Halloween Party (2019)

 

An interactive meme is popping up on people’s computers and asking them to enter their biggest fear.  As the clock counts down, it informs them that if they don’t enter answer or they lie, then their biggest fear will come for them.  Grace is freaked out and types in her fear, while Zoe doesn’t take it seriously - because let’s face it, why would you - and lies.  The next day she is killed by her greatest fear.

Grace contacts the polic but why would they ever believe she was killed by a meme? So she enlists resident nerd and computer expert Spencer to help her investigate.  The two actually have more in common than at first glance since pretty Grace was nerdy in high school.

They discover Zoe’s dorm used to be a hospital for deformed children and the doctors who ran it still live nearby.  Doctors? Hospitals? Deformed children? This doesn’t bode well for anyone.

The movie is well done but there’s nothing particularly scary about it. 

The Whispering Man (2019)

 

Mark and his brother Tommy go to clean out their grandmothers home. Actually they’re just going to take anything valuable and leave the rest for whoever buys the house to sort through. Is that normal in Hungary or are they jerks?

Mark’s focus in the house is finding the painting called The Whispering Man. The painting has been in the family for decades but his grandmother hid it in the attic because she thought it was cursed. Mark points out the nail in the wall where the painting used to hang, leaving me to wonder why anyone would hang a cursed painting on their wall.

After bringing the painting home, Mark begins having nightmares and strange things happen. He has dreams of an abandoned asylum, which he tells his girlfriend he doesn’t recognize. However he tells the camera he knows exactly where it is. Oh yes, because Mark has a YouTube channel called Chasing Fear in which he does videos about the paranormal.  So we’re going to see everything that happens because he’ll film it all.

The film was made in Hungary and the actors speak English. It might have been better for them to speak their first language since the acting is often stilted. However they’ll get a wider audience by using English since some people won’t watch subtitled movies.  It’s ok but there isn’t anything new here. There is nothing in the movie that resembles the weirdo on the cover.

At one point Mark’s brother Tommy walk in and says “Oh hi Mark” and all I could think of was Tommy Wiseau’s The Room.  Not sure if it was just an inside joke defending the film or a normal greeting.

Catskill Park (2018)

Tommy has an idea for a new reality show. The pitch is one man and one camera alone in the woods.  He takes his new camera and his girlfriend Monica to meet up with his friend Ex and his date Sam to go camping.  Not exactly what he’s trying to pitch but okay.

Tommy keeps his camera running at all times because he’s one of those guys.  His footage consists of Sam and Ex fighting, and all of them sitting around a campfire.  Fascinating.

In the middle of the night there is noise and they find Sam inexplicably hanging in the air. When a bright light zooms off, the two guys prove to be total tools as they run into the woods with the camera leaving both the girls behind. 

The guys meet up with a policeman and a motorist who they follow into the woods to search for the source of the light.  They want to be quiet but don’t seem to realize that means they need to shut up.  The lesson here is if you think you see a spaceship, don’t try to find it because aliens aren’t going to say hello. They’re going to murder you.

After finding the light, all hell breaks loose.  Tommy finds his way back to camp.  He tells his girlfriend he’s going to continue to film because it’s the only evidence something really happened. However the camera is pointed directly at Tommy the whole time.  So if there’s something going on in the woods, we won’t see it unless it specifically happens to Tommy.  

This movie has an arc of being annoying, then getting interesting when they find a cabin, then getting annoying again.  None of the characters are particularly endearing so you don’t care when things go wrong.

One of the things that makes them unlikable is they relate to each other so disingenuously.  When the movie started, I thought maybe Tommy had an affected speech pattern because he was at work.   Maybe he uses this superficial style of talking in the office.  But when it’s just him and his girlfriend, they’re both using the same type of voice.  It’s that fake type of talking people do when they’re relating to the camera and their potential audience rather then genuinely being themselves. I don’t care for it. Nope.

Quote of the day

Just because you get your own camera doesn’t make you a filmmaker.

Alpine Lake (2020)

A group of college friends rent a cabin for the weekend. Kat is a boxer, Monica is going to med school, Jim used to date Monica, Travis is a snob who is constantly putting everyone down, and Amanda is in an abusive relationship with Travis.  Why would anyone spend time with, let alone date, Travis? 

The group hangs out doing nothing and later that night a bloody girl ends up on their porch and soon after passes away. They assume the creepy caretaker killed her.  Their cell phones are missing, the cabin phone doesn’t work and their car won’t start.  Then the lights go out and people start making stupid decisions, such as going to look for the caretaker.  Dude, if you think a murderer is outside, lock yourself inside, arm yourself, and stick together. 

Travis is the biggest loser. He abuses his girlfriend, insults the others, and thinks the cabin is a dump (it’s gorgeous). When they want to go to the police about the dead girl, he refuses. He thinks the police won’t believe what happened and it will impact his future law degree.

Watching this is like watching someone’s home movies. It’s just a bunch of people in a cabin talking, and not about anything particularly interesting. If you were at this gathering, you would be thinking, what excuse can I come up with so I can leave. So it’s even worse because it’s a movie  where you’re looking at uninteresting people chatter.

Before I viewed this, I watched the trailer.  There isn’t one line of dialogue in it, which was really concerning a far as how bad the acting could be.  When I read reviews, they were all one star so I guess I knew what I was getting into. It’s a rough one to get through though.  The best thing about it is the cover.

There were so many questions about this actions in this movie, but the biggest one is why did the college professor have a full grown baby in a jar on her desk?  Seriously, she’s worried about hiding some red stuff in a jar, but she’s fine with a dead baby on her desk? What the heck.

Cringeworthy dialogue

Hey lady, me and my buddies are going to a cabin. Do you know where that would be?

You’re a good screw....count yourself lucky that I even talk to you. - Travis to his girlfriend

She keeps a full grown baby in a jar on her desk, but
doesn’t want anyone to see what’s in the little jar

Halloween Night (2009)

College janitor Creepy Harold makes a scarecrow in his yard and is then jumped by middle aged bullies.  The bullies call him a loser, which is ironic since middle aged men beating someone up for being weird is the epitome of being a loser.  

The bullies decide to throw a Halloween costume party and invite sorority girls.  One guys says they can have the party at his house because his parents aren’t home. These guys are way too old to be partying with college students or living with their parents.  In fact based on the birth year on the license one of the bullies dropped when he beat up Harold,  the guy is 52 years old. Jesus! Stop beating people up, stop hanging out with college girls, and move out of your parents homes!

