Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

The sequel starts right where the first film left off. Due to the virus outbreak in the lab under Raccoon City, the military starts evacuating the town. But when the infection is detected in the crowd, the city gates are locked leaving citizens, police, and the military inside to fend for themselves.

Alice teams up with a small group of survivors to try to find a way out of Raccoon City before the Umbrella Corporation annihilates the entire town.

After watching the first movie, I was really excited to see the sequel but I didn't enjoy this as much. It was a little slower paced and didn't have much of a plot. There was a subplot about a scientist who promised to guide them to freedom if they rescued his daughter who was hiding somewhere in the city.

Also during some of the fights, the cuts are so fast you can't even tell what is going on.

Darkwalker (2003)

A bunch of teenagers are hired at Halloween attraction Hobb's Grove to work at the parks haunted houses and hayrides. Sounds like fun, except that the attraction was built on the Hobbs Massacre site where during the 1800s a group of farmers had a cult that worshiped the land and used blood to raise crops, uh yeah right.

In a flashback to the 1800s, a man steals a pumpkin, carves it and blood flows out. Is that considered a good idea to fill your crops with blood? What can you do with the produce? You can't sell it or eat it. Stupid blood cult farmers...

Back in the present, the Dark Walker has come to life and is stalking workers at the park. Luckily he only kills the workers, not the patrons. So the owners keep it under wraps since they have invested all their money into the park and can't afford to close. Honestly, even if patrons were being killed, they'd still want to keep it quiet. They are able to convince the inept Sheriff that staying open a few more nights won't hurt and even get him to provide extra deputys for crowd safety.

Oddly enough even though the Dark Walker is from the 1800s, he knows how to use a chainsaw. While that did bring me amusement, this was a tough one to sit through.

Boo (2005)

A group of college kids go to an abandoned asylum on Halloween to spend the night and scare their girlfriends. One girl is afraid something bad will happen, but the others convince her to go inside.

Earlier in the day, a friend of the boys went inside to set up some pranks to scare the girls. Unfortunately for them, the old asylum is actually haunted by some messed up evil spirits who don't want to let anyone leave.

There's a subplot about a guy looking for his sister who disappeared at the asylum a few days ago, and a cop who warns the guy not to go on the third floor. Everyone eventually ends up together.

The silliest thing about the movie is that everyone keeps taking the elevator in the old abandoned asylum. Seriously, how safe is that? You never know what might be waiting for you when the door opens, whether the electricity will go out, or if the cable might break. Never mind that an evil entity might take over the operation of the elevator so that it only goes to the haunted third floor.

I watched this movie the same night I watched Dark Walker and boy what a difference! Although this wasn't a good movie, it was so much better as far as the production values, story, and acting - not that the acting was good but it was much better than Dark Walker.

Daybreakers (2009)

In the future, the world is populated by vampires and a dwindling human population that is used for food. Scientists are searching for a way to make synthetic blood since the human blood supply will be depleted very shortly.

There is an underground group of free humans who supposedly have come across a cure for vampirism. When they accidentally meet up with scientist Edward Dalton who has sympathy for humans, the humans decide to see if he would be willing to help them.

I'm not an Ethan Hawke fan, and this did not change my mind. This is focused more on the story than action, and at times moves slowly.

Evilution (2008)

Something goes horribly wrong when the military uses an alien virus to reanimate dead soldiers. Right before the zombies attack and everything goes kaboom, a soldier named Darren flees with a vial of the virus.

With the military searching for him so they can retrieve the virus, Darren moves into a basement apartment in a crappy building in a gang filled neighborhood. He is repeatedly hassled by the gang because they used to hang out in the basement before he moved in.

The basement looks more like what you'd find in an industrial building rather than an apartment building, and the apartment is creepy and isolated. The landlord tells Darren to keep his door locked, but he keeps leaving it open. This is horrendously stupid, especially since the gang keeps barging in, and he has a vial of the zombie virus sitting out in the open on his make shift laboratory. Also at one point a junkie wanders in, thinks he's found a drug lab, and absconds with a needle full of virus.

When one of the gang is shot, Darren brings him inside and tries to save him by injecting him with the virus. Darren goes upstairs to a neighbors and when he comes back down the gang member is gone. Yup, the zombie virus has been unleashed in the apartment building and havoc ensues.

Day X (2005)

When a virus is released that turns people into zombies, a group of survivors take refuge in an abandoned industrial building. One is a government worker transporting a girl to a military laboratory as she is the key to the antidote for the virus. While a bite from the zombies will infect you, a bite from the girl will cure you. Consequently there are scenes of her running towards zombies to bite them.

The acting is not great, but compared to some of the other low budget zombie movies I've watched recently, this was okay. You just have to overlook the really stupid things that some of the characters do. Also a lot of the zombies appear to only have black greasepaint on their faces. They just look dirty, not scary. Plus it seems like there is some continuity issues going from day to night, and back again.

Resident Evil (2002)

Under Raccoon City in a secret laboratory named The Hive, an outbreak of a virus turns everyone into zombies. A special unit of the military is sent into The Hive to dismantle the Red Queen, a super computer that is currently controlling the complex. The military stumble upon Alice, who has lost her memory and drag her along with them.

