The Mermaids Curse (2019)

According to this film, mermaids do the following: walk on land;  have legs and feet instead of a mermaid tail; are super strong; have fungus on their faces; can chomp into a human neck; hiss; wear nightgowns and shoes; eat people; and can’t talk. 

Jake is having a weird week. First he caught his girlfriend and best friend in bed together. Then he got his first byline assignment writing a story about a murder, and tonight  he’s found an injured woman on the beach.  When he tells her he’ll get help, she hisses at him. He tells her not to be afraid and takes her home with him to help her. Oh my god, if anything would scare a woman, it’s that.

When he says he’ll call an ambulance, she signals no. So instead he runs a bath for her and goes to the store to get some medicine.  Poor sweet, naive, idiotic Jake.  While he’s gone, his best friend comes home to get his stuff, and Jake’s new friend kills him and eats him, bones and all.  Yes, another creature with mad house cleaning skills because there is no sign of any carnage when Jake gets back.

Jake’s girlfriend keeps trying to get him back, even though he’s not interested. Yet he keeps talking to her and she weasels her way into dinner.  But Jake hears the call of the mermaids siren song and is more interested in his new friend.  Oddly enough both his girlfriend and best friend seem to think him catching them in bed together shouldn’t be a big deal. They gaslight him like crazy trying to convince him that he should let it slide and everything can go back to like it was before.

The explanation of the mermaid curse is when things get even weirder. You see, there are no mermaids in this film.  They are witches in the ocean.  The tale says in the 1600s, sisters with the gift of the siren song were thought to be witches. So the townsfolk cut off their hands and feet so they couldn’t swim. Good god!  Then one of the women performed one last spell, (so they were witches?!?). 

The spell was they would live forever under the waves.  Wait, how is that a good thing?  Why would you do that? Shouldn’t you have let them rest In peace? Isn’t making them live forever in the ocean punishing them further? 

Most importantly, why in gods name do they have feet now when they were cut off in the 1600s? Did the ocean make them grow new feet? And where’d they get shoes for those new feet?

The problem with the siren song is when they open their mouth the sound doesn’t appear to be coming from them. It sounds like background music.  So you don’t realize it’s the siren song until it’s been going on awhile. Then to make things more confusing, later in the film the same sound is used when the girls mouths are shut. 

The most hilarious part is Jake and his news story. He’s so excited about his first potential byline.  Yet his headline is Abandoned Car Found.  Oooooo I must know more about the abandoned car.   There are murders happening and he’s fixated on the car. Also he goes out at night to sneak up to the car and take photos. He’s skulking behind bushes, running crouched over to the car, and then lifting his camera up to take a shot of whatever is inside the car before being chased off.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Things Jake’s best friend says to him after Jake walks in on his friend in bed with Jakes girlfriend:

• This girl up there, she loves you. You can’t just walk out on her.
• Don’t throw away what we have. Why are you being an asshole? You’re doing this to yourself, not me.

Jake’s girlfriend:  I know what it looked like. But it truly was the first time and only time it happened…. But I want you to know how much I really do care about you.

People are not as alarmed as they should be about her face fungus

Jake peeking out from behind something waiting for an
opportunity to sneak up to the car

Photos of a cars interior shot through the back window
at night? Oh yeah, those are going to be amazing