The description for the movie said a mistreated student gets revenge at a college party. But the person mistreated is Harold, who is  invited to the party by one of the college girls. What is it with people inviting someone to another persons party? 

Harold rebuilds his scarecrow, brings it to life and invites his straw friend to accompany him to the party.  The college girls exclaim that the party is in full swing when they see the house... .the house that looks like your grandmother decorated it for Halloween. The house where there is no sign that there is a party inside.  The house that is so quiet your could sit on the front porch and read.

There isn’t one likable male character in this film. You’ve got Harold, who’s a damaged individual and then you’ve got the bullies who peaked in high school, if they ever peaked at all. If they were college age, you’d think they were just emotionally immature and maybe they’ll grow up once they get into the real world.  But these guys are way too old to be doing this crap. And while Harold is creepy, so are the bullies, especially when interacting with women. And what is wrong with Trixie that she dated the 52 year old? Yikes!

This is a Polonia Brothers film. If you’ve seen one of their films, you know what you’re getting. If you haven’t seen one of their films, expect something that looks like it was shot by your Uncle, with an equivalent level of acting.  It’s a super low budget movie with amateur effects and is difficult to watch.  You have to give them credit because they are prolific independent movie makers. That pretty much sums up the Polonia films - A for effort and D for execution. Yet I’m kind of fascinated by the movies, even though they are horrible

The guy whose parents will kill him if they find
out he had a party while they were away.

Rise of the Scarecrow (2017)

Officer Brown is the new deputy in town. He used to work in the big city.  We know this because it comes up in almost every scene.  It’s not clear why the sheriff needed a deputy.  The police station is so small that Brown has a desk in the sheriffs office. And while there seems to be an abnormally high death rate in town, the sheriff writes them all off as accidents. 

In a soon to be intersecting story line, three friends go on a road trip to cheer up one whose wife has left him. Loser Carlos says they’re going to have a good time, while simultaneously insulting his friends car, wife and anything else that gets in his eyesight.  Carlos is so endearing that when they stop by a farm stand, he makes fun of the farmers stutter, destroys his stand, steals product, and then goes back to pelt the guy with the produce he stole from him. Good times.

When their car breaks down in the small town, the sheriff advises them to camp in the woods since there are no mechanics open on Sundays. So the three friends tromp into the middle of the woods with nothing but the clothes on their backs.  As they’re thinking this spot on the ground looks good, a stranger pops out from behind a tree and tells them to leave because there are killer scarecrows that stalk the land. Granted it’s not something you’d believe, but one of the guys has already seen a scarecrow and that’s pretty weird.

Legend has it eight years ago some construction workers disappeared  The rumor is the sheriff murdered them and buried them in the woods. Now they rise as scarecrows and walk the land killing tourists. I have no idea why they would want to do that, but okay. Also no one shall ask why construction workers would come back as scarecrows.

Can Brown figure out what’s really going on? Will the remaining two guys ever get their car fixed so they can leave town? And is it wrong that I wholeheartedly hope Carlos gets murdered by a scarecrow or his friends punch him in the throat and leave him by the side of the road? 

This is very low budget filmmaking. It’s like your friends got a camera, made a movie and your friends can’t act.  It appears the on camera mic was used since when characters are far away, you can’t hear them talking.  In multiple scenes in the police department, scripts are seen on the desks.  And continuity is thrown out the window when Brown resigns and leaves his badge on the Sheriffs desk.  Then in the next scene, his badge is back on his shirt.

And if you like movies that hate women, multiple characters abuse their girlfriends and the song over the credits is incredibly misogynistic. Yeah, we get it. She did you wrong and broke your heart.  But there’s a difference between heartbreak and misogyny. You can write a scathing song about your ex without being sexist.

So many questions. Why do the construction workers come back as scarecrows?  Why did the sheriff hire Brown when the only crime that seems to occur in town is the one the sheriff is involved in? How does the Sheriff control the scarecrows? When the guys were told it would take a week to get someone to look at their car, why didn’t they call a friend to come pick them up? How is the domestic abusers wife still alive when he goes into the woods? It looked like he murdered her in an earlier scene. Why are the scarecrows overweight? Were the two people dancing in the background at the camp ground supposed to be in the film or did the director not notice they were there while filming? And most importantly, why would anyone ever be friends with Carlos?

Ridiculous dialogue:

I think I just saw a scarecrow but it walked away. It’s a dude dressed as a scarecrow. Why would someone dress that way? 

There’s a force here and it’s killing anyone who’s stupid enough to be here after dark.

The construction workers came back as scarecrows.

There are bitches everywhere. It’s Massachusetts.

Sorry about that. You know women, Can’t kill em, haha.

If your friend is dead, he’ll be dead when I’m finished reading my paper too.

Office Brown: Right now we have the element of surprise. The sheriff is not expecting us.

Sheriff (when they arrive) “Officer Brown, I’ve been expecting you.”

Afflicted (2013)

 

Derek and Cliff head out on a one year trip around the world. Derek has a potentially life threatening illness so his family is concerned he won’t be able to get medical attention if he should need it.  But he’s tired of playing it safe and wants to enjoy his life, especially since it may not be that long.

The two friends post about their exploits so everyone at home can keep up with their travels.  When they get to Paris, they go to a gig to see their friends play and Derek meets a girl he brings back to their hotel.  

The band and Cliff confirm their tool status when they decide to burst into the room to interrupt Derek with the girl. But instead of finding him in the middle of a dalliance, they find him alone, unconscious and bleeding.  

Once he wakes, Derek refuses to get medical treatment due to his condition. He fears if something is wrong, the hospital won’t let him leave to continue the trip around the world. However from this point on, the trip does not go well. Derek feels ill, and can’t eat or drink anything without vomiting. He starts experiencing other physical affects and they are convinced the woman in Paris is the key to solving his problems.

I was hesitant to watch this since found footage movies tend to be the genre used by idiots who decide owning a camera means they can make a movie. This was a decent film that kept my attention, even though at times I was annoyed at the characters for being stupid. 

Killer Camera Monsters (2020)

 

After Adam’s girlfriend breaks up with him and takes the equipment and clients from their business, Adam looks for a camera so he can try to get some work.  He gets a bargain from a guy in a parking lot selling stuff out of his trunk.  The guy says the one rule for using this camera is always shoot with natural light. Never use artificial light because bad things will happen.

Adam doesn’t take him seriously and his first shoot is his new assistant using studio lighting. Later that night when Adam loads the photos onto his computer, the woman turns into a monster, kills her boyfriend, his roommate and dies as a result of the fight. The woman’s roommate hires a creepy detective to look into who did it after the worst police department in the world give up on the case one day into the investigation. 