The group is able to infiltrate The Hive but runs into problems, mainly zombies and security measures that are still intact to prevent anyone from getting access to the Red Queen.

Having never played the video game, I had no preconceived misconceptions about what the movie should be like, and have no idea if it follows the story line of the game. The film was really entertaining and I enjoyed it a lot. Even though there wasn't really any character development, the pacing was good, the action worked and there was some tension. I'll definitely watch it again.

Spiders 2: Breeding Ground (2001)

When their sail boat starts to sink, Jason and Alexandra are rescued by a passing freighter. Since the vessel has no cargo and the crew act very strange, Jason is suspicious of what is actually going on. Alexandra thinks he is losing his mind after he tells her he saw dead bodies on hooks in the freezer.

The ships doctor keeps giving Jason shots of some kind which seem to make him worse, but Alexandra is convinced that the medication just needs time to take effect. Unfortunately the doctor is doing experiments on humans using them as hosts to hatch giant spiders and eventually giant spiders are bound to get loose.

Gamer (2009)

A man framed for a crime he didn't commit tries to win his freedom by being part of a real life video game. The players are injected with nanites which enables the gamers to control the players every move. To the gamers its just a game, even though they are competing using real people.

If a player lives through all 30 levels of the game, he wins his freedom. The game is broadcast as a live event with millions of viewers rooting for their favorite player and/or gamer. However the people in charge of the game know that it is rigged and no one will ever win.

This is basically Running Man using video games instead of game shows. If you're looking for action, guns, special effects, and video games, this is your movie. But if you're looking for character development or subtlety, you won't enjoy this.

Monster Island

A teenager wins a trip for his entire class to the hip new party at Monster Island where Carmen Electra is putting on a show. Can that really be called a prize? While Carmen is singing she is abducted by a giant insect and a few of the kids band together to save her.

This tv movie is a throw back to the older fifties and sixties monster movies, complete with giant bugs, cavemen, claymation, Adam West as mad scientist Dr. Harryhausen (a nod to Ray Harryhausen), and a volcano. The movie avoids CGI and even uses a guy in a monster suit!

Though it's not a great movie by any means and was completely predictable, there was some entertainment value and it was better than I thought it would be. Truth be told, I didn't even want to watch it, but my friends decided that since it had monster in the title we should check it out. If you go into it not expecting much and with the knowledge its aimed at teenagers, then you'll probably be okay with it.

Undead (2003)

A meteor carrying a virus strikes a small town turning nearby residents into zombies. On her way to an appearance in town, a beauty queen and her driver stop to investigate the bodies and cars in the road. After her driver is killed, our protagonist escapes to a nearby farmhouse which is home to a survivalist. As the group of zombies increases outside, a few other survivors manage to make their way inside.

Shortly afterwards the zombies get in and the group flee to a subterranean bomb shelter prepared to hold only the survivalist. When the pregnant lady goes into labor, they decide to drive to the hospital in town. This is where the film takes a strange twist and veers off from your typical zombie plot.

The movie was made in Australia and the filmmakers are obviously fans of the zombie genre. Watch for the scene with the plane near the end, which is truly unexpected.

Battle Royal II: Requiem (2003)

With the failure of the last Battle Royale and the subsequent rise of Nanahara as a symbol of defiance, the government enacts a second Battle Royal. This time the class that is chosen will be dropped on the island where Nanahara and his supporters are living. They have three days to kill Nanahara and if they don't, they will be killed.

This doesn't make much sense since the teenagers do not have any military experience, knowledge of weapons, and lack the ability to mobilize a planned attack . Also the tension from the first film is lacking since they are tasked with killing someone they don't know and thus have no emotional involvement. Thus there is no real soul searching, or guilt to work through.

Ghosts of Goldfield (2007)

On the way to the Goldfield Hotel to film paranormal activity, a group of college kids take a short cut and their car dies. The kids decide to walk to the ghost town and oddly enough there is an open bar there. Only tourists go to the ghost town, but for some reason the bar remains open at night, which makes no sense considering it's in the middle of nowhere and there's only one guy drinking.

Rowdy Roddy Piper is the bartender. Since there is no cell phone reception (the new cliche in horror movies), the kids convince him to let them spend the night in the hotel. The hotel is free from dust, the furniture and curtains are clean, and there is electricity.

The group is hoping to capture footage of a servant girl who was tortured and killed in the hotel. Rumor has it she haunts the place looking for her baby.

There are flashbacks to show the story of the servant girl and her murder. Her true love is Roddy Piper wearing big fake sideburns. Julie, the girl who set up the trip, looks just like the other olde tyme servant girl who betrayed the girl who was killed. Uh oh, this doesn't bode well for Julie or her friends. Nor does it bode well for anyone who watches it. You'll be able to guess what's going to happen at the end, but you won't care.

The 7 Adventures of Sinbad (2010)

Oh good god! It's another Asylum movie. In this modern day sorta-remake of the Sinbad movies, billionaire oil man Adrian Sinbad responds to a call of Somalian pirates demanding money after taking one of his oil rigs hostage. Before Sinbad can get there, a giant squid pulls the rig and pirates under the ocean.

After his helicopter is struck by lightening and crashes into the sea, Sinbad wakes up unharmed on an island and discovers a giant crab which he empties his gun into while screaming "Crab!.... Big crab!"

