Krampus: The Return (2022)

Aka Return of Krampus

Lisa wakes up on Christmas to the news her brother has killed himself.  They’d spoken the night before when he’d asked her to come over. It was the twentieth anniversary of their parents death and he believed the thing that killed their parents was coming back for him.  Lisa thought he was nuts and told him she already had plans with her boyfriend Ross.

Lisa, her boyfriend and her friends drive out to the family house, but she isn’t sure how to get there. Once in town, she realizes she’s lost the address.  Thankfully there’s a local prostitute wandering down the rural dirt road and they ask her for directions. Can this small  community really support her business?

The dynamics in the group are odd.  You’d expect everyone to be comforting Lisa since her brother died. But Lisa is comforting Paula because she’s taking it so hard.  Ross is preoccupied with Nikki, who he’s cheating with, and Nikki is positively cheery, other than when she blames Lisa for ruining Christmas. Jane doesn’t say much, but tells Ross and Nikki she won’t tell Lisa about seeing the together because Lisa is going through enough right now.

As if the interpersonal weirdness isn’t enough, Harold wasn’t insane. Lisa thinks she’s seeing things when Krampus shows up but then it chases everyone around the house.  There aren’t many characters you’ll root for to survive.

This is a movie with multiple actresses who can’t fake cry. There is a scene where the crying character cuts to a laughing character. Both sound the same and neither are convincing. Also the ending is bizarre in their attempt to cover up what happened. Surely someone will figure it out, like when the house is sold. 

Ridiculous dialogue 

I just think it’s such a shame. You know, you put so much effort into Christmas and it’s all ruined now.

I don’t know what planet you’d been living on. Planet ignorance it sounds like.

Nikki - You’re unusually chirpy today.

Ross - I figured you know what, with everything going on, I figured I needed to be able to enjoy myself and I deserved some joy this year.

Nikki - You see if you were with me you wouldn’t need to deal with this drama.

Ross - You don’t know the half of it.

If she’s comfortable keeping secrets from me then I shouldn’t feel bad keeping secrets from her.

Jane, we feel awful about this, but please don’t go and tell Lisa right now. I don’t want to have to deal with this on top of everything else.

The single sided newspaper article on 8.5x11paper

It’s never good when another woman presses up
against your boyfriend.

It’s that’s pesky scamp Krampus

The headline has nothing to do with the article 

Do prostitutes normally hang out in small towns?  
Also he picks her up in the day…

…and arrives at his destination after dark.