Adam does another studio shoot and thinks its a coincidence that two people he’s shot have died. But he realizes it’s something more when during a photo shoot at someone’s home, the man turns into a monster and tries to kill him.  

When he figures out what is going on, he’s upset. But then he realizes this could be a good way to get back at his girlfriend and is excited to own the cursed camera.  

While it’s not great, it did keep my attention enough to watch the whole thing. The monsters are basically the same person with white makeup on their face and that’s that.  They’re not very scary. If you opened the door and your friend was standing there looking like that, you’d simply invite them in. You’d never think, oh my god my friend has turned into a monster!

Ridiculous dialogue

If you need someone to look into it further, I would suggest hiring a private detective. - police in response to roommate asking what they’ll do to solve the murder

My friend was killed and the police say they can’t do anything about it.

Bride of the Scarecrow (2018)

Apparently Wales has a killer scarecrow problem. First Curse of the Scarecrow, and now this? Whatever you do, do not steal in Wales because an angry mob will leave you strung up like a scarecrow and murder you.

Once again we have a story where a man was murdered by a mob for stealing. The twist is his bride was also murdered.  The man now walks the land every twenty years looking like a raggedy scarecrow and searching for his bride to be.  The scarecrow has 48 hours to find his bride and murders anyone else he meets.

Radio host May has ratings so poor her show’s being moved to the 2am time slot.  Shortly after hearing this, she gets news that she's inherited a farm. May is adopted and never knew her real father. She knows nothing about the family, which is unfortunate because the farm has a curse on it. A scarecrow curse.

May immediately quits her job because they don’t respect her talent (such as it is) and she wants to stick it to the man. She’s dreaming of the money she can make by selling the farm and also thinking maybe it would be nice to live there.  She seems to have overlooked that farms cost money to maintain and she no longer has any income. Even if she did sell the farm, it could take awhile especially with the killer scarecrow issue. 

May heads to the farm with her boyfriend and two friends.  When they arrive, May’s told that her grandmother disappeared a year ago and the house has been empty since then.  Yet the house is in order, and the barn is clean and full of animals.  Who’s been caring for them or paying for their upkeep?  

The group starts looking around and exploring the farm. At one point her boyfriend asks May, “what do you want me to do with the boxes?”  Mary replies to unpack the in the kitchen.  What boxes? They didn’t bring anything with them. Why are there boxes? What is going on?  

The first one has scarecrow clippings about the killings. This raises questions about the beginning of the movie where the family living there says they have protected the land and kept the secret. Yet based on this box of clippings, the scarecrow doen’t seem to be a secret at all.

As expected the first night there, the scarecrow shows up and begins attacking people.  May turns out to look just like his murdered bride, which complicates things and results in her boyfriend yelling, “I’m the only one taking this bitch down the aisle.”  Classy indeed. Definitely don’t marry that guy.

The movie prompts two questions. First, if the scarecrow comes back every twenty years, then why does he appear when May and her friends are at the farm? The farm has only been vacant a year which means he appeared the year before. So she should be safe for the next 19 years.

Second , if the only time there is an issue is a 48 hour period every twenty years, is that really a problem?  Couldn’t you just go stay somewhere else for two days? The family who lived there prior to May said as long as they stayed in the house they would be safe, which is another really simple option.

And why don’t the cell phones work, but WiFi does? If they have WiFi, they can use their cells.

Ridiculous dialogue

Realtor - She was your grandmother. Her, her daughter and granddaughter vanished from this property.

May - What do you mean vanished?

Realtor - It’s like they picked up, packed up and vanished never to be seen again. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

Continuity? We Don't Need no Stinking Continuity!

The case of the moving corpse
Death Curse of Tartu (1966)

The mystery of the corpse with the moving eyeballs
Zombie Undead (2010)

The riddle of the perm that grew out in a week
Star Slammer (1986)

The case of the hair that grew in minutes

Mr. Halloween (2006)

The puzzle of the changing hairstyle
Predator Island (2005)

The conundrum of the shorter haircut 
The Varrow Mission (1978)

The mystery of the blind man who was able to point at what he was talking about
Terror House (1998)

Curse of the Scarecrow (2018)

In the 1800s, townsfolk accused a man of stealing, and then tied him to a scarecrow post in a field where he was pecked to death by crows.  Every twenty years, he comes back to seek revenge and mistakes anyone he sees for one of his killers.

Carl and June’s parent were killed by the scarecrow twenty years ago. Carl goes to the farm to make the scarecrow pay, turns his back on a scarecrow and is immediately murdered. Good god man, why would you ever turn your back on a scarecrow when one murdered your parents?

After June gets the news of her brothers death, she heads out to the farm with her best friend. Along for the trip is her psychiatrist who seems to have crossed the line of professionalism and is far too friendly with her.  She helps her pack things in the house and does some shoddy hypnotism on her. The whole thing is odd.

June is uncomfortable with being on the farm since it’s where her  parents were murdered and her brother was recently found dead there. She doesn’t like the scarecrow on the property and there is that pesky legend about scarecrows killing people on the farm.  But her friend and her psychiatrist are not concerned. At least not until they try to cure June by unmasking the scarecrow on the post and find a dead girl.

At this point the characters make a plethora of terrible decisions. Over and over again, they do the worst thing they could possibly do in the situation at hand.When they find the dead girl, they stand there and scream until a scarecrow attacks them.  When they run to the car, they just sit there talking for awhile before driving off.

Instead of getting help, they drive back to the farm. Then they stand outside the back door looking into the dark to see if the scarecrow has caught up with them.  The psychiatrist volunteers to get help. When they say they’ll go with her, she says “stay here where you’re safe.”  Why would you ever think they’re safe? They’re on a farm with a scarecrow that kills people!

The scene with the psychiatrist going to the car is ridiculous. Instead of running to the car with key ready to unlock the door and jump in, she slowly sneaks along the wall and then sneaks over to a group of bushes.  This is the least safe option when trying to avoid a killer.  Then she slowly creeps along the edge of the car and fumbles with her keys.  But the car won’t start. Coincidence or does the scarecrow from the 1800s know how to disable an engine?  Then our incompetent psychiatrist falls out of the car and is unable to get up until the last second when she runs off into the woods. God forbid, she runs to the safety of the house.