After rounding up other survivors from the squid attack and copter crash, they meet a cavewoman who shows him heiroglyphics depicting the end of the world unless a man who appears to be Sinbad completes seven tasks.

Then they find out the island is actually on the tail of a whale when the whale decides to dive underwater. Pterodactyls grab the group from the ocean and deposit them on another island where they run into cyclops, a village cult leader, a volcano, and some other lame stuff that makes up seven adventures.

While this is going on millions of gallons of oil are spilling into the ocean ,(oddly enough this was before the BP spill.) Eventually Sinbad heads down into the ocean in a little sub while his evil business partner hopes for Sinbad's death so he can take over the company. It's all very pedestrian and not all that entertaining.

The most confusing part of this movie is the whale island. The cavewoman had been living on this island since a child. The island/tail has trees, sand, and a cave w/ancient hieroglyphics (that appear to be in crayon). So... if the whale has been lying there for so many years that cavemen drew in the caves, why did it suddenly decide to move?

Titanic II (2010)

On the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic tragedy, the maiden voyage of the Titanic II sets sail on the same course. The playboy who owns the ship used to date one of the nurses on board. The nurses father is in the coast guard and when he hears a tsunami is pushing an iceberg into the path of the Titanic II, he jumps in a helicopter to rescue his daughter.

There is ridiculous flailing done by the extras trying to make the ship look like it is rocking. There is pointless running about through the corridors and lobby. The ships crew uses the elevators to help passengers get to the top decks, which doesn't seem like a good idea since the ship is sinking and the power could go out. And the plot gets very much like the Poseidon Adventure after the ship flips upside down.

In an odd coincidence, the Titanic II does not have enough lifeboats to save everyone on board. It seems that to save money some of them are only for show, not to rescue people. Now really, if you were going to name your vessel after a boat that is famous for letting people die by not having enough lifeboats, wouldn't that be one of your first concerns? People would definitely ask about it and it would be in the fore front of any safety inspectors mind.

Anyone familiar with movies put out by Asylum should know what they're getting into with this, but it's still shockingly ridiculous. Here's a few things that struck me:

1. would a surfer really wait for a good wave by sitting in the ocean hoping a large part of an iceberg falls into the sea?
2. the cgi is atrotious - I wasn't sure whether I was looking at a cloud or an iceberg.
3. as the ship starts sinking, the outside deck is tipped at a 45 degree angle and people are sliding by on their sides because they can't hold on. Yet inside the ship, the floors are still parallel to oceans surface and easy to walk on.
4. is it possible for a hunk of ice the size of Manhattan to fall into the ocean, and if so, wouldn't a concern be what would happen when the tsunami hits land?
5. the Coast Guard warns to stay out of the lifeboats as the tsunami will sink them, but the lifeboats look like little submarines and appear to have covers. Also earlier in the film it was stated that tsunami's weren't a threat for boats, instead it was the ice that was a threat.
6. when they try to find the engine room, the corridors have concrete walls and floors.

Automation Transfusion (2006)

The only thing worse than a bad movie is a bad movie that doesn't end and expects you to watch a second bad movie - which is bound to be even worse - to find out what happens. Even more annoying it's four years after the movies release and the second movie hasn't even been made yet (or maybe it just hasn't been released). Either way it is inexcusable to get to the end of a movie and have the words "to be continued..." pop up on the screen.

If you don't have an end to your movie, then communicate that in the title, such as calling it part one. Warn me ahead of time so I can decide if I want to invest time in a film that doesn't resolve itself. Also saying in your trailer that this film will define it's generation is not a good idea, especially when you're movie isn't very good.

The plot revolves around three friends who drive into town to see a band and notice there are no other cars on the road. When they get to town, they are attacked by a horde of zombies. They decide to head to the big party back in their hometown to ensure the safety of ones girlfriend. The party has been overrun by zombies, but the girl managed to survive.

They spend the rest of the movie running around, fighting zombies, and trying to escape. Then they run into an Army guy who tells them the zombies are from a secret government project that was reanimating corpses. Shortly after this, the zombies are coming, our protagonists are trapped, how will they escape? They won't because the movie ends. Thanks movie, thanks for wasting my time.

The camera work has some weird jerky motion. Sometimes it is hard to hear the dialogue due to the background noise, crowd sounds, or music that is too high in the mix.

Also when the teacher is wheeled out after being bitten in the neck, he isn't secured to the stretcher, hasn't received medical attention, and is flailing wildly as blood spurts freely from his wound. Then the kid who bit him flees from the room - what? No one has been called to contain the kid? He's just been standing around?

Tormented (2009)

Darren, an unpopular student, takes his own life in an attempt to free himself from the bullying of the popular crowd. At the school memorial, head girl Justine gives a speech even though she has no idea who he is. Later she discovers that Darren had a crush on her, and her new boyfriend and his friends are the ones who tormented Darren.

Shortly after the memorial, Darren comes back from the grave looking for revenge, all while using his inhaler. As the popular kids start dying, they figure out it is Darren but no one will believe them.

