Amityville Clownhouse (2017)

 

Oh no, not again. Another second hand store with the Amityville monkey for sale. When a couple buys the monkey, they  immediately start hearing noises and crashing sounds in their house. The husband says it must be rats but never goes to check out what made the sounds or if something has fallen over in another room. Yes, rats it is. Weirdo.

The husband becomes possessed, like they do in Amityville movies, while the wife insists the noises in the house isn’t rats. This doesn’t sit well with her husband since he’s the man with the monkey and she needs to buy this rat story.

This movie is dreadful. While the acting is subpar, it’s genius compared to the sound.  Often the background music drowns out the dialogue, which could be considered a blessing based on the dialogue we can hear.  But you will find yourself watching a scene waiting for someone to talk and then realize they’re already talking.

There is also a lot of padding in the film. We have six minutes of the wife walking to the park, finding a place to sit and drawing. What is the point? There isn’t any, other than to add time to the film.  Plus near the end we have ten minutes of footage from Amityville Toybox to provide backstory on why the monkey is evil.

The characters aren’t likable and there is a priest with an anger issue. He starts shouting during a news cast because no one is taking his possession story seriously and storms out of the studio.  The most professional part of their movie is the short breaking news segment which could actually pass for a newscast - other than when they cut to reporters in the field and then it’s back to the same amateur style as the rest of the video.

Also there are stories from the newspaper. I’m not sure if they are real headlines, but it looks like real news stories in which they’ve photoshopped in bite sized references to the monkey, such as “was toy monkey to blame”, or “evil monkey.”

Lastly if you are expecting a clown, you will be sorely disappointed.  The only reference to a clown is at the beginning and has nothing to do with the rest of the movie.  A man kills his entire family while dressed as a clown.  Some idiots break into his house to steal the clown painting on the wall because they can get big bucks for it on the dark web since it was at the scene of the murder.  Something supernatural kills them. Their character and the clown painting are never mentioned again. Clownhouse indeed!

Ridiculous dialogue:

It’s not the rats. Rats don’t slam doors.