Academy of Terror (2003)

Aka One of Them

Our movie opens with a woman on Hollywood Boulevard approached by a man wearing a wig and fake teeth. Are we not supposed to know they are fake? I don’t know. She jumps into a taxi, gets dropped off at a cemetery in the middle of nowhere where there may be a bongo player.  And she’s dead.

Meanwhile a group of twenty somethings and a teen are driving somewhere.  They spy a car in a rest area and wonder if they should check it out. Good god no! It’s night and the middle of nowhere. Move along, it could be a murderer.... in fact, it is.

Our group of intrepid youngsters sees something up ahead in the road. Is it fog? Nope, it’s a swarm of locusts. But instead of shutting the windows to keep out the bugs, the group prefers to flail ineffectively until their car crashes. Side note- it looks like someone is throwing buckets of bugs in the windows of the car.

In a soon to be intersecting plot point, we find out that the girl in the opening is Trina who was away at school. When her uncle can’t get in touch with her, he drives to the small town near the school.  There he finds the sheriff at the local diner, is promptly told that Trina is dead and then advised to try the eggs. Oddly enough, her uncle isn’t too overcome with grief to eat. 

Our group of youngsters wakes up after the car crash to find themselves convalescing at the school.  Yes, it would be more helpful to bring accident victims to the hospital, but the staff claims it’s too far away and they have a first aid kit. The few students staying there over school break seem helpful but a bit odd.

Most of the kids are overly concerned about offending their hosts to the point that normal questions about how they ended up there or saying they are going to leave are considered rude.  It’s bizarre behavior.  It’s not like they accepted an invitation and are trying to bail on it. They were carried here in the middle of the night while unconscious.  Later one makes the comment, “I’m not anxious to hike through deliverance country”, and no one bats an eye. Now that’s rude.

It’s not good but there is some amusement at the questionable motivation of the characters.  And for gods sake, if you need to tell someone their niece is dead, take them somewhere private. Don’t just continue eating breakfast in the diner - although he takes it remarkably well so he’s a weirdo as well.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Liz - We have to get out of here.

Jessica - The people I talked to last night were really nice. I’d hate to offend them.

He still won’t talk to me. Not since..... ahem the accident.

I don’t mean to be rude, but do you mind telling us how we got here?

At the risk of offending you, I have some questions about the academy.

You know, this is a pretty good little coffee shop. The eggs are great. Take care.  - The Sheriff after telling Mr. Robinson his niece is dead and giving him instructions on how to drive to the academy to pick up her things.