The scariest thing about this film is not the killing or the behemoth Darren, but the horrible abuse Darren gets in school. It is sickening how they treat him. Unlike years ago, even home isn't safe from the bullies. Today's technology enables kids to film their bullying on cell phones so that they can relive and share the humiliation heaped upon some unfortunate less popular kid.

Battle Royale (2000)

With overpopulation being a problem, the government enacts the Battle Royal Act. Each year a lottery is held to select a class that will be sent to a remote island, given weapons, and a time limit of three days to become the only survivor. If the teenagers do not try to kill their friends or more than one survives, they all die.

The kids are tracked via a necklace that will explode if they try to remove it or go too far away from their assigned partner. The actors playing the teenagers look like they are real teenagers rather than twenty somethings which makes the film very effective.

The kids reactions vary widely, with some banding together, others killing because they are afraid to die, and even a disturbed student who enjoys trying to kill the others. It's a very interesting and disturbing view of societal extremes.

Blue Demon

The military has developed a squad of sharks programmed to defend our coastline against assault. Unfortunately the sharks have escaped and can no longer be controlled by the scientists. Not only are killer sharks on the loose, but they can carry nuclear bombs in their mouths. Holy moly! While the good doctors try to stop the sharks, there is evil afoot that wants the sharks for their own nefarious purposes. The cgi sharks are really bad, the plot is ridiculous, and stupidity reigns.

Survival of the Dead (2009)

The families on Plum Island are in a feud over how to handle zombies. The O'Flynns kill them to keep everyone safe and make sure no one else gets infected. But the Muldoons say the zombies are kin and keep them captive in hope that someday there will be a cure. The disagreement comes to a head when the head of the Muldoon clan kicks the head of the O'Flynn clan off the island.

Meanwhile on the mainland, a few members of the Army are killing zombies and looking for a safe place to go. After rescuing a teenager from some creepy hunters, the boy mentions that he heard someone broadcasting that Plum Island was a safe place. Since they don't have another alternative, they decide to go.

After the Army exchanges gunfire with the excommunicated O'Flynns, a huge crowd of zombies attack both groups. The survivors (some army guys and the head of the O'Flynns) head to Plum Island, and we're right back in the middle of the feud. Oh and there is a zombie riding a horse.

Probably my least favorite of the Romero zombie movies. Seriously, if you're going to try to communicate with zombies and think they recognize you, at least keep a safe distance so they don't bite you.

The Beast Within (1982)

A newly wed couple has car problems and breaks down at night outside a small town. When the man walks back to town for help, the woman is raped by a creature that drags her into the woods.

Seventeen years later, the couples son Paul has a mysterious illness that stumps the doctors. The couple heads back to the small town to investigate who assaulted her because they believe whatever affliction Paul has may be genetic. If they can find out who raped her, then maybe they can cure Paul.

When Paul shows up in town after escaping from the hospital, the local doctor tries his hand at curing the illness. Paul meets a local girl who is cute but stupid, and the beast in Paul starts killing people and goes after the girl.

The film is slow moving and doesn't have a lot of killing in it. The most interesting thing, although not realistic, is Paul's transformation into the beast where his head blows up like a balloon.

The Happiness of the Katakuris (2001)

Using the same plot as The Quiet Family, but adding songs, dance numbers, claymation, zombies, and a less somber tone, The Happiness of the Katakuris involves a family who buys a guest house near the mountains. The theory is that when a new road comes through it will bring lots of business as they are the only place to stay.

Like in The Quiet Family, the first guest commits suicide, everyone who subsequently stays there dies, and the family buries the bodies in order to avoid scaring potential guests away.

The big difference in the two movies is this one has a conman who woos their daughter, musical numbers, brighter and more colorful scenes, and an emphasis on humor than dark comedy.

The Quiet Family (1998)

A family opens a hotel but business is slow due to the remote location. They hope to prosper as they are the only hotel near a popular mountain trail and there will soon be a road running through the area.

Their joy over the arrival of their first guest turns to distress the next day when they discover that he has committed suicide in his room. Fearing bad publicity for their new business, they decide to dispose of the body.

Each successive guest that checks in succumbs to some manner of death. The family repeats the pattern of burying the bodies and hoping that a guest will survive the night and their business will flourish.

When work on the new road is scheduled to begin, they realize that it is exactly where they buried the bodies. Panic sets in as they try to move the bodies and avoid the police who have started investigating the travelers who have gone missing.

I'm not sure if this would really fit into the horror category although it is a black comedy.

Video Dead (1987)

A brother and sister move into their families new house while their parents are away on vacation. The family bought the house sight unseen and there is an old tv set in the attic. The brother brings it down to his room and discovers the only station that comes in is playing a zombie movie. What he doesn't realize is that not only does this tv only play one movie, it comes on by itself and is a portal for the zombies to come into our world.

A zombie hunter who is trying to track down the tv comes to the door, but the brother sends him away. Turns out the only way to stop the zombies from coming out of the set is to tie a mirror to the front of the tv, with the reflective surface facing the it. Too bad they didn't do this before the zombies started wandering the neighborhood.

The zombie hunter, brother, and sister attempt to fight the zombies as the undead start eating their neighbors. The group ties mirrors on the doors of their home, as apparently mirrors repell zombies.

