A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)

A year ago Jesse’s dad Bob disappeared in a shooting at a movie theater.  His mom Abby says dad is never coming back, but ten year old Jesse believes if he completes tasks on the twelve days of Christmas dad will come home. The tasks vary from reciting the presidents in order to being a self taught black belt. 

When Jesse starts having nightmares, his Mom tracks down Elizabeth,  a law professor who used to be a psychic. Abby got a reading on her sixteenth birthday that she’d have one child and her husband would go on a trip that was very concerning. She wants to know if her husband is dead or alive.

Elizabeth isn’t happy that Abby found her since she left her psychic past behind. Apparently being in marketing makes Abby very resourceful, although they never explain how. Elizabeth has no interest in talking to Abby, although over the course of the film, she has many visions and they become friends.  Abby continues to try to figure out if Bob is alive, Elizabeth has some monologues, and Jesse takes a vow of silence so he can complete his black belt in five days.  What the hell.

This movie is bizarre. The shooting in the theater was done by a clown.  The theater owner had just gifted the theater to his daughter as a birthday gift.  Even though his dad disappeared and Abby says he’s dead,  Jesse hasn’t had any grief counseling to process this trauma. Also how clueless is Abby that she has no idea Bob volunteers to feed the homeless, teaches women self defense, and has a black belt.  These are things that would take up quite a bit of time. 

At the end of the film, we’re left with more questions than answers.  If his body was never found, why does Abby think Bob is dead? Did they ever catch the shooter? Does Abby not understand if a President is impeached, he was still a President? Why is Jesse’s sensei okay with him doing a self study black belt? How does a kid with beginner karate skills master it in five days? Why does he need to take a vow of silence until he gets his belt? And if it’s self study, does that mean he decides if he gets the belt?  What connection does Jesse have with the theater owner? Why is the owner entertaining a philosophical conversation with a precocious ten year old boy? How dirty is the diner that they didn’t find Bob’s phone for a year? How did the phone ring after all that time? Did the diner owner charge it?  Why does Abby needs support when Jesse gets his black belt? What other secrets is Bob keeping from Abby since she doesn’t know about huge portions of his life? And most importantly, where was Bob all year? What happened to him? How did he escape and from where?   

Cringeworthy dialogue

I’m not a psychologist but I do know peoples minds to get the results I do.

I need you to tell me whether my husband is dead or alive.

Babysitter - I never should have said anything [about getting grief counseling for Jesse].

Abby - No, no you’re not the first one. 

Apple sauce is amazing these days. It’s the new jello.

Would you be able to come by tomorrow afternoon? When Jesse’s scheduled to get his self dealt black belt? I could use all the support I can with that.

Jesse - Dad! Dad! You came home!

Dad -  I did! I escaped!

Abby and her range of emotion

The clown who shot up the theater

Jesse’s 12 days of Christmas check list, which is mostly
 teach self to be a Karate black belt

Our karate master punching the couch. Also there is a
lone red croc in the shot that matches his gi

More newspapers printed on 8.5x11 paper

Giving the homeless a pile of lettuce. The first serving of the
night and she’s already given out half the lettuce.

Martin Kove slumming it in another karate kid movie