evil 2 (2005)

You know you're in trouble when the opening scenes of a movie are padded.  Two idiots head to the video store to rent a movie.  There is footage of them walking, an island, the video store, an annoying goth girl, now it's night.  Why are they still walking?!    It was daylight when they started and they're not there yet.  How big is this island anyway? They get there right before the store closes at 10pm.  Where the hell have they been?

Goth girl Oncilla [Act-ing!] wants to summon Anubis back to life so she can control him.  She gets a group of people to agree to help her which leads to the classic dialogue:

Paul - "I don't know Mark.  It sounds kind of stupid."

Yes.... yes it is.  Then we are subject to more padding with people wandering deep into the woods at night.  Oncilla is rude and nasty, which would make me bail.  They're doing her a favor and she's horrible to them.

After tons of walking, someone asks how much further and Oncilla explains it's only a few more miles. Goodnight!  That's it!  I'm outta here!  Unfortunately no one says anything like that, and they continue their trek.  Maybe they could have parked closer?

When they arrive at the ritual site, Oncilla ramps up the community theatre  mode as she tells the story of how thirteen years ago on this very spot a mother killed her five year old child.  Apparently innocent blood shed in violence provides a conduit spot for paranormal activity, which is why she brought them to this place.  Her ancient relic looks really lame.

When the ritual doesn't work immediately, Paul and his girlfriend want to leave, but Oncilla refuses.  This causes a fight in which a bloody nose drips on the tablet and hurrah! Success!  Unfortunately Anubis is not happy about being controlled.  But everyone will be safe if they just stay within he sacred circle as Anubis can't cross.... never mind, they left the circle. Yeah...... they're all stupid and soon they'll be dead.

Old Hick screws up line - "You gonna eat my blood... my brains?  You gonna drink my blood?"


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