There's some stupid stuff going on, including a woman who comes out of the tv to seduce the brother. But one thing I don't recall ever seeing before is a zombie attack from inside a washing machine.

Forbidden World (1982)

aka Mutant

A group of scientists on a space station have genetically engineered a new life form which has gotten out of control - don't they always? Shortly after the space marshall arrives to help with the problem, the creature attacks a crew member.

With the alien like menace loose on the ship, the group must try to protect themselves and conquer the roaming killer mutant. In typical scifi fashion the leader wants to protect the mutant in order to study it further, which is always a big mistake. Those who survive the mutant attack start mutating themselves and then the big secret of how the original mutant came to be is revealed. Gasp!

In the midst of this madness, two young women take the time to shower together and decide to communicate with the creature. Yes, it's always a good idea to try to talk to the killer mystery creature. Oddly enough the creature is able to communicate via their computer and things work out well and everyone lives happily ever after. Not really, it pretty much goes as expected.

The 1980's Buck Roger type special effects are enjoyable in their primitiveness. And as an extra bonus, the walls are made of spray painted take out containers. Way to build a set on the cheap!

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Frank Castle aka the Punisher goes after the mob and wipes out all but one guy who is disfigured. He reinvents himself under the name Jigsaw, which describes his face. Basically it's Punisher vs. Jigsaw and his gang, and a side story about the widow and child of an undercover agent the Punisher killed thinking he was in the mob. There's lots of guns and killing, but what else do you want from this type of film?

I really wasn't interested in watching this, but the lighting in some of the scenes is absolutely beautiful. The film is very visually appealing, though the story is average.

Blood Moon Rising (2009)

A hippie girl and a soda jerk team up to fight zombies and a female werewolf cursed by Satan's daughter. A film crew goes to a ghost town and runs into real zombies, plus the afore mentioned participants. Yes, I know the movie is done in grindhouse style. Yes, I get that things are purposely done badly in it. Yes, I realize that it's low budget. But the problem is that you can do all that and have something interesting or funny when you finish. This just isn't one of those films. It's not that it doesn't have it's moments, but overall I was disappointed.

Popcorn (1991)

When a college film class decides to put on a film festival complete with 1950s style gimmicks, they stumble across an old film thought to be lost forever. The film was made by Lanyard Gates, a crazy cult leader who filmed himself killing his family in a theater.

Maggie freaks out because she has been having nightmares in which a creepy guy with a beard tries to kill her and the film is the same as her dreams. This leads her to believe she is actually Gates' daughter Sara.

When the film festival opens, Maggie thinks she sees Gates, but no one else sees him. Soon a killer is in the theater dispatching those involved with the film festival. Is it Lanyard Gates as Maggie thinks, or is it someone else? Whoever it is, they are adept at making masks of other peoples faces and they plan to kill Maggie onstage in front of the audience, who think it's another gimmick.

Sea Beast (2008)

After a few townsfolk are found dead near the water, Captain McKenna reveals that he saw a creature kill his crewman. After the laughter has died down, the town drunk backs him up since his own experience with the creature has driven him to drink. No one believes them.

Soon the invisible toxin spitting creature, which will remind you of the Predator, is killing on land as well as the ocean. It also has baby creatures who are attacking McKenna's cabin on a remote island with no cell phone reception, where McKenna's daughter and her friends have snuck off for the weekend.

The monsters are cgi and it shows. Watch for the dead guy who blinks in the really long shot with the dead guy in the cage on the dock.

Island of the Fishmen (1979)

A group of prisoners shipwreck on a remote island which they believe to be deserted. Soon they discover the large home of Edward Rackham, who lives with Professor Marvin and his daughter.

Rackham has convinced Marvin to perform experiments on the local natives which turn them into something like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. While Marvin believes he is doing this in the interest of science, Rackham is using the creatures to remove all the gold from the lost city of Atlantis.

Barbara Bach plays Marvin's daughter who has a psychic link to the Fishmen. She is able to romp all over the island, even taking a midnight swim in her nightgown, without fear of being killed by the fishmen. Others are not so lucky as they are either killed or turned into the dreaded fishmen themselves.

The film is not very exciting, but not a bad way to pass a hour or so. My favorite nonsensical moment is when Rackham claims he has learned to communicate with the fishmen. In response to an inquiry as to how, he says he gives them a potion and they do what he says. Uhhh yeah, I don't think that really qualifies as communication, bud.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

A group of college students head out in search of a legendary horror film that vanished years ago along with it's director. Tyler is obsessed with tracking down the scariest film ever made called The Hills Run Red. It's about a serial killer wearing a babydoll face.

The directors daughter Alexa appeared in the film as a young child. Tyler's research leads him to discover that Alexa is now working at a nearby strip club. After helping her kick her drug habit by holing up in a hotel room for a few days, Tyler, his girlfriend, best friend and Alexa head into the woods where the movie was filmed. Alexa has promised to lead Tyler to her father's home in the middle of the woods as she thinks there might be a print of the movie there.

Soon the group is attacked by local rednecks and shortly afterwards discover that the Babyface killer and Alexa's father are still around. The ending is typical and even after the characters are told the basics of what is going on, they still can't put it together.

