American Poltergiest (2015)

Taryn, Michael, Niki, Jenna and Scott rent rooms in the same house rather than live in the dorms.  It’s an odd arrangement since Diana, the owner of the house, lives there as well.  They eat dinner together and barbeque together, which seems really awkward. Also Niki’s birthday is coming up so they’re going to throw a party by the pool and partygoers can stay in the guest house.  Does anyone ever rent rooms in a house where the owner lets you have the run of the house, as if it’s your own? It’s all so odd.

If you ever move into a rooming house and ask about the basement and the owner says it was locked when she moved in and she has no key, be very scared.  This is not normal. If you can’t get into the basement, you call a locksmith and replace the lock. Also this takes place in Massachusetts. When is the last time the furnace has been serviced?

Taryn decides to look around the house because she’s been having nightmares since moving in. She finds a locked toolbox in the basement. Unlike a normal renter, Taryn breaks into it and finds photos, letters and documents. She also goes online to research the house and wins the award for worst google skills ever.  There should have been no shortage of information on this house because there are urban legends about it, since supposedly it is the Lizzie Borden house.  No one shall ask why they didn’t find an old house to shoot in, rather than a modern home.

Taryn has an incredibly confusing conversation with Diana, where she says Diana’s husband is her father, and Diana says her husband couldn’t have children but Taryn is his only child.  Later that night,  Taryn says she’s moving out immediately. No one bats an eye.  Her car doesn’t start so she borrows everyone’s keys and none of the cars start. The group is not concerned.  She never warns them or tells them why she’s desperate to move, and they never ask.  Also even if her car started, it’s parked between two other cars so how was she going to escape?

If there’s one thing this movie confirmed, it’s that any movie about Lizzie Borden is terrible. I’m always up for them, and they are always poorly done.  Why? 

Dialogue as awkward as the living arrangements:

I found her in the basement

That’s impossible.  The basements locked and there’s no key.

Your husband never spoke of who lived here?

Taryn, can we stop with the interrogation maybe?

Somethings not right in this family.

Taryn: Your husband John Eastbrook was my father, John Borden.

Diana: Borden?

Taryn: Do you understand what I’m saying?

Diana: Yes, John didn’t have any children. He couldn’t. You were his only child. That makes you my stepdaughter.

$325 a month, utilities included.

Not bad for a murder house.

Who’s Lizzie Borden?

She’s like one of those horror movie chicks that get murdered.

Look I really don’t want to talk about this, alright? Would you stop spreading rumors that this is a murder house for once?

Who eats a hamburger in a bun with a fork?

Eating dinner with their landlady

Apparently college kids eating with their fifty five
year old landlady is a thing

Taryn not realizing that the door opening inwards means one
good kick would send her flying and possibly landing on the knife

Nothing odd about all the heads on the table behind her

Boom mic shadow. Hard to see in this shot, but you can’t
miss it in the film since it’s moving