With the psychiatrist in danger, the other two inexplicably feel bad for letting her run off on her own. Junes friend decides the best thing to do is go to the barn and grab a gun...the gun that is next to a scarecrow. Things work out about as well as you’d expect. Another person who turns their back on a scarecrow while knowing there is a murderous scarecrow in the vacinity. 

June ends up in the barn as well, where she puts on a flannel shirt, stuffs a little hay in it and holds out her arms, effectively disguising herself as a scarecrow. And when I say effectively, I mean not at all. She looks nothing like a scarecrow. Yet it somehow fools our killer scarecrow who starts trying to figure out what’s going on as he paws her.  June keeps saying, “I’m just like you.”  Really? In what way?  It’s absurd.  

So many questions left unanswered.

1. Why did the crows attack the man on the scarecrow post? A scarecrow is literally put up to scare crows. 
2. Why does everyone who believes there is a killer scarecrow turn their back on a scarecrow?
3. How much is the psychiatrist charging June for this 24 hour a day, multi-day coverage?
4. Even before they believed there was a killer scarecrow, there is a history of murders on the property every twenty years for a 48 hour period. Why would you ever go to the farm during that time period?
5. How can June be there within the 48 hour scarecrow murder time when the scarecrow already killed her brother?
6. Why do they think a gun will be an effective weapon against a dead scarecrow?
7. Why is there a scarecrow in the yard near the house where there is no crops?
8. When June goes to look at the scarecrow, she goes into the corn field. Are there two scarecrows? The other one wasn’t in a corn field.
9. How does June think she is just like the scarecrow?  She wasn’t murdered, pecked to death by crows, or have a burlap sack over her head.

The worst scarecrow ever. He’s standing on a box. He’s not in a field.
He’s only a foot off the ground and appears to be facing a fence.

Death of a Vlogger (2019)

 

Graham is a vlogger who posts prank videos and tries to capitalize on the latest trends hoping to get more hits. When he has eye surgery, he ends up with bandages over both eyes and while live streaming his recovery, things move in his apartment and an apparition is seen.  

The video goes viral and other people become invested in it.  Graham and his friend Erin team up with ghost hunter Steve to do a seance in the apartment. When more activity is seen, people get excited that there is proof of the supernatural. Others appeal to Graham asking for help to contact their recently deceased loved ones.

It is the grief stricken commenters hoping to reunite with loved ones  that brings Alice into the story. She is a paranormal debunker and believes that Grahams footage is fake.  She warns meets with Graham and Steve and warns an internet shaming will be coming to him if he faked the video and it won’t be pretty.  

The difference between this and most found footage films is it’s  presented as a documentary.  Along with the found footage shot by Graham, there are interview segments with Erin, Alice, Steve and Grahams friends.  I almost didn’t watch this movie because I didn’t like the cover. Then when the movie starts it’s one guy with a camera and immediately you think it’s going to be another crappy movie. There were a few really creepy things that happened. But I was bugged that Graham usually didn’t turn on the lights when there were strange sounds in the apartment. Just turn on the freaking lights, man!  Overall, it was ok. It kept my attention but it didn’t leave me wanting to tell other people to see it.

Zombie Spring Break (2016)

Aka Ibiza Undead

Friends Alex, Big Jim, and Az head to an island for spring break.  There is some sort of zombie pandemic going on, but the island is supposed to be zombie free.  An evil dude on a yacht has a nightclub with a zombie in a cage, and is mad at his assistant because there were 200 zombies on a ship that sank off the coast that apparently where for him. Huh? This prompts the question, can zombies swim? 

There is a subplot with Alex’s exgirlfriend coming on the trip since he bought her a ticket before their breakup and he’s hoping they can get back together. Plus his sister and her friend are also there. I have no idea why.

This is hard to watch. As soon as it starts, you know you’re in trouble. It begins with two minutes of padding, complete with a lame song and lame kids in lame bathing suits doing lame dancing on a yacht owned by a cut rate villain.  There’s a lot of filler in this movie where people are dancing or moving around, but add nothing to the story.

Big Jim is one of those guys that is so obnoxious, misogynistic, and such a terrible friend that you wonder why any of the characters would spend time with him.  He screwed up Alex’s relationship with his girlfriend, treats others poorly and doesn’t have any redeeming qualities. Good god man, why would you ever hang out with him? 

Werewolf Island (2020)

 

Aka The Legend of Dog Lady Island

If you like your werewolf movies completely void of werewolves, then this is the movie for you. It isn’t actually Werewolf Island, it’s Dog Lady Island. To make it even less scary, the dog lady is a slow moving, clown white faced ghost you can get away from by walking at a slightly faster than normal pace.

Detective Michael James receives a call from his nephew who trespassed on the island with his girlfriend and got attacked by the dog lady. Mike and his partner head to the scene of the attack but find nothing of significance.

While doing further investigation, the movie veers into story within a story territory when they visit Dan, who opens a scrapbook and tells them the history of Dog Lady Island.  We are treated to a narrative on the Native Americans who cursed the island after the French attacked them and took their land,  some mobsters in the 1920s, and 1970s bikers.

This is a really low budget amateur production based on a local legend.  It’s difficult to get through. The acting is on par with what you’d see in community theater. Based on the line reads, I assumed some of the actors either had never acted before, or were cast because they were friends of the director. Surprisingly  the actors in question actually had other credits on IMDB.  Granted they appear to be local productions, but still amazing considering they deliver their lines with inflections that humans don’t use in conversation.  It would have been more understandable if at the end of the film it was revealed they were aliens trying to pass as humans. It would make no sense within the context of the story, but you’d think ohhhhh so that’s why they were so stilted and awkward when interacting with the others.

The costumes appear to be from a Halloween store rather than clothing truly representing the period in time.  Some of the French soldiers obviously have wigs, which makes it strange that they didn’t provide wigs to all the soldiers. It’s disconcerting to see modern haircuts on 1700s French soldiers, especially when some of the other actors have wigs.  The guy who plays the main soldier also plays the head mobster. Is that why he had a wig? Were we not supposed to notice?

In some of the scenes, the dialogue is in direct conflict with what we are seeing on screen. At the beginning of the movie, Mikes nephew brings his girlfriend into what is supposed to be woods.They stop where he says, “there’s an opening in the trees.” The problem is you can see it’s a mostly  open space with only a few trees.  Also when Mike goes to investigate the attack on the island, the blanket is found right inside the gate. Yet the young couple walked far into the island and had to run away from the dog lady to get back to the gate.  

If you live in the area of Dog Lady Island, maybe you want to see what is being filmed in your neighborhood. Otherwise it probably won’t appeal to anyone other than those involved in the making of the movie.