Xanadu (1980)

This movie came on the heels of Olivia Newton-John's successful role in Grease. I'm sure they figured they had another hit on their hands, but the movie was a flop. On the other hand, the sountrack is filled with hits that anyone will remember if they listened to the radio in 1980. I was surprised at how many songs I knew.

Danny, an old man (Gene Kelly), meets a young man named Sonny (Micheal Beck) on the street, and invites him back to his place to listen to big band music and share his dreams. Sounds creepy, but it's all quite innocent.

Kira (Olivia Newton-John) is one of the Greek muses who inhabit a painting on a wall in the alley. At random moments the muses come to life, roller skate around, and inspire men to achieve their dreams. During WWII, Kira inspired Danny and now she's back to inspire Sonny, whose dream is to make an old warehouse into the most happening roller disco ever! Lots of singing, roller skating, and the mystery of Kira loosely tie together this paper thin story. It's horrible but kind of fun.

Amityville 3D (1983)

Reporter John Baxter works for a magazine that debunks charlatans with claims of supernatural events. He and his photographer unmask a group who holds phony seances in the Amityville house. Then John decides to buy the home since it's such a bargain.

Once his ex-wife discovers the history of the house, she forbids their daughter to go there. Of course, the daughter and her friends head out to the house where they hold a seance to see if the place is really haunted. The ouija board goes crazy and tragedy ensues when the kids head out onto the lake for a boat ride. Baxter still has no faith in the supernatural even though his wife is acting kooky and the kids are spooked.

The movie ends with a battle against the demon who lives in the water tunnel to hell in the basement. This was made in 3D, although I did not watch it in 3D. But there are things flying at the screen throughout the film - insects, microphones, frisbees, glass, ice, a pole, and a swordfish on the wall, just to name some of the stuff that gets tossed the viewers way.

Silent Scream (1980)

A transfer student at the local college finds all the dorms are taken and rents a room in a creepy old house on a cliff where a face stares down at her through the vent in her ceiling. The house is occupied by three other college students renting rooms and the family that owns the house. The mother stays up in the attic, the high school age son is in charge of renting rooms, and there are secret passageways in the house.

The first night the students go out for dinner and one ends up dead on the beach. As the police try to solve the murder, there is another murder at the house. It's fairly easy to predict what is going on.

Rampage (2009)

The description of this movie was a futile life inspires a guy to make a bulletproof suit and attempt a record breaking killing spree. So we figured that it was someone who had given up on the world after failing to find satisfaction in his daily life. Definitely something many people in the workforce can relate to as often when you get older you end up wondering why life didn't work out as you planned.

However this story is about a 23 year old lazy ass loser who lives with his parents and is mad because they want him to move out. He's an idiot who has never tried to be successful and feels like the world owes him everything. The movie is super boring, the pseudo indie camera work is annoying, and we hated the protagonist. Consequently after twenty minutes, we couldn't take it anymore. Seriously, look at the crap we've watched but we couldn't get through this one.

The Burrowers (2008)

A search party sets out with some soldiers to find a family believed to have been kidnapped by Indians. The soldiers are lead by a jerk who tortures an Indian captive to try to find the whereabouts of the missing family. When the Indian tells them they will be victims of the Burrowers, the Army man says he's talking nonsense and admonishes everyone else to not touch his Indian.

After objecting to the torture, the civilians head off on their own as they believe it was someone or something other than Indians that took the family. Soon the group stumbles on the Burrowers and must try to work together with the Indians to survive. The Burrowers aren't seen very often, but they are kind of creepy.

iMurders (2008)

Sandra moves into a new apartment, bonds with her landlady and immediately sets up her computer so she can get into a chatroom on Facespace (good god). Sandra and the other people in the private chatroom are way too obsessed with their daily chats, especially since they don't seem to chat about anything.

A member of the chat room who works in the film industry is holding a contest in which the winner will get a piece of movie memorabilia. Each day as people drop from the chatroom, the assumption is that they have used one of the banned words and been eliminated from the contest. However they actually have been murdered.

Halfway through the film, a couple of detectives show up to try to figure out who is killing the people from the chatroom. Lots of things don't make sense, there's a twist ending that isn't all the tricky and most of the characters are annoying so you won't care when they die.

Scarecrows (1988)

A group robs a military base, kidnap a pilot and his daughter, and force them to fly to Mexico. On the way, one man decides to double cross the others, grabs the money, and parachutes out of the plane. The remaining men land the plane in a field near an old cemetery, a field filled with scarecrows and an abandoned house.

The scarecrows are creepy but aren't in it that much. The movie takes place at night, which makes it creepier as the thought of scarecrows rustling through the field or the cemetery is certainly spooky. There isn't much of a plot except for the scarecrows killing people and taking various body parts.

Open Graves (2009)

Jason, a surfer on vacation overseas, is given a cursed board game by a creepy shopkeeper. The game is called Mamba and it was made from the bones of a witch during the Spanish Inquisition.

Jason and his friends decide to play the game. Players are eliminated by drawing a card with an epitaph. When a friend goes out to make a beer run, he dies the same way as the epitaph on the card he drew.

Jason and Erica, a girl he just met, are the only ones who didn't finish playing the game. They figure out the game is evil. Jason decides to keep playing the game as whoever wins the game can have one wish. That's great except that if you lose, you die. But Jason is a noble lad and he wants to wish that this whole thing had never happened. Good luck with that! You just know it won't turn out the way he wants even if he can beat the cursed game.

