Tuesday, January 26, 2021

D-Railed (2018)


Hey everybody, it’s a murder mystery train! A group of annoying people board the train and are stuffed into what appears to be the dining car where they meet the cast.  The cast seems larger than the paying customers, so I’m not sure how profitable this venture is going to be.

We’re introduced to some of the characters, including Eugene and Evelyn.  Eugene is a make up salesman who keeps insulting women and has no clue why he is off putting. As for Evelyn, perhaps she’s supposed to be heroic and a woman who doesn’t put up with any nonsense. However she comes off as aggressive and obnoxious.  There’s no one particularly likable on the train except for a young girl, who will become very annoying due to her incessant crying when trouble begins.

The host of the murder mystery barely has time to introduce himself before the murderer strikes.  People think it’s part of the play, but there’s a robbery going down and for whatever reason the robbers decided murder was on the table. When the robbery doesn’t go as expected, the conductor realizes the train isn’t going to make the curve.  Everyone runs for the back of the train base on his advise.  

After the train plunges off the tracks, the survivors find that the car is in the water. That’s good news since it helped them survive. But it’s bad news since there is something in the water that wants to kill them.  However it’s taking it’s sweet time about it since people go swimming out into the water multiple times before anything happens.

If only we cared even a bit about these people or what is going on.  Another movie with no one to root for and no real payoff. There is a funny line at the beginning where one of the passengers remarks, “it says right here this train was built in the 1900s.”  Okay that’s a 99 year stretch and may not be that impressive, depending on when you’re saying it.

Cringeworthy dialogue:

Little girl - I don’t know what I saw but something took him
Hysterical woman - What are you saying? Are you saying something took him?

Person 1 - They were unaccounted for.
Person 2 - Unaccounted?
Person 1 - Never found

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