Ridiculous Dialogue:

Dan: You have an uncanny resemblance to the man in the next story, Alex. He lived on the island in the 70s.

Mike: So what are you saying? I’m related or something?

Jared: Woah woah woah woah woah... you’re creeping me out here. Are you telling me that my partners a ghost?

Note that Dan referred to the Detective as Alex.  According to IMDB, the characters name is Michael James.  However the actors name is Michael James Alexander. 

Stilted Dialogue:

Person 1 - It is my business.

Person 2 - How is that, I might ask?

47 Hours to Live (2019)

 

After moving across the country with her family, Rose meets Cadence on her first day at school and they quickly become friends. It’s hard to know how much time has passed in this movie. I’m not use if they get close very quickly or if it’s been weeks of getting to know each other.  

One night Cadence convinces Rose to play a game she found on a horror website.  The two pass the phone back and forth as they say a line about darkness coming to get them. When the timer goes off, whoever the phone takes a photo of will be dead in 47 hours.  

After Rose starts seeing and hearing strange things, she believes she’s going to die. Cadence gets tired of Rose whining and they play again so the curse can be transferred to Cadence.  Then strange things start happening to her but she refuses to acknowledge it to Rose.

The two girls keep playing the game to pass the curse back and forth as they try to figure out how to get rid of it.  I’m not sure why they wouldn’t want to try to get the cheerleaders to play since they make Cadence’s life a living hell. Rose wouldn’t want to to it, but Cadence seems like she’d be okay with it.

This is pretty average. It’s not something you’ll get excited about, but also not one of those low budget amateur movies that are all over streaming services nowadays.  

One thing that really bugged me was Rose supposedly moved from Bangor, Maine.  They said it several times and kept pronouncing it bang-er.  It’s pronounced bang-gore.   I’m just glad they didn’t say she was from Worcester, Massachusetts because I doubt they’d have even been in the ballpark with that pronunciation. 

Bedeviled (2016)

A group of students receives a text from a recently deceased friend telling them about the Bedeviled app. After the app loads on their phone, Mr. Bedeviled starts talking to them. They aren’t that alarmed at first since Siri can do the same thing, sort of. But when the app knows everything about them, even their secrets, they panic.  

Strange things start happening to them and they discuss what they should do.  Deleting the app doesn’t work and Mr. Bedeviled is getting more aggressive.  It’s like the app is alive and using their worst fears against them. They figure out it’s a gateway for evil. They decided that they need to draw Mr. Bedeviled into the real world in order to vanquish him.

Another movie where cell phones pave the way for evil entering teenagers lives. The characters weren’t horrible, but I didn’t care about them either. I’m not excited in any way about this movie, but it’s not one of those god awful amateur movies either.  

D-Railed (2018)

Hey everybody, it’s a murder mystery train! A group of annoying people board the train and are stuffed into what appears to be the dining car where they meet the cast.  The cast seems larger than the paying customers, so I’m not sure how profitable this venture is going to be.

We’re introduced to some of the characters, including Eugene and Evelyn.  Eugene is a make up salesman who keeps insulting women and has no clue why he is off putting. As for Evelyn, perhaps she’s supposed to be heroic and a woman who doesn’t put up with any nonsense. However she comes off as aggressive and obnoxious.  There’s no one particularly likable on the train except for a young girl, who will become very annoying due to her incessant crying when trouble begins.

The host of the murder mystery barely has time to introduce himself before the murderer strikes.  People think it’s part of the play, but there’s a robbery going down and for whatever reason the robbers decided murder was on the table. When the robbery doesn’t go as expected, the conductor realizes the train isn’t going to make the curve.  Everyone runs for the back of the train base on his advise.  

After the train plunges off the tracks, the survivors find that the car is in the water. That’s good news since it helped them survive. But it’s bad news since there is something in the water that wants to kill them.  However it’s taking it’s sweet time about it since people go swimming out into the water multiple times before anything happens.

If only we cared even a bit about these people or what is going on.  Another movie with no one to root for and no real payoff. There is a funny line at the beginning where one of the passengers remarks, “it says right here this train was built in the 1900s.”  Okay that’s a 99 year stretch and may not be that impressive, depending on when you’re saying it.

Cringeworthy dialogue:

Little girl - I don’t know what I saw but something took him

Hysterical woman - What are you saying? Are you saying something took him?

Person 1 - They were unaccounted for.

Person 2 - Unaccounted?

Person 1 - Never found

Ring Ring (2019)

 

When their telemarketing firm decides to close,Will and some of his coworkers decide they’re going to steal the client list from the bosses computer and open their own business.  When they’re unable to print the list, Will takes photos of the document on the computer screen. So that’s going to be fun to read.

Will isn’t really a drinker, but while at the goodbye party after their last day, Will is convinced to drink.  He ends up inebriated and goes home with a woman he saved from being harassed by another patron.   Unfortunately the next morning, he discovers he’s lost his phone and with it, the client list.

After checking at the bar and with his friends, Will and another coworker decide to find it using a phone tracker. They hire a ride share  to take them to the location of the phone. Then they break into the house where they believe the phone is located. This isn’t going to go well, especially since the person who owns the house sees them enter the home.

The best part of this film is Will gets Scooby Doo’ed when his glasses are knocked off his face and stepped on.  The most aggravating thing was that Will’s friend could have escaped from the predicament they are in, and she blows it.  Just get out of the house!!!  

Skew (2011)

Richard, his girlfriend Ava, buddy Simon and Simon’s new video camera set out on a road trip. Simon decides to film every mundane moment of their trip.  After all, how could he possibly know when something interesting could happen? So yeah, Simon is annoying.

While they start out enjoying the adventure, by the end of the first day, they’ve hit a coyote and are sick of Simons nonstop filming.  When they wake up in the middle of the night, they find police all over the motel because the manager has been killed. Being the annoying guy with the camera, Simon films the police and the body in the office.  

The next morning they consider turning around and going home. But their friend is getting married and they’re in the wedding party, so they press onwards.  But bad luck follows them as they either witness, or are in the area of, multiple deaths in less than a day. 

Simon tells Richard and Ava he’s filmed everyone who’s died and that each person had a smudge on their face. At first he though tit was something on the lens. But now he’s thinking the camera knows the people are going to die.  Richard and Ava don’t believe him and decide this is another thing annoying about Simon. 