Train (2008)

While competing in Russia, a group of college wrestlers sneaks out of the hotel to a party and end up missing their train. Their Coach can not make the non-English speaking small town ticket seller understand him. But a stranger suggests they board the train she is taking as they can pay on the train rather than buying tickets.

The staff on the train are creepy and insist that the group hand over their passports for safe keeping since valuables left in the rooms will probably get stolen. Really? Are you seriously going to give your passports to the inbred hillbilly's in the middle of Russia on a mystery train? Yes, well I don't see why that would be a problem, but then again I'm completely insane.

As the wrestlers and coaches start to disappear from the train, the remaining few search the cars and find a secret laboratory where bodies are being cut up. You'll keep waiting for the wrestlers to put up a fight and try to protect themselves from what is about to happen, but they don't. They may as well have been the math team.

House of Fears (2007)

A group of teens head into the local haunted house attraction before it's grand opening. The house has nine themes all based on common fears, although they are not all ones that you would expect. The bad news for the kids is that an evil statue has released supernatural powers that animate the dummies inside the attraction. Each kids deepest fear coincidentally happens to be one of the themes used, and their fear tries to kill them.

The plot is cliche and I didn't expect much, but it was actually okay. The sets seem to have been done by people who have knowledge of real attractions and their secret passageways.

The Prowler (1981)

A GI serving in World War II gets a Dear John letter from his girlfriend back home. When there is a graduation dance later that year, the girl and her date are murdered by a man dressed as a GI. Thirty years later, there is another graduation dance and the killer GI is back.

This is a typical early 80s slasher flick except for the amazing special effects by Tom Savini. Supposedly Savini thinks this is some of his best work.

We were trying to figure out if the band in the film was real or just actors put together to play the part of a band. Turns out they were a real band called Nowherefast.

Holla (2006)

Monica is a tv star who decides to get away from the pressure of fame by heading off on a camping and rock climbing trip with a group of friends. When they stop at a cabin for the night, the group runs into a killer who starts picking them off one by one.

Not much else to say about this one. There's nothing new about the plot or the characters, and there isn't any tension. One question though - how big is that cabin? They keep losing each other while running around inside, but it doesn't look that big.

Dark and Stormy Night (2009)

Reporters vying for a story attend the reading of a will at an isolated mansion on a dark and stormy night. After family members and strangers arrive, the bridge goes out, trapping everyone for the evening and that's when the murders begin.

Larry Blamire's satire of 1940s era murder mysteries hits the mark with some very funny scenes and a cameo by the legendary Bob Burns dressed as a gorilla! The film captures the rapid fire patter of old films, plus the stereotypical characters, such as the sniveling rich guy and the jungle guide.

One of my favorite scenes is when the Phantom gets his robe caught in the door of the secret passage in the bookcase. It's so ridiculous.

Hammerhead (2005)

Dr. King, a scientist shunned due to his crazy ideas, invites his former colleagues to a remote uncharted island to show them his latest scientific breakthrough that he claims will make them a fortune. Turns out he's been doing stem cell research and found a way to turn his cancer stricken son into a half man/half shark. Needless to say the group are horrified at this nasty turn of events, but the worst is yet to come.

The good doctor's plan is to pay them back for calling him crazy. So he locks them in a room and opens the flood gates to allow his shark son to swim in and eat them all. Nope, nothing crazy about that.

The majority of the group manage to escape this fate and then start trying to figure out how to get off the island. Arguing ensues and the group splits up, each with their own plan to get away. Features Tylo Hunter, "I'm just a biologist but..." Just a biologist, indeed.

Evil's City (2005)

Competing college tv reporters Courtney and Amber try to locate the ghost town of Ancheron. Legend has it that the town's sin was so great that heaven and hell intervened and the inhabitants died. Courtney and Amber each want to be the first to solve the mystery of what really happened.

Amber's friends steal Courtney's map/photos/research and determine exactly where the town is located. This begs the question, why is Courtney driving around asking people in the area if anyone has heard of Acheron. Why not try the spot that you mapped out, which as it turns out is exactly where Acheron is located.

Instead Courtney antagonizes the locals to the point that they beat up her cameraman, Todd. Then she happens upon the mysterious man in black who can show them where Acheron is, and says he will show it to them as a warning. Oh yes, this will be a warning well heeded indeed.

Once each group finds the town the film takes on a cross processed faded 1970s look to it. Amber and her friends spend the night in town in one of the houses. The next thing you know it is daylight. This means Courtney and Todd spent all night standing in the woods looking at the mist covered valley where Acheron is located.

Everyone in town died on the same day. So each team (who is unaware that the other is in town) tries to figure out what happened. Amber looks around one of the buildings and reports that no one will ever knows what happened because the records have disappeared. Courtney proves herself smarter, as well as a better reporter, by actually searching the building that houses public records. She and Todd find notes and records on the causes of the deaths giving her a huge advantage in her story. Then the army shows up.

Turns out Acheron is on government property and the Army found one of the reporters cars. So they went searching for the trespassers. Too bad because they are going to run into the same problems that the college kids are going to find - bad demon demon makeup and cgi. Yes, it's a low budget film, but that doesn't mean it has to look this bad.

After some Army deaths and running around by our reporters, there is lots of exposition from a survivor who lives in town, (he was away when everyone died). Later a priest offers more exposition to move us towards the end of the film.

While this is not a good film, it's not as bad as I'd heard. Sure it's ridiculous, the acting is not very good, the script requires exposition, and the film starts out with a cliche with a bible verse on the screen but.... well, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen. I might have been more disappointed if I hadn't read how bad it was before viewing it. I was expecting something much worse.

That being said there are several more things I'd like to mention:

1. The film believes in constant little camera movements which can be very annoying. It also seems to have needle drop music, which can be cool if it's purposely used for an effect, but that wasn't the case here.
2. The town is right where legend says it is, so why hasn't anyone ever found it?
3. The Army guy who looks for the circuit breaker heads down in daylight but doesn't find it until it is dark out.
4. Why would a legendary town that no one can locate still have electricity?
5. If you're in an abandoned ghost town and two mysterious girls in lingerie show up in the middle of the night, why wouldn't Army personnel be suspicious?
6. Amber hears a little girl laughing and heads off to find her. It's daytime. She is still wandering around at 1am - WTF?!

Also the film includes this classic dialogue:

Girl in Dorm: Any word on the bitch?

Todd: Wanna ease up? She's in the hospital.

Girl in Dorm: Gee talk about irony.

Huh?

Mirror Mirror II: Raven Dance (1994)

Seventeen years after an evil mirror wreaks havoc at an orphanage and causes a nun to go blind, a rock band discovers it in a closet as they are setting up for their gig. Why are they playing a gig at an orphanage when all the orphans have been sent away to summer camp except for the two new arrivals? No idea, but shortly after finding the mirror, the band starts playing and is turned into charcoal briquettes.

The new orphans are brother and sister. I can't remember the brothers name, which is ok because he was an atrocious actor and mumbled as if he were mentally challenged.

Marlee inherited the bulk of her father's estate, which is a problem for her extremely older half sister. The elder sister, with the help of a doctor, plans to have Marlee declared incompetent so she can have the money.

But Marlee loves to dance and has a cat named Piewhackit. It's name will drive you crazy since she'll say it about a hundred times over the course of the movie. Marlee's eyesight starts to go, but she must dance! When Marlee is sentenced to bed rest for two weeks after spraining her ankle, she gets overly upset and declares that she must dance! Geez kid, let it heal. It's only a sprain. It's not that important and you're not that good a dancer.

For most of the movie there is bad dancing, blind nuns who go unheeded, a pervert in the basement, a former orphan who may or may not be a ghost or in league with the mirror, the money hungry half sister, and of course the evil mirror. It all works out in the end... sort of... I guess. No, I'm lying. The ending will make you frustrated and you won't believe they resorted to that type of crap ending. You'll also wish Roddy McDowell had had something else to do the day they asked him if he'd be interested in being in the movie. Poor Roddy, he deserved better.

Mega Piranha (2010)

Wow, what can I say? It was awesome, ridiculous, and tremendously entertaining. The Mega franchise has another winner complete with former pop singers and tv stars (Tiffany and Barry Williams). Tiffany stars as a scientist who accidentally invents a violent strain of piranha that can't be controlled. When these beasties end up in the local river, they eat a congressman and a tour boat. Mercy!

The military are called in to stop this watery menace, and by military I mean one special ops guy named Jason. Jason is met at the airport by Tiffany with a piece of wood from the sunken boat which is supposed to prove that it's demise was due to the piranha, not an explosion as the authorities have stated.

With Jason and Tiffany hot on the trail of the piranha, things get crazier as it is discovered that the piranha double in size every 36 hours. Soon piranha the size of school buses are flying down the streets and diving through buildings. The cgi is pretty lame, but in this case it made the movie funnier.

The ending is along the lines of Megashark vs Giant Octopus where there is no good reason for it to resolve and you'll wonder how they succeeded. But that's okay, because I can still hang onto the vision of Jason lying on his back on the beach, moving his legs like he's riding an invisible bike and kicking piranha out of the air one after another. Ridiculous!!

Bloodrayne (2005)

Rayne is a half vampire/half human who is part of a carnival freak show until she escapes and murders her captors. She convinces a group of vampire hunters to let them join her by revealing that vampire villain Kagan killed her mother.

The acting is not the best. Michael Madsen's halting line delivery makes it seem as if he's channeling Shatner and Michael Pare's brief role is awkward to say the least. It's almost like someone slapped a bad wig and bad mustache on his head and pushed him out onto the set.

There was some decent blood spatter and some of the sword fighting was okay as were some of the effects. But after Rayne bites someone she just sits there with her mouth hanging open as wide as possible. It looks ridiculous. I'm not sure what you'd call it, but it's not acting

Warlock (1989)

A warlock travels through time from 1600s Boston to 1980s Los Angeles, followed by witch hunter Gyles Redfern. Gyles joins forces with a girl that the warlock put a hex on. They race to track down the warlock before he can find the pages of the Grand Grimoire which will unlock powers that will spell the end of the world. It's entertaining and fun, although the effects of the warlock flying are laughable.