Simon proves to be a terrible friend for two reasons. Even though the believes he camera may be responsible for the deaths, he keeps filming Richard and Ava. Also he’s in love with Ava, which is awkward since Richard is his best friend and Simon has a girlfriend.  She was supposed to be on the trip, but bailed because of something that happened, but we aren’t told what it was.

At one point, they are stopped by the police and brought in to the station.  The convenience store they just visited is gone and they were the last ones there.  This was such an irritating scene.  First, if the building is gone, how do the police know they were the last ones there? Second, we know they weren’t the last ones there because someone pulled up as they were leaving. And third, why the hell doesn’t Simon or one of the others mention they have video of them leaving the store? Simon films everything. They have proof it was standing when they drove away, yet they never mention it.

While the film can be slow moving at times - it’s like watching someone’s home movie - and the camera work can be nauseating, overall it’s interesting and I liked it.  It’s hard to figure out what is going on and when the movie was over, I debated what had really happened. It’s not really scary, but there’s a creepiness to it since you’re not sure if the camera is killing people or predicting their deaths.  And good god Simon, just stop filming people!

Shock 'em Dead (1991)

Geeky Martin works in a pizza shop and loves to play guitar.  When he gets a call from a kid offering him an audition with a band who has a showcase the next day, Martin quits his job to go to the audition.  Sadly Martin's guitar playing is just as good as everything else in his life - which is terrible.

After being roundly humiliated by the flouncing lead singer of the Spastic Colons, Martin runs into the local crazy voodoo lady, (who walks as if she's desperately trying to get to a toilet without pooping her pants.) The woman tells him he can have everything he desires, and he says he wants to be the biggest rock star in the world.  Easy, she says, he just needs to sell his soul to Satan.  Martin seems unconcerned about this aspect, although she neglects to mention it involves a stab in the heart.

After a surreal dream in which he wears a stupid hairy mask and meets a demon playing a double neck guitar, Martin wakes up with a big hairdo in a swanky pad with three women who attend to his needs. No one shall ask why Martins chosen path to rock stardom is to audition again for the same band that dissed him and is still practicing in the basement. Perhaps Martin should have aimed higher.

Now calling himself Angel Martin, he manages to take over the band during a showcase by knocking pain in the ass, lead singer Johnny off the stage.  The audience loves it and the record executives want them on the label.  Things are looking up, except that Martin won't be happy unless he gets his bass players fiancé played by Tracy Lords, who is the least sleazy character in the film.

Another unmentioned part of his deal with the devil, is that he can't eat or drink anything because it will kill him.   He can only eat souls.  Not sure why the devil is giving up souls, but there you go. The lesson of this film is never make a deal with the devil because it's a hassle trying to figure out what to do with the dead bodies of your soulless victims.

The Monster Project (2017)

 

After leaving town and ditching his girlfriend, jerk Devon shows up  and starts making fake paranormal videos with his friend Jamal.  They’re making money from views, but Devon thinks they can make more by doing a tv show about monsters.

They put an ad online asking anyone who is a real monster to contact them.  Devon says monsters aren’t real so it’s no big deal to interview these people. However if someone actually thinks they are a monster, they could be dangerous.

Devon will be in front of the camera doing the interviews. His crew is Jamal and his ex girlfriend Murielle who puts her career goals ahead of her rage at being ghosted by Devon. There’s also Brian, a recovering drug addict fresh out of rehab, who is staying with Jamal.

They rent a creepy abandoned building where satanic rituals used to be held, and do the interviews on the night of a lunar eclipse.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  The man who unlocked the building starts yelling for his wife once he gets inside.  No one shall ask why his wife was padlocked inside an abandoned building, or why the characters weren’t concerned about this turn of events.

The monsters show up and unnerve everyone.  When they interview the skinwalker, his voice is disguised and he is in shadow. He doesn’t want anyone to know his identity because he isn’t supposed to talk about being a monster.  The first rule of skinwalkers is don’t talk about skinwalkers.  Yet he tells them he is a policeman on the reservation. I hope they have a large police force or that would narrow down his identify significantly.

As is the case with people who cavalierly talk to self proclaimed monsters during a lunar eclipse in a satanic setting, things go horribly wrong. The monsters are real and soon everyone is running for their lives.

As with most found footage films, the camera work is often nauseating.  The characters aren’t particularly likable so you don’t care about them.  I suppose credit is due for a different set up rather than the typical trope of exploring a haunted location and discovered it’s truly haunted. But then again, they just sort of changed location to subject, as in let’s interview monsters and oh my god they truly are monsters.

Don’t Hang Up (2016)

 

High school students Sam and Brady play phone pranks on unsuspecting people, and by pranks I mean they are cruel and traumatize people.  Ah the good old days when a prank meant jumping out to scare someone, rather than calling someone in the middle of the night while pretending to be a police officer to inform them their spouse died in a car crash.  

Why do douchebags like these guys always think they’re so hilarious. Oh isn’t it funny when we convinced that woman there was an intruder in her house who was after her child. How about the time we sent a pizza to the neighbors and then called the neighbor to say scam artists are posing as pizza delivery drivers to get access to their homes and the guy tried to hit the pizza guy with a bat.  Hilarious prank, dude! Upload the video so other tools can laugh at our antics. Good times, bro. 

It’s another hilarious evening at home until Sam and Brady end up on the phone with someone who is not amused. He tells them they’d better not hang up. Of course, they do what every stupid teen prankster would do and hang up.  

After the phone keeps ringing, they start video and answer so they show their incredible humor. But when he calls them by names, they get nervous.  Their anonymity gone, the two bro’s become contrite.  Not only does he know their names, he knows where they live and the name of Sam’s girlfriend.  In fact he’s ready to pay them back for all the trauma they’ve inflicted on other people in the name of fun.

You don’t have to wait long from the set up for the tables to turn.  These jerks complete lack of empathy makes you root for them to get exactly what they’ve dished out.  The thing that distracts from the revenge is wondering how the other person on the end of the line was able to track them down.  It’s not clear how he would have been able to find them or set up the complex revenge scenario.  If you can stop thinking about that, you’ll be fine with these idiots paying for their sins.

Wolf House (2016)

 A group of people who call themselves friends, but seem to dislike each other, go to a cabin for the weekend. They treat each other poorly, play  mean pranks and you’ll want to punch most of the characters in the face.  When they shoot a large unidentifiable creature, they decide it’s a Bigfoot and bring it back to the cabin.  Chaos ensues as other creatures show up and want their friend back.

At one point in the ruckus, 911 is called and they say two people are dead and something like a bear attacked them.  The 911 operator tells them the line is for emergencies only, and hangs up because they think it’s a prank.  That is one bad operator.  If you don’t believe a creature attacked them, at least take the report of two dead bodies seriously.

One scene that drove me nuts is the guy with the camera hiding in a cabinet trying to be quiet. But he keeps moving the camera all around so he can film out the door.  Seriously, stop freaking moving. How stupid are you? Apparently pretty stupid since he never stops moving which means he’s making noise and boom, creature attack.

This is super low budget and it’s found footage genre, which means the camerawork is nauseating.  There is a reason this has a 2.6 on IMDB. It is almost unwatchable.  It’s one of those movies that will probably only appeal to those who worked on it, or friends of those who worked on it. 

Followed (2018)

 

Social influencer and vlogger Mike posts video online about his adventures at macabre locations.  He convinces his team to go to a hotel where a woman recently disappeared.  Mike is completely fixated on this excursion because a potential sponsor will give him $250,000 if he can get 50,000 new subscribers.

The hotel tells him he can’t film there so he puts micro cameras in hats and clothing.  He checks in and then starts wandering around with a camera. He’s not the subtlest guy. At one point security catches Mike near the basement door, but surprise, the guy is a fan so he lets the trespassing slide.

Mike has a stereotypical online personality and relates only to the camera, not to the people with him.  Their interactions are for Mikes followers and there’s not much going on that is genuine.  

When Mike finds out the woman who disappeared played the elevator game, he decides he’ll play it. The game involves pushing elevator buttons in a specific order and then at the last floor you’ll find someone waiting. When Mike watches the footage of the missing woman shows, he notices she is pushing the buttons in reverse order. He theorizes she was trying to reverse whatever happened when she played the game.  Huge leap in logic, but okay. Maybe the footage is edited backwards or someone gave her the wrong sequence to play the game.

When Mike reaches the last floor and nothing happens, he heads back to the room. But soon he’s seeing things and hearing knocks and strange noises.  At one point a dead girl appears and stupid Mike thinks she’s a fan of the vlog who knew he’d be at the hotel and came to see him. Mike’s not so bright. He just played the game, weird stuff is happening, the last person to play the game disappeared, but sure its some random fan who acts nothing like a fan.

Mike is needy, insecure, and needs validation from faceless followers online.  He’ll manipulate his friends in order to get his money and more followers, not caring how it impacts people in his life.  He insists on filming even when people are breaking down or don’t want to be filmed.  

While with his crew, Mikes’ girlfriend tells him over Skype that she is pregnant.  Would anyone really do that? He’ll be home in two days. You’ve taken this private moment and told him and his friends at the same time. I can see if he was away for a month, but holy cow he’s only been gone a day. Why wouldn’t you wait to share an emotional experience in person?

This was okay for a found footage movie, but nothing innovative. I wish movies filmed from the characters point of view would be filmed without the camera seemingly being held by a chimp. I’m tired of these nausea inducing found footage movies.  There are ways to do it effectively without swinging the camera all around.

Ridiculous yet sadly real dialogue:

My followers are expecting me to go into the basement.

If I don’t have sponsorship, I’ll lose her.

Scarecrows (2017)

 

Four teens borrow a classic convertible, and take a day trip to find a lagoon.  They find the sign for the trail to the lagoon near an abandoned gas station and park between the gas pumps, which is just weird.  Well I guess they don’t cotton to respecting others property because there is a big no trespassing sign on the trail and they blow right by that.  

It’s long walk to the lagoon, such a it is, but soon the two couples are skinny dipping so everyone is happy.  Ely gives his girlfriend Ash a promise ring, even though his friend Farbsie thinks he’s stupid to be tied to one girl while heading to college.  Perhaps someone called  Farbsie shouldn’t be passing judgement on what’s stupid.

After they’re done with the lagoon, Devon refuses to walk back to the car. She demands Farbsie and Ely go get the car and drive it back to pick them up. Yes, because it’s completely reasonable to drive your huge convertible across someone else’s corn field when you’re too lazy to walk.  

When the guys get back to the gas station, they find the car is gone and blame each other. Then the girls show up because it’s taking so long.  They are in the middle of nowhere, there is no cell service, and they don’t know what to do. They notice a farm on the other side of the corn field and head towards it. But that is to be their undoing since there are human scarecrows in the field. You just know if humans are hung on poles in a field, it’s the farm owner putting them up.

There isn’t anything new in this slasher. Kids going where they shouldn’t and getting picked off one by one.  The characters aren’t likable so you’re not worried about them dying.  Ash and Ely aren’t horrible like Devon and Farbsie. But when Ely cheats with Devon shortly after declaring his undying love to Ash, good god, I’m done.  And Devon is a mean girl, She’s self absorbed, manipulative, and obnoxious. If you knew this girl, you’d always be making excuses to get away from her. She’s condescending and pressures people into doing things they don’t want to do. 

Stay Out Stay Alive (2019)

 

A group of friends go camping for the weekend.  When they get to the park, they check in.  The ranger reminds them that the mines are off limits and gives them directions to the camp site they reserved.

The group decides to stay elsewhere and while walking at night, one of the girls falls down a mine shaft and gets her foot wedged under a rock.  When the group tries to rescue her, they find gold in them thar hills. Why would anyone leave a huge vein of gold, they wonder?

The gold sends them into a tizzy as they argue about whether to get help to free their friend from under the boulder or steal the gold.  Greed wins, hurrah! The plan is that when they get enough gold, they’ll clean up to make it look like they were never camping there.  Then they’ll ask the rangers to rescue their friend and no one will never know about the gold.

So our girl sits with her leg pinned under a boulder while the others start mining for riches.  A diary is found in the cave. As they read it, they discover the miners never left the mine. Something bad happened, but they aren’t sure what and most don’t care due to their gold fever.  There is mention of a Native American curse, the land being a scared place, and someone sees what appears to be a ghost. Oh damn, get out. Get out now!

This is more of a psychological horror movie.  The tension comes from being down in the mine, wondering if there is something else in there, and whether the characters are being possessed by spirits or just becoming consumed by their own greed. There is also the issue of a huge storm coming in and the mine starting to flood.  The girl trapped under the rock is not amused by the turn of events.

While this is an okay movie, the biggest problem is the character you care the most about is the ranger. You just know something bad is going to happen to her because of these jerk kids and their gold. 

Mon Mon Mon Monsters! (2017)

High school student Shu-wei is bullied every day and his teacher doesn’t care.  After getting in trouble, he’s assigned to community service with his bullies.  The bullies convince him to go along with them at night to break into a high rise building and steal a suitcase from an old man. They’re convinced that there is gold or something of value inside. 

While in the apartment building, they encounter a monster and through a series of events, end up bringing the injured monster to an abandoned building where they hold it captive. No one knows what the creature is and decide to torture it to find out more about it.  It’s incredibly disturbing.  

Bullied Shu-wei is asked to participate. You hope that he’ll not victimize it since he can relate to how it feels. But he joins in and you lose all hope for any humanity.  These kids are brutal.

However the teens don’t realize that the creature has a sister and she will do whatever it takes to get her back. As the sister gets closer, you end up rooting for the monsters. But then again, everyone is a monster in this movie, so you don’t really root for anyone.

This film seemed like a winner. From the title, which reminded me of something that would be said by Shaggy in an episode of Scooby Doo, to the genre of Asian horror, to monsters and teenagers.  And the info I read prior to watching it referred to it as a horror comedy.  But there is nothing funny about this film.  

There isn’t one likable character.  Everyone is incredibly mean spirited and you want the monsters to rip their heads off.   You feel for Shu-wei as the victim of bullying, but then he joins the bullies in order to be  accepted and becomes the thing he hates in the process.  While the film is well done, it leave you wishing you’d never seen it due to the horrendous teens and their complete lack of humanity.

Against the Night (2017)

 

A group of friends at a party are convinced by their aspiring filmmaker friend Hank to go to an abandoned prison to hunt for ghosts.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from horror movies, it’s never trust the aspiring filmmaker.

They break into the prison and split up, as you do.  Some of the cell doors are locked so people can be in the same area without the ability to get to each other.

When Suzy goes missing and they find Hank passed out on the floor with blood on his head, the group panics. But haha it’s just a joke because Hanks a jerk who wants to film authentic reactions to traumatizing situations. Yes, we need you to truly think you’re going to die or your friends are dead.  That’s the terror reaction we’re looking for - and cut.

While some of the group are mad at Hank, others make excuses for him. Oh he’s not the best socially, or he probably doesn’t realize it’s so upsetting.  When others disappear or die, they wonder if this is a continuation of an insensitive prank.  In a moment that confirms Hanks jerk status, Hank turns it around on them and starts accusing them of killing people. Oh Hank, you annoying, inept filmmaking jerk.

Things just aren’t going to turn out well for this group because they aren’t the only ones in the prison. This is exactly why you should be wary of abandoned places. You don’t know who or what is in there.  And if you do go in, at least be quiet, stick together and realize you may not be alone.

Krampus: the Reckoning (2015)

After Zoe uses a voodoo doll to summon Krampus to kill her foster parents, she ends up at the police station. Psychologist Rachel tries to help her but Zoe is having none of it. Rachel looks into her past and finds that trouble seems to follow Zoe around.

She finds a record for Zoe that is twenty years old, which makes no sense since Zoe is a little girl. Rachel tracks down the former foster parents and they still have one photo of Zoe which confirms its the same child.  Soon after this trip Rachel, who can’t remember much of her childhood, starts having Krampus nightmares.

The funniest scene in the movie, and the only part I enjoyed watching, was when people were questioning how the foster family from twenty years ago had a picture of Zoe.  One of them says, “it could be a fake or he could be having fun with you.”  Yes, that must be it.  It was all a well planned ruse just in case twenty years later, someone unexpectedly showed up asking about their former foster child who just coincidentally looks exactly like a girl they currently have in custody. Oh the laughs we’ll have.  Seriously how could anyone plan that?

Krampus Origin (2018)

 

At the end of World War I, some soldiers take a book from a dead German.  When their commander asks them why they didn’t turn it in with intel, they respond, “It’s not intel. It’s a storybook.” Yes because no one ever tried to hide secret codes in a story book during a war. Geez!

Meanwhile at the orphanage, a girl is practicing alchemy, and a new teacher arrives.  Her husband is at the front, which is shorthand for he’s going to die. Sure enough he was one of the soldiers at the beginning and the storybook is given to her as it was with his body.

Nothing much happens for the first hour other than orphans  harassing each other.  Then sixty minutes in, the excitement mounts as yes, we have a Krampus! And he has glowing eyes. Hurrah! Then the excitement crashes and burns as Krampus speaks so slowly and growly that he bores everyone to death.  Oh that pesky Krampus.

Krampus Origins is surprisingly void of Krampus and I have no idea what his origin is because he was so incredibly boring when he spoke.

Hide in the Light (2018)

 

The worst urban explorers ever decide to go to an orphanage that’s been closed for fifty years. Even though there is a security guard on the property, the group are the noisiest people ever trying to sneak into an abandoned building and not get caught.  They scare each other to provoke screams, talk loudly, swing their flashlights all over the place, yell at each other, do flash photography in hallways full of windows, and cause a general ruckus. Way to announce yourself, idiots. No discretion at all.

They split up into groups to explore the orphanage. When one of the women disappears, they start a search but only find her flashlight and walkie talkie.  Two of the guys think it will be funny to pretend they’ve disappeared, leaving their female  friend alone and terrified. Oh such brilliant comedy. What a couple of tools.

As the group is trying to figure out what to do, one of the guys gets dragged off by something in the dark.  Another gets some of his fingers chopped off. They barricade the cellar door and think they have trapped whatever it is in the basement. Yes, because there could never be any other doors in a massive orphanage basement.

At this point, some of the group wants to leave, while others want to continue to search for their friends. Damn it, people! What do you think is going to happen if you stay? Two people have already disappaeared and one was dragged into the basement by something unseen. Is it really in anyone’s best interest to state, including your missing friends?

They stay and split up...for the love of god these kids aren’t bright. Oh I know how we’ll find our friends. We need to play the game the little ghost girl wants us to play where we turn off our lights and something in the dark drags us away screaming. Yes, that will definitely help our friends return. 

Hell no, I’m not going to turn off my light.... is exactly what you think someone would say. Bbut they’re idiots so they don’t.  It’s just idiot after idiot turning off their lights.

One of the woman has a problem with her brother because he proposed at the get together but didn’t talk to her about it beforehand.  Even after things go wrong in the orphanage and people are injured or dead, she gets in a fight with him over this perceived slight. It makes her an unsympathetic character since she’s in a life or death situation and she takes this opportunity to air this petty grievance. Might want to be more concerned about living through the night, and appreciating that you have a brother who cares about you.

Ridiculous dialogue:

Sometimes in the late 60s, there was a commotion about the orphanage... people were going missing so it was shut down.”